NGE SENIOR YEAR
Part Four: Control Freak
Written by: K-Ley Katsuragi (sailor_mercury_@crystal-tokyo.com)
[Bevan's Door Productions, March 2001]

SYNOPSIS:
Hikari Horaki -
The thing I liked about Touji is that he's not like other guys.
He doesn't try to run my life.
He doesn't have to know where I am 24/7.
He doesn't think he owns me.
At least . . . that's what I thought.

DISCLAIMER: Well, *obviously* I must own Neon Genesis Evangelion and it's characters,
otherwise why else would this fic be posted on fanfiction.net and my personal, free,
somewhat dodgy Geocities site? And naturally anyone with ownership of such a top series
would be at a school without a goddamn oval. God, I hate disclaimers. Of course I don't own
NGE. Like that wasn't a blinding flash of the obvious.

AUTHORS NOTES: Thanks to all those kind reviewers out there, it makes my day. To all those
not-so-kind reviewers, watch your back. :) Oh, and sorry Straight Up took so long to be
posted on fanfiction.net. I guess it slipped my mind. Just for a bit of trivia, Control Freak
was a spur-of-the-moment addition to the SY universe. Be warned.

--
*** NGE Senior Year - Part Four: Control Freak ***

Hikari Horaki -
I've been crushing on Touji for years. No big secret there. And when I first started liking
him, I entertained ideas of remaining loyal to him until the day he woke up, noticed me and
carried me off into the sunset, a la bad movie of the week.
Halfway through our freshman year, Asuka threw an empty Coke can at my head and told me that
being loyal to a guy I wasn't even dating was a slap in the face to all the feminists who had
worked so hard to make our society one where girls were allowed to date around without being
labeled.
Yeah, okay, so Asuka was full of it as she usually is but I started dating anyway. Was it my
fault, or Asuka's, that Harris Taji, the most brutally hot guy in the sophomore class, asked
me out?
Dating Harris made me realise it was okay to date other guys even if I did like Touji. In a
way, it was for the best. It helped me learn a lot of things about love and relationships.
The best part about love is all about being able to let yourself go and know that the guy who
loves you is going to catch you. But for the first time in my life, I've actually got a guy
who wants to play catcher.
Harris and all those other guys were really bad at baseball. They were much more into, like,
ping pong or something.

Asuka Langley Soryu -
I hate those pathetic girl magazines that are always filled with crap quizzes and articles on
raising your self esteem, with creative titles like 'You ARE beautiful!' and 'Beauty is from
within!' and all that. Or articles written by whining readers who have nothing better to do
than write to their favorite magazine and moan about how they can't look in the mirror with
recoiling.
I always thought those people were losers who were taking up valuable space. But right now,
I can almost see where they're coming from.
It's 2:23am and I'm staring in my mirror with bleary, sleepy eyes, wondering when I became
such a total loser.
Because when I try and sleep like other normal people right now, all I can think about is
Shinji. I can hear him, see him. I can practically touch him and I hate it.
I look in the mirror and I don't see the Asuka I know. I see this pathetic, clingy, needy
little girl who's brain is so fried from too much sun that she can't stop thinking about a
guy who happens to be one of her best friends.
This is not me. I don't know who this is, but I don't like her.
Maybe it's time I started taking those magazines seriously.

Touji Suzahara -
I remember hearing once that being happy is all there is. And it's true. If you're happy,
everything falls into place.
The trick is to find what makes you happy. Not content. Happy. Deliriously, giddily, feel-
like-I'm-on-Prozac happy.
You know what makes me happy? Making Hikari happy.
Oh, I know it sounds like a Hallmark moment, but it's true. Since I've been dating her, she's
been so happy. And it makes me happy.
I wake up and I think of her. Her smile. And how I just want to see it, lighting up her whole
face.
Hikari's happiness is my happiness. And this helium-balloon buoyancy that happiness gives me
is addictive.
That's why I know I'll never be able to hurt Hikari. Because the minute I do, it'll hurt me,
too.

Shinji Ikari -
Here's my plan for the day.
I'm going to call Kami just to say good morning. She'll like that. Little things like that
really make her happy.
I'm going to whisk her away at lunch to that funky seventies café and buy her lunch.
I'm going to make a point of asking Blake how he feels about me dating his sister.
I'm going to make sure I ask Misato what she thinks of Kami.
I'm going to forget all about Asuka, whipped cream fights and how much fun I had last night.
And most importantly, I'm going to keep reminding myself that growing up is all about
responsibility and doing things you have to do.

--
Kami Yatami stretched lazily under her purple quilt, her thoughts slightly foggy. She always
got that way first thing in the morning. Part of her brain was wondering how good her hair
looked with the morning sunlight highlighting it. Part of her brain was trying to recall
whether she'd brought her Sesame Street book bag from kindergarten with her from Boston.
And another part of her brain was trying to figure out what was ringing so early in the
morning.
With a start, Kami realised it was her cell phone, ringing perkily from the bottom of her
backpack.
Kami fell out of bed, adjusted her baby doll nightgown and tipped her backpack upside down
in frantic search of her little blue Nokia.
Who the hell was calling at this hour?
She found the phone lying on top of her physics textbook, held it to her ear and stabbed a
button to answer. "Hello?"
"Hi, Kami. Did I wake you?"
It took a few seconds for her foggy brain to place the voice. A huge smile lit up her face.
"Hey, Shinji. No, you didn't wake me. I was just lying in bed, wondering whether to go back
to sleep."
A small lie. Just a little one.
Shinji laughed and Kami felt her cheeks turn pink as she listened. Damn, his voice was sexy.
"Good," he said, slightly teasing. "I wouldn't want to be responsible for interrupting some
sacred female beauty sleep or something."
This time Kami laughed as she relocated herself to her bed, lounging in the soft morning
sun. She stretched her bare legs in front of her. "You're lucky. I hear interrupting beauty
sleep is a crime punishable by cruel and unusual torture in some cultures."
He laughed again and Kami smiled. "What kind of cruel and unusual torture?" he asked.
Was it her overactive imagination or his voice that made that phrase sound suggestive?
"I'm sorry, but that information is restricted to members of the Secret Society of Sacred
Beauty Sleep. I could have my privileges revoked." They both laughed, and Kami caught a
glimpse of her pink plastic clock. She winced. She had to start getting ready for school
soon. "So, did you call for any particular reason?" she questioned lightly, praying that
he just didn't want to borrow her legal studies notes or something.
"I just wanted to say good morning," he said, his voice slightly huskier than usual from
sleep. "So . . . good morning."
Kami had to stop herself from sighing out loud and fell back on her pillow. That was just
way too sweet. Chocolate éclair sweet.
"But I'd better let you go," Shinji continued. "I'll talk to you at school."
"Later."
Kami hung up and tossed her phone aside. She was grinning.
She bounced off her bed, turned her stereo on superloud and headed for the bathroom.
The day was going to be great.

Asuka glared at her reflection in the foggy mirror and grabbed her concealer. She had serious
bags under her eyes. The kind of bags that would stop people in their tracks to ask if she
was okay.
She dabbed some concealer onto the dark circles and winced. They even hurt - probably from
hours of rubbing her eyes. Lovely.
"That's what you get for being a loser," she muttered sourly.
Cursing under her breath, she tossed the concealer stick into the bathroom cabinet. Even the
most expensive brand wouldn't hide the fact that she'd gotten zero sleep last night.
She studied her reflection, taking in her worn jeans and battered red baby tee.
God, she looked like crap.
Thinking it would be a great idea to just go back to bed, Asuka left the bathroom and headed
back to her room. On the way there, she passed Shinji's room. She could hear his slightly
sleepy voice through the door.
"Hi, Kami. Did I wake you?"
Oh, great. He was calling her first thing in the morning now? Was he trying to make her
physically ill?
She looked like crap, her eyes hurt and Shinji was making nauseating morning phone calls to
Princess Kami.
Asuka muttered a string of curses under her breath.
The day was going to suck.

Hikari was lying on her stomach on a flat stretch of grass, trying to look very hard like she
was doing something constructive. In reality, she was soaking up the sun - it was a stunningly
gorgeous day - and just thinking about Touji.
Sickening, wasn't it?
What she should have been doing was working out the budget for the school's participation in
Tokyo-3's Youth Week. Kei and Hikari had agreed to each work on a budget and then put them
together to see where they could compromise. Hikari, having a spare period, should have been
way into doing that.
But the sun was too bright and her boyfriend was too adorable and all Hikari wanted to do
was daydream.
A male, vaguely familiar voice interrupted her daydream sequence.
"Hey, Hikari."
Hikari watched as a guy awkwardly sat across from her. Kenji Hino. Hikari knew him. He was
on the student representative council. Dark hair, blue-gray eyes. Totally buff. A senior
from City Center High. He rarely said much of anything, but Kei assured her he wasn't
unfriendly, he just didn't like to join in on meaningless chatter. Apparently the guy was
famous for coming up with great ideas.
Hikari sat up and crossed her legs at the ankles. She offered him a smile. "Hey, Kenji."
He returned the smile but it was forced and Hikari could see there was something heavy on
the guy's mind. "Look," he began, cutting straight to the point. "I don't know you all that
well. And if Kei was here, I might talk to her since I've known her longer. But she's not
and you look like someone who knows how to give out good advice."
Hikari pushed her thick hair off her shoulders. "So I've been told," she agreed lightly.
"What's on your mind?"
Hikari could see wariness in his eyes as he wrestled with himself, trying to work up the
nerve to actually tell her. He obviously wasn't accustomed to sharing. "It's my sister,"
he said abruptly. "Ami. She's . . . she's out of control."
"Out of control," Hikari echoed.
Kenji sighed and looked skyward. "She goes out and doesn't come home for days. She never
tells us where she is. She goes to parties and takes whatever people hand her. She's
sleeping around. She's just lost it totally."
Man. No wonder the guy was stressed. It must be tough to see someone do that to themselves.
"How old is Ami?" Hikari questioned.
"Fourteen," Kenji said bitterly. "She turned fourteen two months ago."
"Fourteen!" Hikari exclaimed, horrified. "Oh, my god. She's just a kid."
"Tell me something I don't know." Kenji sighed and rubbed his hands on the sides of his
jeans. "My parents split up about a week before Ami's birthday. Ever since then, she's just
been doing crazy things. Like she's trying to pretend it all never happened. And no matter
what I say or do, she won't listen."
Hikari twisted the fabric of her retro cherry-printed dress between her fingers. "Man . . .
I don't know what to say. But unless you can get Ami to listen to you, you can't do anything.
She's got to want to change. You know?"
Kenji nodded. "Yeah. I guess I knew that. I just had to hear it from someone else."
Hikari eyed him sympathetically. "I'm sorry I wasn't of more help."
"Oh, you helped," Kenji assured her. "I mean, just talking about it helps." His mouth curved
ironically. "This may be a shock, but I'm not exactly known for sharing."
Hikari laughed. Then she grabbed her purple pen and a piece of paper, scribbling down her
phone number. "Here," she said, pressing it into his hand. "Call me if you ever need to
talk. Or if you ever need some brain-free fun and want to hang out, call me. Any time of
the day."
Kenji put the number in his shirt pocket and lifted an eyebrow. "I might take you up on
that offer," he warned.
Hikari shrugged and smiled. "That's why I gave you the number, isn't it?"

Kei ignored the curious looks people were shooting her way. She checked her silver watch
again, knowing she must look like a total loser.
She felt beyond pathetic. Here she was, totally wasting her lunch period, standing at her
locker while she waited for Blake.
Kei never waited for people. People waited for her.
A group of peroxide-princess sophomores passed, giggling their high-pitched giggles. Were
they laughing at her?
Telling herself she was waxing positively paranoid, Kei took a deep breath and straightened
her fuchsia cowl neck sweater. Okay, she told her bruised ego. Two more minutes.
She got about thirty seconds into her two minutes before she lost it. How much was she meant
to take? She reached into her blue and silver messenger bag for her cell phone. Stabbing
speed dial one with a vicious thumb, she held the phone to her ear, listening to it ring.
Blake answered on the third ring. "Hello?"
Kei could tell he'd been laughing before he'd picked up. Meaning he wasn't in the midst of
some horrible yet non-life-threatening disaster that caused people to be late.
"Where are you?" She knew she sounded like a bitch but she couldn't help it. Here she was,
getting laughed at by blonder-than-Barbie sophomore sluts and he was laughing and having a
merry old time. Was that fair?
There was a brief silence. "Oh, Kei. Hi," he finally said, as though it had taken him awhile
to figure out who was on the other end.
Okay, that stung. Blake always, always, always knew when it was her.
She heard Blake laugh and a girl squeal in the background, "Blake, I swear, you are, like,
such a loser!" Kei felt her cheeks flame, feeling beyond dissed. There was no mistaking that
voice or that high-pitched, irritating, super ditz phrase. He'd blown her off for Kami.
"We had plans," she reminded him, voice tight.
Silence again. "Oh, wow, Kei. I am so sorry. I totally forgot."
Yeah. He really sounded sorry. She heard him suppress another laugh. Kei's jaw clenched.
God, it wasn't like Kami was SNL material.
"How about we go out tonight?" he suggested, in that indulgent, slightly patronizing tone
that never failed to piss her off.
Kei's blue eyes narrowed. Was he serious? Did he really think he could blow her off then make
it up to her that easily? "Don't bother," she said coldly. "I'm busy tonight."
She hung up.
There wasn't anything else she could do.

"Jeez, Asuka. You look like hell," Kei said tactlessly, dropping her books on the desk beside
Asuka's in Health class.
Asuka barely blinked and tightened her messy ponytail. "So do you," she replied just as
tactlessly. She knew she could count on Kei for a reality check.
"Thanks for the update," Kei replied dryly. "Usually spending half an hour in the girls
room trying not to cry does wonders for my complexion." Kei wearily sat down and pushed
a hand through her mass of dark hair.
Asuka's eyes widened slightly with interest and leaned towards Kei, interested. "I was
wondering where you were at lunch. What happened?"
"Oh, nothing," Kei said with forced lightness, opening her purple notebook. "Blake has
someone new to play with so now I'm that pathetic kid who's all alone on the teeter-totter."
Asuka smirked at the mental image, but rearranged her features into what she hoped was a
look of sympathy. "Blake's all wrapped up in Princess Kami, huh?"
Kei's eyebrows lifted slightly and she leaned towards Asuka conspiratorially. "I detect a
touch of bitterness there. Not a fan of Princess Kami?"
"No, I am not a fan," Asuka confirmed, her blue eyes dark. Her eyes looked different today;
in fact, everything about Asuka was different today. It took Kei awhile to realise - aside
from a poor attempt at trying to hide the dark circles under her eyes, she wasn't wearing
any make-up. That was odd. Asuka was obsessive about her appearance. Either she'd slept in
or there was something going on that she wasn't letting Kei in on.
Something to do with Kami, perhaps?
"Are we not a fan because she's dating Shinji?" Kei asked, watching Asuka's face carefully
for her reaction. Kei was good at reading people.
Asuka scowled. "She's going to burn him so badly. I know it." She looked irritated, but Kei
could tell it was more than that. The girl was seriously miffed that Shinji was dating
Kami.
Kei didn't push the issue; it wasn't relevant. "So . . . I don't want Kami leeching on
Blake and you don't want her leeching on Shinji. It has potential."
Asuka rolled her eyes and picked up a green pen. "So what? What can we do? Form a 'Burned
by Kami Club'?"
Kei shook her head slightly and eyed her friend, mildly surprised. "Asuka, is this a
defeatist attitude I witness?"
Asuka made a face at Kei and chewed on the end of her pen. "No. It's a 'Shinji's too dense
to see what he's getting himself into' attitude."
Kei lowered her voice, angling her head slightly so neighboring classmates couldn't overhear.
"We have a total opportunity here," she said quietly. "Just listen to me."
Asuka nodded slightly, intrigued.
"I've heard about Shinji's past conquests," Kei began dryly. "It reads like the class list.
The guy has dated nearly every girl in the senior class. So my question is, why?"
"Because he's a skank?" Asuka suggested sarcastically, brushing lint off her red shirt.
Kei rolled her eyes. "No. What makes him break up with girls so fast?"
Asuka shrugged, still picking at her shirt. "I don't know. He told me once he hates clingy
girls."
"Kami Yatami strikes me as a girl who could get very clingy."
Asuka abandoned her shirt, now more than interested. Kei was smart. She was good at planning
things. That was why she was co-president.
Perhaps the girl was good at planning smear campaigns, too.
Asuka scooted her chair closer to Kei's and pulled her ponytail over her shoulder. "I'm all
ears," she assured her. "Tell me what you've got."

Touji loved Hikari. He really did. Everything about her. But sometimes . . . well, sometimes
her unparalleled popularity was a little harsh on the nerves.
Was it his fault that he had a major jealous streak?
As he approached Hikari's locker, he told himself to not be paranoid. Okay, yes, she was
smiling up at some majorly buffed guy. And yes, said buffed guy was nudging her slightly as
they laughed together. And yes, her funky retro cherry-print dress suddenly seemed much
shorter. And yes, Mr. Buff was writing something on the back of Hikari's hand.
But it obviously didn't mean anything.
"Hey, Touji!" Hikari called brightly, shaking her glossy brown hair back over her shoulders
once she spotted him. Okay, so she didn't look guilty.
Which she shouldn't, Touji reminded himself. He really needed to find a cure for his
overactive imagination.
"Hey," he greeted her with a grin, sweeping past Mr. Buff and pecking his girlfriend on
the cheek. Couldn't hurt to send the guy the right message.
Hikari entwined her hand in his. "Touji, this is my friend Kenji. Kenji, this is Touji."
Kenji nodded and folded his arms over his chest. He lifted his chin in greeting. "Right.
I know. We have Chem together."
"Kenji's on the SRC," Hikari explained, for Touji's benefit. Touji wasn't sure whether to
be relieved that they just knew each other through the SRC or concerned that he was that
readable.
Touji nodded then turned his full attention to Hikari. "So, are you coming over tonight?"
he asked, not really letting the sentence curl into a question. Of course she was.
She winced regretfully and lifted one shoulder. "No, I can't tonight," she said softly,
giving him that soft-eyed puppy dog look. "Kenji managed to score a couple of tickets for
Nitocris. They're playing tonight at Tokyo-3 Performing Arts Centre."
The first thought that passed through Touji's mind was a sulky one. She's blowing me off
for another guy. He was surprised at his own resentment and reminded himself she was blowing
him off for a friend. It'd be the same as her going to see Nitocris with Asuka or Kei.
Okay. He knew that. He just wished someone would tell that to his heart, which was pounding
faster than Nitocris' percussion line.
Kenji shifted slightly. "Hey, if you want I could see if I could get another ticket," he
offered, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His gray-blue eyes crinkled at
the sides slightly as he offered Touji a smile.
Touji forced a smile in return. "No, it's cool," he said, way lying. No need to say yes
and look completely whipped. "I've got a ton of homework to wade through tonight, anyway."
That was a major lie. The number of hours he'd done homework in his entire life could be
counted on one hand.
Hikari knew that - she frowned slightly. Before she could question it, he pulled his hand
away and swept her hair back, just to prove that he wasn't annoyed.
"So, I'll see you later," he said.
"Later," Kenji and Hikari echoed together.
Touji walked away, but as he did he couldn't resist looking behind him.
Hikari and Kenji were talking quietly, creating their own cozy airspace between them.
Touji groaned out loud. He really needed to get this paranoia thing checked out.

"Shinji," Asuka sang, dancing up to him like she was wearing a tutu instead of a pair of
battered bootleg jeans that were a couple of sizes too big. She landed with a little jump
and flashed him a perky smile, hands on hips.
Okay. Shinji shot her a wary look as he pulled his locker open. She seemed to have perked
right up since that morning, when she'd been looking totally pissed off and all too ready
to crawl back into her bed and forget the world existed.
She must have ditched her last class to go for a coffee. Or a Valium.
"Hey," he responded, drumming his fingers on the gray locker door as he tried to figure out
exactly what he needed for next period. "What's happening?"
"Oh, you know," she said glibly, fingering her cranberry red beaded necklace. Hikari had
given it to her for her birthday in freshman year. "The usual."
Shinji nodded slightly and pulled out his calculator, not feeling particularly verbal.
The girl was mood-swinging, and he knew from experience that was never healthy.
"You taking Kami out tonight?" she asked abruptly, bouncing up and down in her favorite
pair of red sneakers.
Ah ha. There we go. This was why she was being uncharacteristically nice. She was about
to start a non-subtle-Kami-smear-spiel.
Shinji shook his head, pretending he didn't know what she was up to. Let her play her
games. "No," he answered innocently, resisting the urge to shoot her a look to see her
reaction.
"Don't you think you should?"
Shinji started, and couldn't stop his head whipping around to stare at Asuka with wide,
dark eyes. "I'm sorry . . . what?"
Asuka fluttered her dark lashes innocently. "Well, don't you think it'd be nice to take
her out?" she asked, twisting a lock of hair around her finger. "I'm sure she'd appreciate
it."
And hello Twilight Zone.
Shinji tried to process exactly what was going on here. As far as he could tell, Asuka was
standing before him, fluttering her lashes, twisting her hair and looking very sweet and
demure, telling him he should take Kami out tonight.
He should be relieved. Pleased. Glad that Asuka was cool with him and Kami's relationship
and not pulling her usual bratty antics.
But Shinji was neither pleased, relieved or glad. If anything, he was scared.
The girl was obviously plotting. And he was obviously in the center of Asuka's plot.
Which, he knew from experience, was not a happy place to be.
--
Kei Yamaguchi -
I've always been a doer. A joiner. One of the involved few. But I've never done so much at
one time that I end up neglecting anything. I know my limits. I've never had patience for
people who whine about having no time to do anything. That's their own fault for getting
involved in too many things. (Don't even get me started on the fact that those people could
be utilizing their whine time to actually do some of the things they 'have no time for'.)
Lately I've been surrounded by doers and joiners. Shinji, Asuka, Hikari, Touji, Rei . . .
Blake. Prime example.
Some people take too much on at once. Spread themselves too thinly. They forget what's
important and end up disappointing everyone, including themselves.
That's never going to be me.
--
"Touji, buddy. You know, I gotta tell you. You look different today."
Touji turned away from his locker, where he was wrestling with his backpack and Chemistry
textbook. The book was not going to get in the bag - at least not without a fight.
Kensuke was standing beside him, toying with the straps of his own backpack and smirking
ever so slightly. Touji knew that smirk. It was the 'behold my witty repartee' smirk. The
guy was about to make a comment that would be poorly disguised as humor.
"New shoes?" Kensuke asked, tapping his chin as he pretended to mull it over. "Hmm, no,
that's not it. New haircut? No . . ."
Touji rolled his eyes and turned back to his locker. He tried to cram his Chemistry book
in. His calculator fell out of his locker and hit the linoleum floor with a clunk.
"Dammit," he muttered.
"I know!" Kensuke exclaimed suddenly. "There's something missing from you today. Shouldn't
Hikari be attached to your hip, playing the role of your personal cheerleader?"
Touji scowled and bent to pick up his calculator. Kensuke never, ever failed to touch on
the subjects that Touji really didn't want him to touch.
"She's busy tonight," he said shortly, hoping Kensuke would drop it. He yanked his backpack
out and slammed the door shut. Chemistry could wait.
Unfortunately, Kensuke's eyes widened as he fell in step beside his friend. "Methinks I've
hit a sore spot. Something you want to tell me?"
Touji wondered how Kensuke would react if he just screamed really loudly.
"It's nothing," Touji said firmly, more to convince himself than to convince Kensuke. "She's
going out tonight with Kenji Hino, but it's no big deal."
Kensuke pushed the glass double doors open and the two stepped out into the weak sunshine.
"Going out," he echoed. There was a slight tone of doubt to his voice that made Touji
exceedingly nervous. Was Kensuke seeing something here that he wasn't?
"To a concert. Tonight. As friends." Touji stumbled over the words awkwardly and knew
he'd sounded about as convinced as he felt.
"Right." Kensuke nodded. "As friends. That's great and all . . . but is Kenji with you
on this?"
Touji wondered if Kensuke was trying to make him hyperventilate. The guy was not helping.
Kensuke saw the tension in Touji's jaw and sighed, running a hand over his messy hair.
"Look, man, I didn't mean to make you freak out or anything. I know Hikari's too smart
to let anything happen. But we don't really know much about Kenji or his intentions.
You know what I'm saying?"
Touji nodded and rolled his shoulders back, trying to relax. "You're right," he said,
trying to sound calm. "I trust Hikari. I do. I just don't know what's going on with this
guy, is all."
Kensuke nodded and let it slide.
But it kind of left Touji wondering.
If he trusted Hikari so much . . . why did his chest feel inexplicably tight right now?

--
Asuka Langley Soryu -
I hate how people always tell you to be yourself. If you ask me, that's total crap.
If you be yourself, you're letting everyone see who you are. Sure, on the upside, you're
letting the whole world see your strengths, your personality, all the good things about
you.
But on the other hand, you're letting the whole world see your weaknesses.
We used to play this game when I was a kid. Everyone would have a block, and your aim was
to knock other people's blocks down and keep your own block up.
There were kids who ran around, pushing everyone's blocks over. And then there were kids
like me, who never left their block vulnerable and waited until those other kids had their
backs turned till they pushed over their blocks.
The way I saw it, that game was three-quarters strategic planning and one-quarter recognizing
your opponents weaknesses.
Just like life.
--
Kei pushed open the door to Vision Dance Studios, wearily pushing back a wisp of hair. She
shivered and pulled her blue-and-gold CCH sweater tighter around her.
Without warning, an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her away. Another hand was
clamped over her mouth. Kei's heart slammed against her ribcage in panic.
"Surprise!"
Her heart rate slowed as she recognised the voice. It was Blake.
He let her go and turned her around so she was facing him. Before she could lay into him
for scaring her like that, he thrust a huge stuffed dog and a paper bag at her.
"What is this?" she asked, her brow furrowed.
Blake grinned. "Peace offering," he explained. "I know the way to Kei's heart is through
cuteness, chocolate or caffeine - so I got you some presents." He handed her the bag and
she peered inside. Espresso brownies from the Sun Merry Bakery. Her favorite.
"How did you even find me?" she asked, not being able to resist taking in the scent of the
brownies. Blake had long ago stated he'd never been able to keep track of her dance schedule.
What was he supposed to tell her? That he'd broken into her locker, and gone through all
her stuff till he found her dance schedule? And risk pissing her off all over again?
Blake shrugged. "It was nothing." He thrust the super-huge stuffed Pochacco at her.
"Thanks."
"I really am sorry for ditching you at lunch," he said sincerely, touching her arm. "I
swear, I won't do it again."
Kei believed him. Not because he promised, but because she knew she and Asuka weren't
going to let it happen again.
She should have felt great, knowing that once again her relationship with her best friend
was back on track.
The thing was, she kind of felt like a total turbo-bitch.
Because here he was, giving her presents and smiling, completely unaware that behind his
back she was planning to do the one thing to him that he hated.
To be manipulated.

Hikari danced up to Kenji the following morning, her dark eyes sparkling. "Hey!" she
greeted him brightly, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Man, how good were Nitocris
last night?" she bubbled.
Kenji turned away from his locker to face her, and Hikari froze. He had dark circles under
his slightly reddened eyes. His complexion was gray. He looked like hell.
"What happened?" she asked softly, touching his arm. Last night after the concert they'd
gone for ice-cream and spent at least an hour discussing Kenji's sister, Ami. Even though
the topic was a painful one for Kenji, he'd seemed to relax a little. It upset Hikari to
see him so tense again.
"I got a call from her friend Jaycee after I got home last night," Kenji bit out, his
voice a curious mixture between anger and distress. "I had to go pick her up from some
party. She'd passed out." He slammed his locker shut. "I don't know what from this time -
I asked Jaycee but the girl was so doped up she couldn't give me a straight answer." He
turned pained eyes to Hikari, whose heart squeezed painfully. She hated seeing him in so
much pain. "How much more am I supposed to take, Hikari?"
Hikari knew he didn't expect an answer, so she didn't bother. She knew that anything she
might say would have been a pathetic attempt at comfort, anyway.
Kenji sighed and ran a hand over his unbrushed hair. "Who am I kidding?" he muttered,
shaking his head. "You don't want to be burdened with this."
Hikari's eyes darkened and she grabbed his arm pulled him so he had no choice but to
look directly at her. "What did we talk about all last night?" she demanded. "We talked
about Ami. We talked about how you were going to save her and I promised you I would do
anything I could to help. And I meant that, Kenji. Don't say I don't care, because I do.
A lot." She gripped his arm tighter, her eyes burning into his. "I'm going to be here as
long as you and Ami need me to be."
His eyes closed briefly, and when they opened Hikari saw the sincere gratitude shining in
them. "Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me."
It was funny how comfortable Hikari felt with Kenji considering she barely even knew him.
She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, knowing that was exactly what
he needed right now.
Kenji hugged her back, his various mixed emotions coming off him in waves.
Both of them were oblivious to the fact that Touji stood down the end of the hall,
watching the display and feeling decidedly sick.

"So, I had a really good time last night."
Kami's face was tilted upwards and she was beaming at Shinji like he'd invented liquid
eyeliner. Shinji had been subjected to that look of awe before, but this time it was
different. Kami wasn't looking at him like that because of his synch ratio or because
he'd single-handedly slaughtered an Angel. She was just looking at him like that for
the simple reason that he was . . . him.
Unreal.
"Me too," he replied. Her smile wattage increased, though he wouldn't have thought it
possible.
He'd had a good time last night. After all, a date with a gorgeous girl with killer
legs who was totally into him could hardly be described as combat duty.
There was only one thing that had bothered him slightly. Not a big thing. A tiny,
itty-bitty thing.
Shinji was starting to get the vibe. The clingy vibe. The one that usually sent him
searching for the nearest exit.
It was going to start. She was going to ask him if he wanted to be exclusive. If he wanted
to go to the same college as her. What color did he want to paint the baby's room.
It was somewhat of a relief when Touji walked up, grabbed his arm and dragged him away
without so much as a word of explanation.
When Touji dragged him out the glass doors into the courtyard, Shinji tugged his arm free.
"What is your problem, man?" he exclaimed.
"She was hugging him," Touji exploded.
Shinji's brow furrowed. "Who was hugging who?"
"Hikari," Touji explained. He started pacing between Shinji and the small fountain in the
center of the courtyard. Four steps up, four steps back. "She was hugging him. Right there
in the hallway! For everyone to see. What's up with that? Did she want me to see? Would
she think it's cool if I went up to girls and started hugging them?"
"Touji? Touji? TOUJI!"
Touji stopped pacing when Shinji's voice roughly hit noise pollution level. "Who was she
hugging?" Shinji demanded.
"Kenji," Touji said, scowling, resuming his agitated pacing. "Right there in the hallway!
For everyone to -"
"I think we covered that," Shinji broke in with a sigh. He knew how Touji was when he got
like this. If you let him vent to his heart's content, you'd be there for days. Weeks,
even. "Okay. So Hikari was hugging Kenji in the hall. So what?"
"So what?" Touji echoed incredulously. He halted and glared at Shinji. "The love of my
life is hugging random guys in hallways and you say 'so what'?"
Shinji sighed and rubbed his temples. "What did she say when you asked her what was what?"
Touji blinked in surprise. "I didn't ask her. I walked away and went to find you or Kensuke."
"Oh, good call." Shinji rolled his eyes. "Are you mental? I'm sure Hikari has a perfectly
good reason for hugging Kenji. But instead of asking her, you run off in the opposite
direction so you can go jump to stupid conclusions."
"How do you know she has a perfectly good reason?" Touji asked, folding his arms and
eyeing his friend archly.
Shinji looked exasperated. "Think about it, genius. Do you really think if Hikari was
having an affair or whatever, she'd go about it in the hallway where everyone could see?"
Hmm. The guy had a point there.
Touji sighed and pushed his hand through his mass of dark hair. "Okay. I see what you're
saying. And there is a slight chance I may have jumped to conclusions."
Shinji rolled his eyes, and Touji was pretty sure the word 'duh' was on the tip of his
tongue.
"So I'm gonna go now," Touji continued, ignoring Shinji's exasperation. "To see if I can
find Hikari before class. Besides," he added with a wink. "I'm sure you want to get back to
whatever you were discussing with Kami."
Touji walked away and Shinji remained, lamenting the fact that Touji was completely
wrong.

In the middle of Specialist Math, Hikari was staring down at the equation before her and
thinking hard.
Problem was, the equation didn't even touch her thoughts. She was too busy thinking about
Kenji and Ami.
So caught up in her thoughts was she that she didn't realise that the girl who occupied
the desk behind her - Allirra or Alissa or something like that - was poking her with a
folded note.
"Hikari!" hissed Allirra or Alissa, exasperated.
Hikari blinked, twisted in her seat and accepted the note from the girl's outstretched
hand. She unfolded it slowly, trying not to draw attention from her teacher. Like it would
ever happen anyway. The woman was too absorbed in the important task of picking at her
cuticles.
She recognised the light, angular print immediately. It was from Shinji.
Her eyes skimmed over it, wondering what was so important that Shinji just had to pass her
a note in the middle of math. It must be pretty important if he'd gone old school too, by
actually writing it down.

Hikari,
I'm guessing Touji didn't catch up with you before class, because you were in here before
class actually started. You should probably talk to him when you can. He saw you hugging
Kenji (whoever he is) in the hall this morning and freaked out. I calmed him down and
made him realise that you would never do anything like that to him, but I guess he still
wants to know the deal.
Don't worry about it or anything. You know how Touji is. Just talk to him and he'll be cool.
Shinji

Hikari's cheeks flamed. If Touji had seen her hugging Kenji, why did he run off and talk
to Shinji instead of approaching her himself? And why did it seem like he was sending
Shinji in to fight his battles for him?
And what the hell did it matter if she hugged Kenji, anyway?
Irritated, Hikari grabbed a piece of paper and started scribbling furiously.

Shinji,
No offense or anything, I know you're just trying to be a good friend to me and Touji,
but if he's got a problem he can tell me himself.
And he shouldn't even have a problem, anyway. Kenji and I are just friends. That's all.
Hikari

She thrust the note at Allirra/Alissa and turned back to her work, fuming. What was Touji's
deal? Was she not allowed to have friends that were guys? Shouldn't he trust her enough
to know she wouldn't cheat on him?
The bell rang and Hikari swore under her breath. Totally uncharacteristic. She'd just wasted
the whole lesson by worrying about Kenji and Ami, and now Shinji had to go add this to
the list of things to worry about.

"Okay, so let's go," Hikari said impatiently.
Asuka caught her Chem book just as fell out of her locker. She literally threw it back in,
then shot Hikari a quizzical look. "What's with the rush, Speedy?" she asked, genuinely
curious.
Hikari forced a smile. "I just need to get out of this school."
"Right." Asuka's voice was doubtful. She grabbed her wallet and phone and slammed the locker
door shut. "Am I going to get the truth now or when we get there?"
Asuka just knew her too well, Hikari reflected. "When we get there," she responded, taking
Asuka by the wrist and dragging her down the hall.
Asuka tried to resist Whirlwind Hikari's pull, attempting to make her baby blue
mules grip to the linoleum. Seeing it was both a futile attempt to make her shoes grip and
to resist Hikari's insistent pulling, she gave and let the girl drag her down the hall.
"Hey, are you guys headed to the caf?"
Hikari felt her best friend tense at the sound of Kami's voice. After a brief paused, Asuka
detached herself from Hikari's grasp and turned to face Kami, a sweet smile on her face.
"Hi, Kami," she said, her voice so sickeningly sweet Hikari almost felt a tootache coming
on. "No, we're headed to the library. To study."
Hikari sent Asuka silent thank you. She liked Kami, but she didn't need the Princess of
Perk joining them today.
"To study?" Kami echoed, her nose wrinkled delicately, as though it was a foreign concept.
"Hikari crashed and burned on her last math test," Asuka confided.
Hikari suppressed a sigh. She should have known Asuka was going to milk it for all it was
worth. "Asuka . . ." she began, warningly.
Asuka patted her friend reassuringly on the shoulder. "Hey, don't worry, chica," she said
with a small smile that was clearly intended to needle Hikari. "Not everyone can remember
how to spell their name under those conditions."
Kami turned wide green eyes to Hikari. "You misspelt your name?"
Hikari would kill Asuka. She would kill her, slowly and painfully.
Asuka laughed musically, not answering Kami's question. "So, how was your date with
Shinji last night?" she asked innocently, taking cop-out route number one, answering
a question with a question.
Kami got a sickening ga-ga look on her pretty face, and Hikari sincerely hoped she
didn't look quite as pathetic when she talked about Touji. "Oh, it was great,"
she gushed. "He's such a great guy."
Asuka smiled. "Isn't he?"
Hikari rolled her eyes. Could Asuka be more insincere if she tried?
Kami didn't pick up on it and tilted her head slightly. "I love hanging out with him,"
Kami said, twirling her hair round her index finger. "But I just worry . . . maybe I'm
getting too clingy?"
If Hikari knew Shinji - and she did - then Kami had probably overstepped his clingy line
long ago. She waited for Asuka to tell the girl; it was the kind of thing Asuka loved
to do.
"Oh, no way!" Asuka exclaimed. "God, Shinji is way into you. You should see him at home.
All he talks about is Kami, Kami, Kami. Misato nearly throttled him the other night
to make him shut up."
Hikari stared at Asuka, who was lying so blatantly - even for her.
"Between you and me, I don't think you can get to clingy for Shinji," Asuka continued
brightly. "He just loves spending time with you."
Kami was glowing so much, Hikari nearly hurled right there in the hall.
Asuka glanced at her watch, but it was a cursory glance that hadn't even registered the
time. "Well, we better get going. Nice talking to you!"
As Hikari and Asuka walked away, Hikari grabbed her best friend's arm. "Mind telling me
what that was all about?"
Asuka blinked with wide-eyed innocence. "I don't know what you mean."
Hikari smirked. "Am I gonna get the truth now or when we get there?"
Asuka laughed and threw Hikari a wink. "When we get there. Promise."

Touji frowned. "Has anyone seen Hikari?"
Blank stares all around. Rei shook her head, Kensuke eyed him with curiousity, Kei shrugged
and Blake looked up from the carton of chocolate milk he was trying to open long enough
to shake his head. Kami and Shinji were too busy making the rest of them ill to respond.
Kami's legs, clad in pink-stitch jeans were resting on Shinji's lap as she animatedly
told him of the new skirt she'd bought. According to Kami, it was just THE coolest thing
at Dangerfield at the moment and came in baby blue, cotton candy pink, sunshine yellow
and mint green. The most sickening was the fact that Shinji actually looked interested
as Kami explained the difference between cotton candy pink and pastel pink.
"Oh!" Kami said, interrupting herself. "Yeah, I saw Hikari and Asuka before. They were
headed to the library."
Kensuke laughed. Really laughed. He set down his chocolate chip cookie and laughed. "That's
a good one," he said between gasps for air.
Kami looked confused. "What?"
Even Rei looked amused. "Asuka has spent even less hours in the library through her high
school career than Touji has, if that's possible."
The joke went right over Touji's head. "Did they say why they were going to the library?"
he asked. Okay, it sounded totally not plausible, but maybe Hikari had a major assignment
coming up or something.
Kami shrugged. "Asuka said something about Hikari needing to study because of her score
on her last math test."
Shinji laughed this time. "Yeah. I can see why. When you get a 97% on a test, it's really
time to hit the books." He shook his head. "Besides, our next math test isn't for three
weeks. Hikari never studied that early for a test in her life."
Involuntarily, Touji's eyes scanned the caf. Not that he was looking for Kenji Hino or
anything. Okay, yeah he was looking for Kenji Hino. Could anyone blame him?
When he didn't see him, Touji's heart started pounding like a techno track.
Kami blinked. "I don't get it. Why would they lie?"
Touji swallowed. "Good question."

--
Hikari Horaki -
Love is about trust. It's about opening yourself up to the one you love and knowing he'll
respect you. It's about being part of a couple but being independent. It's knowing that no
matter what you do or what they hear, they'll always love you.
Unconditional love.
I don't know much about love. But I do know this.
Trust is important.
And without it, everything falls apart.

Kenji Hino -
I've never let myself get close to people. The simple fact of the matter is, you let people
in and it's going to hurt like hell when they try to get out.
Ami means everything to me. And I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. That's why it tears
me up, the way she's hurting herself.
Going to Hikari for help was something I never thought I'd do. It was a last resort, a sign
of desperation.
But I'm glad I did it. Because Hikari is so smart, so sincere, so levelheaded that I think
she might be able to make the difference with Ami.
I've never met anyone I've trusted as much as I trust Hikari.

--
"Have a nice lunch?"
The words were innocent, the tone cold. Hikari turned slowly to face Touji, her pretty face
arranged into an expression of cool detachment. "Yes," she said calmly, adjusting the straps
of her backpack. "I did."
"Really?" Touji tilted his head insolently. "Because I know I didn't."
Hikari didn't respond and walked away down the hall, Touji still stuck to her side.
"You could have called to tell me where you were going."
Touji cringed upon hearing his own words. God, he sounded so needy. Pathetic.
Hikari rolled her eyes and pushed her hair off her shoulders, a gesture of sheer exasperation.
"Oh, for God's sake, Touji!"
"What?"
What? He asked what? He couldn't actually see what was wrong with what he was saying?
"Do you have to know my every move?" she demanded, exhaling, causing her hair to flutter
slightly. "I mean, seriously. Would you like me to wear a collar with a bell on it from
now on?"
Her words were louder than intended. A passing group of juniors snickered.
Touji, for one, looked mildy stricken that she was being so harsh over something so simple.
Was it entirely wrong for a guy to worry when his girlfriend was off on mysterious lunch
trips with buff guys?
"Oh, I'm so sorry I don't want to share my girlfriend," Touji said sarcastically, placing
a hand to his heart in mock apology. "God, what was I thinking?"
Hikari's face made a tranformation into an expression of oddly detached calm. "You think I
was with Kenji, don't you?" she asked levelly.
Touji had never seen Hikari so calm in his entire life. It was definitely unsettling. It
reminded him of the time he was down at the beach. It was a beautiful, mild day, perfect
weather. Without warning, a storm had blown in and wrecked the place.
Calm before the storm and all that.
Warily Touji nodded.
A second passed. Then Hikari's eyes narrowed, she shook her head and she gave him the coldest
look he'd ever seen. "It's called trust, Touji," she snapped. "Look it up."
Then she turned on her heel and stalked away.
He didn't call out after her, even though he wanted to.
All he could do was watch her bleakly, as he tried to figure out whether he'd done something
good or something bad.

--
Hikari Horaki -
People always think that because I wear pink and love miniskirts that there's no way I could
be a feminist. What none of them realise is that I am. All the way.
I'm a feminist. I'm a dressed-in-pink, miniskirt wearing one, but I'm feminist none the less.
And being a feminist means standing up for what you believe in and not letting anyone
push you around just because you're girl.
I don't let anyone push me around.
Not anyone.
Not even Touji.

Kei Yamaguchi -
All my life people have been telling me how nice I am.
I just always kind of believed it.
But right now I feel like a first class bitch.
I'm lying to my best friend just so I can get more attention. Just because I'm so totally
jealous of his sister.
Oh my god . . . when did I turn into a movie-of-the-week?

Blake McDermott -
Poor Kei. I feel so bad for neglecting her.
I can't believe I ditched her like that.
I can't believe she forgave me so easily.
I swear, I've got the best best friend in the world.

Shinji Ikari -
I've lived with Asuka for years.
I know her like she knows the mall.
She's up to something.
Am I scared?
Hell yeah.