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AUTHOR: Taramisu
E-MAIL: taramisu@channelingboards.com
ARCHIVED: http://www.channelingboards.com/Fanfiction/fiction.html
SUMMARY: A BtVS/Princess Bride crossover. The SG discovers a way to revive a slightly dead Slayer.
RATING: PG or PG-13 for language
TIMELINE: Directly follows "The Gift"
DISTRIBUTION: If you must. Just let me know. ;-)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters...duh! None of them…not a single person.
WRITTEN: 5/26/01
CATEGORY: Humor/Drama
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Part 1
Their trek through the thickly treed forest ended in front of a grass roofed hut.
"Wow. How come I never noticed this before?"
"You don't know everything about Sunnydale, you know." Anya's knowledge of some things frightened most of the SG, especially Willow.
Spike quickly became quite disturbed at the lack of movement in the crowd. "Will one of you troncers knock already?!"
Anya propelled herself forward and knocked with all her might.
There was no answer.
"Maybe he's out…miracling someone."
Xander rolled his eyes at his fiancé, the stepped forward to knock himself. "Hey, Max! Open the door! We got a dead girl here!"
A small door opened at head-level and an old, wrinkly face peered out.
"Are you Miracle Max?"
"That depends. Who are you?"
"Who we are is of no consequence to you. This young lady," Giles motioned to the limp Buffy, "is Buffy Summers, one of the only Vampire Slayers to live passed her 18th birthd…"
"Yeah, yeah. Why should I help her? Seems she lived a long life, for her kind."
Spike had had enough. His gorgeous human features slipped into those of the demon's and Max became quite uncomfortable. "Listen, you sodding wanker. You're gonna help this lady here, and you're gonna do it before I get pissed and do something you'll regret. Got it, Peaches?" His toothy grin was all the encouragement the recluse needed. While Spike's companions would certainly not have normally approved of such behavior, they had to admit that sometimes having a vampire around was quite convenient.
"Well, since you put it that way, bring her in and I'll take a look."
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Max poked and prodded the young woman while her friends stood around her, hoping for the miracle that only Miracle Max could provide. Xander wrung his hands while Spike lit a cigarette. Valerie, the miracle man's wife, suddenly appeared, snatched the offending cancer stick from his lips and chucked it out the window. "No smoking in my hut, Barbarian!" Spike was too stunned to say anything. The sight of the little troll-esque woman held him still and dumb…that is, until he heard a giggle emanate from Xander.
"I've seen much worse. Many years ago, there was this guy, "Man in Black" I think they called him. Anyway, he was Mostly dead, but I managed to bring him back. Of course, he had something important to live for.
Willow took this chance to try and help the situation along. "Ooh! Ooh! She's got the world to live for. She's got us. She's got…everything!"
"Well, we'll see about that." Max sauntered over to his fireplace to grab the bellows. On his way back to the blonde, he continued muttering, "It just so happens that your friend here is only Mostly dead. There's a big difference between Mostly dead and All dead."
"No! She's only Slightly dead. I'm sure of it. Mr. Whedon said so." Xander wanted to make sure Max understood what they already knew.
"Hoo hoo hoo! Look who knows so much, heh? Well, please, open her mouth." Willow approached and did so. "Now, Slightly dead is Mostly alive. Now, All dead...well, with All dead, there's usually only one thing you can do."
Spike narrowed his eyes and asked, "What's that?"
"Go through her clothes and look for loose change."
Max put the bellows to Buffy's mouth, and blew three rounds of air into her dead lungs. "Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for?" Max then pressed gently but firmly on her chest to force out the air.
All remained frozen stiff, staring closely at the Slayer, hoping for the best.
Then they heard it. The air passed over her lips and it was obvious that she was saying something.
"Dawn, Giles, Willow, Xander, Angel, and spewwwwwwsh." Her air had run out.
"Hey now!! Make her do that again. She was just about to say my name!!"
A chorus rang out, "Shut up Spike!"
"I take it that's you folks."
"Yes, it is. Now, can you help her?" Giles was in no mood for playing these games.
"Well, of course. If I can revive a Mostly dead man just living for true love, then I can certainly revive a Slightly dead woman living for her family."
Cheers filled the little hut as Max and Valerie sat together, preparing the miracle pill. When it was finished, Valerie painted it with a chocolate coating (to make it go down easier), and recited the instructions. "You have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency, and she shouldn't go in swimming after for at least an hour."
Spike gathered up his Buffy, Dawn took the pill, then they all hurried back to the Summer's house to wait for a miracle.
Valerie waved to their retreating figures, "Bye-bye, guys!"
Max waved in the same fashion. "Have fun saving the world!"
"Think it'll work?"
"It would take a miracle."
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