Child of Night (Kind der Nacht): Part 4

Author: Christy Anderson

You can contact me at kittyunlimited@go.com.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount minus Ensign Christy Anderson, Tre'kent, and a few selected insignificant characters.

The Captain and Ensign Anderson get into a heated discussion whether or not the mission is worth the risk, and Christy gets the Captain to admit something that she has been suppressing for a long time.

Child of Night (Kind der Nacht): Part 4

My quarters were darkened as I stared over the PADD in my hand. After a few hours I had prepared an impeccable 'pre-launch' program, an idea that I had come up with myself. It was a file that would activate itself at 05:00 hours and help ready and second check everything before the away mission launched; after all this was my second mission to command, although the first had been on a much smaller scale. The experience of being on the Moheelean home world was infested in memories that I still continued to relish and abhor. However on that away mission I was not in command of two superior officers. As a shiver went down my spine, I hoped that I wouldn't make any embarrassing errors.

With a smile of pride, I indulged in daydreaming of how my program would turn out. Snapping out of a foolish waste of time I turned to second check all of the equipment that littered the floor around me. Most of these instruments were not Starfleet issue, but rather were replicated duplicates of the many instruments in the old lab. From across the room the soft crying of a baby erupted.

When I had consented to watch Naomi for Samantha tonight, I had no idea that Naomi would be this restless. Still, grateful for the interruption, I rushed across the room and swept Naomi up in my arms. "Shhh…" I gently coaxed.

Patiently I rocked her back and forth. A small memory of a German lullaby that my Father used to sing to me came to mind. The familiar opening bars of music began to play in my head and before I realized it I was humming the soothing tune aloud. For a few short moments I struggled to remember the words, but they easily came back.

"Die Nacht hat Überfluss und Sie sind wach, Kein Komfort willt Ihr kleines Innernehmen.

Liebstes kleines Kind der Nacht, Umfassen Sie bitte Schlaf, um Ihre Lage zu beenden.

Ich singe Ihnen einen Lullaby, In den Hoffnungen, daß Sie Ihre Augen schließen.

Lullaby, weich, süß, Lullaby, Gehen Sie zu schlafen, wie die Nacht vorbei fliegt.

Sie sind ziemlich sicher und ich bin nahe, Kein Schaden beherbirgt überhaupt hier.

Lullaby, weich, süß, Lullaby, Hören Sie auf mich und schließen Sie Ihre Augen.

Liebstes kleines Kind der Nacht, Lassen Sie kommende Träume geben Ihnen Flug.

Ich singe Ihnen einen Lullaby, Von den Monden und von den Sternen oben im Himmel.

Die Nacht hat Überfluss und Sie schlafen, Ein schlafen Kind, damit ich halte…

The night abounds, and you are awake, No comfort will your small heart take.

Dearest tiny Child of the Night, Please embrace sleep to end your plight.

I sing to you a lullaby, In hopes that you will close your eyes.

Lullaby, soft, sweet, lullaby, Go to sleep as the night flies by.

You are quite safe, and I am near, No harm shall ever harbor here.

Lullaby, soft, sweet, lullaby, Listen to me and shut your eyes.

Dearest tiny Child of the Night, Let oncoming dreams give you flight.

I sing to you a lullaby, Of moons and stars up in the sky.

The night abounds and you are asleep, A slumbering child for me to keep."

An emotional alarm sounded in my head as I sang. Kind der Nacht… Kind der Nacht… Child of Night… it was remotely too familiar- my Father's voice, my Mother's, arguments, safety, harbor, shelter, comfort, fear…

Abruptly I stopped singing, noticing that Naomi had fallen asleep. I put her down again, lying her in the small crib that I had replicated for the times when I watched her for Samantha. I sighed and stared as Naomi gave a small yawn and settled down tranquilly. Brusquely the computer sounded an alarm.

"Ensign Anderson the current time is 21:45 hours. Your presence is requested in the Captain's Ready Room at 22:00 hours," it stated flatly.

Naomi awakened from her short-lived nap and commenced crying again. Desperately I hit my Comm badge. "Ensign Anderson to Neelix," I called.

"Neelix here," he replied.

I gave an exasperated sigh. "Where are you?" I inquired. "You said you could watch Naomi when I went to see the Captain…"

"My, my, my… Is it that time already?" Neelix asked rhetorically. "Christy, I'm sorry, I just can't make it. I still have a very large dinner crowd to feed, and they all have hungry tummies," he optimistically apologized.

"What am I going to do with Naomi?" I questioned desperately. By now her cries had become as loud as Voyager's red alert klaxons.

"I'm sure the Captain wouldn't mind if you brought her along," Neelix offered in his normal carefree and cheerful manner. "Neelix out," he said as the Comm link closed.

I threw my hands up in surrender and gently picked Naomi up again. There was no time to debate my decision or I would be late. Carefully, I balanced her over my shoulder and used my free hand to pick up the PADD I had been working on. Shaking my head, I exited my quarters and headed for the turbolift.

On the Bridge, Tuvok escorted me to the Captain's Ready Room. He introduced me, and then made way for me to enter. The Captain dismissed him and then stared in amazement at the spectacle that had entered her room.

"Ich entschuldige mich, Kapitän," I slipped.

From where the Captain stood came a glare that would melt dry ice reminding me of what language I was to speak in. I nervously cleared my throat. "I apologize, Captain," I began again. "I am watching Naomi for Ensign Wildman tonight, and I had no other choice but to bring her. I hope you do not mind."

To my surprise the Captain laughed and took Naomi out of my arms. Gently she played with the child, until Naomi erupted in uncontrollable coos. "You my dear will be a Starfleet Captain one day," Captain Janeway softly prophesied with a smile. Silently she handed Naomi back to me and offered me a seat. I consented and took the chair opposite her, and cautiously balanced Naomi on my lap.

There was an uncomfortable pause, and the tension from the morning's episode was still thick. Suddenly the Captain expelled a large breath of air and then started slowly. "I trust that you've looked over the mission," she stated crestfallen.

I nodded slowly. "Yes Captain," I said emotionlessly. I shifted my gaze down to Naomi; it was all of a sudden too painful to look Captain Janeway in the eye. Perhaps it was my hurt pride, the fact that she had dismissed my objections and me so readily, that made me feel inferior in her presence.

"What is your opinion of it, Christy?" she asked abruptly.

"The mission is unsound," I intoned. I felt repetitive, like a broken record, saying the same things over and over again. "The plan is foolishly dangerous, Captain, and I do not completely trust that well will succeed. I still believe that we should take the time to think of a plan that is less hazardous."

Her face formed into a frown. "You do not understand! There's no time for…" she began to protest.

"Captain," I interrupted hastily, "it is unlike you to attempt something so dangerous if members of your crew are at stake."

Immediately she erupted. "You are not in position to tell me what and what I do not do!" she hollered as she stood up from her seat.

I almost dropped Naomi at the sound of her enraged voice. Surprisingly Naomi remained quiet and inactive. Unexpectedly, the Captain collapsed back down into her own chair. She began to shake her head vigorously. "Oh God," she whispered, "I had the same conversation with Chakotay today."

She seemed to break down almost onto the verge of tears. Out of respect for her, I remained deathly silent. As quick as her breakdown had come, she lifted her shoulders painfully with pride. "Christy, I owe you an apology for my conduct-- for now and for on the Bridge this morning."

I continued to watch her with fascination. Gently she rubbed the spot in between her eyes. "I am well aware that this is a large risk to take…" she said after she cleared her throat, "but there are no other possibilities. Since this began, I have endlessly thought up every possible scenario in my mind. This plan is the only way that will save us the three years that it will take to go around the galaxy."

She hesitated, trying to pull the words out of the air. "We could learn new things- exploration is always worth the risk. Voyager would also be here to pull you out of any trouble you might run into," she added frantically.

I nodded my head to accept her apology. As the silence wore on, I opened my mouth to speak. "I spoke out of turn, Captain," I admitted, pondering what I was about to say next. "But this isn't just about saving time or learning new things," I prodded gently. "Is it?" I challenged.

Her face turned ashen white. "This is simply about getting us home," I continued. "Is it not?"

Her hands began to shake violently, and she began to shake her head over and over. Subconsciously, I moved my hand to my Comm badge, ready to signal to Sick Bay for a medical emergency. But the Captain lifted her face, tears whelming up in the corners of her eyes. "Ever since I destroyed that array almost nine months ago, I have lived each subsequent day in agony. I was given charge of this crew and at the first test of command, I stranded them here in the Delta Quadrant for perhaps the rest of their lives. I cannot live with it anymore. I cannot take putting them through anymore sufferings."

"Look at her," the Captain continued as she pointed toward the baby in my arms. "Naomi will never see her father because of me… Samantha will never see her husband. Harry will never see his mother. Tom will never see his father. You will never see your family. I will never see… Mark… ever again…"

The Captain closed her eyes in torment. Momentarily she picked up her head again, the all familiar 'Captain' look back in control on her face again. All traces of the confession that she had just divulged to me were gone. "Do you want to get home?" she questioned rhetorically. Without waiting for an answer she continued after driving her point in. "I know that you will do an excellent job in commandeering this mission, and I know that you will succeed. I have complete faith in you, Christy. There is not another person I trust to get us home more than you," she admitted.

I could only nod my head again. "I am grateful for your trust that you put in me, Captain," I said softly. With no further ado, I handed her a PADD. "This is my preliminary plan for the mission. It also includes a detailed list of the items that we are taking along."

She nodded understandingly while scrolling down the first few lines. "A containment modulator? A triaxle scanner?" she questioned. "Some of these things are not exactly Starfleet issue," she accused.

"I know, Captain," I admitted. "They are instruments I used in my Father's lab. After all, you gave me the permission to replicate anything Voyager lacked."

"Indeed, I did. I'll review over your preliminary plan later tonight," she said stolidly. "If that is all…" she let her voice trail off.

I shook my head knowing full well what my duty was. "Permission to speak for the record," I requested formally.

"For the record," she repeated crossly.

"May you enter it in the record that Ensign Christy Anderson, identification number 500341, submitted in a formal objection to her commanding officer, Captain Kathryn Janeway, at 22:29 hours concerning the dangerous nature of the away mission that will be launched at 09:00 hours at Stardate 49645.3."

Her face remained frozen straight. "I'll enter those exact words in the record," she said stiffly.

I nodded seriously and put a sleeping Naomi back over my shoulder. The Captain rigidly stood up. "I'll see you and your team Ensign, then, before you launch tomorrow. Have a good night's sleep." Captain Janeway let out a sharp breath of air. "You are dismissed, Ensign Anderson," she said, the words flying out of her mouth like spitfire.

I slowly walked to the door, cautious to not wake Naomi. As the doors opened, I turned back around with a single thought in my mind. "You say the risk is worth taking, Captain - yet what if we die?" I asked hauntingly as I left the Captain to her thoughts.

With a heavy heart I sank back down into the couch in my quarters. Samantha had long since come and retrieved her baby. Now as the hours of the night ticked away, I was left to my own restless thoughts of insecurity. Truthfully I was unsure of whether or not we would succeed. The acidity of the quantum foam that flooded the galaxy destroyed anything within seconds. I tried not to doubt Voyager's ability to rescue us if anything went wrong, but the shuttle missions I had secretly simulated on the holodeck proved to be unnerving. They showed that the minute we entered the galaxy, communication with Voyager was inevitably lost. It relied on the Captain, then, to decipher whether or not we were in trouble. Although I had not brought it up in our conversation, I left it etched in the middle of my preliminary report in bold letters.

Suddenly the door chimes rang. "Come in," I said weakly.

To my surprise Tre'kent walked in the room. "Tre'kent," I whispered.

He walked over and sat down beside me. "I thought you would be asleep before your big day tomorrow," he said gently.

"No you did not," I said coyly, "or you would not have come in."

You know me too well, he transmitted telepathically.

I shivered suddenly and leaned on his shoulder. "So how was your day?" he asked

"Not well," I summed up in two words.

"I heard about your display on the Bridge," he commented with a smile.

Playfully I swatted at him. "There's nothing to laugh about," I said seriously. My heart was pounding, my head was screaming; I was petrified of what the next day held. I felt a chill up my spine, and suddenly a warm, calming feeling came over me. I realized that Tre'kent had opened up another link between our minds.

The mission? he asked.

Yes, the mission. I said without any emotion.

Tre'kent respected my silence and put his arm around me. He planted a kiss on my forehead and protectively drew me closer. "It's not like you to be so vocal to the Captain. Challenging her authority is a large jump from qualifying for a Bridge shift," he said after a time.

I sighed and moved to look him in the eye. "Would you speak up if you knew you were condemned to die?" I asked angrily.

He shuddered back appalled. "It's not as bad as all that is it, Christy?" he asked.

"I ran simulations, Tre'kent; I made calculations. It seems that most likely once we enter the galaxy, we will lose all communications with Voyager. If anything happens, Voyager will not know. There are tons of variables; I cannot predict everything that will happen. Tre'kent, I would be lying if I told you that I did not fear for my life."

"I'll look out for you. I promise," he said seriously. "Does Tom and B'Elanna know any of this?"

"If you are asking whether they know about the simulations, the answer is no. I felt no need to worry them. However, they are well aware that the mission is dangerous."

The Captain? he asked again.

I tried to tell her, but she would not listen. It is written in my report, though, in bold letters; I hope she takes me seriously, I told him.

I am sure she will, he answered.

"You don't understand," I almost shouted. "Over the past few days, she has changed somehow. She isn't her normal self."

"I'm sure she's under a great deal of stress," he coaxed, trying to quench my endless fears. "However," he continued, "I have no doubt in your abilities. You'll drive an excellent mission," he encouraged.

I smiled at his weak attempt to comfort me and gave him a kiss. I leaned back down against his chest and curled my feet up next to me on the couch. Softly I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to drift. Who sent you to check up on me? I asked accusingly.

Tom told me about what was happening, and I was worried about you, he admitted. Lovingly, I gave Tre'kent another kiss and closed my eyes again. He gently stroked my hair. "Do you want me to leave so that you can get some sleep? You have a big day tomorrow…" he asked.

I shook my head. "Bleiben Sie mit mir… Stay with me," I whispered.

I love you, he told me softly.

I love you too, I replied. I took his hand in mine and brought it up to my face. I looked out the window and saw the stars, now still and stationary. I could feel their beams of light shining on my face. "Stay with me," I sleepily whispered again.

"I'll always be with you," he soothingly said as I fell gently into slumber.

To be continued…