Notes so there's this song that's always reminded me of Naruto and Sasuke in boruto era, and since it's snstober (and naru's bday!), I thought I'd post a lil something for it hehe. It's inspired by Arcade by Duncan Lawrence (the fic title is a lyric from that song). I'll prolly update once a month on the 10th (11th for the folks there on the other side of the world lol). no promises tho cos life.
Warnings this one's also gonna be a bit sexually explicit. also very depressing (listen, it's not MY fault naruto and sasuke ended up not together, I'm tryna fix things here. jkjk. but am i tho?)
Finally, a disclaimer I've only read a few chapters of boruto and I couldn't continue. So if anyone seems out of character or odd or whatever, just know that the boruto characters are all based on the few chapters I've read on boruto lol. Also of clips I've seen on twitter.
aight, I talked enough. onto the show!
Loving you is a losing game.
chapter 1: a disaster birthday
Naruto stared out the Hokage's office window, looking out over the village. The faint laughter coming from outside and the bright blue sky did lift his mood a little, but…
He stared at the pile of paperwork on his desk and decided to get through at least half before he headed back to home. Maybe if he put all his focus on them, he would eventually forget about him, right?
Naruto huffed. Yeah, right.
"Hey."
Boruto entered his office, Sarada and Mitsuki following him in. "Mission completed." He strolled over to hand over the report.
"Good job, son—"
Boruto turned around and left.
Right.
He smiled nervously at the two remaining kids who were standing there awkwardly. He opened the misson report and started reading. One name jumped out immediately, and he snapped his head up. "You met Sasuke?"
Sarada nodded. "Yeah. He happened to be in the same area as us. We were fighting a bunch of bandits, and when we were done cleaning up, Papa showed up." She blushed. "He said he was watching us, and we did good work."
"And you all are alright? Boruto is unharmed?"
"Aside from a few scratches, we're all good, Hokage-sama," Mitsuki said.
"And…" Naruto licked his dry lips. He hadn't heard about him in so long. "How was Sasuke?" he couldn't help but ask.
Sarada shrugged. "He seemed okay."
"Did he…mention anything about when he'd be back?"
"He didn't."
"Ah." Naruto slumped back in his chair. "Right."
When even was the last time Sasuke was here? How long did he stay then?
"Hokage-sama?"
Naruto sat up, cursing himself. He hoped he wasn't spaced out for too long.
"Are you okay?" Sarada asked.
"Uh—yeah. Just been a long day, ya'know."
Sarada gazed at him with eyes that felt like she knew more than she let on.
Of course. She was Sasuke's child, after all. She'd always been perceptive.
Naruto grimaced internally.
"Hokage-sama, if I may?" Sarada finally said.
"Yes?"
"Maybe…you should go home? If you're so tired, you know…"
"Well—" Naruto scratched his temple. "I still have a bit more work to finish."
He didn't, really. He could go home now if he wanted to. Shikamaru had helped him with some work earlier. Naruto went back to the report they'd given and skimmed it before putting it back.
"Alright," he said. "I kept you here too long. You three did great work. Report back to me in two days, I have another mission for you. I'll let Boruto know. You two can go ahead and take a break."
"Hai, Hokage-sama."
They shuffled out the door. Sarada gave one last curious glance at Naruto before she closed the door behind her.
Naruto heaved a big sigh, burying his head in his palm.
Fuck.
He had to do something. He screwed up massively this time. Naruto had never seen Hinata get that angry.
"Can I ask you one thing, Naruto?" she had asked once both the kids were asleep. "Do you care about us? At all?"
"Of course I care about you all!" he'd said immediately. "You're my family—"
Hinata had slapped him.
"Do you know what you did? Do you know what you did?"
Naruto couldn't say anything. It was the first time she'd raised her hand against him.
"You promised. You promised Hima that you'd come to her birthday party. She was so excited when you were there. I was so happy that we could have one evening as a family for once. For once!"
"I—"
"She cries, Naruto. I never told you because I knew it'd make you feel terrible. But you need to know. She cried tonight. Boruto was close to tears too, he was trying very hard not to, but he was close. He genuinely thinks you don't care about us." Hinata's eyes had hardened then.
"I'm starting to think the same," she had said.
Naruto couldn't concentrate on the fucking paperwork anymore.
He wondered why he didn't do something about it earlier. He had convinced himself that he really had no choice as Hokage, that if he stopped working the village would fall apart. But there has to be something that can be done, right?
"Sarada?" Sakura waved a hand in front of her daughter's face. "Sarada? Sarada?"
Sarada finally jumped out of her daze. "Sorry!" She went back to eating dinner.
"What's on your mind, honey?"
Sarada chewed on her lips, thinking about the mission she was on. "I was…thinking about Boruto's family."
"Ah. Was…Boruto okay?"
Sarada looked up. "He wasn't. He cares a lot about his sister. He almost got hurt. If papa hadn't—"
Sakura straightened up, setting her chopsticks down. "Sasuke-kun was there?"
"Yeah. He was in the same area as us. He left after making sure we were okay, though."
Sakura slumped. "Oh."
Sarada hated seeing her mother look so disappointed. "I'm sorry, mama."
Sakura smiled, brushing Sarada's hair. "It's alright, sweetie."
Sarada saw right through it, but she went back to eating, not knowing what else to say. Then she paused. "Will Boruto's family be okay?"
"I don't know, hun," Sakura said, looking across the room at the picture of her old Team 7. "I don't know." She glanced back at Sarada. "How do you feel about the whole situation?"
Sarada glanced back down to her dinner, moving some food around. "I…understand why Hokage-sama did what he did. He had important work to do. But…" She looked back up at Sakura. "I still feel like he should have gone to Hima-chan's birthday party, if only for a little bit."
"You're right." Sakura went back to staring at the picture and sighed. "That idiot."
Sarada also looked at the picture. Her parents and Hokage-sama all look so young, so different, it was hard to imagine that they really were like that. But she liked the picture. She'd always found it funny how her dad and Hokage-sama seemed to hate each other, especially compared to how they are now—
Sarada sat up. "Um, mama?
"Hm?"
"What was Hokage-sama and papa like? When you were all young?"
Sakura finally snapped her gaze back to her daughter. "Why do you ask?"
Sarada stared hard at the photo. It really did look like they couldn't stand each other. She remembered Sakura talking about how the two could not stand being in close proximity to each other. That they couldn't spend more than a few minutes together without breaking out into a fight.
How do people go from hating each other's guts to…whatever her dad and the Hokage were now? Actually, what really are they? Best friends?
No, Sarada really couldn't imagine her dad saying best friend. Maybe Hokage-sama would say best friend, but somehow, even that didn't feel right.
"Hokage-sama always acts so strange whenever papa is mentioned. So, I was wondering what they were like when they were young."
"Hm." Sakura rested her chin on her palm, thinking back. "Well, Naruto and Sasuke-kun always had a strong bond, even when they were young."
Sarada frowned. And then pointed at the picture. "Does that look like a strong bond?"
Sakura laughed, scratching her neck. "Well, that was in the very beginning, when we were just formed into teams."
"But you said the Hokage-sama and papa were always at each other's throats."
"W-Well, yeah, but when it really came down to it, they really cared about each other," Sakura said.
"Could you tell me stories? Of all the adventures you had before?"
Sakura chuckled, brushing Sarada's hair. "Sure. Did I ever tell you about the time we were trying to unmask Kakashi-sensei?"
"Really?"
"Yeah! Naruto at the time…"
Naruto stepped into his house to find Himawari fast asleep on the stairs. Again. She was waiting for him. Again.
I am a piece of trash.
Naruto scooped the little girl up and took her upstairs to her room. He tucked her in bed and bent forward to kiss her forehead when her eyes flew wide open. The moment she spotted him, she jumped up and threw herself at him.
"Papa! You're home!"
Caught by surprise, it took him a brief moment to get his bearings and hug his little girl back. She was so small and precious. "You need to sleep, Hima-chan, it's way past bedtime."
Himawari burrows her head into Naruto's stomach. "No!" He heard her mumble through his jacket. "You'll leave early in the morning before I would wake up!"
"Papa will be here tomorrow, okay? I promise I'll play with you."
Himawari pulled away, her eyes wide with wonder. "Really?" Her feet did something of a dance of excitement and she jumped back into her bed, pulling the blankets right up to her nose. "I'll sleep now, then!"
Naruto smiled affectionately and kissed her forehead. "Good night, love."
It did not take long for her to fall asleep, and after giving her one last kiss, he got up and made his way to his own bedroom.
Himawari's unconditional love was something Naruto could never reconcile with. He had been such a good-for-nothing dad. Even after that disastrous birthday where he had sent his shadow clone to his daughter's birthday party—what the hell was I even thinking?—Hima still forgave him. It'd only been a week.
He really should make more effort. Being Hokage was important, but he couldn't keep abandoning his own family like this. He was taking them for granted, and he should have known better given how he grew up without one. He had assumed it would have been enough to have parents who were alive but—
No, that wasn't an excuse. He still should have known better.
He went up to the master bedroom, where Hinata was fast asleep, for which he was a little relieved. He went in for a quick shower, but when he came out, Hinata was awake, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"Naruto-kun?"
"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you up."
Hinata sat up. "Well, I'm glad I did. You were always gone before morning, and if Hima hadn't told me that you came home every night I would have assumed you never came."
"You know how Hima sneaks down the stairs to wait for me. I couldn't…you know."
"Hima loves you a lot," Hinata said.
"I know."
I don't deserve it.
"Boruto loves you, too."
Naruto winced. "I'm pretty sure he's lost all love for me. He can't stand to be near me."
Hinata stood up and walked toward him. "Boruto is hurt. He thinks you don't care about us, so he lashes out. He lashes out because you're important to him, and he wants you to love him."
"But I do love him!"
"But he doesn't feel it, does he?"
Naruto looked down. "I should…talk to him."
"That's a start." Hinata cupped his cheek, making him look back at her. "I love you, too, you know. It would be nice if you dropped by when I'm awake, too."
"R-Really?"
She hugged him, leaning her head against his chest. "Of course, Naruto-kun."
Naruto made to hug her back, but he hesitated. "But you said…you said you were also starting to think I didn't care about you all."
"I did wonder…in that moment. But I don't believe it. You're still Naruto." She pulled away, giving him a smile. "I know you love us. We all make mistakes, and…I should have said something sooner."
"This is not your fault. I should've have noticed sooner. Or done something sooner."
"Are you going to do something now?"
Naruto nodded. "Of course. I've been thinking about it all week. I'm going to hire assistants, start delegating. It should give me more time to spend with all of you. I'm gonna talk to Shikamaru, too, see if he has some ideas."
"Good."
"Can I stay…home tomorrow?"
Hinata's eyes widened. "All day, you mean?"
"Yeah. I wanted to do a redo. For Hima's birthday, I mean."
Hinata brightened, her eyes shining, and his breath stuttered for a moment. She was so beautiful. "Thank you. And you don't have to ask. This is your home, too."
"Y-Yeah, I guess you're right."
She took his hand and led him to bed. Naruto couldn't help but notice how the moonlight silhouetted her body. How her silky hair flowed down her shoulders, inviting him to thread his fingers through it. He crawled into bed and pulled her into a hug, tucking his chin between her neck and shoulders.
"Thank you, Hinata."
