By Pooky
Chapter Five:
There was little to do in the way of setting up camp, housing and barracks were provided for the soldiers just as they were at Louyang. Armies camped here regularly, these troops were the bulwark of China's defense, the first defense. If the Great Wall fell, China fell, that was a popular and not unreasonable notion among the people.
Shang did speak to her as she came out from depositing her things in her new quarters. She almost jumped when she saw him, cold and unfriendly, but standing outside the building as if he had purposely sought her out rather than meeting her by chance.
"Yao will no longer serve under you," he informed her, all distance and icy dignity. Any closeness they had established was lost beyond regaining now. "He has been demoted to supervising the mess crew. Chien-Po will be your second now."
Mulan tried to hide her anger, and hurt. Maybe Yao had done something, broken some rule... Shang was always fair, she tried to remind herself, always. Losing her faith in him would be like losing the whole world. There were too many things in him she admired, his courage, his gentility. Surely the man who had cast aside the law to spare her life - the man who had defended her in the Imperial City before the Emperor and Chi fu - would not persecute a man for anything less than a good reason. He was not petty, not cruel.
"I think Chien-Po would like mess duty better than Yao," she made an attempt to joke with him.
A flash of anger crossed his face, sinking her hopes. "We aren't here to indulge ourselves, Mulan." He made it sound so cutting, so scathing, that she flinched. Inside she felt torn, how could she trust and respect someone who acted like this?
Mulan started to say something in her own defense, to question why he was behaving this way, but he turned away without a word of closure when he saw Tai-shan gesturing to him from atop the watch tower.
~ * ~
Mulan did not even attempt to sleep that night, in fact her mind was clouded with shameful thoughts. She thought of running away, just a fleeting possibility, running away from Shang and the army where no one took her seriously, where she was not even allowed to have friends anymore. The Emperor's decree, her family's honor, she was held hostage by these things. A night like this would make any woman rue the day she was born a girl.
This time she waited until she was sure everyone was asleep before crawling out of bed. Easing open the door, she was greeted by a yellow sea of torches in the hall, half lit and deserted. She considered creeping into Shang's room, forcing him to talk, but what good would that do when he might call the sentries and have her arrested for breaking some military code she did not know about. It was much to her shame that she had been lax in her book reading of late, if she had kept up with her studies she would know all the rules by now. Instead she turned left and made her way down the long hall towards the outer door, passing a pair of sentries just outside who did not dare to question her.
Once outside she breathed the chilled northern air with a little relief, the southern heat did not really agree with her. The camp was a maze of shadows, wrought by the massive tower above and the crescent of moonlight wedged brightly against the indigo veil of sky. The pale aura of lanterlight glowed from inside the tower, where the sentries stood, along with more on the wide stone bridge the Wall formed over the mountains. Aside from that, the camp lay in quietude.
She walked a long time along the shadow of the Wall, there were more trees and shrubs the further she moved from the buildings. For a military camp, the land lay relatively undisturbed. It was between two trees that a lone figure caught her eye, dancing through sword forms in the night. So graceful he seemed to glide across the grass, the sword he held a muted shimmer of sliver, capturing the moonlight. She almost believed he could walk on water.
Without a word, he threw the sword down, seeming to recognize her by the sound of her footsteps though he had his back to her, shirtless and statuesque in the dark. He turned to face her and she said nothing, giving him no time for an irate response. Mulan was in love with him, she had been in love with him for some time, and now it was high time she dealt with it with some dignity, some control. She was determined to make herself a part of his universe again, even if she had to fight her way into it.
Lunging for him, she was not surprised when he seized her foot and pushed her back with more force than he might have. Quick to recover her balance, Mulan whirled around, bracing her weight against his chest to wriggle her foot free and turn to face him again. He fought to tuck her under his arm and flip her over his shoulder, but being lighter and smaller she crouched down, locking her arms around his knees to trip him. He groaned as he fell on the ground, allowing Mulan the chance to scramble up and sit on his chest.
"I think it's time you explain," she demanded, catching her breath.
Not bothering to answer, he reached with both hands to grip either side of her wherever he could, attempting to pull her off of him. Bracing herself with both knees on the ground beside him, Mulan pinned her weight on him securely. Realizing he was powerless, Shang laid his head back on the earth, sighing with such defeat he may as well have lost an entire war. It wasn't the fight, or that his pride was hurt, they had practiced together at times and divided the wins and losses. He had been a willing teacher, proud when she won, chiding when she lost and telling her exactly what she had done wrong. No, she had won in a different way now, she saw that and the power she had. He could no longer brush her off, not physically, not in his mind, it seemed to stir and pain him at the same time.
"Shang," she began, but stopped just as abruptly. When she jerked back to better shift her weight, his hands had slipped from her arms to her chest. They lingered there for a curious moment, a caress tortured by the barrier of her clothing, even sliding down over her waist before falling away in conscious realization. It was so innocent and accidental at first, yet his hands seemed to move over her by rote though they had never touched her that way before. His eyes were closed, she could feel the rise and fall of his breathing under her, sparking a sweet ache in her lower body. Her blood warmed, but not with embarrassment this time.
"Mulan, get up." It was not angry anymore, but quiet, almost pleading.
Suffering embarrassment as an aftershock, Mulan did as she was asked. When she tried to stand a stab of pain cut through her left side, slicing away that delicious new feeling. Clutching her old wound she staggered to her knees on the ground.
Kneeling beside her on the grass, Shang forgot what had happened a moment ago in concern. "What's the matter? Do you want the doctor?"
"No." The ache subsided and she exhaled at last. Her arms wrapped themselves over her, covering her, she didn't know what to think. No man had ever touched her in that way before. She knew it was unintentional, but with all his talk of honor he was the last person she expected to relish such a liberty, even so briefly as he had. Shang wasn't perfect, she had known that from the first, yet it still broke her heart a little to have to face it. No, I want to run away, she almost said. She sighed and forgave him quietly. Maybe he wanted to run away too.
"Mulan?" He said suddenly, the hurt entering his voice again. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Her thoughts had so distracted her she was utterly confused. "That I was a girl?"
"Well I see why you couldn't tell me about that." He drew a deep sigh. Good, he didn't want to talk about that, but she could see the guilt he felt over it. "I mean about you and Yao. I lo-" Clearing his throat, he fumbled uncomfortably for words. "I mean, I lost my respect for you."
Her jaw dropped in puzzlement. It was too ridiculous for anger, plain and simple. All this raving and fuming over a silly rumor. If Yao had initiated it, or even perpetuated it, she would give him twice as much as Shang had already. It didn't take a soothsayer to know Shang and Yao would never get along, but if Yao had sought to show him up it would not be at her expense.
"All this over a group hug?" She knew she was being naive, but it wasn't a crime to hope that was the start and finish of it.
He sighed in exasperation. "You, Yao, the lake at Wu Zhong?"
"Oh my goodness!" Mulan hid her face in her hands, utterly humiliated. Suddenly it clicked. He had overheard and mistook completely Yao's words a few nights ago. So that was why he had been so vengeful. Jealously was a dangerous thing, even if it should flatter her she still did not condone his actions that night, or since for that matter. "You stupid man!" she fumed aloud accidentally, then swallowed. "It was an accident. I was trying to take a bath and hide so no one would know I was a girl. Yao, Ling and Chien Po came and I tried to get away. To make a long story short, I've seen more of Yao than I care to and it wasn't a pretty sight. I would much rather have seen-" She stopped herself, glad the night hid her blushes for what she almost said. Shang's habit of nearly saying too much was contagious.
He was just staring at her, not cold, not angry, just staring. "I won't mince words. That was pretty stupid of you."
Well she knew that! But she wasn't going to let him off without his share of the blame. "You shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." Was it even an accident tonight? Or did he think that because Yao had had his turn with her she would allow him his as well?
"If you want him back as your lieutenant I will relieve him of mess duty." That was as much of an apology as she was going to get, and certainly more than Yao was going to get.
It wasn't enough for her. "What kind of woman do you think I am?"
"I don't know," he was stammering, she had him cornered. "You know what Confucius said, pleasure before honor."
She slapped him, leaving him to rub his cheek in surprise. It was less than he deserved for the way he had treated Yao.
"If I didn't have any sense of honor I would have jumped in your bed long ago!"
With that scandalous declaration out of the way, Mulan rose to her feet. Men and their clumsy ideas. Who cared what Confucius said, Confucius had never met her.
Without preamble, a strong arm encircled her waist, and all of a sudden her feet were dangling off the ground and he was kissing her roughly, beyond any self-control. She fought for a moment to push him away, then latched an arm around his neck when she realized it was futile. Shock was the first emotion to hit her, but after that wore thin she was left kissing him back, whimpering when she felt his tongue slide in her mouth. Her head was spinning.
He set her down at last, both of them catching their breath and averting their eyes from each other. "That's exactly what I meant about being careful," Shang spoke first, he sounded even more startled than she was. "That's why it's dangerous for you to be in the army."
"What?" He was not going to pin this entire thing on her! "You're the one who started it!"
She had him squirming now. "That doesn't matter. The point is, it would be too easy to go too far."
"Doesn't matter?" She fumed. "So I'm supposed to stay at home, cook and clean and sew and die in childbirth because you can't control yourself?"
"No, I-" He let his words trail off.
By this time she was no longer listening to him anyway. "Well I like being here. It makes me feel useful!"
"Useful?" Shang was incredulous. "Don't be stupid, Mulan, cooking and cleaning and sewing is a lot more useful than slaughtering men by the hundreds. I don't care if they're barbarians, it still makes me sick!"
The words stung, more than anything he had ever said to her before. "Maybe I'll just leave then. It would make you a lot happier, wouldn't it?"
Turning on her heels, she did not see him reach out for her. "Mulan!
Mulan!" he called her name as she ran away from him, swallowed by the night.
