Lesley and Audrey spent a few minutes to talk before everybody was able to stop by to see her while they had the opportunity.
" how's everything at the Hos-Hospital" Lesley asked
" Oh well you know how crazy some things get at times... Everything is taken care of at the hospital... How are you doing" Audrey replied
" It's rough but I'm fighting at my har-hardest for Rick... And the kids... I just wish Rick didn't have to go through this." Lesley replied as well as she could
" I can't imagine how you must feel having to go through all of this...If there's anything Steve and I can do let us know... We're always glad to help when you need it" Audrey said gently
" There is... There is some-something you could do" Lesley got out in spite of her respiratory struggles
" Whatever you need Lesley" Audrey replied
" Take the kids... They shou... They shouldn't have to be arou-around to see me like this... '' Lesley pulled down her respirator mask when she pleaded
" They can stay as long as you need... Try to get some rest…" Audrey replied
" No... If I were to rest I may not wa-wake up again... I don't want to miss an-anything..." Lesley replied in spite of the amount of pain she was in.
Audrey stepped out and went to head downstairs to get Rick in the living-room...
" Is Lesley alright?" Rick asked
" Yeah she's asked for you and... She asked that the kids come stay with Steve and I for alittle bit..." Audrey replied
" I think that's a good idea, they shouldn't be here to see Lesley like this and Riley he knows something is wrong but I haven't been able to get around to really telling him and..." Rick replied and sat down on the couch.
" Would you like me to get a few things together for the kids?" Jessie asked
" Would you?... I don't think I could face this right now and they don't need to see me looking like this." Rick replied
Jessie got a few things together for the kids and sat down to talk to them for a moment
" Girls... Riley, come sit for a moment your mother's not doing too good right now so you're gonna spend some time with Dr Hardy and Audrey so me and your father can help make sure your mom is okay... let's go give your mother a hug tell her that you love her." Jessie said and added
" stay with me though please... Riley I mean it I don't want to have to tell you again I want you to stay with me because your mother isn't doing good right now and there's only so much she's able to do..."
" But Momma's gonna get better isn't she… Like she's not gonna leave us.. right?"
" Jesslyn, me and your Dad are gonna do everything we can possible I promise you that."
" Mom's got to get better…. Her birthday is coming up soon." Riley said but moved away
" Riley I promise you your father and I will do everything we can to help her. I know it's hard on you guys. The best thing to do is try our best to show your mother that we're gonna be okay. Even through the worst of times"
Jessie let the twins and Riley spend a couple minutes with Lesley before they left with Steve and Audrey and then she moved to head downstairs to talk to Rick for alittle bit.
" We love you Mom... We had this made for you as well... We hope you feel better soon.. And all of our friends are praying for you too" Genesis sat alongside with Jesslyn at Lesley's side.
" And tha-that's beau-beautiful. Girls" Lesley pulled down her respirator mask. " I want you to try hard to pro-promise me you'll be good for Jessie and you'll be there when she needs you... and you will look after your brother... Can you do that for me... can you take care of your brother..." Lesley asked
Jesslyn nodded and both her and Genesis gave Lesley a small hug and a kiss " We just want you to get better…. We need you to stick around for awhile." Genesis said.
" I love the 3 of you very much I need you to kno... to know that." Lesley started to lose consciousness again but Jesslyn stayed at her side " we do know Momma… we know more than you know and we love you just as much"
" You girls take your brother into the other room. I'll be right there in a minute..." Jessie asked
Jessie stayed with Lesley for a few minutes and promised her she'd look after the kids and Rick.
" Lesley it's okay, don't try to say anything I want you to just listen. I'm gonna promise you what you've always done for me I'm gonna give back to you, anything those kids will need or Rick, I got it I'm gonna be there when they need me I promise you they're gonna all be okay and so will I. You were always there for me when I needed someone to turn to so I am returning that back to you" Jessie said softly after she pulled the respirator mask back up
Rick sat over by the coffee table on the couch trying to wrap his mind around the situation and the reality of what's been taking place. Ironically it's not his heart that's having real difficulty with everything, it's his mind that's refusing to understand why it was happening, and why it had to be Lesley who continued to suffer only to later lose her battle.
" I hate that the kids won't be here to spend time they should get to have with her... They should be able to... Lesley should be getting ready to see them go off to school for the first time again... But she's not gonna get to see that she won't get to be there when they graduate and start college or they have their first boyfriends... She's gonna miss all of that..." Rick got out
" Rick you will be and where you go, she will be there because Lesley's always gonna be in your thoughts and in our prayers... She'll always be in our hearts everyday. You hold on to that.. tell her what you need to tell her. " Steve replied while Audrey took the kids out to the car.
" Steve, tell me how I'm supposed to just say goodbye to her... I don't think I can bring myself to let her go, nevermind to saying goodbye to her either. l couldn't even wrap myself with the idea of her to maybe see and date someone else when we were divorced…. My jealousy always showed the moment I heard another guy's name."
" When the right time comes along Rick, and you feel that small sense of peace you'll know... You'll know Rick because she will… The moment she feels she's ready to let go…. you'll know." Steve responded
Steve went up to see Lesley for a couple of minutes so Jessie took the opportunity to sit Rick down again for another talk
" Lesley stood up to me at the beginning when I tried to push her away because at that time I had just lost my daughter. How she knew that I would never understand but she told me she was not about to turn her back to me... That was nearly 50 years ago and every day since we have had a close bond between us and I couldn't trade that for anything in the world."
" Rick, I know that you're struggling with this and you're trying to get through it because I'm doing the same thing it breaks my heart with what's happening to her... You and Lesley have always had a strong connection that will never change, not even now… Look I can't tell you how to find that strength to let her go... Only you can find that when the right time comes itself but I can tell you this Lesley has always felt better with you right there and that Rick is what means to her most..."
" She ah always said she wanted to be cremated then scattered alongside the garden where she said she would always feel safe at after I took her up to the mountains in Aspen after the accident ... I don't know that I can hold that to her... Jessie I don't know that I can promise her that… I don't think I could do it" Rick admitted
" And that's okay Rick…. Lesley could never hold that against you. She knew what toll this would take on you, not just on herself. No one Rick is gonna fault you because you won't be able to let her go."
~~~
" Steve... Th-thank you for everything you've ever done... I ca-can't think of anyone better than someone like you and Audrey and of course Jess-Jessie to look after my family. That's the main thing that I wor-worry about."
" Lesley don't you ever worry about anything Jessie, Audrey and I we will never let Rick and the kids be left alone all of you are family... Is there anything that you would like me to do?" Steve asked gently
" No I'm not in any pain anymore I'm alright I'm ju-just I'm just tired.." Lesley slightly whispered
" I'm gonna let you and Rick have your time... To have you on my staff for as long as you were in the hospital, it was a pleasure and an honor to have you as a colleague and a friend... You will always be remembered in the hospital. I can promise that... A dedication ceremony for you is gonna be put aside when I get a chance... So you rest Lesley, just rest and find peace." Steve got out and gave Lesley a hug before stepping out to go downstairs.
Rick took what Jessie said even as painful and as heartbreaking as he knew it to be, Rick knew time was gonna eventually soon run short as Lesley was starting to become very weak and was barely conscious and that was what he wanted to keep running... he wanted the time to last as long as it would because to think of having to say goodbye to Lesley at that point was devastating. As much as Rick hated and didn't want to admit it, Lesley was dying no matter what was done or what he tried he knew there was nothing he could do except be there right by her side and decided to take another leave after all of their friends had been by just a few days before as the realization started to cut through into Rick's heart that rather if he liked or wanted it or not he was soon gonna have to face that Lesley was dying.
" Yo… You're do-doing it again..." Lesley slightly whispered almost barely
" doing what again butterfly?" Rick gently slid beside while he decided to hold on to her
" You're st... staring again." Lesley answered
" Course I will stare…" Rick took hold of Lesley's hand. " You're the only woman in the world I'd ever want to look at and if I had a choice between letting you go out to hold you… it would be a no brainer because I would rather hold you than to live without your smile or the cold shoulder you sometimes used to give me when i've made you upset..." Rick replied just as Lesley started coughing up blood again.
" Lesley, tell me what it is I can do for you... what is it you need" Rick asked as he helped her sit up slightly
" I'm ok Rick, I'm right where I need to be... I ju-just I just want to be with you." Lesley replied and looked up towards Ricks direction
Jessie came in with the hospice nurse with alittle something small for Lesley to try to get something to eat
" Les, do you want to try to eat something? maybe alittle piece of fruit?" Rick asked softly
Even though Lesley felt like she was slowly suffocating, she tried to get something to eat even if it was small but everytime she tried she knew she wasn't gonna be able to keep it down, especially now as her body was starting to begin to shut down and last that the hospice nurse had recorded, her blood pressure had started to gradually drop as time moved on.
" Rick... I... im s-s-sorry" Lesley stated and Rick interrupted.
" Lesley don't be sorry for anything, you're trying and that's what's important... I know it's difficult for you and thats okay, because I'm right here every step of the way right by your side... You're not gonna go through this by yourself." Rick said and couldn't help but continue to look at her after she tried to reach to grab at his collar. " I'm gonna give you something more for the pain"
" No... No more medication.. I wan-wanna be more alert... for you I don't want to miss anything else." Lesley winced while looking over to Rick
" Just rest, sweetheart, you don't worry about anything, anything you need Jess and I will be right here" Rick said and kissed her forehead as she drifted out for alittle while.
Jessie went and got the phone so it wouldn't upset Lesley " Webber residence"
" Jessie is that you? it's Gail..." Gail replied simply
" Oh hi Gail how are you... ?" Jessie asked
Gail and Jessie talked for about 20 minutes about Gail's upcoming trip for South Hampton. Finally before Gail had to go she was finally able to ask one thing that she was meaning to ask before about " Jessie, how is Lesley doing?"
" She's holding her own Gail, but she's not doing good. She's putting up a good fight especially for Rick but she's not gonna make it… she's not eating now and her kidneys I believe have shut down…. Rick had just brought in further assistance with respiratory care " Jessie replied as easy as she could
" That's terrible, things really started to look up for Lesley I thought after what happened after Laura's death with the accident she had with Rick and the twins who are 15... and Riley is only 5 it's just a shame" Gail replied and added " Um I have a patient in 10, could you give Lesley my best let her know and Rick too that Lee and I we send our love and we're sending Prayers too her way and let Rick know we'll try our best to come by to see Lesley."
" I will Gail, and thanks for calling in..." Jessie replied simply
Jessie headed to check on Lesley while Rick tried to focus on doing something in the kitchen for her... sitting next to Lesley, Jessie reached for the warm washcloth to gently pat down Lesley's forehead before stepping aside to pick up around the room though she paused when Lesley was awake and reached over towards Jessie.
" Lesley, is there anything you need me to do for you?" Jessie asked while helping Lesley sit up
" You've done so much already Jessie I don't know how I could ever thank you for everything.." Lesley replied..
" Easy..." Jessie said and used the warm cloth to gently pat Lesley's forehead " anything you need Lesley I'm right here for Whatever you need."
" Jes...sie…. Hold onto these for me... Pro-promise me you'll watch over Rick when I'm... When... When I'm gone..." Lesley got out
" Hey now... everything is gonna be ok... I'm not gonna let Rick go through this by himself. You have a lot of friends and family who love you Lesley... We won't let Rick go through this all alone... Try to rest Lesley'' Jessie said softly while sitting alongside Lesley's bedside
Jessie moved to pick up around the room before stepping out into the living-room where Rick was glancing through an album he found without knowing it was put together.
" Lesley must've secretly been working on this with the girls while I was running around to get some things that she would ask for, I honestly almost forgot about some of these pictures... I remember the year before, when her birthday came around the corner and I had you work out the trip details and you arranged to watch the girls and Riley for us and she knew nothing on what I had planned up my sleeve for her... to see how her face just lit up like a christmas tree in spite that last year she was sick, you couldn't help but laugh with her when she got the surprise of her life. I think maybe she just thought I was gonna take her somewhere special like Dino's for her birthday then eventually we would come back here but when I proved otherwise she was the happiest that I've seen her after what happened with Laura and the accident where I almost lost her... I never would've thought Jessie in a million years, that here we are almost 14 years later and she's slowly slipping away from me more everyday by the minute and there's nothing I can do to help her... I just want her to get better..." Rick said, trying to pretend he was okay but Jessie knew better.
Jessie reached to move the album and she turned Rick so that Rick was facing her in her direction. " Rick I want you to listen to me, you have done more than you ever thought you could for Lesley, you did not fail her in any way shape or form, just to have you right there with her... believe it or not she feels a whole lot better just by the time she has to spend with you. I can't tell you how to find the path to say goodbye, only you and Lesley can reach that moment when that time comes, what I can tell you Rick is take most of this time...limit or no limit you grab onto it and you hold on spend that time you have, tell Lesley what you need to or what you feel you want to say to her... but just being with you is what means the most to her." Jessie said to Rick trying to guide him through this difficult moment.
" Lesley should be looking forward to celebrating with the kids starting school soon again and Riley is gonna start his first year in his new school she should be looking forward to that... Instead she's counting her time within days maybe hours" Rick cried
" Rick what's gonna matter to her is that she's with you even at her weakest moments she knows you're there. That's all she needs" Jessie replied
A couple of days after a few friends stopped by at a time, Gail and Lee managed to stop by while they had a chance as much as it hurt to see Lesley go through what she was going through Gail hoped to spend alittle time before she and Lee had to be at the airport the following morning
" Les, sweetheart." Rick gently rubbed on her hand. " Sweetheart.. Gail and Lee came to see you.."
" I just gave her alittle bit of her anti nausea medication a few moments ago and the nurse had just changed her morphine IV so she may go in and out… I'll let you have a few moments."
Rick stepped out for alittle bit to give Lesley, Lee and Gail some time
" We won't stay too long, we thought maybe you'd like a couple visitors for a little bit…" Lee said
" It's al….right I was ho-hoping to see you Lee…. I wanted to make sure that everything was…. Everything was in order." Lesley replied
" I have everything all together Lesley don't you worry about that.." Lee answered softly.
" Lesley is there anything Lee and I can do for you?" Gail asked gently
" No…. You've already done everything… All I need is for you to be there for Rick… He's gonna need you. When I… when I'm gone.."
" Hey, Lesley, we're gonna be there when Rick needs us, we will promise you that." Gail said simply.
" Ke….keep this Gail…. Keep this for the girls and Riley…" Lesley asked
" Course I will hold on to it. Anything you need from us Lesley we will be there for you." Gail reached for Lesley's hand just as she was drifting back out of consciousness again.
~~~
Over the next several days leading into the early hours of May 16th, after friends made time to see Lesley while they had a chance, Rick stayed more and more close for when Lesley needed something or she needed him in general, he wanted to be right there when she needed something. Only then, he told Jessie that if anyone was to call, especially the hospital, that he was to be left alone to spend the time that he could with Lesley, little time or not, all he wanted was to be with her while he still could.
" Rick… Lesley asked me to come get you….. I think you both need to have some time alone." Jessie stood near the fireplace as Rick was looking out the French doors.
" I don't know that I can do it Jessie….. I don't know how to let her go."
" Hey we haven't lost her yet…. She's still holding onto her fight… That's where you have the time to just be there. Take that time to just be with her. That's where you need to be."
Rick went upstairs to be at Lesley's side while Jessie answered the phone as Steve called to check in on Lesley and her condition.
" I'll let Rick know you called Steve I don't think it'll be too much longer, her BP has gradually dropped more since the nurse from hospice care last checked and she's begun to really weaken more throughout as the day goes and she's barely conscious now and her breathing is very shallow even with medical assistance. The other nurse and myself feel that it could be maybe at least another hour or so with how low her BP is and how shallow her respiration has become; Listen, Steve I'll call you later when anything changes." Jessie said while keeping Steve informed on Lesley's condition
Jessie headed to let Rick know Steve had called and to see if he or Lesley needed anything.
" Has the hospice care nurse left?" Rick asked
" Yeah she left alittle bit ago and the second nurse will be here shortly. Steve called to check on things he and Audrey send their love and their prayers and they wanted me to tell you Lesley that Genesis and Jesslyn they love you and wish they could be with you and Riley is okay he's playing with his little dragon you got him last year when you took him for the county fair. Is there anything you need?" Jessie asked
" No but thank you Jessie I really appreciate what you've been doing for us. Especially for Lesley."
" I'm gonna give you and Lesley your time, you just call out if you need anything." Jessie smiled and moved to step out but turned around when Lesley attempted to reach for her hand.
" Je-Jessie... I love you... Tell the kids... Tell them I love them and ke-keep them safe " Lesley said as best as she could.
" Lesley I love you very much and I promise you... I will watch out for Rick and the kids whenever they really need someone.. But I'm gonna miss you very much." Jessie stepped over and gave Lesley a kiss on her forehead and shortly after she stepped out to give them time alone.
" I should give you something more for the pain. I want you to be comfortable." Rick insisted as Lesly didn't let go of his hand again instead.
" No... I'm alright.. I'm not in any pain not anymore Rick.. I'm ju...just ti..tired is all... There's nothing I wouldn't want more than to be with you one last time... It wo-won't be very long now." Lesley looked at Rick... " Ple-please don't cry Rick because I'm alright... I'm wi-with you, and I'm not... I'm not sc-scared anymore."
" I can't think of any other place to be than to be right here Lesley right here with you in my arms.." Rick sniffled through a few tears while he held Lesly close to him when she told him she loved him
Rick took a moment to just look at Lesley as she was out again, he knew time was running out, but there was nothing he could do to help her as her body had already shut down instead all Rick thought to do was to hold her even if it was gonna end up being his last time and that was exactly what he chose to do as he picked her up from the side of the hospital bed and held her closer to him so she laid across his chest just as she wanted after he disconnected the ventilator and her medical machines other than her morphine IV and the main monitor while he sat in the chair with her.
Lesley had woken up for what felt like a brief moment to Rick when she looked up at him " I wouldn't ch-cha-change the years I've been able to have with you not for any- anyt-anything Rick... you gave me more than anybody ever had in my whole life and I want to... want to thank you Rick..." Lesley stopped talking for a brief moment before pushing herself to be able to look at Rick for the last time.
" I've nev-never been more happy or felt more safe than when... when I'm with you and the kids... The four of you have and will always be a godsend to my... to my heart... I lov-love you Rick... Pro-Promise me Rick you'll always hold on to that... and you'll find som-someone to love again... Promise me you'll be ok... Remember Rick... remember what we'll al-always have... I'm... I'm never gonna leave you Rick, I ne-need you to promise me " Lesley, as weak as she's become, said what she felt she could in spite of her respiratory difficulties.
It took all in Rick not to break into complete tears as he was fighting as hard as he could to be strong for Lesley, he kissed her on the forehead and told her he'd promise he'd try to keep going while he held her tight and told her what she means to him " I promise you I will try but Les, I can't promise I'll be able to let go of you I can't promise i'll be able to go on without you... Lesley you've made me happier than I ever could've been over the years and I will carry that for the rest of my life. The proudest moment in my life was marrying you and not just once but I got the chance to do it twice and if there was an opportunity to do it again I'd take it in a heartbeat just to see that sparkle come out along with your beautiful smile... Lesley you didn't just make me a better man you made an honest man out in me and you showed me how to handle some of the hardest things I sometimes had to face... And I don't know how I'm gonna live without you."
Lesley felt that her time was running out and Rick now knew what Steve and Jessie both meant by knowing when that right moment would come when she had laid her head on his shoulder and had her hand over his heart while pushing herself to try to stay awake. " I'm ju-just… I'm just so ti….tired…"
" It's alright Lesley, everything is ok now... you.. You can let go… You don't have to keep fighting to stay… you just rest." Rick whispered through a few shaky breaths while listening to her heart starting to slow more along with her breathing.
shortly after he told her it was ok to let go, she looked up at him for small moment when he gave her a kiss and Lesley told him she loved him, she burrowed her head like she'd always done before when they'd lie together with her hand rested right over his chest and just as she did when he brought her home from the hospital last before, she burrowed her head for that last time onto his shoulder and it was just through that moment Rick felt that Lesley had found peace when she took her last breath and stopped breathing just as he felt that she had passed away peacefully the way he knew she wanted to as the moment came when he heard her heart had stopped and her hand slid down into his in his lap only then did Rick let his pain go and didn't fight to keep it together after the main monitor had shown she was in asystole… realizing now that the love of his life was truly gone Rick couldn't bring himself to turn off the machine instead he just stayed in the chair with Lesley in his arms.
Jessie came in about 20 minutes after Lesley had passed away and Rick sat rocking while he didn't want to let go of her. " Rick..." Jessie placed her hand on his shoulder.
" Jessie she's gone... Lesley's gone... I can't do this, I don't know how… I don't know what to do." Rick finally broke into tears while holding her tighter to him in the chair. Shortly after Jessie had turned off Lesley's monitors as well as she disconnected everything else including Lesley's respirator and the IV.
" I know how much it hurts for you right now Rick and I wish I had the words to help you. Lesley fought... She fought harder than alot of most patients were able to in her situation but she wasn't gonna give up without fighting as hard as she could or for as long as she could without being with who meant the most to her, that's all she would talk about when she would talk was who meant the most to her."
" I think you need to take alittle more time to be with Lesley so I'm gonna give you alittle more time alone with her and I will be right downstairs in the living room... you just call out for me." Jessie laid a hand on Rick's shoulder and gave Lesley a kiss on her head before she moved to go down to the living-room.
