SCARECROW & MRS
SCARECROW & MRS. KING "Tale of the Tape" by shel

© may 2001

disclaimer:  lee stetson, amanda king, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love belong to warner bros. and shoot the moon productions and possible other copyright holders.  i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too… 

rating:  "pg"

archiving:  the fanfic archive and fanfiction.net…all others, please ask first…

summary:  surprises abound for amanda, lee, and her family on amanda's birthday…

timeline: october 1987 – the Stetson marriage is still a secret…

notes: there are references to specific characters, situations, or dialogue  from: "fearless dotty," "unfinished business," "need to know," "sudden death," "the triumvirate," "the eyes have it," "stemwinder, part 2," "santa's got a brand new bag," "always look a gift horse in the mouth," and "nightcrawler"  which all belong to the respective authors of those eps…the basic idea for my story popped into my head one day but, while i was working on it, liddy's "images" was posted…i figured mine went in a different enough direction so i kept working on it and, well, here it (finally) is…please let me know if you enjoyed it and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending flames…

                "Happy Birthday, Mom!" Phillip and Jamie shouted together as they cornered their mother, who still sat at the dinner table.  They quickly shoved a small wrapped gift into her hands and said, "This's for you."

                After a quick glance to both Lee, who sat next to her, and her mother, who stood up and left the table, Amanda asked, in genuine surprise, "What's this? My birthday's not until the end of next week."

                "I told them you would rather wait but they insisted," Dotty commented as she closed the door to the dishwasher, pressed some buttons, and nodded in satisfaction when the machine began its routine humming noises.  "They just have no willpower."

                Amanda smiled and turned her attention to her sons, "Fellas, can't it wait until my birthday?"

                "No," both boys emphatically stated.

                "Go on, Amanda," Lee encouraged, "what's the harm?"

                She shook her head and explained to them all, "No opening cards or presents before birthdays, you know that.  Mother started the tradition when I was a little girl."

"Dumb tradition, if you ask me," muttered Jamie.

"Jamie!" Amanda admonished.  "Look, fellas, I'm sure I'll be just as happy and surprised when I open it on my birthday next week."

                "Grandma?" Phillip asked in near-desperation.

                But Dotty wanted no part and simply said, "I can't help it if you have no will power."  Amanda grinned and Dotty pointed at Phillip, "That, you did not get from your mother."

"Come on, Mom," Phillip whined, "just this once.  You're gonna love it.  Promise."

                "Yeah, please, Mom," Jamie added, "It's gonna be great and we've been dying all week to see it."

                Amanda regarded her sons suspiciously, "You haven't seen it? Then how do you know I'm gonna love it?"

                Both boys answered excitedly, "You will, trust us."

                Amanda's curiosity was getting the best of her so she turned to her secret-husband and teased, "I don't know, do they look trustworthy to you?"

                Lee glanced at the boys who were mouthing to him, begging him, to convince her so he dramatically 'thought it over.'  "Hmmm, I don't know.  They seem to be a rather sneaky bunch."

                "Now, that they got from their mother," Dotty matter-of-factly stated as she sat down.

                "Lee," Phillip groaned, "you're supposed to helping us here."

                "Yeah," Jamie added, "you're the one who gave everything to Mr. Walters."

                "You know about this?" Amanda turned to Lee.  "What did you do? And who is Mr. Walters?"

                "Thanks a lot, Jamie," Lee muttered.

                "We suffer, you suffer," Phillip said in his brother's defense.

                "All right, all right," Amanda laughed at the annoyed expressions on the faces of her three men, "I'll open it.  I don't want anyone suffering because of my birthday."  While the boys cheered, Amanda leaned in close to Lee and whispered, "But I might make you a little uncomfortable later."

                Lee grinned, kissed her quickly on the lips, and was about to say something when Phillip interrupted, "Save the mushy stuff.  Let Mom open her present."

                Lee's grin widened and he leaned back in his seat to give Amanda room to open her present.  "It's from all of us," he said as he indicated to Dotty and the boys.

                "I wonder what it is," Amanda smiled and considered the object before she carefully began opening the wrapping. "It's a book, isn't it?"

                "No more birthday books," Dotty insisted, "or don't you remember being mugged when I bought Sky Chief Rides Again for Phillip?"

                "Mother," Amanda sighed as she rolled her eyes. 

                "Come on, Mom," Jamie piped up, "open it already."

                "Yeah, before your next birthday," Phillip added.  "Just rip it."

"You're only gonna throw the wrapping out anyway," Jamie finished.

                "Someone took special care to wrap this," Amanda patiently explained, "so it should be opened with special care."  She stopped from her task to flash an amused grin to the chorus of groans she heard before she removed the last of the wrapping with a flourish.  Then she looked at them quizzically, "A video?"

                "Not just any video," Lee answered with a knowing smile.

                "Yeah, this one's all about you," Jamie added excitedly.

                Amanda looked at the tape, "Me? How on Earth did you get a video about me?"

                "We made it," Phillip explained.

                Amanda's eyes widened in surprise, "You made it?"

                "Not exactly," Dotty replied in amusement.  "Darling, remember a few weeks ago when I said I hadn't seen our home movies in ages? Well, the boys thought they would transfer all of them onto videotape and --"

                "Yeah, no one watches those old 8 millimeters anymore," Phillip interrupted, "Video's the way to go."

                "We thought it would be neat to get them all onto a tape for you for your birthday," Jamie continued.  "Grandma had all the movies labeled so it was easy to pick out just the ones you were in."

"She even gave us some old pictures to add," Phillip said, "and --"

"And we also gave in some of the tapes we've shot with the camera Dad gave us after he came home last year," Jamie breathlessly finished for his brother.

"The car wash?" Amanda interrupted in a worried tone.  Phillip and Jamie looked at each other.  "Fellas, you didn't…"

"We voted on everything that went onto the tape, Mom," Phillip explained.

With a smile, Lee finally spoke up, "Majority ruled."

"Maj -- did you contribute anything to this other than a vote?" Amanda asked suspiciously.

"Of course he did, Mom," Jamie supplied, "we couldn't have done this without him.  When we told him what we wanted to do, he took everything to Mr. Walters."

"Walters owed me a favor," Lee said as he shrugged, "several actually, and this was one way to start clearing the balance."

"Wait a minute, are you talking about Walters, Walters who never leaves the," Amanda looked around at the others, "um, dark room and has that fetish for strawb--"

"That would be Walters," Lee quickly interrupted.  "I gave him the pictures, movies, and tapes and he put them all together onto a videotape.  Well, almost all of them.  There were a few reels that had deteriorated so badly he couldn't salvage them."

"And Lee had him make a separate tape for the rest of the movies we didn't use on yours," Dotty added gratefully.

"I can't believe you all did this…Why does Walters owe you any favors?" Amanda asked Lee as an afterthought.

Lee smiled as he remembered, "I helped him out of a jam once.  A sticky situation, really.  An indiscretion on his part and I just happened to --"

"He'll tell you later," Jamie interrupted, "or we'll never get to see this video."

"All right," Amanda chuckled at her sons' impatience, "we'll watch it now."

"I always miss the juicy stuff," Dotty complained as she stood up.

Lee stood up and whispered to Dotty, "I'll tell you later."

"Lee, she's going to hold you to that," Amanda warned.

"Hush, darling, you never tell me anything about work so if Lee would like to share some war stories, who am I to stop him?" Dotty said with a grin, "Now, everybody, into the family room."

"Yes!" Phillip shouted as he grabbed the video from Amanda's hands and raced with his brother to the TV stand where he popped the video into the VCR.

While Phillip and Jamie sprawled themselves on the floor, Lee settled in a corner of the couch and Amanda sat next to him.  Dotty, meanwhile, had settled into the armchair.

"Maybe I should make popcorn," Amanda suggested.

Dotty shook her head, "We just ate dinner."

"And dessert," Phillip added as he licked his lips.  "Awesome cake, Mom."

Amanda smiled, "Thank you, sweetheart, but next time I'll cut your slice or the cake won't last more than two days."

Jamie turned around to his mother, "I could go for some popcorn."

"Next time, sport," Lee said as he grabbed Amanda's hand to keep her from getting up.

"After I see it, I'll decide if there is a next time," Amanda murmured as she settled back into Lee's embrace.

"There will be," Lee assured her with a quick kiss to her cheek.

"Why? Have you seen it?"

Lee shook his head, "I promised the boys I wouldn't sneak even the slightest peek."

"Then how can you be so sure there'll be a next time?"

"With you as the star, how could there not be?" Lee asked with a wink.

"Lee…"

"Shhh," both boys insisted, "it's starting."

*****     *****     *****