Disclaimer: All characters are property of Sunrise, Bandai, and a whole host of other people who I couldn't even begin to name. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only, and not meant for sale or profit.
A blue plastic toothbrush. Heero really does have the oddest ideas about what he should give me for presents. First teddy bears, now toothbrushes…Just another way to keep me guessing, I suppose. A not-so-subtle reminder that I don't understand him, don't own him.
Or maybe he was just worried that I hadn't brought one with me to the colony. Or maybe it's a statement about my breath.
With Heero, who knows?
Anyway, it was very nice of him-even if he did insist on scaling the hotel wall, picking the lock on the balcony's French doors and clubbing two of my bodyguards unconscious.
I can still remember the look on his face as he stalked towards me, blue eyes blazing-
"Re-le-na…"
I was sure that he'd come to make good on his promise. I was sure that the next words out of his mouth would be that famous Heero Yuy tagline 'omae o korosu".
Instead-
"…I've brought you a toothbrush.". He pressed the small box into my hand, and then jumped out the window.
Heero always did have a slightly skewed sense of the dramatic.
Of course, not so long ago, I would have said something melodramatic and highly nonsensical to nobody in particular after he left, so I can't really talk, can I?
For old times sake, I close my eyes, sigh deeply, and whisper "Heero" into the quiet of the room.
It sounds ridiculous, completely out of place. Inappropriate, like my teacher at St. Gabriel's would say.
Funny, how saying his name would sometimes feel so…right. When I was sad, or scared, or simply unsure about what I was going to do, what was going to happen to me…Heero
If you say a word long enough, it loses it's meaning; becomes just another collection of syllables.
Like Hee-ro.
And Re-le-na.
Re-le-na. What does that mean, Heero? Do you remember? Or have you done to me what I did to you so long ago? Hee-ro. It meant safety, for me.
What does Re-le-na mean?
I think that I know.
After all, every schoolchild knows that "Relena" is synonymous with "peace".
I liked Heero better when neither of us knew who I was-like that day on the beach when he shoved me aside. He certainly didn't see "Relena-sama". He just saw a girl. The Vice Foreign Minister's spoiled daughter, to be sure. A girl that he might have to kill someday, but a girl nonetheless.
You can talk to a girl. You can wipe her tears away when she cries. Once in a long while, you can even smile at her, maybe.
But I'm not a girl, not anymore. I'm Relena Peacecraft, and I'm perfect. I stand on the podium and make speeches, and everyone listens politely and applauds enthusiastically and every time I can feel a little more of myself leaking away.
I'm not a person, I'm a persona. The Princess of Sank. The Dove of Peace. The Queen of the World.
I know, because I can see it in Heero. I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me, every time he talks to me.
In them, I'm not real. Not a person. Just…what? An ideal, a twisted reflection of myself. Everything that I am and everything that I've done or tried to do is rendered two-dimensional by his regard.
Re-le-na…..
No more. My name is Relena. Relena Darlian, for the parents that raised me. The parents that I loved. I won't be Relena Peacecraft anymore. Not for Heero Yuy, not for anyone.
I don't shout your name to the sky anymore, Heero. I don't because I don't want to turn your name into a mantra again. You are a real person, and you deserve better than that.
And so do I.
