Irony
Chapter 4
Author: Margarita
Email: margarita782@hotmail.com
Category: Liz angst, slight M/L romance.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Roswell and all of the characters from the show do not belong to me. "In the End" is by Linkin Park, and all lyrics belong to them.
Author's Note: The first part of this is taken directly from the episode "Harvest." All lyrics are in italics. Parts of this piece take place in the future; note the dates at the beginning of the chapters.
Spoilers: "The End of the World," "Harvest," "Max in the City."
Summary: Liz deals with the aftershocks of her promise to future Max.
Warning: Character death.
*Time is a valuable thing.
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings.
Watch it count down to the end of the day.
The clock ticks life away.
It's so unreal.
Didn't look out below.
Watch the time go right out the window…*
June 2006, 3 days later
I woke up with a headache. It's the lack of sleep, I suppose. I haven't slept well for the past two weeks. To be honest, I've been afraid to sleep, afraid that the dream will come again. It's so much easier to forget things when you're exhausted. Maria says I've been working too hard, that I should go home and rest, but I refuse. I always work harder this time of year.
Memories are funny. It's so strange how they pop up in the oddest places. I'll be driving through the desert or I'll pass by someone wearing his cologne, and suddenly everything will flood back. It's hard, you know. Everyone makes mistakes, but who wants to know that her mistake cost so much? I try to keep myself from thinking about him. I don't like to remember that I caused such unnecessary pain. I try to avoid everything and anything that reminds me of him, but it's difficult – he has permeated my memories.
Tess and Kyle are still together. I always knew that he loved her, but what was really shocking was that she loved him back. Apparently, he had known for far longer than the rest of us; when they decided to make their relationship public they had been sleeping together for almost four months. I wish someone had told me. I wish I had known that Tess already had the person that would keep her in her Roswell. It might have saved all of us – me especially – a lot of pain.
I can't believe that he's been gone for five years. It seems like it has been infinitely longer. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, short of breath, all alone, and it seems like it was all a dream. Aliens, in Roswell? I'll laugh quietly, and then I'll feel for the small scar on my stomach. It's always there. I usually dig my nails into it, clawing at it in at attempt to feel some pain. I was supposed to die. I should have died. By saving me, Max eventually sacrificed his life for mine.
"Liz!" Maria's voice snaps me back into reality and I accidentally drop the bottle of ketchup that I'm holding. It shatters as it hits the counter, and I'm catapulted back into the moment over six years ago. I see Max above me, and I see the concern and fear in his eyes. And then I remember the connection and all of his thoughts about me. He thought I was beautiful…
"Liz, sweetheart, get up." Maria pulls gently on my arm and I stand. My uniform is splattered with ketchup and my cheeks are wet. "Go home, babe. Get some sleep." I start to protest, but she gently pushes me toward the back room. "Go on; I'll be over later." I follow her orders, changing without thinking and then driving home slowly. When I reach my house, I change again, burrowing myself underneath cool sheets. All I want to do is sleep – maybe when I wake up, this will all have been a dream after all.
