rain6 THE LONG SPELL OF RAIN
By Pooky

Chapter Six:

The ride to Ch'ang-an was almost too quiet compared to the dancers and musicians which had heralded them through the streets of Louyang only yesterday. It did not seem like yesterday at all, that day had passed like a dream, a nervous dream. Riding beside him today was more of what she was accustomed to, although they had never been alone like this before, without any soldiers at all for an escort. With both of them in their armor again and a duty before them, things did not feel very changed, except when she closed her eyes and allowed herself to remember the previous night.

All his talk about protecting her honor, and given the chance he had lost all sense of such reservation. It was amazing really, how easily he had changed his behavior with their new status, not that she had any complaints, but it reflected on the way the world worked for him. Was it really about protecting her? Or possessiveness over something he had long since thought of as his? It didn't matter anymore, she told herself, they were husband and wife, even if they were two generals on a potentially treasonous mission.

Stopping in a grove of cypress, Shang dismounted, securing the bridle of his horse as she followed after him. He sat down against a tree with a water bag and offered her a drink. "I guess we could have ridden through the villages," he said quietly. "But you never know who would recognize us after yesterday."

"Shang," Mulan curled her feet under her. "What does she really want an army for? To get rid of Empress Wei and take the throne herself? Is that right?"

"I don't know," he sighed, showing an all too familiar weariness.

She seized his arm. "Then why do you serve her? How do you know... " looking around, she dropped her voice. "How do you know she wasn't the one who killed the Emperor?"

"To refuse her is to sign my own death warrant," he explained too calmly for her peace of mind. "Not because she is ruthless enough to kill me herself, she isn't. People love my aunt, and they serve her interests. My cousin Li Longji, Li Dan's son, has all the influence with the army in the capital. If I were another courtier that wouldn't matter, but I'm not. Do you understand?" Mulan nodded, seeing what he had left out. He served Taiping because he loved her too, even if he could not admit it to himself. "As for the other thing, well that's simple. How do you know I didn't kill the Emperor?"

Taken aback, she stared at him wide-eyed. "I know you... you wouldn't... You weren't even in Ch'ang-an," she managed finally.

"I could have hired someone. I could have hired the assassin at my father's execution to kill Princess Taiping. How do you know?"

"I... I... I believe in you," was all she could think of to say.

He nodded, pleased with himself. "Exactly." But it was not as confident as he might have liked. It was one thing to love, and another to trust. Then he took the water from her, and set it aside. "I grow tired of all this scheming, it's surrounded me since I was young. Sometimes I would like to forget that I am a General, and just be a man with my wife." He smiled at her sadly. "Someday."

Mulan frowned, it was so wistful, as if peace could never be a part of his life. Thinking to soothe him, she inched closer, until he held her on his lap. He rested his head back against the tree as she leaned forward to kiss him.

~ * ~

The world swelled with darkness, a tiny room allowing no light. The dark figure against the wall moved closer, not a man, but a shadow with a life of its own, a hungry ghost who had lost his humanity long ago, and only the shell remained. Mulan felt her chest tighten with fear, her bonds abrasive against the tender skin of her wrists, burning into them as she strained to recoil. She heard him speak, but could not decipher the words, hateful words, threatening, words her mind refused to echo back to her. A hand came around her neck, sharp claws puncturing her flesh. The hand moved, clenching from her chin to the base of her throat, tearing open the skin. Hot blood leaking out onto her neck, down her chest. A scream of pain was torn from her suddenly.

"Mulan! Mulan!"

She was shaking when her eyes fell open, her face was wet. Someone was holding her and she leaned against them, wrapped in a light bundle of blankets. Tears. Her eyes were stinging, the taste of salt burned her lip. The night sky was still dark.

"Where-" Then she remembered. She was with Shang, and they had fallen asleep several hours ago, after snuggling under that cypress tree. Despite the pleasant memory, she was still crying from her nightmare. "Something bad is going to happen," she was surprised to hear the words coming from her, she had not been thinking them at all. "I know it. Maybe I'm becoming like Tie-lin, maybe I can see the future."

Pressing her head against his side, he rubbed her back. "Shan-yu?" She nodded. "You've had a frightening experience, it's just natural for you to take time to recover. They're only dreams. Shan-yu and my father are both dead." Closing her eyes, she tried to repeat that to herself, but did not think he understood. It wasn't Shan-yu exactly, it was the feeling of danger that pervaded her nightmares, not a memory of the past, but something to come.

With that thought, his hand slowed on her back, pulling away as she felt him grow very tense against her. A rustle in the trees brought her head up, rising out of her blanket to her knees as a darting shadow caught her eye. "See what I mean?" She hissed at Shang under her breath.

A knife flashed in his hand from under his pillow. "I'll hold him and you punch." Mulan did not have time to respond, he had leapt out of his covers just as the intruder stepped into the clearing. They tussled around, Shang with the knife and the intruder with a sword, until Shang had him disarmed and under him on the ground, the knife against his throat.

Jumping up, Mulan kicked the plumed helmet away to get a look at their attacker's face. "Tell us who you are," she demanded angrily. "And why you're sneaking around trying to kill us." Picking up the sword, she held it poised, backing up a few steps. "Let him up, Shang, let him talk."

Pulling the other man to his knees, Shang rose, keeping a dangerous watch behind his shoulder. The man sighed, knowing he was trapped. "Give me my sword," his voice turned pleading as he looked up at Mulan. "I can't fail my mistress. Let me die with honor."

"Your mistress?" Shang echoed poisonously. Folding his arms, he paced around him, speaking with that same sarcastic sweetness he often used with Yao or Chi fu. "How about, you tell us who this mistress is, or I'll cut you up into enough pieces to send one to each of the woman I think might be able to identify you." Mulan shivered.

Their would-be assassin bowed deeply before Mulan. "Please, I've only been following your tracks for an hour. I don't know anything, only that my mistress has her loyalties."

A wave of realization crept over Shang's face, a seething revaluation. He froze and shook his head suddenly as if to say this could not be. "Give him the sword, Mulan." He spoke so faintly she could hardly hear him.

She did as he asked, but started to protest as the man walked off in the distance. Then she closed her eyes as she heard a cry, and saw his shadow collapse into the stream with a heavy splash.

"You could have let me convince him not to," she said as she gazed in the direction he had fallen.

Shang shook his head again, but laid a hand on her shoulder. "Better to die with honor than to live your whole life ashamed." He sighed. "Come on, looks like we won't be getting much sleep tonight, we can't stay here. We'll have to ride for another hour before we can rest again."

"Shang?" Mulan followed after him in folding up her bedding. "If he followed our tracks, he had to have followed us from Louyang. Don't you think Second Wife was a bit too interested in Taiping's scroll this morning? Isn't it funny that Tie-lin was able to be kidnapped so easily? And Third Wife losing her child?"

Whirling around, his eyes were afire with the bitterest rage. She was ready to apologize for treading on such a personal subject. The politics of his house were really none of her concern, she was only a daughter-in-law, he valued the honor of his family and placed it higher than the sky. But the anger in his eyes drained into sadness, a deep sadness. Lifting his hand, he traced a light finger across her cheek, as if to convey some profound apology. He looked so ashamed.

It was possible that there was a link between the Empress and Li Shengli, Second Wife being the lackey of either or both. Perhaps the Empress had used the General and he her, using the war to serve both their ends, distracting the people and gaining him the means for his coup. Without their intervention, Mulan was not sure who had outsmarted whom in the end. Maybe her capture was for the better after all, to learn his plans which entangled the court far deeper than she had imagined. Sadly, she was developing a mind for the way the Court worked.

Without another word, he climbed on the back of his horse, waiting patiently for her to follow so they could continue their journey in the night.

~ * ~

"We need a plan," Mulan decided once they were inside the city the next morning. "We can't just show up the with army. What if Empress Wei has Taiping killed in the meantime?"

Shang nodded grimly. "You're right. One of us has to protect my aunt. or least tell her the army is on it's way. Do you think you can go into the Palace and deliver a message? Maybe as a servant, a handmaiden, as a woman you'll have an easier time. I have to go to Longji immediately. I will return tonight, meet me at the Palace gate, we'll think of a plan then." His grip on her hand was suddenly firm, his eyes stern and commanding, his voice low. "Be very, very careful, my wife." He did not stumble over the word, he was far too serious now for awkwardness. "Don't let them know who you are. When I come back tonight, be ready to tell me everything you can. Empress Wei has to die." Crushing her in a sudden embrace, he held her against his shoulder for a long moment before mounting his horse and riding off.

Empress Wei has to die, the wind echoed back to her as she stood there, fighting her qualms. This was not only a mission to free Taiping, this was a mission of murder, one for which he had ridden forth without a shard of regret.

Before long, Mulan was dressed in the woman's clothes she had packed amongst her things, a simple green dress with only a little embroidery, not even silk. She dabbed on a bit of make-up, fished out some money and bought a small bit of tea from a shoppe near the Palace, to look like she had some business there. Finding Taiping was not hard, she was confined to the same chamber where Mulan had first met her. Getting past the guards was even easier, a bit of gold for each of them and the excuse of bringing tea to her mistress. Being wealthy was handy, guards seemed to take bribes rather well. Shang was right, once they saw the gold it never crossed their minds to wonder who she might be, they underestimated women that much.

"Your Highness," Mulan bowed before the Princess, who was stretched out calmly on her sofa, as if she were there by her own choosing. There were other woman present, busy at embroidery or applying their make-up. Far from a prison, it looked more like a house of leisure. "I've brought you tea. Magnolia." With that word she looked intently at the older woman. "They say it can help one to soar."

Giving a slow nod of understanding, the Princess waved her hand at the other women attendants. "Leave us." Obediently, they took up whatever they were doing and made an exit to a back room.

Once they were alone, Mulan edged closer, keeping her voice low. "Shang sent me, he's gone to your nephew. He'll be back tonight, and we'll find a way to see you out of here. He says the Empress has to be brought to justice. We just have to wait until tonight."

"Such a faithful wife," Mulan nearly jumped when Taiping cupped her chin in one white hand. Her voice was a pained whisper, not at all like the imperious woman she had seemed. "Such a loyal man, my nephew. Do you know what the Taoists say? Out of chaos and disorder comes justice and patriotism, because all things were born from chaos. To think, my nephew marries a peasant girl and we have integrity in the Palace again. Most auspicious." But she said this without mockery, and even with slight affection. "There's a sparkle in your eye when I speak of him. You must be with child." Mulan blinked. Already? They had only been married for two days, even if they had done a little more than snuggle beneath that cypress tree. She blushed, the other woman seemed to know her thoughts. Brushing that matter aside, Taiping turned somber again, but every word was still spoken in a whisper. "You are part of the family now, therefore I must trust you and hope it is not too big a risk. I have lied to Li Shang. I don't know if my brother will come to take the throne. If he doesn't, the factions will grow worse, those who want me on the throne, those who want another. Empress Wei wants to be rid of me before that happens, eliminating Li Dan would be easy, her trouble is Li Longji. He loves me, he will protect anyone I appoint. Empress Wei will do anything to be rid of him. This is her weakness, use it well."

Nodding, Mulan remained on her knees. "We were attacked on our journey here. Shang does not want to talk about who is behind it."

"Of course not," Taiping gave a bitter laugh, propping herself on one elbow. "He is filled with rage and pain, that she should live while his father dies. She was allowed to shame his family and it tears him up. He's angry at me for it, I know, but men never understand that victory comes in the timing. One cannot be too proud to bear a little disgrace." She sighed, Mulan wondered why all of a sudden this woman was so open, she seemed to want to talk. "Rest assured Li Shengli had help from Empress Wei seizing the Palace as briefly as he did. They were lovers, but she planned to kill him as soon as she garnered enough power for herself." So it was true, and Second Wife had entangled herself in the middle of it. "There are three women who must be eliminated. Empress Wei, Shangguan Wan'er and my splendid actress of a niece, Anle."

"Anle?" She almost jumped back again.

Taiping nodded, once again showing no emotion for the girl. "It's easy to control a man with guilt, Fa Mulan. Li Shang is a perfect target, the only member of her family who wasn't around to have preconceived notions of the crime. Maybe she's a bit... remorseful now, but she murdered my brother with a clear head, she's not a stupid girl. She hated her father, and wanted her mother to have the throne, so she could have it someday. There's no guard in the Palace called Baoyu. Remember the assassin on the platform? He was caught, and carrying her seal. Her little act for Li Shang failed, and so she thought killing him would erase that little blunder. Quite the dutiful daughter, Anle, much more than I ever was. I was always at odds with my mother." A touch of anguish had entered her voice again.

She was aghast. There was a whole world, a sordid world, here in the Palace that Mulan had never dreamed of, a twisted mess of distrust and murder. There was something strange about Anle come to think of it, Mulan had thought her suspicions to be nothing more than jealousy at the thought of another woman in Shang's bedchamber. But he had hardly seemed flattered, let alone enticed. Sympathy was another story though.

"Weren't you afraid of your mother?" Mulan did not know what else to say.

A light of determination appeared in her eyes. "No, my mother loved me," conviction swelled in her voice. She gave a kind of sneer. "But they won't write that in the histories. All they will talk about is the murders, as if every hero weren't first a murderer. What do men know about our lives? I am almost afraid of what they will say of me when I am gone, there is no one still alive who knows the truth."

"Your Highness?" Mulan was well aware of the tired cast to Taiping's features, it was too much like gazing at Shang in his most solemn moments. Far from distrust, Mulan found herself harboring a great empathy for Taiping. "Would you really like some tea?"

At the Princess's nod, Mulan rose to fetch the pot and tray on the table, still warm. Kneeling again at Taiping's feet she poured a cup, the sweet aroma of jasmine filling the air, handing it to her with both hands just as she had in the temple yesterday. The Princess sat up, drinking quietly and sighing.

"When Empress Wei is dead, I will shed tears for her." At Mulan's confounded stare, Taiping calmly sipped her tea again, closing her eyes as she drew in her breath to speak. She seemed so tired. "She's the only one who remembers who I was. She was my friend once."

With another sigh, she began to tell a story.

"After my first brother died, my life was shattered. One morning he was teasing me and that night he was dead. It is so hard losing someone you love, no matter how much you cry you cannot bring them back. I was thirteen then and there came a great change in me. Many hopes rested on my shoulders, and being a wild girl I wanted to refute them all.

I remember the first morning I awoke to find that I was bleeding as women do, I became obsessed with my newfound womanhood. I wanted a lover, I wanted to be alluring like the courtesans at feasts, and the dancers from Persia. One day I put on a man's robe and danced for the court, my parents were so furious. My mother told me I must be careful, I must guard my chastity like nothing else, or I would be shamed. My mother, once a low class concubine. I suspected that she said this because my father wanted me to secure an alliance with the Tujue, and I wasn't going to be used as a bargaining chip. This made me more determined to meet a man, to lose myself to him and prove to my mother that although she ruled the empire, I was my own woman, not her peace omen.

This lust in me brought me such bad karma, every man I ever fell for was a demon, for me love always ended in tragedy. The first was of the Xue family, a young official I had met in the court when I was seventeen. He was so handsome and soft spoken, he loved poetry. He had so many talents, so many gifts that I never thought such a man could be cruel. But he charmed me. I disgraced myself and spent the night with him after he made a promise to always love me. A young man's promise is like gold dust, so good for nothing. I demanded he be my husband, but he was already married. Mother had to have his wife executed in secret so he could marry me, before rumors spread.

He made a slave of me, this man, he knew I loved him helplessly and wanted nothing but the same from him. He controlled me with his grief, a pretended grief, for this wife of his. Later I found that he was the sort to frequent brothels, even when his wife was alive. Not only that, but he had used me.

But I did not know this until after. It was my mother who confronted him, the same mother who had meddled in my affairs and brought me the miserable marriage. He ran away from her, struck his head on the wall and fell dead. I happened to come in the room then, angry that my mother had overstepped herself once more. When I saw his body lying on the ground, something shattered inside me. I blamed everyone but him, I reasoned out that my mother was jealous I had married a handsome man, and ordered him to commit suicide. But she was not angry with me, she calmly brought me proof of his lies. It took me months to believe her, to accept that I had been so foolish. I asked why she consented to the match in the first place if she knew, but she never answered me. Even today I do not know why.

Many years went by, my brother was executed, my father died, my other brothers took the throne and then left one after the other. My mother seized the throne, I couldn't keep out of the court games and I became good at them. The Wu family became the enemy of the Li, and even though I loved my mother in my own way, I vowed to uphold the honor of my Ancestors. That is how I gained influence in the first place, I was a liaison between the Wu and the Li, all the officials had to put their requests through me to my mother. Many, many people died in those years, but in my whole life I have only killed two men, both were criminals.

So when they say that I wanted to be like mother, you will know the truth and you must not forget it. When they say I wanted the throne, you will know differently. What I wanted was to run away, a peaceful life. I wanted Tai Ping.

But there was another man that courted me, my mother's nephew. I believe he loved me for a time, and we were even happy. I thought my troubles were over. But he grew arrogant, thinking to stage a coup, not only that but he grew bored with me, leaving me alone at night in my cold bed. I found him with another woman, and my mother ordered him to kill himself then and there. I became hard after he died, I felt no pain for him, I was hurting too much already. My mother told me not to seek happiness in men, I would find only misery she said. I wish I would have taken her words to heart then.

As the years passed, my mother started to grow old, she was too tired to rule the country, and spent her time indulging with two brothers by the surname of Chang. My mother was almost eighty years old, but one of these men was comparatively young for her, only a few years older than I was. I was growing older too, gray in my hair, my skin not so smooth, but I was pretty once, the entire court will attest to it. I knew I was pretty, I used my looks as a man used a sword. In this time, I lost two nephews and a niece, Empress Wei's children, and somewhere in the months of grieving we lost our friendship too. I don't know what happened, she became obsessed with acquiring influence and her own cabal, and taught her daughter to hate me. She wanted the throne, Empress Wei, and everyday I wondered why, after so many people had died for it. I wasn't stupid, I knew the court wouldn't be happy until it was ruled by a man, so I tried to plead with my mother and Empress Wei to give up this dream of glory for themselves, to stop this reign of terror against my father's family.

By this time, my two nephews had grown up and were on their way to promising military careers. Li Longji is six years older than Shang, since my mother died he has commanded the troops outside Ch'ang-an, and is a hero to the people after victory with the border tribes. Of all the people in this world, he's the one who loves me most, he is like my own son. Shang I love just as well, but he did not grow up in the Palace as Longji did, and Shang, I know he is wary of me, I think he sees in me a part of himself he cannot live with. But he is the only one, Li Shang, the only one I can trust who has no ambition of his own, even Longji doesn't know of the treachery and is only after the glory. I have shielded them both, because I wanted better for them than I had, when countless relatives have perished and fallen before my eyes. But I know I cannot hide it all from them.

Now one of these Chang brothers was like a dangerous ghost freed from hell. He seemed to possess everyone, my mother, her ladies, even me. He liked that, you know, he liked that power over women. He was a monster, but all the ladies of the court were feverish for his soft words. He was worse than my first husband, because this man never had to promise me anything, he only had to look at me and I was his. He stepped into my circle and found out everything, I told him all my plans, my thoughts. It is so much more shaming than giving your body to a man for his love, that you can forget and dismiss in time. But this scars you, this stripping away of your every secret as if he had raped you with his looks, and how good it felt to yearn for something that dangerous, that painful. It made me feel alive.

You cannot imagine how broken hearted I was when my mother took him away from me to Louyang, I was so angry at her. My mother had another nephew who was a bit sweet on me, he had gained the confidence of this demon and told me he had plans to remove my mother from power. I started to see that once again I was made a fool of. Soon after, a letter came from Louyang, in my mother's hand. The city was under martial law and the army had been captured, only the men at the gates remained free, so those passing in and out would not suspect. The letter also said my mother was giving up the throne to my third brother. We were all so happy.

We went to Louyang, rounded up a few of the gate guards and snuck into the Palace. The Chang brothers were killed, by me. I took the sword and faced the man I had only a few days before regarded with such loyalty, such reverence, the man whose smiles had bought my mind and heart. I gazed into his eyes and it was like a veil had been lifted. I saw who he was and I killed him there in cold blood.

My mother stood and watched me, and she cried. She said 'Taiping, now you will never be the same' and I wasn't. I remember running to her and she held me in her arms, and my brother, just like any other mother with her children.

I think she knew that she was dying then, she was so full of regret. She was just a woman, Fa Mulan, a woman who knew in her heart that she could rule the country better than any of the men around her. It was their opposition and their pride which brought out her ruthlessness. It was the only way.

It took me three years to understand this, three years at her tomb. I tell you this now because when I am gone, I will have no daughter to remember who I was. You must remember for me, because the men will not understand, they will only judge me harshly."

Mulan sat still and quiet for several moments after Taiping had finished. She set her teacup down at last, cold and untouched despite the initial sips she had taken. Her features bore a haunted look, empty, tired. Mulan's heart broke for her, she had been wrong about Taiping, so wrong.

"Your Highness?" Mulan asked with a gentle hesitation and respect. "What do you want?" What was it, that one driving thing that lay at the heart of all her manipulations? That thing which commanded such sacrifice? The thing Shang could not seem to puzzle out?

The Princess grew silent again, her eyes squeezed shut, drawing in a long pained breath. Mulan was ready to apologize for having overstepped herself.

"My first brother back."

Her words were so soft, and when Mulan blinked she saw that tears had escaped the other woman's eyes, falling slowly, but they did not harm her dignity at all. In another moment, Mulan felt tears on her own cheeks. She could not help but cry too.