DISCLAIMER: Still owning nothing…except for my own insanity.
A/N: This particular chapter is PG-13 for implied naughtiness…
Harry Potter Fairy Tales: Hansel and Gretel
Chapter Three: Rude Awakenings
*Crabbe and Goyle trundle out from wardrobe dressed in a dirndle and lederhosen respectively*
Crabbe: *pouting* I want to punch myself…
*Goyle scratches at the lederhosen*
*author holds back a snicker* You look…um…*Crabbe and Goyle look at her expectantly* …you look…er…let's just get this started shall we? Mr. and Mrs. Weasley?
Mrs. Weasley: We're ready honey…*to Mr. Weasley* …dear?
Mr. Weasley: *fighting the urge to laugh…and failing miserably* …I'm ready *snorts*
Ok…here we go…
Once upon a time in a land far, far away…there lived a woodcutter, his wife and their two children, Hansel and Gretel. They were very poor and lived only in a small…
Where's the hut? I'm supposed to have a hut! *stamps her feet* Where's my set designer?!?
Mr. Weasley: I think that was Cornelius Fudge…
*incredulous* We hired Cornelius Fudge? *shakes her head* Well where is he? I need a hut! We cannot move forward without a hut!
Mrs. Weasley: Well, he is the Minister of Magic…he has things to do…
*stares at her* yes…LIKE BUILD A SET THAT INCLUEDS A HUT!!!!
Mr. Weasley: *whispering to Mrs. Weasley* I think she's losing it…
Mrs. Weasley: *whispering back* I think she already did…
*close to tears, again* All I asked for is a nice set…is that too much? Just a small hut for…*inspiration* …hey, Hagrid lives in a hut…we'll just use his!
*author marches over to Hagrid's and bangs on the door* Hagrid! Hagrid? We need to use your house…Hagrid? *opens door and peeks in* Hagrid? I'm trying to write a story and need to use OH MY GAWD!!!! MY EYES, MY EYES!!! *author slams the door shut and runs into the Forbidden Forest, screaming all the way*
Mr. Weasley: You're right…I think she has lost it…
*Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Crabbe and Goyle run after the author, curious as to her behaviour*
Mrs. Weasley: Wait up honey…what's wrong?
*they find the author leaning up against a tree, trying to catch her breath*
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME MADAME MAXINE WAS VISITING?!? I HAVE TO BLEACH MY BRAIN TO GET RID OF THE IMAGES!!!
Crabbe: Huh?
Goyle: *looks confused for a moment…then giggles*
*Crabbe looks at Goyle questioningly…Goyle whispers something to him…they both giggle like schoolgirls*
Mrs. Weasley: *understanding why the author is more disturbed than usual* Oh…oh dear…oh my…Hagrid and Madame Maxine were…
YES! OH GAWD YES! OH, THE HUMANITY! *stares wildly at her cast* Forget the hut…let's just get these two *looks at Crabbe and Goyle* into the woods…*to Mrs. Weasley* You and Mr. Weasley are free to go until the end of the story…
*Mr. and Mrs. Weasley look at each other*
Mrs. Weasley: Actually, I think we'll stick around…for support.
Sure, okay…*to Crabbe and Goyle* Go on then…into the woods with you.
*Crabbe and Goyle march off into the Forbidden Forest, with the author and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley follwing*
Crabbe: *muttering and scratching at the dirndl* I thought there was supposed to be a buffet…
Another A/N: Next chapter – Into The Woods (Finally)! Thank you again for all your wonderful reviews!
