LIFE ON EARTH: A MASS EFFECT STORY (SOUNDTRACK AVAILABLE ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL - SEE SPACEBATTLES)

Chapter 1 - I Will Survive

Delen S'Leya loved the Citadel. It was a wonderfully diverse and beautiful pl-

AHH! MY HEAD!

What's happening? Why does everything look so weird?

10 November 1978 - New York City

What on Thessia was going on?

-loe-

She was wearing makeup, and a set of hair on her head similar to what quarians had underneath their suits. And, when she looked in her bag, she found bottles of what she understood to be additional makeup, presumably to keep her "disguise" up-to-date.

This is a dream. This HAS to be a dream.

But it wasn't.

-loe-

DIARY ENTRY: "November 10, 1978" (?)

Where am I?

Why am I disguised as a member of this species, which look remarkably like asari?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

DIARY ENTRY: November 12, 1978

Somehow, I managed to find a place to stay. The primitive knapsack on my back when I found myself on this "Earth" contained enough money for me to purchase an apartment.

I'm starting to get my bearings somewhat. I have no idea what I'm doing here or WHO DID THIS (?), but I believe I can adapt.

This whole city is filthy, and has obviously seen better days. The underground transportation is defaced and dangerous. Thought it would be a good idea to take a walk in "Central Park" but it's full of transient drug addicts. I suspect there is some sort of economic malaise going on in this "United States of America".

I still don't understand how I can speak, read, write, and understand "English" despite not having melded with a partner. Presumably this is part of the "plan" of whatever sick Goddess did this to me…

Chapter 2 - Stayin' Alive

Delen S'Leya could not get used to the clothes.

Everything else could be understood - mostly. The filthy city was in the midst of a crippling recession, which did much to explain its squalor. The social divisions were the result of a young, immature society. The drugs were fun.

But the clothes? GODDESS, THE CLOTHES! They were pointlessly colorful to the point of being garish, and she hated that she had to wear them.

Her walk back to her apartment was interrupted by three bearded, disheveled men blocking her on the sidewalk.

"Hey, there, miss. Whatcha doin' out on these streets all by yourself?"

Without hesitation she took her gun out and shot all three in the head, killing them instantly.

She cursed a moment later when she realized that this was Earth and she couldn't just do that.

And she probably needed some sort of identification to get a job, and in case the police came about the three men that she was rapidly shoving into a nearby dumpster.

-loe-

DELEN: So, this is kind of a weird question, but what are those two ugly rectangles in the sky called?

BROKER: World Trade Center, or Twin Towers. You been livin' under a rock?

DELEN: Something like that.

[shrug.]

BROKER: Whatever. Here's your birth certificate, social security card and New York State driver's license. Welcome to America, Martha Jackson.

MARTHA: Thanks.

-loe-

NYPD OFFICER #1: So we have no idea what kind of bullet killed these guys?

NYPD OFFICER #2: None whatsoever. Entry wounds are the size of a grain of sand. Coroner said he's never seen anything like it.

NYPD OFFICER #1: Put it in the Open Cases, I suppose. We've got bigger fish to fry.

-loe-

She took a moment later to stare at the twin boxes, which were visible from her apartment.

They were mostly dark, the economic recession having kept businesses from renting office space in them. She thought it was such a pointless waste when there were so many homeless in the city and the towers could easily be converted into residential dwellings. She was grateful for the efficiency and compassion of the Asari Republics.

But then again, she might not ever see the Republics again, so she had to get used to this.

She sighed and walked back to her apartment.

-loe-

Chapter 3 - The Hustle

One month later…

"You've got those case files done, Martha?"

"Of course, officer."

"Good. Make sure they're on my desk by three."

"Right away."

She did her best not to scream internally as this forty year old whelp ordered around her two century old self. The misogyny of humans was something she was going to have a hard time getting used to.

Still, getting a job as a police secretary was the most logical thing to do. It allowed her to keep tabs on her case - which, thankfully, seemed to be unsolved and not drawing attention. Apparently the men who attacked her were not fondly remembered.

She was still no closer to figuring out what brought her here, or why. And she doubted anyone would care enough to find this rock.

Looks like I'm stuck here. Ugh.

-loe-

ASARI COUNCILOR: Have you made any further progress on the investigation?

C-SEC: Regrettably, Councilor, we have not.

[frustration.]

ASARI COUNCILOR: The Matriarchs are more than a little bit upset about an asari simply…disappearing in the middle of the Citadel, in front of dozens of people.

C-SEC: I understand that, Councilor, and I share your impatience. But even the best salarian scientists seem to be powerless to come up with an explanation for the Delen Event.

ASARI COUNCILOR: And we're certain it's not related to Element Zero?

C-SEC: Positive. Element Zero always leaves traces of its presence behind whenever it is used. There were no detectable spikes in eezo at all, and we've checked the readings for that day over a dozen times.

[sigh.]

ASARI COUNCILOR: Keep investigating. I'll try to get the Matriarchs to think about something else.

Chapter 4 - Hot Stuff

7 months later…

"I want your HOT STUFF baby this evening!"

Delen danced and sang along with the rest of the crowd.

She loved coming to the discotheque. It had the same beautiful, chaotic energy as Flux on the Citadel. She was slowly - slowly - adjusting to life on Earth, and one of her most important escapes was alcohol-fueled nights out.

Her eye was suddenly drawn to a man in the corner of the club. Young, attractive, and about the same as she was…should she? Hmm…

-loe-

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOUR HEAD?!"

She sighed. She should've anticipated this would happen. They were back at her apartment, and in her alcohol-induced lust she hadn't stopped the man from grabbing on her hair, which of course led to her wig being ripped off.

GODESS OF THESSIA, I do not need to deal with this!

"Well, I guess there's no point trying to hide it." Delen took a deep breath. "I'm an alien, Andrew."

Andrew Duran's reaction surprised her.

"Seriously? That's so fucking cool."

She blinked. "It is?"

"Hell yeah! I've been so damn bored lately. Need something cool in my life. And now an alien! And not just any alien, but a hot blue alien that looks just like a human! This is groovy."

Delen laughed. "Goddess, I wasn't expecting this, but I suppose I can work with it."

Her expression suddenly darkened. "Andrew, asari don't have sex the same way humans do. We use a process called melding - essentially, our minds join together and we explore one another's thoughts."

His eyes widened. "Will it hurt?"

"Goddess, no!" She quickly reassured him. "I would never hurt you, I promise. I want to share this with you." The alcohol was influencing her words.

He was frozen for a moment, before he tentatively sat down next to her on her couch.

"OK…let's try it."

She nodded. "Andrew…"

"Embrace eternity."

Chapter 5 - How Deep Is Your Love

Author's Note: I do not endorse melding under the influence.

[SCENE: The Citadel: Flux.]

ANDREW: So this is where it happened?

DELEN: Yes.

ANDREW: …salarians kind of look like the greys in science fiction.

DELEN: That happens a lot. Citadel sociologists have a name for it: Convergence Phenomenon.

ANDREW: What's that?

DELEN: Well, a lot of aliens look and sound a lot more similar than they otherwise should, and have weirdly similar cultural norms. For example, the turians have a planet called "Invictus" even though that's a human phrase. It exists in the major turian languages as the word "Inveektos".

ANDREW: …that's really damn weird.

DELEN: Ain't it, though?

[SCENE: Thessia: Thessaly.]

DELEN: This is where I grew up.

ANDREW: It's beautiful.

DELEN: Yes, it is. We are the oldest civilization in the galaxy. The Republics are the envy of-

VENDETTA: You are short-sighted. You have not prepared.

ANDREW: What's that thing?

DELEN: Nothing. Just a recurring memory.

ANDREW: You're lying.

[sigh.]

DELEN: Don't tell anyone about this alright? We have something in our sacred Temple…

[SCENE: Citadel. Delen's apartment.]

ANDREW: Wow. No offense, but your Earth apartment is a hell of a downgrade compared to this.

DELEN: None taken.

ANDREW: Do you miss it?

DELEN: Of course. I miss everything about my old life. But…I'm starting to fit in here. I think I can get used to it.

[smile.]

ANDREW: Maybe I can help with that. Delen, will you be my girlfriend?

[acceptance.]

[kiss.]

-loe-

The next morning Delen woke up hungover but not regretful.

I need a companion. This is not something I can do by myself.

She smiled, nuzzled herself back into Andrew's chest, and went to sleep.

Chapter 6 - Bridge Over Troubled Water

"I get why you like coming here."

"Here" was the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a bit of a walk from her apartment, but she didn't mind. Especially because she now had someone to share the walk with.

"It's peaceful," she said after a moment. "Gives me a chance to reflect on things."

"Like being the first asari to visit Earth?" He grinned. "Maiden's dream, am I right?"

She laughed. "I don't think a lot of maidens dream of visiting pre-spaceflight civilizations!"

"Hey! Don't forget about Apollo."

"Early spaceflight civilizations."

She grinned, they laughed, and yet another passionate kiss was shared between the two young lovers.

It would be Delen's happiest day for quite some time.

-loe-

C-SEC: We've found out what happened…sort of.

ASARI COUNCILOR: What do you mean "sort of"?

C-SEC: It appears the asari was somehow - through some unexplained fluke of science - transported across the galaxy.

ASARI COUNCILOR: Without eezo? How is that possible?

C-SEC: We don't know, but we finally managed to track where she went: some planet in a pre-spaceflight star system.

[sigh.]

ASARI COUNCILOR: Great, an unintentional uplifting. Well, there's nothing we can do now but fix this. Send an expeditionary fleet to the Relay you tracked down.

C-SEC: Right away, Councilor!

Chapter 7 - Let It Be

ASARI REPUBLICS DIPLOMAT NELYANA: Well, this is rather awkward.

US SECRETARY OF STATE CYRUS VANCE: "Awkward" does not begin to cover it.

SOVIET FOREIGN SECRETARY ANDREI GROMYKO: You specifically told us uplifting is not practiced. But you cannot expect us to realistically ignore the advantages it provides. And even if we were to, we will still plunder the Mars Archives for all they are worth.

[frustration.]

NELYANA: In my defense, absolutely none of our models predicted that Delen S'Leya would successfully integrate into human society with a convincing disguise. With all due respect, how were we supposed to know that the Goddesses gave her a disguise the instant she arrived?

VANCE: Goddesses?

NELYANA: Or Gods, as your patriarchal species prefers.

GROMYKO: Gods and goddesses do not exist! There is a scientific explanation for this event, we must simply find it.

[sigh.]

NELYANA: Missing the point! There's only one important question all of us need to focus on, which is: "What do we do now?"

VANCE: Negotiations over territory will…not be easy.

GROMYKO: The Soviet Union will not surrender the cosmos to the brutal rule of capitalism.

VANCE: Nor will the United States surrender the cosmos to the brutal rule of the Soviets.

NELYANA: We will send diplomatic mediators to negotiate the territorial division of your home system and nearby Arcturus. We strongly recommend limiting your expansion until you have developed your first colonies sufficiently.

GROMYKO: Very well. However, that does not resolve the issue of Comrade Delen S'Leya. I will leave that for you two to resolve.

[grins.]

[leaves.]

[sigh.]

VANCE: Ambassador, Delen S'Leya has been clear about her desire to live on Earth.

NELYANA: I am aware of that, and we do not plan to keep her for longer than a few years. We must find out what she learned and who she shared her knowledge with. She was a historian at the Temple of Athame, and much of what she knows is classified. I do not suspect she has divulged any classified information, but we need to be absolutely certain. That will take some time.

[pause.]

VANCE: Ambassador, I don't think humanity is willing to wait "some time".

NELYANA: What do you mean?

VANCE: You'll see.

Chapter 8 - It's Too Late/I Feel The Earth Move

4 years later…

HUMANS TRAVEL TO CITADEL TO PROTEST "KIDNAPPING" OF DELEN S'LEYA AGAIN

Citadel News Network - Several thousand humans marched through the Presidium Gardens today to once again protest the Asari Republics' continued detainment of Delen S'Leya, who was held in custody shortly after first contact with humanity was made. Leading the protests as usual was S'Leya's bondmate Andrew Duran.

"I will not get bored and forget about this," Duran told Citadel News Network. "I love Delen, and there's no reason why she should be kept from me for this long! LOVE. CONQUERS. ALL!"

"LOVE CONQUERS ALL" was the most common banner seen by CNN as it covered the protests - humans are still fond of physical banners for protest marches. Others signs include "STOP THE REPUBLICS" and the always-popular "FREE DELEN"…

-loe-

SAMARA: Congratulations. You are being released.

DELEN: It's about damn time. I didn't tell anyone about Vendetta, as I've told you hundreds of times.

JUSTICAR SAMARA: Except for your bondmate.

DELEN: We melded when I was drunk-

SAMARA: Which was extremely irresponsible.

[Patience: LOST.]

DELEN: ENOUGH OF THIS! We've literally had this argument more times than I can count. Can I leave or not?

SAMARA: You may. Your items may be collected near the facility entrance.

DELEN: What, that's it? No more lectures about my failures on behalf of the Asari Republics?

SAMARA: I have no desire to spout propaganda. I have done my duty. You may leave.

[pause.]

DELEN: Samara, we've known each other for years and I still can't figure you out.

SAMARA: Is that surprising? You are far more perceptive and learned than most maidens your age, but am I a Justicar. Being inscrutable is part of my job description.

[confusion.]

DELEN: Whatever. I'm getting out of here and meeting my bondmate.

Chapter 9 - Reunited

It was impossible to keep the reunion quiet - not when the entire galaxy had embraced the cause of their love. Still, the owner of their favorite Presidium cafe had been very accommodating; they were the only ones there and all the doors and windows had been closed.

"Hello, my love." Delen smiled for the first time in four years.

"And hello to you too." Andrew returned the smile. "It's been quite an interesting journey, hasn't it?"

Delen laughed. "You could say that again!" She paused. "You've changed."

"I kind of had to," he replied. "You can't just be an aimless 20-something if you want to rally people behind a goal."

"Goddess, I can't believe you're only my second mate. You are just perfect."

They laughed, and kissed.

"Out of curiosity, how do I compare to Jayern Solus?" He sipped his Thessian Nectar as he waited for a reply.

Delen thought for a moment. "He was a salarian, so he was smarter than you - don't take that personally." Andrew laughed, indicating he hadn't. "But you're more…well-rounded. He cared about me and science, to the exclusion of everything else."

"Sorry I'm not a scientist, babe!"

"Don't be. You're perfect the way you are."

The conversation continued on for another half hour before they finally walked out and faced the cameras and cheering crowd, hands held together firmly.

It was a wonderful moment for love.

Epilogue: MacArthur Park

200 years later…

TEYI: So, this placed used to be dangerous?

NUTRA: Apparently. Back before First Contact it was notorious for crime. Kind of hard to believe now, isn't it?

MARK: You can say that again! MacArthur Park is one of my favorite places on all of Earth.

[STATUE: "Dedicated to Andrew Duran and Delen S'Leya. LOVE CONQUERS ALL!"]

NUTRA: You know, Mark, I think your species easily wins the award for "most memorable first contact."

TEYI: Agreed.

NUTRA: You also win the award for most hideous clothes.

[laughter.]

MARK: I am offended! My bell-bottoms are-

TEYI: Ugly as a varren.

NUTRA: Yep.

MARK: Whatever. It's stylish on Earth, isn't it?

[laughter.]

NUTRA: Unfortunately!

-loe-

This was my first romance-focused story, which was a bit of a lift for me since I'm autistic and permanently single. Hope it came out OK!