By Pooky
Chapter Three:
"Shang?" Mulan shook him gently. He had fallen asleep an hour ago and she would have left him that way were he not caught in the fit of a bad dream. Letting him go, she sat back on her heels, perhaps it was best to let him wake on his own time. She watched his face, drawn and pained, even in sleep his life was not peaceful. Once, she had thought that to live in the Palace meant a carefree life, full of luxury and privilege, that was all the villagers had complained about. It was a naive view, one she had upheld since childhood, it was not until hearing of General Li's treachery that she really taught herself to think differently. But how could she be blamed, she had never been educated nor exposed to the world.
Mulan knelt there with her feet tucked under her, watching him for hours it seemed, but really it was only moments. Finally the dream let go of him and he lay still on his back with his head to one side. He no longer seemed to care that she saw him this way.
At first Mulan had been uneasy when he had fallen asleep beside her, what if someone had come looking for him? What if he woke and something happened between them which shouldn't have? Really, it was no where near the first time they had slept so close to each other. On the journey to the mountains there was no time to set up a camp and they had all slept on the ground and she had been near him. Yet despite all that thoughtless close contact in the past, being man and woman made things so different, so awkward, as if everything, every little touch, could be construed as a prelude to something carnal between them. Being in love with a comrade was frightfully confusing. Had he still thought her a man, he might have joked with her, razzed her, laid his head on her shoulder and complained that she was too bony for a pillow. He could show humor that way sometimes with his soldiers when he was at ease. Then again, had he still thought her a man, he might not have come at all tonight. She did not want him to still think of her as a man, she prized too greatly these seemingly accidental kisses and touches. But she wanted that freedom back.
His eyes opened, and he turned his head to the left, looking towards her then around the room in a moment of alarm. When he realized that nothing shocking had happened he closed his eyes again and laid back.
"You never finished the story," Mulan reminded him before he could fall back asleep. "You never told me what happened in Louyang. You fell asleep."
"I did?" His eyes opened briefly in confusion. "I mean, I didn't. Well, I'll tell you later on the way to the Palace." She could tell he was avoiding the subject, shying away from some long ago pain. He was so proud to share the blood of such great people. yet at the same time so ashamed of their actions. No wonder he fought and lived for ideals. "Empress Wu smothered her own child to have my great grandfather's first wife demoted, she framed her and became his favorite. She even forced my uncle Li Dan to publicly appeal for her to take the throne when he abdicated. Maosu never harmed anyone. She was the enemy of my family, because she stole the throne and killed so many of my relatives who stood in her way. But I served her, because I was taught to serve China, and she was China then. Ever since that day though, I wonder what is worth more to me, China or the life of my friend. I can't find the answer."
At first Mulan was puzzled by such obscure words. They were solemn and thoughtful words, like those he had spoken after her discovery in the mountains. He had lost someone close to him defending the Empress, but she did not think that was the only point he was making. The day in the mountains he had chosen her life over the law, knowing that breaking that law could be devastating to his own future, as well as harming the discipline of the army. Maybe he had left her wounded and alone, but he had still made a sacrifice. But it wasn't for her though, not then, it was to choose the Eternal Law over the Emperor's, perhaps a small act of rebellion on his part for the one he felt he had sacrificed before. She tried not to feel hurt that this one perplexing action in the mountains had nothing to do with her, that it was some sort of self redemption from the guilt he could not shake for someone else. But why? People in her life had died in the war, an uncle, a cousin, she felt no desire to avenge them, even though they had answered the Emperor's conscription.
It was not fair, to expect devotion from him at a time when he hardly knew her. "Your aunt," she changed the subject smoothly. "That can't be all to her story. Didn't she have her own life? Everything she did and felt couldn't all be entangled with the plots at court."
"That's all I know," he answered quietly. "She never told me anything else, only the events at court. Most of the time she only says a few words, but every once in a while I can see her looking back on her life, and she will tell a little of it. I've carried out orders for her more than a few times." Then he sat up, rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and sighed. "Better go back to my tent," he mumbled to himself unhappily.
Mulan frowned a little, she was not tired and she did not want him to go. But it was after all an army camp. Giving her an apologetic look for his departure, he reached one hand to brush the hair from her face, letting his thumb linger a moment against her forehead. Mulan smiled, gazing after him wistfully as he got up and left. For the first time, his departure struck her with a sense of physical pain. There were worse things in the night than sleepless silence, there were nightmares waiting for her.
~ * ~
"Something's wrong," Mulan urged as they approached the Palace. Shang's eyes panned left to right anxiously. "Look at the guards, the way they're standing. They're nervous." Pointing to the Palace steps, Mulan indicated the men there, shifting their feet when they usually stood placid and still.
Handing over his reins to a groom, Shang followed Mulan in dismounting, leading the remaining dozen soldiers who had been selected to bear Li Shengli's litter. Mulan wished Yao, Ling and Chien-Po had not had to remain in Louyang, but none of the troops had yet been officially dismissed, and the retinue which accompanied the two generals had to be kept as small as possible. Someone had to stay behind and oversee their troops.
"We want to see His Majesty at once," Shang announced to the guards as they approached the main doors. The guards looked at each other in uncertainty, not knowing what to make of the demand.
"Follow me then," the one who appeared to be the leader said, turning for the two generals to follow. With one look over his shoulder at the bound captive, the guard ordered to another. "Have the prisoner confined. He can be dealt with later."
When the guard did not lead them to the throne room, Shang glanced about worriedly. They were led up several flights of steps to a different part of the Palace, a part Mulan had never seen before. It was just as fine as any other potion which she had seen, yet less ostentatious, not intended to be seen by casual visitors. Mulan tried to keep track of the corridors and turns and stairwells in her mind, but after the fifth hall appeared too much like the fourth she soon became lost.
At last they stopped at the doors of a great chamber, lacquered and painted with bright friezes. The doors were left open, revealing a large sitting room. These were a woman's rooms, Mulan could tell by the decor, the foreign rugs done in mauves and pinks and the delicate touch to the paintings on the wide wall. Everything in the room seemed exotic and foreign. But she supposed it was as Shang said, fashionable here.
"Your Highness," The guard's voice become suddenly formal as he bowed low on the rug. "General Li and General Fa have returned."
Mulan was abashed, but Shang quickly jerked her down on her knees to bow as the guard was doing. With the thousand colors and ornaments of the room jumping at her eyes all at once, she hadn't realized the figure on the sofa formerly absorbed in a book. But when the woman rose, Mulan was unable to see how she had been able to overlook her at all. She was not especially tall nor short, not plump nor thin and not especially beautiful, but pretty in a regal way that was very becoming. Yet she did not need an extraordinary appearance.
The first thing Mulan noticed was her clothes, finer than even Tie-lin's. Her gown was rich blue brocade and belted beneath her breasts to flow in wide folds to her feet, embroidered in gold thread and jade. Wide sleeves made of sheer lilac silk were embroidered in green and blue flowers, while a wide green scarf was looped over her arms. Mulan was surprised to see the low neckline exposing a bit of her bosom, she had never seen that on a woman before. Her hair was gathered and pinned with small butterfly clips atop her head, likely dyed since Mulan detected no traces of gray. Her rouged mouth was done in the same small fashion the ladies seemed to favor, her eyebrows painted into a dainty triangular arch while in the center of her forehead little pieces of golden foil formed a floral design. This must be another of those fashionable foreign customs.
"Leave us," the woman's voice carried without her having to raise it at all. When the guards withdrew she waved her hand for the pair to rise. "Fa Mulan," her tongue clicked the name with a kind of amused interest. "This is the first I have seen of you. I am the Princess Taiping." So this was the famous aunt? Mulan tried not to stare. She was... august.
Unsure of what to say, Mulan glanced at Shang as covertly as she could. He was calm and silent, a sign of reassurance. She remembered when she had faced the Emperor for the first time, how nervous Shang had looked for her. No such emotion crossed his face now. "I hope you're not disappointed, Your Highness." She hoped she did not make herself sound too foolish or inept. Eloquence seemed to count for much among courtiers.
"No," the woman said quietly, as though speaking to herself. Then she spoke more loudly, in the stern voice of authority. "No. Your reputation precedes you. Anyone who can destroy an enemy army with a single cannon must be someone who can be entrusted with the safety of the empire. You disappoint no one, save a few tedious old men."
It was not meant in humor, but Mulan laughed despite herself, thinking of Chi fu. "I was taught well, Your Highness."
Nodding, the woman's eyes passed over Shang and then back to her in a way that made her feel manipulated despite the silence. Mulan was relieved when Shang spoke. "I received your letter in Louyang," he spoke in his dignified courtier's voice, the way he had spoken to the Emperor. "Your Highness wanted to see me? I know the Emperor won't be pleased when he hears about my father."
"Displeased," she conceded with a nod. "But not surprised." Mulan sighed with relief, Shang wasn't going to be blamed for this at all.
Nevertheless, Shang was perplexed. "Then you knew about my father and don't want me to tell the Emperor?"
Sighing, the Princess began to pace, the too long sleeves of her robe flowing as she brought her hands to her sides. Something in the way she moved reminded her of Shang, every step was as measured as his words, the way she held herself so straight as if there were no such thing as leisure. Never off guard, and never undaunted, had he learned this from her?
"My brother is no longer in this world," she intoned without pausing in step, no sign of emotion shone through her face, no anger, no sadness. Mulan did not understand her at all, her coldness. "It was his wife and daughter who poisoned him seven days ago. That is why I sent for you in Louyang."
A chill scurried across Mulan's back. The Emperor was dead.
Out of the corner of her eye, Mulan saw Shang's brow raise just a little, a slight stiffening in his posture. Aside from that he was as stone-faced as ever. She wondered why, and how could he? He had respected Emperor Zhongzong, she knew that, but perhaps he was as uneasy in this woman's presence as she was, perhaps it was not prudent so show grief or upset, dangerous even. Perhaps this woman wanted the throne for herself. She remembered what he had said to her once. It comes to the point where you don't know how to trust and that can drive you mad and make you very cold.
Retaining his rigid stance, he did bow his head a little. "What do you want me to do, Your Highness?"
"General Fa," she pushed the question aside for a moment. "Leave us, I wish to talk with my nephew." Risking a worried glance at Shang, Mulan bowed her head and ducked out of the room. But Mulan had not escaped, she was sure this Taiping could tie the puppet strings to her with a glance. Already Mulan had the feeling she was dancing to the other woman's tune.
~ * ~
Shang remained standing as his aunt took her place on the sofa again. He was not sure if it was better for Mulan to leave or not. Really he would rather not burden Mulan with the sordid details of the court, but being a general meant she had to learn these things. More than that, if she was to feel any love for him at all and be a part of his life, it was not fair to hide from her the truth of his imperial relatives. She was a village girl and he was the nephew of a king, they had led very different lives.
His uncle's death did not surprise him, the third uncle he had lost, yet it saddened him. Zhongzong was a good man, even if the intrigue around him had hindered his ability to show anything of that during his reign. He had been good to Mulan.
"Sit, nephew," Princess Taiping gestured to one of the chairs in a flourish of trailing silk sleeve. Shang obeyed her warily, she may appear to show fondness now but he knew she was not to be trifled with. It was a fact about the ladies at Court, they won men over with yielding and flattery because it was the only strategy allowed them short of outright seduction. Yet when their targets displeased them they often met with curious "accidents". That was one thing about his aunt which bothered him, he never knew exactly what she was after. Some said the throne, like her mother, others said to save the country from the rebels at court. But she was quiet and thoughtful now, he would have thought her harmless were it not for her distant expression. "How many people have died for the throne? I lost count years ago."
"I don't know, Your Highness," Shang answered quietly.
She waved a hand dismissively. "Why be so formal when it is just you and I? Am I not your father's only sister?"
"The only one I know of." He tried to hide the fact that he was made nervous by this sudden reminder of family ties. Before, he had always served her as subject to Princess, though sometimes she could be talkative with him.
She smiled coolly. "Then you must call me First Aunt when it is only you and I."
It was a command, smile or no, a way of forcing him to owe her some loyalty. He was in her net the moment he nodded his head. "So we have three traitors to execute?"
"Only one to execute," she corrected. "Two to watch. Your father will be executed tomorrow. Empress Wei and the Princess Anle have a little too much influence still to be executed, here in the capital anyway. They have managed to bribe the right people who will keep them safe in the Palace. Empress Wei thinks to have the throne, but her influence isn't enough for that. To keep the peace, we must say the Emperor died of a sudden illness."
"Who will take the throne?" Was it fair, he wondered to himself, that his father should be executed for plotting against an emperor who was already dead. Was it fair when those who had succeeded were allowed to remain alive? But he could not question her actions, he could only seethe quietly.
She sighed, a look of genuine worry crossed her features, the first emotion she had evinced today. "Li Dan will take the throne, your fourth uncle. But he is weak as far as influence goes, he will not last long." Then she fixed her eyes on him. They were suddenly bright. "I know my destiny," her voice held a hint of passion. He shivered despite himself. "To bring peace to this country. I will see it done, no matter what the cost. You are a good man, and a great patriot. You are not entangled in the sickness of the court. That is why I will look to you to help me when the time comes."
Shang felt a dreadful confusion, did she want him to help put her on the throne? But if she wanted the throne she could have had it already. No matter what she wanted, he was her pawn now, there was no escape.
"You know I won't fail you," It was hard not to sound reluctant, and he had been so eager when his father had promoted him to the rank of captain. How naive, that vision of greatness. But it was joy for a chance at his father's approval, not the commission itself.
Her expression hardened. "Of course you won't." But he could tell she was pleased.
"First Aunt," he said suddenly, an idea coming to him, or a solution rather. Maybe he was a pawn, but Tie-lin would say control is an illusion. "May I ask a favor?"
The small smile returned, but it never touched her eyes. "If it will make you grateful," she said mildly.
Swallowing, he gathered some courage and seized his chance. "I want to be married, to Fa Mulan, I want your blessing." Her blessing was as good as an imperial writ. He did not like using people, but if playing this court game was the fate of a general he may as well try to find some happiness in it. Mulan was a chance at happiness, his escape from this life, a chance at a family of his own.
"Very well." She sounded as if it were nothing, but in two words she had given him the whole world. He had not played courtier much, but he was learning.
~ * ~
Mulan allowed herself the distraction of being impressed by her new rooms. This time she was officially situated in the Officer's Quarters rather than the guest apartments. Well now, at least this Taiping took her rank seriously. The hot bath and fresh clothes were pleasant, a relief to be out of her armor and into something cooler in the summer heat, although the Palace was kept quite bearable. She was dressed now in one of those new low-cut gowns with butterflies embroidered on the soft green silk. It was hard to do anything but sit still when the sash was tied so tight around her middle and the long sleeves got in the way, and she saw no reason why she had to wear make up to sit in a parlor. She wasn't going to complain though, there were more important things to worry about.
"My lady," a servant peeked her head in. "General Li is here to see you." Nodding for him to be admitted, Mulan permitted herself a small sigh of relief.
Shang strode in slowly, with his hands behind his back. Even before she met his eyes she could tell that he was nervous. He too had taken the time to change clothes, in fact it was the first time she had seen him in anything but military regalia. His silk robes rustled in shades of blue and red, longer and much more grand than anything she had seen him in previously. But he did not seem to notice. Fine clothes were likely nothing to him.
"I'm sorry about your uncle," Mulan offered quickly. He looked sorely in need of consolation.
He nodded but did not seem to want to talk about it. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to come outside with me. But maybe it's better we aren't seen together until... until," he made some sort of hand gesture for a word he could not find. "Until after."
"After what?" Mulan asked impatiently. After his father's execution? Did he honestly think she would be implicated by associating with him? They had come this far, and grown so close, why did he always draw back after they had come so far? What was he afraid of? Vexation and hurt rushed over her all over again. Why was he always trying to push her away? "Are you ashamed to be seen with me?"
"No... I," he cleared his throat and tried again. "No, of course not." She was frustrated, why was he fumbling over his words again? What was so hard about saying what you felt?
She rose to her feet. "Then why are you always trying to get rid of me?"
To her surprise, his features actually grew stern. Instead of answering, he simply put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a firm shove which sent her bouncing back on the couch. Well, he was certainly not above bullying people. Folding her arms, Mulan straightened, until she realized that she was only emphasizing what the top of her dress did precious little to hide. Giving her sleeves a twitch, she attempted to cover herself better. She felt like the dress was going to slip off, despite the sash which barely let her breathe.
He had his arms folded, his weight on one foot, just the way he had when she was his subordinate and caught cheating for the tenth time that day. Of all those times, Mulan could not recall him uttering a word, he would just stand there and beat her to death with his disapproval. Just like the day he had discovered that she was a woman, he had not said a word for the longest time. His silence had such power over her.
"I was going to say," he continued when he had her attention, in that same quietly impatient voice he often used with Chi fu. Mulan felt a twinge of guilt, she shouldn't have put words in his mouth. "I was going to say that we shouldn't appear too happy while my father is to be executed tomorrow and my uncle has died, not after we have just been seen with Princess Taiping. There are plenty of traitors around, and patriots, better to keep a low profile."
Mulan failed to understand what visiting his aunt had to do with taking a walk, and why it was so compromising. Palace rules were beyond her. "I want to go home." She said quietly.
His features softened with a sudden flash of empathy, unfolding his arms he dropped to his knees beside her. "Me too," he sighed. "But that's what I came to see you about." Mulan grew worried, he wasn't going to try and send her away again was he? Some nonsense about her safety and so on. She hoped not. "My aunt says, well, she says..." Suddenly he looked more nervous than ever and was busying himself with admiring the rug. Mulan reached her fingers under his chin, turning his face to her, leaving him no escape but to meet her eyes. "My aunt says we can be married. I asked her myself." Recovering himself, he smiled. "So see, I'm not ashamed of you at all."
Letting her hand drop, Mulan held her breath in shock. Married? They had gone from quarrels to awkward confessions to marriage? She... she could marry him? "Oh..." was the only sound she could get out. Her hand was trembling excitedly in her lap. "Oh, Shang, I... " Without knowing what else to do, she threw her arms around him. "You mean, you actually want this?" Her words were muffled in his shoulder.
Pulling back so he could look at her, he smiled. "Of course." Then he sat back on his heels and sighed, taking her hands. "I know I haven't always been good to you. But after the way I treated you at first I felt I didn't have a right to love you."
Mulan closed her eyes with a pang of sadness. She was so tired of remembering that day. The cold and brutal eyes, the depth of his anger caught in the throes of one savage emotion, it was too much. It was true that she could understand his rage then, and it was true that he had quickly brushed his anger aside, replacing it with trust and faith in her abilities at the Palace. But when the memory still brought her flashes of fear and pain - and when the same memory ate away at him, drowning him in remorse - how did they get past it?
They remained in silence for a long moment, his hands warm and strong around hers. But he was quiet where he sat at her feet, waiting patiently for her answer. She did not have an answer, but she smiled, she would not allow the past to tarnish the future before her. Surely it was so much brighter than her village life, all the scorn and harsh whispers that had surrounded her growing up. "I want to write to my family, to tell them the goods news."
He nodded. "Good. Within a week we can go home, after things are settled here in the city. Maybe we can finally have a peaceful life, now that the Hun threat is settled." Rising, Shang sat beside her on the sofa. He seemed too trapped in fathomless worries to truly embrace the joy of that prospect. "Tomorrow isn't going to be pleasant."
"It will be over quickly," she hoped to sound comforting. Inside, she
was still smiling, though she knew it was a shaming moment for his family.
She was getting married, and not to tend the house of some withered old
man because no one else wanted her, she was going to marry Li Shang. At
that moment, the whole dynasty could crumble for all she cared.
