Author: JE
Disclamer: I don't own Sam or any other person in the fic (not that I can
remember mentioning another person)
Spoilers: D&C
Notes: I haven't seen D&C yet, but I read enough about it and Ghani said it
would fit. Other than that I wrote this one on the trip back to Germany and
it isn't beta read so far. If anybody wants: just tell me.
Now I'm lying here in my bed. I have no clue what I'm about to do next. I
wait for the live to go on. Also I don't want it to go on. I want to turn
back the time and safe him.
Why had it to be him? Why couldn't it have been me? Why did nobody test him?
Why? Why? Why? That brings nothing. He's dead! Forever! And I can't change
it. Oh how I wish I could. The only thing I'm thinking about is something
we -I- could have done different. Something that would have saved his life.
I could have said the truth earlier. Then there would have been time enough
to test him. If, if, if,.... all things we could have done but didn't.
It's all my fault that he's dead. That I had to shoot him. Why did I shoot
him at all? How could I? God how I miss him. his smile, his voice, every
little detail that made him so special. And I'm not able to see or hear it
anymore. What have I done?
I didn't thought that I could cry more. I thought that ever single tear was
cried out. But now I'm starting all over again.
I cry myself to sleep. Just like the days before. Not wnating to live any
longer with all the guilt and loss.
