PRE-STORY STORY THAT IS AFTER THE STORY CAUSE YOU'VE READ THE STORY ALREADY STORY......yeah
(Link narrates. Yeah, again. Sorry, but he's all we've got. Unless you want Sheik with his Preston Manning voice... *a great round of 'NO' is heard* Alright then. Take it away, Link) [AN: Actually, in this mini-story, Sheik has taken voice lessons, so he no longer speaks in that high, scary, influencing voice like Preston Manning. He has a normal Hot-Guy voice *Chibi blushes*]
[1] My homies. You know, like Sheik, and the dead dude in the graveyard.. whatzizname... Gor...no. Gu... maybe... hm... Book....
*Chibi takes out her "The Legend Of ZELDA Ocarina Of Time OFFICIAL Nintendo® Player's Guide" and goes to page 65 (so close to 69, yet so far..) where it told her she was way off with the Grave keeper's name which is Dampé.* *Chibi blushes* (Chibi: Hee hee...)
ANYway... Wait... Dampé, who was dead, wasn't at Moxie's... lemmie start the list again. Sheik, Malon, Saria, Ruto, Nabooru, and Twinrova (she's nice now. We had a heart-to-heart) were at the Moxie's in Kakariko village. Zelda couldn't make it for some reason. I wonder why... We needed one more chick so we would be even, so Sheik and I told the ladies to order drinks and we went outside in search of another babe. I thought of the Cucco lady. *whistle* That skirt sure does her justice.
*Wufei from Mobile Suit: Gundam Wing suddenly enters Kakariko village and comes running over to Link and Sheik screaming like a Banshee about justice all the way*
Wufei: JUSTICE?! What do YOU know of JUSTICE?! You filthen the word, you unjust monkey!
Link: MONKEY? I'm not a monkey! I'm the Hero Of friggin Time!
Wufei: Heero? Why would he be here? [AN: Don't know who there guys are? Go to http://www.gundamofficial.com then into the 'After Colony series'. Then into either 'Gundam Wing' or 'Endless Waltz'. Doesn't matter. They're all in there.] Damn! *he looks at his watch* I'm coming Natakuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!! *he turns and runs back out the main gate. The sky lights up a couple seconds later as the Gundam Shenlong (or Shenlon, for those of you who have a pole shoved up your ass) blasted off Hyrule and into outer space*
Sheik and I turned and ran up the stairs leading to Impa's old house, already forgotten about the weird, short, Chinese dude. Once inside, we spotted the Cucco chick. I reached around under her arms from behind her and Sheik grabbed her knees and we high-tailed it outta there. The fat Slavic guy witht he skinny legs didn't even have time to say "HEY YOU!" before we were out the door.
So we were sitting on the roof of the House of Skulltula with the Cucco girl laying across our laps. She had fainted when I'd used my hookshot to get us across the gap between the houses. I stood up slowly and handed the girl's feet to Sheik as my brain clicked into gear.
"We'd better get back to Moxie's," I said. "I don't even want to think about how much the beverage bill will be. You know how Ruto drinks like a fish!" Sheik nodded and hefted the Cucco girl (we're gonna hafta find out what her name is) over his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around my waist, man, was that disturbing, and again nodded at me. I raised my longshot and fired at the edge of the watch tower. Sheik's grip on my waist greatly intensified so as to the point where I could barely breathe.
"Uh...Sheik," I choked while we sailed over that huge tree that had the Skulltula in it seven years ago. "Could you...lighten up...please?"
He grinned sheepishly and loosened his grip slightly. "Heh...heh... Sorry 'bout that, Link."
We sailed past the watch tower, and I flicked my wrist to unhook the end of the longshot. I aimed and fired again at the roof of Moxie's. We fell several meters before the hook caught itself in the tiles. Sheik gasped. I guess he's never used a hookshot before, let alone a longshot (--that's me getting technical there. Woo!). SHHHINK! K-CHINKCHINKCHINK! TMP! TMP! (sound effects: The hookshot unhooking from the roof, the longshot chain recoiling, Sheik and I touching ground) And we were back at the restaurant. By then, the Cucco chick had woken up and Sheik was explaining to her why she suddenly on the other side of town, and my, how her eyes shimmered like sapphires in the moonlight. The Suckup. Sometimes, that man makes me sick. Him and his harp. Gag me with a deku stick.
I put away my longshot and marched past Sheik and "Kae, what a lovely name" into Moxie's. I froze in the doorway as my brain kicked in. Kae, as in Kaepora? As in the owl? She was named after the owl that chased me around my entire childhood? Kaepora Gaebora, that crazed raptor that left me scarred as a minor, and that why I'm terrified to death of large birds? Beat me over the head with that stick again, please.
I groaned and completed entering the building. Once inside, Ruto spotted me and waved me over. I smiled at the breasts--uh...girls--uh...women--ladies and a fish...? oh whatever. I smiled at them and sat down between Malon and Saria, the humans. Ruto sat on Saria's other side. I felt like a playboy... Sheik came in with *shudder* Kae and sat at the table. Hey, there's wings... Then I had a couple...dozen wings, and I was on fire. Really, my mouth was aflame. Lucky for me, Malon had ordered milk, and milk is the only liquid known to quench heat. It's true. I saw it on... what is called? 'Inquiring Minds'? Yeah, I think that's it. Either that or 'Wonder Why'. But back to the food. It was REALLY good. I mean, we completely pigged out. Well, I did, I don't know about the girls, fish, or Sheik.
Time passed. I don't know how much, time flies when there's a plate of Nacho's in front of you with REALLY GOOD dip. It's some sort of cheese, and spinach. It actually wasn't that bad. I had a lot. Nabooru glared at me. I guess she liked the stuff too. I grinned sheepishly and hid my face on Saria's shoulder. She giggled. Oh yeah. Point for me. I'm closing in on a hat trick. How do I know this? Well Saria giggled, Malon's fluttering her eyelashes at me, and by the look on Ruto's face I'd say we'd better get to the underground club pretty soon or she's gonna ovulate on the spot.
So after there was no trace of a Nacho or dip on the plate, we all left for the club. I was being responsible and paying the bill. Actually, I lost the coin toss. Sheik was being an ass and laughing at me right in my ear. Kae was clinging to his chest by the cloth thing with the eye on it. She was giggling.
Once outside, I felt better for three reasons.
#1 There was sufficient light. Inside the restaurant, there were only candles to light the room and my eyes had begun to sting after a while.
#2 The girls deemed 'mine', that being Saria, Malon and Ruto, were hanging off me. Heheh. It felt good, to put it mildly. My condition was a tad tumescent, if you get my drift.
and #3 .... Well... 1 and 2 are good enough!
Now, about this underground club, do you remember that secret grotto behind the potion shop? Well, the people got tired of a hole in the ground with a cow in it, and turn it into a club. A very smart choice made by the Youth of today. And they say we do nothing constructive... I scoff at them. Scoff, scoff, scoff. There. I feel better now, having scoffed at the Not-Youth[4]
So logically, unless we all wanted to hop a ride via cucco, the only way in was through the Potion shop. And according to my sources, the Salesclerk only lets people through if they bargain. And only a "special" type of bargain.
I was voted as "Leader", so therefore, I was shoved into the shop first. I stumbled on the throw rug and smiled at the clerk. I think his name is Corey. "Heh, heh, heh... eh.. Hi..." I stuttered.
Corey smiled brightly at me. "Hello, Link! Long time no see, eh? So, what did you come back for? Some more lube? I kept some for you. It's in the back, if you wanna come back and get it with me--"
"NO! Uh.. I mean, that's okay, Core. Uh... I didn't come here for that. And, uh... I'm kinda straight..." I fidgeted with my belt. I heard Sheik snicker and the girls giggle. Note to self: Kill that damned traitor Sheikah. That is, after tonight. We don't want him to die a virgin, do we? Naw. I'm not that mean. I glared at him over my shoulder and turned back to Corey. "But you know what, Core," I smiled that domineering smile that he loves to see from me. "Why don't we go back there anyway. I know what you want. Hey? I'm right. I know I'm right. Right big boy?" Oh god. I hate doing this. And I end up having to do this every time Sheik and I go to this club. I don't know how, but I think Sheik's rigged Rock, Paper, Scissors or something.
Corey giggled and lifted the curtain to the back of the shop and gestured that I go back there. I went behind the red curtain and smiled at him, but inside, I was screaming. Screaming at Sheik. Screaming how much I hated him. But screaming would do me no good now. Why? Because I was behind the counter. Those who go back there, don't come out the same as when they went in. I've been back there before, it's all Sheik's fault, but I've made it out, alive. I've heard stories, oh you wouldn't believe the stories, of guys who've went back there, and went they came out, well, let's just say they had a sudden fetish for napkin rigs, if you know what I mean. That's why I wear tights and a tunic. Think about it. I'm not the same man I used to be.
Let's be brief.
It took me a while, but I convinced Corey to let us into the club. I feel so dirty. He fanned himself with his hand and waved us past. Soon as we were out the back door and it was closed, Sheik pounded on my back and started laughing his ass off. Have I mentioned how much I hate him?
"Sheik, I have a sword and a large amount of unmentionable weapons stashed about me that would be VERY painful if they just happened to be shoved up your ass, so SHUT UP!" He shut up, but not quickly enough for my tastes. He's the kind of guy who needs to giggle about something until I blow up. Which I did. I dragged him up the ladder to behind the Windmill and beat him with a deku stick until he begged me to stop. I did, reluctantly. Blue is a lovely colour for him. And I'm not talking about his armour. No sir. Bruises. Heheh. But because he covers himself from practically head to toe, none of the bruises are visible. It's our little secret. Plus, I couldn't make any of them visible or it would turn the girls off. And I'm not that cruel, not to myself.
So we went into the club. It was louder than I remembered. And it was practically empty. That surprised me. But then, I remembered there were only two public residences in this town and shrugged. There were a couple Gerudo warriors dancing up on the stage. Nabooru turned red and Sheik had to keep her attention away from the stage. The sap. The lucky sap.
Let's skip a bunch of this. Nothing much happened. Except Ruto got stinking drunk and strip danced (man, that was weird. I mean, you'd think she's got nothing to strip...). To say the least it was...educational. Yeah...educational. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.
So after that, we were hard up for material. You see, neither Sheik or I have ever... um.. how do I say this?
(Chibi: What he's trying to say is Link's never gone out before)
(Link: CHIBI!)
(Chibi: Yis?)
(Link: ...you...you...AUGH!)
(Chibi: ^-^ It's my job)
(Link: To what? Make my life a living hell?)
(Chibi: No. That's Ganondork's job)
(Link: Well, what's your job?)
(Chibi: Isn't it obvious?)
(Link: No)
(Chibi: You're so silly, Link. I almost wish I was in this story)
(Sheik: But you are in this story...)
(Chibi: No I'm not)
(Sheik: Uh...yes you are...)
(Chibi: What ever are you talking about, Sheik? I'm not in this story. I'm the author. Phh. Geez-a. Silly people ^-^)
(Sheik: But you're... and we're talking to... and you're here... oh I'm confused)
(Chibi: Aw... Poor baby Sheik... You'd better lie down and rest your head)
(Sheik: No.. I don't need to...)
(Chibi: Yes, Sheik, you do. Lie down)
(Sheik: Okay...)
(Chibi: Good boy)
(Link: What's happening? And why is everything in brackets?)
(Chibi: Because I WANT everything to be in brackets! AND DON'T BE SO LOUD, LINK! YOU'LL WAKE UP SHEIK!!)
(Link: But you're the one who's talking loud...)
(Chibi: No I'm not)
(Link: You're not?)
(Sheik: You're not?)
(Chibi: You're supposed to be asleep)
(Sheik: I am asleep)
(Chibi: No you're not)
(Sheik: Yes I am)
(Link: But Sheik, you're not--)
(Sheik: SHP!)
(Link: Okay, so you are asleep)
(Chibi: No he isn't)
(Link: How do you know he's not asleep?)
(Chibi: Well, #1 he's talking, and #2 his eyes are open)
(Link: Maybe he's half-fish like Ruto and sleeps with his eyes open cause he ain't got no eyelids)
(Sheik: *groans*)
(Chibi: Link, I kinda doubt that)
(Link: Why?)
(Chibi: Well, #1 he's not half-fish cause he's a Sheikah, and #2 he does too have eyelids cause he blinks like everyone else)
(Link: Where'd you get so smart?)
(Chibi: In Author Training School. Where'd you think? Elboya Junior High? I think not)
(Sheik: Hin?)
(Chibi: Go back to sleep, Sheik)
(Sheik: oh...okay... Should I sleep with my eyes open?)
(Chibi: No, Sheik. Sleep with your eyes closed)
(Sheik: Why?)
(Chibi: We already went over this, Sheik)
(Sheik: No we didn't)
(Chibi: Yes we did)
(Sheik: No we didn't. I was asleep)
(Chibi: No, you weren't asleep. We were arguing whether you were asleep or not, which you weren't)
(Sheik: But I was asleep)
(Chibi: With your eyes open? No you weren't. Go back to sleep Sheik)
(Sheik: Chibi?)
(Chibi: Yeah?)
(Sheik: Can you sing me a lullaby. Please?)
(Chibi: Oh all right. Just for you. But you have to go to sleep afterwards. Okay?)
(Sheik: Okay, Chibi)
(Chibi: *sings Sheik a lullaby, but ends up falling asleep herself*)
(Link: Oh! What sweet luck!)
(Sheik: *is asleep*)
(Link: Wake up, Sheik!)
Sheik then woke up and I dragged him back onto the main dance floor.
"We're still at the club?" he asked.
"No, this is my tree house," I answered sarcastically.
"Really? Wow, you musta remodelled," Sheik looked around with wide eyes.
"Sheik, you're an idiot."
"What?"
"Does this look like a tree house?"
"...It could."
I rolled my eyes.
Okay, I need to end this... how do I end this? What did we do? I can't remember... We musta gotten really drunk. And we're back in my tree house, all of us. I'm on my bed with Sheik. I'm too hung over to care right now. Malon is sleeping on Nestle's, my cow's, back. Saria is sitting, out on the balcony, Nabooru is on the floor by my feet, and Kae is right next to her. Somehow Ruto fit heself into my fishtank, and Twinrova, is hanging from the ceiling. Wow, we musta been rowdy last night. So I got up and wandered out onto the balcony to talk to Saria. But I forgot to stop walking and fell off the balcony.
I hit my head on a rock and went unconscious.
To be continued... wait... actually, maybe not... the next chapter of the first story is next... this story won't be continued, that is, unless you want it to...[5]
This one isn't a story. Bogus.
[2] This story is censored for the young at heart. And I think weird-butt sounds funny. You gotta say it out loud and ROLL your R's, like you wuz a frenshhh personnne, and like on the Tim Horton's Roll Up the Rim commercial. Like that. Be fRREenshhh. (that's how you say French if you're a Franglais bum like Chibi!)
Neither is this one. Double bogus.
[3] Okay. So it isn't. Sue me. Actually, don't.. All I have is my Official I Can Play My Ocarina Card™.
[4] This is a real saying. At my church, the youth group is always being referred to as The Youth, so I decided (yes, it was my decision) to call everyone who wasn't a Youth, The Not-Youth. They don't seem to mind...much.
[5] Yeah. so if you wanna see another lame attachment to this story, let me know. And...yeah
Apologies that are probably too late:
I'm sorry that Sheik is such an idiot. I'm sorry Link didn't get any. I'm sorry all the girls were ditzes. I'm sorry I named the Cucco lady after the owl. I'm sorry I gave the owl a bad rep. I'm sorry for being sorry so much. I'm sorry I wrote myself into a long argument with Link and Sheik. I'm sorry I had to make an extra chapter to fit all this into my sub-conscious mind. I'm sorry these apologies are turning into their own story. I'm sorry I named the cow after a brand of cookies. I'm sorry you had to read this. But I thank you very much if you actually read the whole story. You can send me hate mail if you wish. I'm sorry that you've be reduced to sending hate mail. I'm sorry I'm getting emotional over a story. I'm sorry I forced my bf to send this to fanfiction.net because my computer won't handle Javascript. I'm sorry I insulted my school, but it's true, they don't teach me anything (except Mr J. I love you, man). I sorry I just said I love my English teacher on the internet. A lot of you probably hate your English teacher, but Mr J is cool. I'm sorry Link babbles. I'm sorry... for... I'm sorry I ran out of things to be sorry for. I'm sorry if this story sukced. I'm sorry I spelled sucked wrong.
Adieu, tout le monde.
I'm sorry if I used the French wrong in that phrase. (precisely translated, it means "To God, the whole world". Roughly translated, it means "Farewell, everyone".) I'm sorry I'm so complicated.
Bye
