Irony
Chapter 13
Author: Margarita
Email: margarita782@hotmail.com
Category: Liz angst, slight M/L romance.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Roswell and all of the characters from the show do not belong to me. "In the End" is by Linkin Park, and all lyrics belong to them.
Author's Note: The first part of this is taken directly from the episode "Harvest." All lyrics are in italics. Parts of this piece take place in the future; note the dates at the beginning of the chapters.
Spoilers: "The End of the World," "Harvest," "Max in the City."
Summary: Liz deals with the aftershocks of her promise to future Max.
Warning: Character death. This part deals with abuse. If that bothers you, please DO NOT READ IT.
*I've put my trust in you,
Pushed as far as I can go.
And for all this,
There's only one thing you should know…*
June 23, 2001, just after midnight
I stood outside the entrance to the pod chamber, trying to find some way to get Max's attention. Since I wasn't an alien, there was no way for me to get in on my own. I shivered; it was cold outside now despite the warmth of the day. Suddenly, I was grabbed from behind. I tried to scream, but a hand covered my mouth. Oh God, I thought. It's a skin. I'm going to die. I began struggling, trying desperately to break free.
"Liz." I shivered at the hot air caressing my inner ear as a voice whispered my name. "Calm down. It's me."
I was released, and I turned quickly to find Max behind me. I smacked him on the arm. "What are you trying to do, kill me? That's the second time in two nights that you've scared me!"
"Sorry." He turned away from me to face the side of the cliff in front of us. "Why are you here?"
"I have something that I need to tell you, Max." I hesitated. "Can we go in?" I asked. "I'm freezing."
Max turned and looked around us, trying to see if anyone was watching. Satisfied, he swiped his hand across the stone, causing a silver handprint to form. Then he pressed on the handprint and the cave door opened.
I followed him inside and was surprised to see the difference in appearance from the last time I had been there. The room was lit with candles, which cast a warm, flickering glow over the four pods. There were a few blankets in the corner and I spotted a couple of books beside them. I recognized one as the biography of John F. Kennedy and realized that Max must have been doing some reading.
"Wow," I said, after a moment. "It's…nice in here."
Max nodded. "Well, after a while it gets boring just sitting here and waiting for an attack. We had to think of other things to do." He blushed when he realized what his statement implied, but I pretended not to notice. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "So," he began, "you had something to tell me?"
"Oh. Well, I basically just wanted to say that I was sick of fighting with you. I want us to be friends, even if we can't be more than that."
"The only one preventing that is you, Liz," he said. "I'm more than willing to be friends."
"Fine, Max, but I'm talking about just friends. Nothing more." I hesitated. "Ever."
His face paled visibly, but he smiled grimly. "I understand."
"Good." I hesitated, nervously playing with one of the rings around my index finger. "Listen, Max, you should know something. My intention was never to hurt you. In fact, although you can't understand this, in a way, I'm protecting you."
"Really," he said dryly. "I had no idea that by betraying me and sleeping with Kyle you were protecting me."
"Max, that wasn't what—"
"You meant," he interrupted. "Of course not." He sighed. "I don't understand you anymore, Liz. You've changed into this different person, one that I can't relate to, one that I might not want to relate to. The Liz I knew would never have betrayed me, and yet you did. And, strangely enough, you feel no regret for it. So the question is, which Liz is the true one? Did I just never understand you in the first place?"
"Max, I—"
"I mean, how am I supposed to go on like this? Every time I see you, I have to fight the urge to kiss you. All I want is the truth, Liz. That's all. And for some reason, you're denying it from me. Why? What did I do?" His voice broke and he turned away. "All I ever did was love you. I'm willing to do anything for you, including giving up my 'destiny,' and you don't even care. When did you become so cold?"
"Is that what you think you're doing?" I shot back. "Do you honestly think that you're giving up your destiny for me? No one asked you to do that Max, especially not me. The whole point of all of this has been so that you would accept your destiny."
Max's head snapped up and he turned to look at me. "Why would you want that?"
Oh shit, I thought. Please tell me I never said that. "Want what?" I asked innocently.
"For me to accept my destiny?" His eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute. Who are you?"
"Max?" I asked, my eyes widening in fear at the expression on his face, "What do you mean? It's me, Liz."
He continued, as if talking to himself. "It all makes sense now. You've been acting so differently lately. The real Liz would never try to hurt me. She would never try to distract me so that the Skins could attack." He began walking towards me and I backed away slowly. "You were the one who suggested that we guard the Granalith. The Skins want it, you said. How did you know? How?" He was screaming at me and still walking forward with a look of hatred on his face. "Tell me how you knew!" he screamed.
I shuddered as my back hit the rock wall. There was nowhere left for me to go, no way that I could escape. "Max, please," I begged, tears streaming down my face. "It's me. It's Liz. You know me. You love me."
"No," he said. "I don't."
***
I don't really remember anything else from that night. I think I woke up once just long enough to hear loud, broken sobs echoing through the cave. I can't be sure.
Michael and Isabel found me outside the cave the next morning. I was bruised and I had a black eye, but other than that I was fine. Max was nowhere to be found. I lied and told them that a Skin had attacked us. Max had tried to save me, I insisted. He was badly hurt. He had to be found.
Isabel brought me home while Michael stayed inside of the cave to watch the Granalith.
The Sheriff found Max's body at the quarry three days later. He had slit his wrists. There was a note next to his body. It said, simply, "Forgive me…"
Mrs. Evans was heart-broken. She cried for three days. The Sheriff treated it as a normal suicide, but the rest of us privately agreed that a Skin must have tortured him and forced him to write the note. Only I knew the truth.
Try having that on your conscience.
How do you tell someone's family that he committed suicide because he couldn't live with himself? How do you explain his fear and his rage? How do you tell them that their beloved son…brother…leader beat you until you were barely alive? How do you describe the pain that shot through you, or the feeling you have when you smell your own flesh burning? How do you explain the taste of death?
I don't blame Max. He was scared and angry, and I just happened to be in the way when he snapped. I think that he honestly believed that I was a Skin, and that by harming me he could help the Liz that was obviously trapped somewhere, hurt and scared…
When he realized that it was truly me, that the form in front of him writhing in pain was the girl that he had kissed, that he had loved, that he had fanaticized about, something inside of him must have died. He must have used all of his energy to heal me. He must have dragged himself down the cliff, trying desperately to escape what he had done to me. He must have felt that it was his greatest mistake. How ironic that it was a direct result of my own.
