The Power of the Magic Force . . . When the Magician Is SICK!
The Power
of the Magic Force…
When the Magician
is SICK!!
By: Shirley Ann
Burton
The Disclaimer,
no matter how funny this story is going to sound:
The Magician, and all other related material, are the sole copyright
of Gaumont Multimédia. This involves no original characters
in any way, and this is intended as a spoof, so be ready to LYHO (laugh
your head off) after what I'm going to make Ace do when he has to call
on the Magic Force while fighting a head cold. *Evil grin*
On a sunny
morning in Electro City, the Magician, Ace Cooper, was trying to sleep
in his bed but struggled very badly because of an awful head cold.
He opted not to take any medication for it, knowing how any type of drug
could easily affect his mind if he needed to summon his special power known
as the Magic Force. He knew of at least two occasions
when he was unable to call forth his abilities because he had been drugged.
Cosmo,
Ace's teenage ward and apprentice, entered his guardian's room with two
pieces of toast and scrambled eggs. "Here ya are, dude. How's
that cold? Any better?"
Ace grabbed
a tissue and blew his nose hard into it. "No, Cosmo, 'fraid not.
This cold's driving me crazy! I just hope, and I do mean hope, I
will not have to be called for help by Vega, Mona, or anybody else.
Last thing I need is to call on the Magic Force. I'm scared to think
about what'll happen if I have to use it."
"I gotcha,
dude. Hopefully we won't have any problems. Let me know if
ya need anything."
"Thanks,
Cosmo." After he left, Ace sneezed very hard again. "Oh, brother.
Why did I have to get a head cold now? I'm supposed to perform on
Wednesday, and there's just a couple of days to go! I'm gonna try
to get some sleep and try not to worry about anything."
He did
not sleep more than 15 minutes when a purplish hologram with pink highlights
appeared in the room. "Ace, I'm sorry to disturb you, but you have
a call from Lieutenant Vega."
"Oh, no,"
he grumbled. Eventually sitting up on his bed, Ace added, "Okay,
Angel. I'll take this in the computer room."
He then
walked to the computer room and patched the call in from his longtime friend.
"Hello, Vega."
On the
screen, Vega noticed Ace wearing his pajamas and robe. "You okay,
Ace?"
"Nope.
I have this bad head cold. I've been fighting it for the last couple
of days now."
"Why don't
you take medication for it?"
"Vega,
don't you remember what happens to me when my mind is affected by drugs?"
The lieutenant
could not stand Ace's attitude about his cold. "Look, you can at
least take aspirin. The ingredients there can't affect your mind.
In those two cases, you were injected with something. A cold is something
you can fight with medication."
"Forget
it, Vega. I'm not going to risk anything."
"And what
if you have to call on your Magic Force? Your head cold could affect
it, too."
"Doesn't
matter right now, and besides, I don't think you called me just to see
how I was doing with this cold."
"You're
right, it's not. Here's a new one for you. It seems that Black
Jack is trying to put a monopoly on ice cream. He's obviously done
something to make other ice cream companies go out of business and sell
his at a skyrocketing price. Can you imagine how many kids will be
affected if this happens?"
Knowing
he had a heart for children, Ace understood the situation. "No
child deserves this kind of fate. Ice cream is a part of their lives.
Jack has sure hit a nerve, trying to charge children outrageous prices
for ice cream. I'll see what I can do about it."
"Thanks,
Ace. Children everywhere will appreciate what you're doing."
As soon
as the screen went black, Ace had one little worry in this situation.
"I don't want to call on the Magic Force today. I just hope nothing
pushes me into doing it."
After he
quickly got dressed in his usual attire, he started leaving for the garage.
Cosmo tried
to stop him. "Dude, you're still sick. You need to rest.
Let Angel do a hologram of you or—"
"It's no
good, Cosmo. Angel's holograms can't do the magic. It's up
to me. Anyway, would you want to pay too much for Black Jack's ice
cream?"
"Black
Jack…in the ice cream business!? Since when?"
"I don't
know. I'm going down to headquarters to see for myself. I'll
see you later."
"Okay,
but be careful."
"I'll try,
but I can't make any promises."
Ace
then left in the Magic Racer for police headquarters. While driving,
though, he started sneezing harder. He kept blowing his nose into
the handkerchief to try to stop the cold, but it was no help. Why
did it have to be now of all times? he angrily thought to himself.
Upon his
arrival, he let out one very hard sneeze. When he noticed his reflection
on the door of the Racer, he still wore the same shirt and jacket on the
top, but starting with the yellow belt and going down, he suddenly noticed
the bottom half was the crimefighting costume he wore when he did summon
the Magic Force's power! "Oh, no. How am I going to manage
with this thing?"
Entering
the headquarters building, a lot of the officers gave him some very funny
looks. "Sorry, folks," he said while blushing, "this head cold's
really bothering me."
Some of
the officers laughed pretty hard at Ace's rather mixed look.
After going
up to the third floor, he finally made it to his longtime friend's office
and quickly went in. "Okay, Vega, I'm here, but you'd better not
turn around."
"Why not?"
the lieutenant asked as he turned around. "I—good grief, Ace!
Half of you's ready to perform while the other half would rather fight."
"It's this
lousy head cold. I let out one big sneeze, and this happened.
Now, what's going on with Black Jack and the ice cream business?"
Vega took
out the stat sheets on the four major ice cream companies in Electro City.
"The health inspectors found traces of lead in the machinery making the
ice cream. They forced all of them to shut down until the matter
was resolved. Suddenly, Black Jack himself gets into the ice cream
venture and starts making his own flavors such as 'Diamond Dairy,' 'Jack
of Club Cherry,' and 'Ace of Spade Apricot.' To make matters worse,
he's charging $15 for a half gallon."
"Okay,
that's too much, I—" Ace suddenly sneezed hard again, and his clothes
all went back to his regular outfit. "Whew, that's better.
Sorry, Vega."
"Geshundheit,"
Vega stated straightly. "Oh, boy, if you have to deal with this now,
I'm almost frightened to ask what'll happen if you need the Magic Force."
"Let's
just hope it doesn't come to that. So, what should we do?"
"We need
to get someone in there, to inspect his ice cream factory on Lake Street."
"Maybe
I should do it."
"I don't
know, Ace. Your head cold is—"
"Look,
somebody's got to do something, and I'm the only person who can get in
there without a problem. Remember, I have magic on my side."
"Yeah,
magic which could easily be affected because of your cold. You need
to take something for it before it really turns bad."
"Whatever.
Time for me to get to work." He then took off for his car once again,
and this time the audience applauded his regular look again.
He got
into the Magic Racer and left for the new ice cream factory at the location
Vega specified.
Parking
two blocks away from the factory, Ace decided to disguise himself as a
health inspector to get a closer look at Black Jack's operation and maybe
get some evidence linking him and his henchmen to corporate sabotage.
Going into
spins rapidly, he made the white areas of his hair disappear and soon appeared
in a professional suit and tie. Putting on some glasses for an added
effect. "Let's see how Jack handles a surprise inspection courtesy
of the Magician." He then adjusted his tie and walked towards Black
Jack's ice cream factory.
Inside,
Black Jack and his lawyer Clockwise continued overseeing operations for
their ice cream.
Jack turned
his mobile hover chair to face the attorney. "Everything is going
well," he said wickedly.
"Yes, sir.
We're moving along in creating the 32 flavors needed to maintain 'BJ's
Card Deck Ice Cream' as a prominent business."
"It's amazing
how kids' desire for something so sweet could become such a sweet business
for us. I just love taking advantage of kids' sweet teeth."
"Agreed.
This is one of your truly brilliant ideas."
Diamond
then came up to the two of them. "If we can't get everyone to gamble
at the Croesus Palace, we'll get them to pay for the only safe ice cream
in the city at whatever cost we want."
Jack snickered
with an evil grin. "I think we'll raise the prices of ice cream tomorrow
to about $25 a half-gallon."
Meanwhile,
Spade stood guard at the front door of the plant when he noticed someone
in a suit and tie approaching. "Hold it, pal," the big brawny guy
stated as he put his right hand forward.
Effectively
disguising his voice, Ace stated who he was. With a slight sniffle
he started, "Excuse me, young man, but I'm Aaron Chambers, Electro City
Health Department." Showing his badge to Spade, he added, "I've come
to do a surprise inspection on this plant, seeing this is the only one
with safe ice cream in the whole city."
"Hold on,
let me talk to the boss." He then turned around and talked into his
wristwatch radio. "Boss, there's a health inspector here."
Inside,
Jack heard the message. "What? A surprise inspection? Very
well. Show the inspector inside, please."
Spade turned
and looked at the health inspector. "Okay, you can come in, but you
won't find anything wrong here."
"Very well.
I just want to see for myself why your ice cream factory has the only safe
ice cream in Electro City."
Chambers
entered with Spade with one thought in mind. If I can just get
the necessary information about their sabotaging operations, they'll be
in jail faster than Friedrichs can say, "You're under arrest."
Spade led
the checker into the main area of the ice cream factory where Diamond,
Jack, and Clockwise were.
"So," said
an approaching Jack, "you want to see why we're the only ice cream factory
with safe ice cream. Well, Mr., um, Chambers, you will come to understand
that our ice cream will always top the competition, or lack thereof."
Ace could
not believe what Jack was doing. You've got some serious nerve, Jack
Malone. How could you make innocent people pay so much for a treat
appreciated by children and the children at heart? I'll find a way
to expose your plan. He then let out another sniffle.
Clockwise
looked curiously at him. "You seem to have a cold. Are you
all right, Herr inspector?"
"Yes, I'm
fine. I've been fighting a head cold for the last few days.
However, I won't let a cold stop me from doing my job."
"You're
very dedicated, young man," Jack stated forward. "Why don't you become
my personal health inspector. I could pay you more than what the
Health Department's paying you."
"No, thank
you, sir. I don't need a—a—a—aachoo!" The sneeze turned
the upper part of his suit into the regular suit he wore. "Oops."
All four
looked at him curiously.
"What happened?"
asked Jack furiously. Realizing whose outfit it was, he shouted,
"It's Cooper!"
"That's
right, Jack!" He went into a spin and started to yell the phrase.
"Magic Force, reveal the power—a—a—a—aachoo—within!"
When he
stopped spinning, he noticed he was not quite in his crimefighting costume.
In fact, he wore a clown's outfit, complete with rainbow hair, giant red
nose, and large red shoes. "Oh, brother, my Magic Force seems to
be on the fritz today."
He went
into the spin again and shouted his phrase once more. The end result
this time was a baseball uniform. "I'm not Mark McGuire! I'm
supposed to be the Magician!"
All the
while, Jack and his men just burst out laughing real hard.
Diamond
said, "You sure look silly, Cooper."
Ace tried
again with the phrase and ended up in something really humiliating: a ballet
dancer's dress complete with tutu! "Oh, boy, this is some head cold
I've got."
"What're
you gonna do, Cooper?" asked Spade in laughter. "You gonna pirouette
your fight on us or something?"
Ace smiled
in delight. "Spade, you just gave me the right idea." He then
spun around and landed a hard kick in Spade's gut, leaving the huge henchman
winded for breath.
Diamond
tried to make a move next. "You'll be sorry, Cooper!"
"I may
have this head cold," said the Magician as he put his right hand forward,
"but that doesn't mean I can't do magic on you!" Using his power
properly at least, he levitated Diamond and abruptly dropped him into the
machine making the apricot ice cream.
"Okay,
you two," stated Ace angrily while sniffling. "I'll know the truth
in a moment." He then put his hands into a circular motion, which
left both of them hypnotized. "Now, tell me. Did you do something
at the other factories to force them to close?"
Clockwise
was first to answer. "It's true, Cooper. We sent Spade and
Diamond as maintenance workers to those plants in order for them to put
the lead into the ice cream mixing machines."
"We then
contacted the Health Department," stated Jack in a monotonous tone, "to
let them know there was a problem with their ice cream. I decided
to get to the people of Electro City by one of the most tasty foods ever
known."
"Thank
you both," Ace said as he took out a miniature recorder. "I just
got the confession I needed from both of you." He then spoke into
his own wristwatch radio. "Vega, come over here to the factory on
Lake Drive. This ice cream caper's just been wrapped up."
A few minutes
later, Vega, Captain Friedrichs, and 10 other police officers came to the
factory.
"Ace?"
Vega shouted. "Where are you?"
Putting
out his hand in a wave, Ace answered, "I'm over here, but I only want you
to come over."
When the
lieutenant came to where Ace was, he was shocked. "I told you what
would happen if you didn't take something for that head cold. You
look absolutely ridiculous."
"Don't
remind me, Vega. I—a—a—a—aachoo!" The quick sneeze
turned Ace's ballet outfit into the correct crimefighting costume.
"Now I'm wearing the right costume. Sheesh!" He hit his left
fist against the right side of his upper body to finish the transformation.
"You got any aspirin? I think it's time to do something about this
head cold of mine."
"Finally!
Not every drug affects your mind, Ace. I'm so glad you finally understand
that."
Ace took
the aspirin from Vega and quickly swallowed it.
Captain
Friedrichs looked at the four new prisoners in disarray. "I can't
believe I'm arresting all of you for corporate sabotage, trying to force
people to pay exorbitant prices for a food that everyone loves. I'm
going to ask Senator Dobbs personally to give you all the proper punishments."
The four
criminals did get some interesting punishments as a result of their crime.
For his
part, Clockwise had to dress up as a clown at the Abraxas Circus and serve
ice cream to the hordes of screaming little kids. "This is so embarrassing,
having to look like a stupid clown!"
One of
the kids threw his ice cream into the clown suit. "This isn't the
flavor I wanted, Mister!"
"Why you
little brat!? I will—"
Yokiko,
the female owner of the Abraxas, came up and said, "Watch your mouth, Mr.
Clockwise. You have a lot of children to serve, and you need to speed
it up."
Diamond's
punishment was to drive one of the competitor's ice cream trucks for six
months. He had a lot of trouble keeping track of all the children
and their specific orders. "Will you shut up!? I'm trying to
get these orders done!"
"I heard
that," said the owner via radio. "Unless you want more prison time,
you zip the lip and do your job!"
Black Jack's
involvement cost him not only the factory, but also the enormous losses
he had to pay to the other companies for sabotaging their efforts.
In addition, he had to serve time as machine operator at a different competitor's
plant.
"I'm going
to get Cooper for this one! I'm one of Electro City's prominent citizens!"
The factory
manager stated, "That may be so, Mr. Malone, but you tried to put me out
of business, so it's payback time. You may be in a hover chair, but
you still have arms, so use them!"
Finally,
as for Spade, he was sentenced to serve ice cream at the concession stand
at the baseball stadium for the course of the entire regular season and
the playoffs if the Electro City Lightning baseball team got that far.
Ace and
Mona Malone spent some quality time at a ball game one day.
"Ace, this
was a nice idea, going to a baseball game in the warm sun. I'm hungry,
though. Let's see if we can get some ice cream."
"Sure,
and um, Mona, I hope you're not mad at me about having to put your father
in jail and serve some time."
"I'm not
the least bit upset with you about that at all. I mean, Father went
overboard in trying to cheat children out of one of the best luxuries a
kid could have. This time, some sentence time may finally teach him
a lesson."
The two
came up to the concession stand.
"Excuse
me," said Mona, "we'd like two scoops of chocolate-chip cookie dough ice
cream, please."
Spade turned
to face her and Ace. "Oh, no! I have to serve ice cream to
him?"
The owner
of the stand said, "That's part of the punishment, pal! Either serve
these customers, or you'll serve some more time in jail! Your choice."
After the
Magician and his sweetheart got their ice cream, they went to watch the
game with all the other fans, who all enjoyed the magnificent taste of
all flavors of a true American classic, ice cream.
THE END
I am a serious Magician
fan, but even I knew it was time to try something funny. I hope you've
enjoyed this quick spoof of Ace and company. J