I'm so close, Anakin thought, nearly panting with exhaustion as he dueled a simulator for what must have been the tenth time in one day. Just one more move...

His plans were quickly interrupted by the simulation striking the arm which held his saber, indicating the match was over. Anakin groaned in pain when he realized his defeat, not so much from the fresh sting of the simulated blade as much as the physical exhaustion that hunger and dehydration were creating in his body coupled with the frustration of having lost again. His master was quick to point out where he had gone wrong, and while Anakin always found the advice helpful, it didn't make it any less frustrating to have to go over the error.

Obi-Wan sensed that his padawan was getting worked up and instructed him to breathe. "Patience, Anakin," he said calmly. "It takes practice. You can't get everything right the first try."

"I've been at it for weeks," Anakin countered. He kicked the base of the training simulator in annoyance, and the action irritated his master.

"Anakin," he said chidingly. "You haven't been over my knee in a while, and you've been very moody lately. I bet that would settle you down," Obi-Wan threatened.

Anakin stared at his master, breathing heavily, his fear and anger swirling together. Obi-Wan sensed his padawan's turbulence and put a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, calm down, Anakin. I'm not trying to provoke you. I'm trying to get you to exercise some self control. You are not unskilled, but you lack patience. I had to work at this for years. You can't expect to have it down in weeks."

Anakin nodded respectfully. "I understand, Master. It's just that I've been spending so much time on it every day... It's frustrating."

Obi-Wan stared at his padawan thoughtfully. Anakin had been spending a lot of time with the simulator lately, he realized. Too much time, Obi-Wan thought as he remembered only yesterday having to force Anakin to step away to eat something. It was no wonder he was feeling frustrated with what he perceived to be a lack of progress when he was sacrificing every moment of his free time to it.

"You are right, Anakin. You have been spending a lot of time on the simulator... I think you need a break."

"But, Master, I–"

"Anakin," Obi-Wan warned, interrupting his padawan's protest. "You know better than to argue with me, don't you?"

"Yes, Master," Anakin gritted out. He'd had one of those lessons only a few months ago, and he definitely did not want another one.

"I thought so. Now, I want you to meditate for the rest of the afternoon, and I expect your mood to be improved by tomorrow."

"Master..." Anakin said slowly, not wanting to sound disrespectful. "I have assignments to finish," he explained carefully.

"Well, that wouldn't have stopped you from dueling the simulator all afternoon, would it?" Obi-Wan asked pointedly, and Anakin could not give an answer, knowing his master was right. "I don't want to hear another word about it, Anakin. It's for your own good."

Anakin could hear in his master's tone that there was no room for further argument, so he took his leave and left obediently. Obi-Wan sighed tiredly as he watched his padawan depart, and he realized he needed to take some time to recenter himself also. As he reset the training simulator and prepared to leave, he heard the familiar sound of a gimmer stick tapping on the floor.

"Hello, Master Yoda," he greeted warmly, turning toward the approaching Jedi Master.

"Trouble with your padawan, do you have?" Yoda asked, sensing Obi-Wan's mental fatigue.

"No, not trouble exactly, but I do worry for him," Obi-Wan answered. "He's very passionate. Sometimes I wonder if I am best suited to teach him."

"Passionate you are also, Obi-Wan. Notice this, your master did. Stubborn your master was, stubborn you are, and stubborn too, is your apprentice."

"I guess it runs in the family," Obi-Wan joked, and Yoda returned the humor by chuckling.

"Worry you should not, Obi-Wan. If familiar you are with your padawan's traits, then know how to help him you will. Look up to you, your padawan does. Doubt yourself, you should not. Patience, you should have, as you tell your padawan, hmn?"

Obi-Wan smiled at the wizened Jedi, appreciating his encouragement. "That's true," he agreed. "I ought to have patience myself if I expect to be able to teach it to Anakin."

"Meditate, you should also, Obi-Wan. A break you also need," Yoda encouraged.

Obi-Wan thought it was funny for Yoda to tell him this after he had just said it to his padawan, and he imagined that Yoda took some humor in it too. He smiled, but he kept back his laugh and nodded respectfully. "Yes, Master Yoda. I am on my way to do that now," he assured him before taking his leave, glad to be out of the training room after so many hours.

In the days that followed, Obi-Wan worked with his padawan to focus on lessons requiring patience and discipline of the mind more than the body, and Anakin proved to be a diligent student. Obi-Wan had wanted to enforce a break from lightsaber training to reset his padawan's focus a bit, but Anakin filled their conversation with questions about dueling whenever he could. Sometimes the questions were very specific, and he asked many about the Sith his master had fought on Naboo, probing for details. Obi-Wan did his best to answer honestly and kept his patience with his padawan. He assumed the questions came from a place of boredom and longing for the lightsaber training he wasn't participating in.

A few weeks later however, after Obi-Wan had decided to allow Anakin to resume his physical training, the reason for the questions became evident. Anakin had been working on a training simulator, altering the projection to resemble the Sith Lord Obi-Wan had defeated. He had been practicing with it when no one was watching, and now, with an audience he deemed worthy enough to appreciate his efforts, he revealed the project.

Obi-Wan, Mace, and even Chancellor Palpatine watched in astonishment as Anakin conquered the simulation, and Anakin could not have been prouder of his accomplishment. As he recovered from the exhaustion of dueling, he heard some other padawans in the training room talking about what they had seen. Anakin tried to ignore them, as they were not the members of the audience he had been hoping to impress, but at one point of their conversation, he heard something that made him snap.

"He's just a slave to his emotions," one of them had said. "It's obvious."

"Exactly," the other padawan replied. "Just a slave."

Anakin felt a turbulence rising in him like a tidal wave, and he whipped around, taking the padawans' lightsabers and igniting them in the air. "Tell me," he said ominously, "what emotion are you feeling right now?"

But the waves of anger quickly dissipated when Anakin heard his master call his name from the balcony above. Obi-Wan had jumped from the balcony and landed between Anakin and the other padawans, and the sight of his master immediately brought him to his senses. Anakin felt his heart slowly sinking into his stomach as he returned the padawans' lightsabers and offered an apology that he knew would never suffice for what he had done.

Obi-Wan did not spare a second longer than necessary before he led Anakin, rather forcefully, through the halls and to his quarters. The walk was brisk and silent as they both dealt with the emotions they were feeling. Obi-Wan was processing both his shock and his anger at seeing his padawan behave so poorly, so inconsiderately toward his peers. Threatening another Jedi, especially in the Temple, was a serious offense, and there had been many witnesses. Neither him nor his apprentice would get off lightly.

"I can't even begin to tell you how upsetting it was to see you threaten those other students like that," Obi-Wan scolded as he marched Anakin into the room. "Your temper will be the death of you... and of me, for that matter. I am so disappointed. What were you thinking?"

Anakin felt small as his shoulders slumped with his master's speech. "I wasn't thinking, Master. I just heard them call me..."

"Yes? What did you hear? What could possibly have warranted a threat of violence?"

But Anakin could not answer because he was too ashamed, and he studied the floor, unable to face his master's disappointment. Obi-Wan let out a frustrated sigh and quickly turned to retrieve the wooden brush in his bedside table. Anakin's head snapped up when he heard the drawer opening, and his stomach twisted at the sight of the object in his master's hand.

"When I ask you a question, Anakin, I expect an answer," Obi-Wan said sternly. "And I'll get it out of you one way or another, but I'd prefer if you just answered me now. Why did you threaten those boys?"

"I wasn't trying to threaten them... I just... I just reacted. I was angry. I know it was wrong." Anakin struggled to explain himself and still could not bear to look his master in the eyes.

"Well I should hope you do," Obi-Wan said, his voice sharp with displeasure. "But you still haven't answered me, Padawan. You need to be disciplined for your lack of self control, and I can see we'll have to converse during your punishment instead of before it."

Obi-Wan pulled out a chair and motioned for his padawan to come forward. "Don't just stand there, Anakin. You know what to do."

Anakin shuffled forward only a couple of steps, hesitating as he saw the irritation creasing his master's brow. "Come here, Anakin. Don't drag your feet. It's disrespectful."

"I'm sorry, Master. Please... Please don't spank me," Anakin pleaded.

"You ought to know better than to try and get out of a spanking you know that you earned. Whether you are sorry or not makes no difference right now. You need something that will help you make better choices next time, and I've already decided that's going to be a spanking. It would not be wise to resist."

Anakin felt like crying and hated himself for it. He hadn't even been struck yet, but the weight of the situation and the anxiety of his master's frustration were churning his emotions into a storm. Obi-Wan watched his padawan struggle for a moment and realized he was frozen more with anxiety than defiance.

Sometimes Anakin seemed beyond his years, and sometimes he seemed no older than when he had left Tatooine. Obi-Wan saw that same sort of fear in his eyes from when he had first arrived at the Temple, and he reminded himself that Anakin was different. It would not do to treat him like a normal padawan.

Normal padawans were expected to obey promptly, especially when it came to submitting to correction, but Anakin required far more patience. He could be brave, but if he sensed his master was angry with him it sometimes paralyzed him a little. Obi-Wan knew this, and he sighed as he realized his mistake and paced up to Anakin slowly. "Let's take a moment to breathe together," he offered. "We both ought to calm down."

Anakin nodded, and Obi-Wan led him to the center of the room. They sat across from each other as they usually did during these exercises. Obi-Wan took his padawan's hands in his own and walked him through a breathing exercise until he felt re-centered and sensed that Anakin's anxieties had calmed.

"I apologize for my frustration before," he said, looking at Anakin carefully. "I'm not angry with you. I was only upset with your behavior, but I did not mean to frighten you. You are so bold sometimes that I forget how certain things make you wary."

"I'm sorry," Anakin whispered sadly, and his tone pricked Obi-Wan's heart.

"I know you are sorry for disappointing me... I may be upset with your behavior, Anakin, but you know it doesn't change the way I feel about you. It doesn't mean I've suddenly stopped caring for you. Do you understand?"

Anakin stared at his master silently for a while, sensing the depth of his affection, and he suddenly felt very safe. "I believe you," he acknowledged.

"That's good, and you know because I care about you and the person you are growing into, it is my duty to correct you when you do something wrong. You understand this too?"

Anakin nodded. "Yes, Master, but... does it have to be a spanking? Aren't I getting too old?"

"Anakin, we've talked about accepting consequences before, haven't we? That's your place as a padawan."

"Yes, Master," Anakin acknowledged, lowering his eyes.

"Now, will you please tell me what provoked you to act as you did? I can't discipline you properly if I don't know what you were thinking."

"They said... that I was just a... slave..." Anakin struggled to get the words out, and his master gripped his hands reassuringly. "A slave to my emotions, but just a... just a slave... When I heard it, I just reacted. It was wrong, I know."

"I don't think they meant that in the way you took it," Obi-Wan said softly. "If you had given yourself a moment to breathe, you might have taken it for a misunderstanding."

"I know," Anakin agreed. "It was stupid."

"I know hearing that word bothers you, Anakin, but it shouldn't if you don't believe it is true. Do you believe it's true?"

"Of course not," Anakin insisted.

"Are you happy here?" Obi-Wan asked, looking into his padawan carefully through their bond.

"Sometimes, it's hard... Sometimes, I wonder if I belong... But I'll never go back to what I was before. Never."

"I believe that you belong here, Anakin. I know there are challenges, but you are bold, and you have faced them thus far. Don't let little things like this blind you from the larger goal."

"But what if they're right? What if I can't learn to be like you? What if I can't stop feeling things?"

"Do you think I've stopped feeling things, Anakin? I just confessed my frustration to you. I experience emotion. We all do... It's just about having the self control to respond to those emotions in the proper way... And you will learn. It may be harder for you than for others, but that is your struggle. Everyone has their own."

"You have one too?" Anakin asked curiously, integrating his master's teaching.

"I have many. I'll explain them to you sometime," Obi-Wan promised. "For now though, we need to take care of you. Discipline will help you in the areas in which you struggle if you allow it to and do not fight it. Are you ready to accept your consequences now?"

"Yes, Master," Anakin answered dejectedly.

Obi-Wan rose from the floor then, but his padawan did not follow, and he could sense Anakin's lingering anxiety. "Anakin, we've been together three years now. Have I ever hurt you?"

"No," Anakin acknowledged.

Obi-Wan bent down and lifted Anakin's gaze up to his own. "And will I ever hurt you?"

Anakin looked into his master's eyes and felt the same sense of safety he'd experienced earlier. "No," he said, letting himself relax a little.

"That's right. Now come with me. Best not to drag this out."

Obi-Wan acted on his own advice and did not waste any time in delivering a very stern spanking to his padawan. Anakin took it well, but he began to struggle when his master started lecturing him, the guilt affecting him more than the pain. He wanted nothing more, as he was being held in place over his master's lap, than to go back and change his actions, and he cursed himself for what had led to the punishment.

"What you did was wrong on a number of levels, Anakin," his master said firmly, letting the brush rest for a moment. "You indulged your anger, you behaved dangerously, and you broke a very sacred rule in the Temple to do no harm."

"I didn't want to harm them," Anakin said through his tears. "I wasn't going to hurt them."

"Do you think anyone knew that? I didn't. I'm sure they didn't. And you wanted them to think you would hurt them, didn't you?" When Anakin didn't answer, his master resumed bringing the brush to his backside. "Didn't you?" he repeated, prompting his padawan for a response.

"I... I guess so," Anakin struggled. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking."

"Well, that isn't going to be good enough. You need to start thinking. When you're feeling angry, all you have to do is step away and take a breath. You always have a moment where you can choose how you respond. You do not have to react without thinking. You are nearly thirteen years old, Anakin. It's unacceptable."

"Yes, Master," Anakin choked, his voice carrying his despair.

Obi-Wan sighed as he felt the depth of Anakin's physical and emotional pain. "I know you can do better, Padawan. Do not despair. Only reflect on how you will improve. Take a breath, and think about that now."

"Yes, Master," Anakin repeated, doing his best to obey as his master finished firmly delivering the lesson.

By the time his master decided the lesson was complete, Anakin was a mess, and he sought his master immediately for reassurance. They were long past the initial hesitancy Anakin had felt when he first came to the Temple, and Obi-Wan held him tightly while he worked through the feelings of shame and insecurity. "I'm so sorry," he whispered against Obi-Wan's chest, his tears having quelled enough for speech.

"I know that, Anakin. I only want you to do better. I hold nothing against you, and my feelings for you haven't changed," Obi-Wan assured him, sensing the depth of Anakin's insecurities. "Will you practice self control next time?"

"Yes, Master," Anakin promised, and he meant it.

Later that evening, as Anakin completed his homework on his bed in an effort not to exacerbate the soreness in his backside, his mind wandered despite his best efforts to focus. He knew he had deserved the spanking his master had given him, and he wasn't angry over it, but something about the situation continued to trouble him. He wanted to be good, to prove to his master he could learn and that he could do better, but his entire body swirled with emotion.

He could feel it deep in his bones, almost as if they were speaking to him. He would make this mistake again. It felt like a law more set in stone than any line of the Jedi Code. His emotions wanted to rule him, and sometimes he wanted to let them... That was his struggle.

THE END


Author's Note: I highly recommend the Obi-Wan & Anakin Comics by Charles Soule that this story is based on. Full disclosure, I don't read comic books, but there is a great audio dubbed version on youtube, and I loved it so much I watched it twice and wrote this story soon after.

As far as the fight, flight, or freeze, two of the three make an appearance in this story, and the third makes an appearance in the comic. Once again I've written Anakin to be nerodivergent. That trend will persist throughout Obi & Ani series.