Buffy Anne Summers. Gone. Gone to the world. Gone from her freinds. Gone from her love. She was everything to alot of people and nothing to most. But she had a gift it was not death it was love. Buffy was loved and she reciprocated it. She wasnt coming back..even though the death rate around Sunnydale was at least 3 per person, she was different. Her death was her gift.

*********

He felt the pain stab through his heart, it wasnt like a stake or a knife it felt like a white hot seering pain. He never felt that before as he looked upon her limp body with blurry eyes. Tears fell freely he had no shame, no reason to hide them his pain was absolute. I loved her, he thought. I loved her more then anything else in this bleeding world. She was my savoir she was the soul i could not obtain. She was my enemy at one time but that changed. I wanted to show her the good I could to do the ma..er vampire I could become. For her. Only for her. I know i could never be her Angel. But damn it I could have been something. Anything. Everything! This wasnt her time, not her time yet. She still had so much life in her so much to see. Yet you took her from me. Us. Everyone! Spike wasnt sure if he was thinking outloud or to himself nothing was real only the pain. He welcomed it now he soon knew it would become numb and he would change. He hoped to change. But for her, what would she want? She wouldnt want him to change. She would want him to help fight her fight and he would. A wish she never asked for he would grant. That's what you do for someone you love you give them things they would never ask for. And that's what he was going to do..once and if this pain in his heart ever went away. It would never go away..

*********

Buffy..no no no..that should have been me! It should have! I'm not even real! I was created! But she loved me just the same. She gave her life for me. I cant look at anything else but her body. She's sleeping I try to convince myself. She'll wake up she always does. She's stronger then that. But I know deep inside my heart she's not sleeping she wont wake up. She's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. I dont know if my mind can register that yet.First mom, no her. It shouldnt have been her it should have been me. That's why I was made, but Buffy put her fears and self doubt aside and threw herself in. But why? Why do I get to live and she has to die? IT'S NOT FAIR!! I wanted to scream out to the sky but no words or sounds would slip through my lips..nothing..it's silence..everythings silence..

*********

She knew what she did was right. I believe she had no doubts. I loved her like a daughter. She was bright and loving. She was to young to die but she knew if she didnt then the world would end. Our brave Buffy would not let that happen. She did it out of love. Love for her sister. Love for her freinds and for this god forsaken place that brings us darkness and our one light..our Buffy is taken so soon from us. She would not want us to mourn or greive for her, she would want us to bask in the glory she gave us. Life. I do not believe death was her gift. She would say it, but no, life, life was her gift to us. She gave us something no one could ever give us. Hope. And she would want us to use it well. For her sake we will. All of us.

********

I hold Anya in my arms as I walk closer, she did it. She's really gone from us. There's not coming back. There's her body. I feel horrible as I thank whatever powers are above me that Anya is still alive and breathing in my arms, but I need something to hold on. I loved Buffy. How could anyone not..and there she is in her own beauty, in death. But I know Buffy still will live. We all will keep her alive. In hearts in everything that we do. There's so much around us that Buffy Summers written on it she'll never die not to me anyways. I may love Anya but Buffy will have a place in my heart. But i cant believe she's gone. I wont believe she's gone. i maybe an idiot most of the time but the Buffy I know would never stay down. I have to hold on to something right? And that's what i'm holding on to. Buffy is not dead. She's not. I wont believe it. I will never believe it.

********

I cry. She became my freind my very best freind. We went through so much together, tears, jokes,laughs, boyfreinds, rants and raves. And now she's not here. Well her body is there but she's not in there. Where is she? Do slayers have certain places they go? No. What I am thinking? Buffy's not here anymore. It's too soon. I cant help her now. Is it my fault? Is there something I could have done? Something more? There had to have been. I look around me. Spike is on his kness sobbing. He did love her. Giles is also crying. Dawn is just staring at her she must be going through shock. I have Tara with me but it's no comfort. Xander holds Anya in his arms. I'm glad she's not awake for this but telling her will be hard. I dont know if i can talk about this..or even think about it. The only thing that runs in my mind right now is it cant be real none of it. Buffy cant be dead she never dies. She's the one who keeps us together she was our glue. And now she's gone forever. I love her. I love her like a best freind would maybe more but not the way i love Tara. Buffy was a candle in the darkness that leads you home. And in a way she still is. That will never change. My best freind. My Buffy..she'll live always with me.

*********
In the heart of others true hero's never dies, in spirit they always live on..