Ranma's Report

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½ . If I did, I would be well off…very well off.

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Ranma watched as one of his nameless and rarely heard from classmates gave his presentation. His English teacher, Miss. Hinako Ninomiya, had assigned them to do a news story like report on a subject f their choice.

Everyone's favorite pigtailed martial artist began to fell the seductive  pull of sleep on his mind as he listened to his classmate drone on. Soon he gave in and with a soft thump, he fell into a deep slumber.

"Thank you very much, now who will go next?" the small teacher pondered aloud. She then saw Ranma fast asleep, once again. "How about you, Mr. Saotome?" she asked with a smile. " *snort* ZZZ….Ack! Um, I'll take Feudal Japan for 100 Alex!" Ranma yelped as he jolted awake. "Sorry, wrong class, would you please go next?" Miss. Ninomiya asked sweetly. " *yawn* Oh, sure." He replied as gathered his papers and visual aids.

He set everything down and stood before the podium and slicked down his hair as the room fell silent. Ranma cleared his throat and began.

"Ah, Women! Women, Women, Women." Ranma started with a small chuckle, "For you young fellows, fresh on the cusp of the blooming manhood, the questions abound. 'What are women like?', 'What do women want?', 'How should I treat a woman?' Perhaps the thorniest problem for a young man…Finding a woman in the first place! It turns out to be…," Ranma leaned forward, "…Nearly Impossible!"

"This reporter spent countless hours searching for women like these pictured here, to no avail." Ranma said sadly as he held up a tag board with pictures of Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo taped to it, surrounded by question marks. " The nearest we came to, during an intense stake out, is this fellow." He held up a picture of Kuno. "Who experts believe is….not a woman." he shook his head and threw the photo over his shoulder.

"We begin to wonder, just where the heck are all the woman are? The over heated repersetry, the images that dominate our media. Is it all…an elaborate fraud?" He bent down and pulled up a large photo of a familiar Tendo sister that had been doctored to look out of focus and blurry. "This grainy photograph is the only direct evidence of a woman in her natural environment. Note the long hair and the gentle nurturing demeanor, all charteristics typical of how witnesses describe their supposed encounters with women. And it's hard to discount this man's terrifying story."

Ranma picked up a TV and snapped it on. A picture of himself in the dark with a beard on is seen.

"And then this woman, I think it was woman. She,uh…married me."

"And do you have any children, sir?"

" I don't remember!"

Ranma turned off the TV and resumed. " Someday perhaps, a woman will immerge and they will no longer exist in the realm of myth and maybe. Thank you."

3 Hours Later…….

Ranma was walking along side Ryouga, the latter was smiling and the former. The pigtailed boy walked with a limp and his clothing was torn. He held and icepack ageist a large bump on his head.

"So, I heard Shampoo had to rescue you from some sort of mob?"

"I thought they could take a joke!"