Child of Night (Kind der Nacht): Part 10

Author: Christy Anderson

You can contact me at kittyunlimited@go.com.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount minus Ensign Christy Anderson, Tre'kent, and a few selected insignificant characters.

This is part 10, and it took me so long to write this because it is so long. I wanted to make this the last chapter, but I already had a long chapter, and had to hold the second part off until next time. So I plan to finish this soon in the next chapter, and I hope I can get that up within the next week. I hope you all enjoy this!

Child of Night (Kind der Nacht): Part 10

Tre'kent made no haste in calling for an internal transport to my quarters on Deck 3. Gently he sat me in the chair at the table, and brightened the lights high enough to see. I crossed my arms on the table and buried my face as I cried. The sound of footsteps behind me stopped, and instead I could hear the soft tap of buttons. A few minutes later, a hand placed a steaming dish before me that began to burn my skin. Startled, I sat up and looked at the bowl of reddish liquid. What is it? I transmitted to Tre'kent as a familiar scent struck my nostrils.

Number 8 in your culinary database, he answered lightheartedly. In spite of the tears, I gave a small chuckle. Tre'kent sat down across from me bringing a bowl for himself. He looked up at me and wiped the tears from my face. Impatiently, he raised his eyebrows in question to imply that he wanted to know what he was about to eat.

Tomato Soup, I replied. What made you choose this?

It was the most used selection, he responded earnestly.

I could not help but smile again in amusement. It's not mine, I transmitted humorously. It's Tom's.

Again Tre'kent raised his eyebrows. I felt myself catch my breath- he could not help but look handsome in the dim lit room, the steam from the soup clouding my gaze. The sight of him made my heart quicken and feel warm all over. Tom was having trouble with the replicator and I helped him perfect the recipe. The computer put it in my database, but he has clearance to use it. I do not eat it too often, so I suppose that I should give it to him, I disclosed before shifting my stare back down on the soup.

"Smells good," he said softly. "I've never had it before."

I smiled inwardly. "Then let's cheer up and share your first bowl of tomato soup together," I chorused as I picked up the spoon. The brief moment of comfort fled, leaving only the silence. "So what happened while I was away?" I asked innocently.

Not much, Tre'kent answered telepathically as he slowly ate. After you left, we monitored your progress from the Bridge, and…

We? The Bridge? I interrupted.

Tre'kent beamed a proud smile. Lieutenant Stanfield took me to the Bridge and let me sit at the Science Console. He had me monitoring the visible acidity variations.

And Tuvok did not object? I asked, fascinated.

Yes, Tre'kent transmitted, at first, but the Captain overruled him. She was okay with it until I caused a cascade sensor failure ship-wide.

Without warning, I gagged on my soup. From the science station? You can actually do that from the science station?! On the Bridge? I exclaimed.

Tre'kent's cheeks burned a bright red. Tuvok had a security officer escort me back to the Science Lab. It took Harry a very long time to fix the sensors and get them operational again.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "That must have been awful," I sympathized at last.

He looked at me long and hard. "I am sure that you find that just awful," he said sarcastically as I tried to stifle my further laughter.

I've never heard of anyone doing that before! I mused. Tre'kent scowled. I know, I know, I relented, You are still learning. Did anything else happen?

Tre'kent casually shrugged and began to talk out loud, sensing that my mind was tired. "When Harry finally got the sensors back online, nobody could detect the shuttle in the quantum foam. Immediately, the Captain put together science teams to discover a way to safely enter the foam if it was necessary. She had Harry and Chakotay working on communications to see if they could cut through the foam. Then all of a sudden, Tuvok thought that he detected weapon's fire in the nebula, so Captain Janeway called me back up to her Ready Room on a random suggestion from the Doctor. She asked me if I could attempt to communicate with you through our telepathic bond. As soon as I agreed, she sent me down to Sickbay and the Doctor hooked me up to all of these emergency life support systems just in case something went wrong. It took me at least 12 hours before I could even detect your thoughts. I could faintly feel your lifesign, and the first thing that I could sense was that you were dying. Christy, I have never been so scared in my life. And suddenly all that I could think about was never seeing you again, and I knew that I could never live without you. I screamed, and yelled, and ordered you to hang on, but it never seemed like you could hear me. It became dark and black, and I felt so tired that I fell into a dream where I woke up in Sickbay with you right beside me on the next biobed," he gave me a sly smile. "I was so happy, that I jumped off the biobed, and kissed you on your lips before the Doctor even knew that I was up. Of course as soon as he did, the Doctor attacked me with his hyposprays, and that's when I knew that it was not a dream."

His drama brought a well-earned smile to my face. "Anything else happen?" I asked, detecting his sudden silence.

Tre'kent shook his head and turned back to the warm soup. "Really?" I asked, perceiving the slight nuance in his attitude. As he shook his head again, I surreptitiously slipped into his thoughts. I see, I see, I see… a telecomm… I transmitted loudly. From across the table, Tre'kent swatted at me. Slyly, I beamed an innocent smile. That's what this telepathic bond is all about, I said playfully, we cannot keep secrets from each other.

Tre'kent's face had visibly drained. "You shouldn't have done that…" he reprimanded gently.

I felt my breath catch in my chest. "What's wrong?" I demanded. "What happened?"

"Christy, I got a telecomm from a… citizen, I mean an old friend on Tritain," he whispered sadly.

"The Moheelean home world?" I asked.

He nodded his head, and his short brown curls bobbed a bit. "Yeah, an old friend…" his voice trailed off. "Um… who said that my mother was… um… ill again and was in a hospital on Corteine for treatment."

My face turned to a ghastly shade of white. "Do you think its some sort of sick joke intended to lure you into entrapment?"

Tre'kent negatively shook his head. "To Zedir, to country, to family," he quoted with great patriotism. "The Moheelean sacred oath. No one would ever play such a joke using my mother. They could be arrested to just for violating the oath. The message has to be true."

"Zedir?" I asked curiously. "Was he your ruler? He could be dead by now- the oath could no longer have that same hold on people."

Tre'kent lifted the one corner of his mouth in a wry smile. "Zedir is the Moheelean god," he said with an amused tone. "I doubt he's dead."

"A god? I am genuinely surprised, Tre'kent. I did not think that you believed in those kinds of things."

He gave a sigh. "I don't, but my mother is a very religious woman. If Zedir exists, it cannot hurt to intercede on her behalf. He is sure to cure such a loyal believer."

The silence settled down again, and I sipped another bite of my soup. "So what do you plan to do now?" I asked, inwardly scared and dreading his answer.

"Not much that I can do from Voyager," he answered to my relief. "My mother was often sick when I was a child… it is no different now… until I hear that she is back to health, I will just continue to pray. I already set up a Moheelean prayer table in my room. I almost did not remember how… I almost could not do it … It brought back too many bad memories… I almost wish that my family… no, no, I don't wish. To Zedir, to country, to family… My mother was not too bad though, she supported me, silently, but she was still proud of me…"

I saw a tear glistening in his eye, and I moved my hand to wipe it away. Halfway across the table, though, Tre'kent caught my hand, took my other one, and brought them both up to his lips as he placed a gentle kiss on them. "Some memories are too painful to comfort, you should know that…" he explained hauntingly. I could feel the tears welling up in my own eyes, and one bitter teardrop slipped down my cheek before I could stop it. Tre'kent looked up at me through innocent yet pained eyes. "Christy," he began cautiously. "B'Elanna told me about everything when she left Sickbay. I think it is terrible, what happened to you, and I am sorry that you had to find out this way…" he let his voice trail off. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked for lack of a better question.

Instantly, I opened my mouth to say that I was fine, that everything was fine, but I realized just how empty those words were. Strangely, I could no longer tell how I felt inside, everything felt numb, very numb. Everything felt numb and dead. The only thing that lied inside of me was the anger that raged up to explode. "W… W… I don't want to talk about it!" I screamed, frustration building. "I only wish that…"

"Don't wish," Tre'kent interrupted. "It does no good to ever wish that things happened differently; trust me, I know. Everything is all right now, Christy, you do not have to discuss anything with me, but if you ever want to…" Tre'kent began to offer.

"I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled again. "How could my Father not realize just how much he was hurting me?" I yelled louder as my level of anger heightened. "Do you know how much it hurts right here," I started as I gestured to my heart, "to know what he let happen? To know what he kept from me because he was too ashamed to admit it? To know that instead of being here, I could be in some God forsaken laboratory? Do you know just how much that hurts? To know that your parents of all people in the world, the two special people in your life that should protect you from every evil in the world, just sat by and watched while some crazy Starfleet doctors experimented on you? To find out that you are really not who you are supposed to be? That you are like an imposter, a fake, someone's invention? That you were created to be the perfect human being? That you will never have the chance to actually be yourself, to know what you really should have been like? To be some laboratory experiment of a devilishly uncaring, insensitive, and disturbed doctor? Do you know what it is like? Do you know? Can you relate? Can you possibly understand this kind of hurt?" I shouted with all of the power in my lungs. Suddenly, in wild desperation, I unconsciously picked a discarded PADD on the table and flung it brutally at the wall. Fast as lightening, Tre'kent released my hands and reached up to catch the object. Patiently he set it back on the table. My entire body was shaking with anger and sobs, and my throat was constricted so much that I couldn't talk or shout.

Kindly, Tre'kent came over and put his arms around my shoulders protectively. Everything's all right, he repeated as he rocked me back and forth. I'll protect you from all of that. I swear that I will always be here from now on to protect you from all of that. I'll be right by your side for support and security… just calm down, Christy, just calm down. Take deep breaths…

His words sunk in like poison; I wanted that kind of protection so desperately. But I couldn't, I wouldn't. The person that I had trusted most in life, my Father, had betrayed me my entire life, and eventually Tre'kent would too. People were destined to let each other down, and I could not take another blow like this. Determinedly, I shook off his grip and stood up extra tall to meet his height. "I am sorry for my display," I apologized precariously. "I just want to work through this alone… Please, I'll be all right," I bumbled through the words one at a time and gulped.

Tre'kent nodded understandingly, placing a small loving peck on my cheek. "I'll go to my quarters and pray some more," he suggested quietly as he turned and left the room.

As the doors swished behind him, I collapsed back onto the table in wretchedness. I didn't want him to go and leave me. Without him I felt so unprotected, so vulnerable, but I did not want his protection. With the thoughts and anger bubbling over, I let out an anguished cry as I picked up the PADD and flung it violently at the wall again. This time, Tre'kent was not here to catch it and it thudded loudly against the wall. I turned to see the large dent in the drab gray wall. I riveted my eyes to the dent, unable to look away from the sight.

"Christy!" a voice called frantically as the doors swished open. I flung around to look at the person through red and puffy eyes. "What was that?" B'Elanna continued in the same breath.

"What?" I managed to squeak out.

"That loud sound?" She came over to the table where I still stood and looked at the noticeable dent in the wall. "It looks better that way," she commented after staring at it for a few moments in silence. "Trust me, I do it all the time. I'll send a repair crew later." She picked up the shattered PADD off of the floor and dumped it into the recycler. "So, do I have to ask how you're holding up?"

"Not really," I intoned as I flopped onto the couch and buried my face into the pillow.

"Christy," she warned harshly.

Painfully I wiped away the tears to face her. "I apologize, Lieutenant," I muttered scornfully, "It's just that besides a shock- it is… it's… it's… I mean it's like finding out that you're not really you…" I spoke, trying to express the volatile and self-pity feelings that were surging throughout me.

B'Elanna's face softened as she opened her mouth to speak. "Or like realizing that your father left you and your mother because of what you were- Klingon," she said tightly, surprising me by her openess. "You don't need to apologize, Christy. Actually, I came to see how you were doing and if you were still interested in… um… becoming a member of my Engineering staff. You do remember when I offered, right?"

I gave her a weak smile as I remembered her offer in the shuttlecraft- I had not thought that I would have lived to see this day. "Of course I am still interested."

"And," B'Elanna continued nervously, "I… um… also wanted to speak to you about your official report on the mission."

"Oh?" I retorted apathetically.

B'Elanna looked up at me with a blank face and continued as if nothing had happened. "Tom and I co-decided to leave the last minute message that we sent through the wormhole out of our official reports. After all, there doesn't seem to be any visible damage to the space-time continuum, and I don't think that the Captain would approve of it. For all we know, some warp developing civilization discovered the probe and destroyed it because they thought it was an enemy. So until we see something otherwise, the plan is to keep the matter quiet, okay?"

I nodded thoughtfully. B'Elanna abruptly came up and gave me a hug. "It hurts, doesn't it?" she asked rhetorically. "Yeah, I know, it always does, but I promise that the pain and hurt will get cease with time. These things always take time, lots of time, but it does get better, life goes on," she said softly as she turned around to leave. "I'll see you later, Christy."

I only emptily nodded again.

The doors swished shut behind her and instantly swished open again to admit somebody else. Familiar yet foreign words pierced through the air in Samantha's calm and motherly voice. Without delay I could recognize the words as German, but I could not comprehend what she was saying at all. I couldn't separate the alien words into sentence, phrases, or even individual words. "Stop!" I commanded hastily, "I cannot understand what you are saying, no German, no German, please no German…"

Samantha looked at me quizzically. "Christy, are you all right?" she asked in English.

Her question through me off balance, and I shifted as I realized that she probably didn't know about my 'dark past'. Mutely I nodded and took in a sharp breath as I formulated an excuse. "The Doctor said that some of the speech centers of my brain were affected and that I would not be able to speak German for at least a week. It must have affected the way I comprehend it too," I said quickly. It was the truth, I rationalized.

As she nodded, she smiled. "I was going to replicate us something to eat, but Tre'kent says you already had dinner."

I nodded numbly. "Yes, I did," I managed to mumble, looking at the two bowls that were still on the table. "How's Naomi?" I asked, hoping to deter the conversation from any other touchy future topics.

"Healthy and fussy as ever- Neelix volunteered to watch her for a while. He has been anxious to learn some German; we are hoping that Naomi can grow up multilingual. Neelix is offering to teach her Talaxian, and Ensign Cobey says that he has a mean Bolian tongue. I am sure that she is already picking up on so much German by being around you. Her first words should be German. Oh, Neelix also told me to tell you that he's happy to take your babysitting shifts for awhile. After all, the Doctor said that you needed to rest for a few days."

"How did you know that?" I snapped sharply.

Samantha drew a step back. "The Doctor left a holocomm in my room asking me to keep you out of trouble. He knows how feisty you are when he tells you that he is not going to clear you for duty for a few days. Ger…"

"No!" I yelled. "No German! I cannot understand it!" Samantha stood in appalled silence. "On second thought, no German! No German ever! Why should I honor my father by speaking his language! English serves everybody well on this ship!"

It took Samantha almost three minutes to recover from my display. She inhaled a deep breath, her face visibly confused and baffled. "It's all right, calm down. I am sure that you do not mean it; you are just frustrated."

"No," I emphasized. "That's not it…" I sobbed as I buried my face in my hands. A comforting hand reached out and patted my back.

"Christy, what is wrong?" she asked. Her words were concise and deliberate.

"No," I cried again. "I'm not frustrated- I am angry and hurting! Cannot anybody understand this?" I whispered in dejection.

"Christy, what is going on?" Samantha asked again, more forcefully this time.

At once my better judgement got a hold of me and I apologized, something that I had done four times now in the past hour alone. "Just go away, Samantha," I continued, "I'm not much company, and I think that I need to be alone for a few minutes, just to get a hold of myself… please, if it is not too much trouble…"

"It's no problem. I'll come by and check on you later. God bless," she whispered, her face perplexed and concerned.

The doors made a melancholy whine behind her, leaving me all alone in peace in the darkness. I commanded the computer to turn off the illumination, turning the room pitch black. With ease I felt my way to the table with all of the PADDS from the Doctor and the Captain, and with an unsteady hand, I picked up the first one. As I hit the small button in the side corner, the screen lit up brightly, and a title bar reviewed its contents: some of the later entries in project 'Child of Night'. As I read through the first through lines, my heart pounded in my chest until I could no longer hear the sound of my labored breathing. Finally my hands began to shake so much that the PADD fell to the floor with a loud thwap. Swiftly I bent over to search for it in the darkness, and carefully place it in my lap. One ghostly experiment after another I read, the nausea in my stomach mounting. Unable to take anymore, I discarded the PADD aside and picked up a second. The title read Formal Report and Charges, the Doctor's report, I realized. I scrolled down guardedly, coming to the list of 'affected systems'.

Did I dare read what 97% of my DNA had changed? Admirably, I closed my eyes and hit the button, trying to pry open one eyelid and then the other. But instead, my hand quickly discarded the PADD aside, and I jumped up from the chair and moved across the room fretfully, like the PADD had some dreaded disease, some deadly disease.

Without anything else to do, I activated the console, and searched through my database. I truly needed something to occupy my mind. After clearing out the clutter that I had built up over the year, it was not too much longer until I came upon holoprogram Anderson 2. Out of anger, my hand moved to hit 'delete', but something stopped me as I thought about a special place that I had not been since I was a child.

Twenty minutes later, after leaving my Comm badge in my quarters, I stood outside of holodeck two with a pair of newly replicated programming glasses. "Computer activate holodeck program Anderson 2 and open the programming parameters file."

The computer beeped. "Specified program is activated and the programming parameters file has been opened."

I gave a satisfactory nod before I barged right in.

Two hours later, I sat in the cold pew in a small chapel, examining my work. The anger and hurt had been resourcefully targeted at the tedious job.

"Computer decrease illumination by 3.5% and decrease temperature by 5° F." The computer beeped and granted my wishes. "Feels just like home," I whispered to myself as I stared at the cement pillars and the slight chipping of eggshell paint. The cross that sat in front of the chapel donned its fresh signature look. The faint smell of traditional incense spread through the cool air. The two stained glass windows in the front of the chapel gleamed brightly, catching the glow of the setting sun. "Beautiful," I whispered as I nodded off to a peaceful sleep.

The computer beeped loudly as the holodeck doors swished open to admit a darkened figure whom the holodeck immediately clothed in the traditional Roman Catholic black vestures for the priest. Despite the costume, Kenneth stood there in the middle of the doorway, his impish grin beaming, and I was thirteen years old again, the fresh red tearstains hot on my face. I didn't want to go back home, I was so hurt and angered by the argument that I had had with my Father. The incense was burning heavily, and my stomach growled because I hadn't had any food in hours. My chestnut hair was longer, down past my shoulders. And it was Kenneth that I was so relieved to see, because I knew that he would find me. I half expected to hear the words that I had heard so long ago from him, "Chris- thank goodness I found you! Are you all right? We've been half crazed looking for you!"

Instead the reverie faded away and the figure merely loomed in the doorway, staring back at me. With an astonished guise on his face he strode forward, and looked prepared to give Mass and a homily. Instead the now familiar voice called out to me, "Christy, I thought I would find you here. Are you all right? You had me going crazy looking for you all over the ship. Here," he said as he handed me a small triangular object, "you left this in your room."

"Thanks, Tom," I said with disappointment as I reached out to take my Comm badge back and pin it back once again on my uniform.

In silence, Tom slid into the pew next to me. "Nice place," he commented. With amused laughter he looked down at his holodeck costume. "So, I guess I'm a Roman Catholic priest," he said at last.

I smiled. "Yeah, I was programming the character for Father Flannigan, and I must have passed out and left the programming parameters file open."

"Lucky me," Tom retorted.

"Oh, no!" I gasped, suddenly realizing what must have happened. "Computer," I commanded, "display programming parameters for holocharacter Father Flannigan." Part of the chapel wall blanked out and an enlarged file filled out the space. The picture beside the information was one of Tom in his black vesture. In disappointment I groaned loudly. "I just lost all my work," I complained.

Tom made a face as he shrugged. "He looks better that way. Even I can see the handsome resemblance."

I turned around and glared before playfully hitting him. Tom shrugged again. "At least I wasn't the one that went around and left the programming parameters file open," he excused himself.

"You are impossible!" I shot back.

Tom leaned his head from side to side as if pondering the idea. "You're right," he said at last, "but what can I say, it's my trademark." He painted an innocent look on his face. "So, where are we? Small church in the medieval times?"

I shook my head. "This chapel was built in the 21st century. Small businesses and private charities helped keep it up and running. We're actually five miles away from the lab, and 25 miles away from my house. Everything here looks just the way it does at home- the tile, the altar, the statues, the stain glass window, the frescoes, and even the cracks on the walls."

Tom appeared impressed. But as the words came out of my mouth, I saw a discrepancy in the wall. I grabbed the programming glasses and stared at a small crack that seemed to stick out of its environment. "Computer," I commanded. "Increase the length of the crack uniformly by 2 cm."

The computer beeped as it completed my orders.

For a closer look, I put on the programming glasses and looked at the holodeck through a green grid. "Computer," I ordered again, "Increase the width of the crack in an irregular pattern by 5mm in holodeck grid 5 Alpha, subsection 7 Theta." The computer beeped again as the small portion of the holodeck shimmered. I made a face at the results. "Increase the grime appearance with pattern Alpha 9."

The computer beeped and I took off the glasses to see the results properly. I grimaced as I looked at the non-authentic appearance of the wall. "Computer, override and use pattern Omega 1," I instructed. The computer beeped as it complied, but something about the small crack still did not seem to be right. "Override and use pattern Theta 4," I snapped. The wall shimmered again, and this time, it was perfect. With a feeling of satisfaction, I slid back into the pew and just smiled. "Now its just like home…"

Tom gave me a look of surprise. "Wow, all that trouble for a little crack. This place does look beautiful, though. You are a great holographic engineer. I would even say you beat Harry, hands down. But of course I cannot be the final judge on that until I actually see this place for myself when we get back home to the Alpha Quadrant. To be so dedicated, though, wow! This place must really be something to you."

I gave him a wry smile. "Yeah it was. When I was thirteen years old, I had an argument with my Father. Of course, I do not know what it was about now, but I could tell you a few things that I would say to him now that could cause the same amount of ruckus…"

"Christy!" Tom snapped.

I glowered at him before shaking it off and continuing. "Well I ran out of the lab, and I stayed outside, waiting for somebody to rush out and talk some sense into me, but nobody came. I guess my Father figured that I knew the forest well enough and that I needed sometime by myself to cool down. After waiting awhile, on the other hand, I just took off and ran deep into the forest. I did not know where I wanted to go, I just wanted someplace safe, a haven. My feet carried my right to the doorstep of this chapel. I always knew it was here; there was Mass on most Saturdays, when Father Flannigan came back here. Most of the time, he lived in the city with St. Joan of Arc's Parish. My family and I, and sometimes Kenneth, came here for Mass when we could all make it. I remember sitting in the courtyard before I finally worked up the courage to open the doors. When I found that they were unlocked, I came in and prayed through the night and eventually fell asleep. I think that Father Flannigan came in sometime during the night, because in the morning, there was a plate of hot food transported into the chapel. I realized that when I had come in, I had probably set off some sort of silent security system. Despite the fact that I had stayed here the entire night, I did not want to go home, so I stayed longer. Father Flannigan came in again during the night and found me. He talked to me for a few minutes, suggesting that I go home, that my parents were probably worried, but if I wanted to, I was still welcome to stay. I made him promise that he would not send a holocomm to my parents and tell them where I was, but all he could say was that he wouldn't lie. But I did not stay that night. Kenneth came in during dusk and found me. He said that everyone was sick with worry and he asked me why had I run off, was I all right. We talked for three straight hours in here, and finally he succeeded in talking me into going home. That night, we really grew into true friends. We shared everything from then on- and I never realized how much I missed that friendship until now…" I said, my voice constricting. "We came back here often- just him and me- and even though we came and went mostly in silence, it was time that we spent together just the two of us to take a break in life's hectic schedule and remember who we were and what we were doing here." I gave a small chuckle. "You know what's funny?" I asked.

Tom returned a smile. "No, what?"

"When you first came in," I began, "I thought you were Kenneth. You remind me so much of him."

Tom nodded. "Yeah, you told me that once, when I first took you out to dinner in the holodeck in that German restaurant."

I smiled deeper at the memory. "And I walked out on you?" I asked deviously.

Tom chuckled. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "Good times."

"Remember that night when you found me crying?" I asked.

Tom nodded. "And I stayed with you all night just talking? Yeah, I remember."

I nodded in accordance. "Yeah," I mimicked, "good times."

Tom smiled evilly. "What about the time I finished those thirty some sensor scans for you?"

"And they had to be all redone because you fouled them up?" I joked.

Tom looked abhorred. "That's a lie, Ensign Anderson, and you know it."

I stood up and gave a small bow. "Yes it is, m'lord."

Tom just shook his head. "Good times," he said again as he pulled me back down.

I collapsed back down onto the pew in laughter. I had not felt this good in months. "What about the time, not too long ago, when you were leaving to flush out the spy?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrows. "And you came into my quarters as soon as you found out and started screaming- saying that I was throwing away my life, it was the biggest mistake that I had ever made, and I wouldn't live long enough to find anything just as good?"

"And when you told me that this had all been a façade, that you were hated, that nobody cared about you, I told you that Neelix cared, that Samantha Wildman cared, that Kes cared, that I cared, that Harry cared, and that even maybe the Captain cared?" I continued.

"And when I laughed in your face, you slapped me?" Tom asked.

"And I told you that you deserved it, that maybe you were right- you did not fit in- but it was only because you were too proud to accept the affection of others? And that I never wanted to see you again?"

Tom winced. "Yeah, I remember- that hurt. Especially when you did not come to the transporter room to say good-bye. I almost didn't leave Voyager."

"Good times," I whispered. We both leaned back on the pew, our heads hanging off the edge, just enjoying the silence.

Tom unexpectedly shifted and put his arm around my shoulder. "So do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Are you here to hear confession?"

Tom laughed. "No, but I'm here to listen." I turned to my left to stare at him. "Honest," he pleaded as he raised both of his hands.

I sighed. "All right, so far today, my world is falling apart, I have completely alienated Tre'kent, I have dented one of the walls in my room, broke a PADD, blew off B'Elanna, completely confused Samantha until the point where she thinks that I have lost my sanity, and I ended up here, telling my problems to you."

Tom shook his head. "Nope, my day cannot top that one. You win, hands down."

"So who sent you?" I accused as I pursed my lips.

He looked hurt. "No one. I heard from Ensign Nicoletti that you shared a few harsh words with Tre'kent. She said that your screaming could be heard all over Deck Three."

I shook my head, "She was exaggerating."

"I heard B'Elanna call for a repair crew," he added good-naturedly.

"I told you, I flung a PADD at the wall and dented it, it was nothing."

"I also spoke to Samantha- she was very worried and very concerned about you. She was thinking about calling the Doctor."

I through up my hands in despair. "You win," I resolved. "So what do you want?"

"Just to talk," Tom said as he shrugged. "You obviously some sort of sounding board that will not be so easily offended."

"Tom," I snapped, "this is not something that you can just fix by talking about it. It will not go away. My Father knew what he was doing, Tom, he knew. He knew exactly what he was allowing Dr. Gibralnher to do to me. He knew. Have you read some of those entries? Have you? Because you are not qualified to comment if you haven't read some of them. I couldn't even finish five before I became so nauseated. Its one thing to say it's horrible, and it's another to remember those events, because those are two very different sides of the fence, but to not even know because he was too embarrassed to have me find out. Better to keep me ignorant and have me find out 75,000 lightyears away from Earth, than standing up for me, his own flesh and blood. I do not even know what's me anymore!" I yelled as he pulled me into a hug.

"Christy, you will always be you. But if I bothers you so much, you won't know until you look at the PADD the Doctor gave you…"

I shook my head. "I cannot."

Tom grabbed my wrists and pulled them up so that I looked at him. "Never say that, never say that. I do not want to hear you ever say that again. You can do anything you want to; after all, I have seen you do it."

"I just thought that I had come so far on Voyager, and now this…"

"You have come far," Tom encouraged.

"I trusted my Father so much, and being betrayed like this… I do not know if I can ever trust anybody like that again, even Tre'kent."

"Is that what your fight was about?" Tom asked kindly.

I shook my head. "Sort of, but it was not a fight against Tre'kent, it was a fight between me and myself. I feel like that somehow he is destined to betray me, no matter how much he does not want to. My own Father did."

"Christy, that's foolish. If there has been anybody that I have seen look at you with so much love, it has been Tre'kent. He loves you so much, if you could only see it in his eyes, in his smile, in the way he talks to you. If you could have only seen him in Sickbay. He was there every minute, pacing the room, worried out of his wits. He stayed by your bedside almost the entire time. He loves you so much. If there is any piece of my advice that you listen to tonight, listen to this- Tre'kent loves you very much and never give him up, never Christy, never give him up."

His concern brought a small smile to my face. "Thank you," I whispered softly.

"Christy, it is just a suggestion, so do not kill me, but maybe you should take the Doctor up on his offer for counseling." Fast as lightening, he clamped his hand over my mouth. "Now don't say a thing, but I think with what you've told me, and with those flashbacks that the Doctor said you might be having pretty soon, and with your vow to Samantha to never speak German again, that perhaps you should consider it…" Slowly he released his hand, and gave me an intent stare.

"I am fine, Tom," I said softly. "As long as I have friends like you, I'll be fine."

He smiled. "I'm touched, but I cannot help but think that maybe you should also have some professional help."

"I'll be…"

"Fine," Tom finished.

"I'll just take the flashbacks one at a time, and give myself the time to heal. It just will take time, but eventually I hope that there will be that day where I will wake up and the hurt will not be there anymore."

He touched my chin and brought it up, leveling my gaze with his. "My doors will always be open if you ever need to talk," he said determinedly. "Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, except when I am on duty, and even then I am sure that I can bargain my way off just for you."

I gave him a fake smile. "I know," I said, settling back down on the pew and dropping my stare back down to the floor. "You know, I have realized why I don't miss him as much when I am with you…"

"Miss who?" Tom asked.

"Kenneth. It's because when I'm with you, I'm with Kenneth," I admitted softly. "And everything doesn't hurt as much anymore."

"It's 18:30 hours," Tom announced abruptly.

In fear, I jumped out of the pew. "I'll be late for my meeting with the Captain!" I exclaimed.

With a ridiculous grin on his face, Tom stood up, stretched, and then bowed very seriously. "Calm down, m'lady, I'll escort you to the bridge."

To be continued…