Deep Within

Deep Within
By Jen

You say you've been hurt
Well you're not alone
As you race through this life
What you keep to yourself
Can turn you to stone
All it would take is one kind word
To be heard
Come on and give a little bit
Try to forgive a little bit

-Show Some Emotion Celine Dion

Chapter 8- Escaping Emotions: 'She's beginning to become like you Aoshi-san.'

"Konnichiwa. Welcome to the Aoiya, how may I hel-" Omasu stopped in mid-sentence when she realized who had just answered. A face she had not seen in the past three months since news came of Misao's arrival in Tokyo. "Mei-chan!"

Mei bowed in greeting. "Konnichiwa Omasu-san. How is every-"

She didn't have time to finish her sentence before Omasu and Okon caught her in a hug. "Minna…"

By then Okina, Shiro, and Kuro were there too.

"Welcome back Mei."

"Arigatou. Demo… I'm not going to be staying long. I bring word from the Himuras and our other friends in Tokyo."

"They are well I hope?" Okon asked.

"Hai. Everyone is doing fine. Asuko is growing up beautifully. Yahiko-kun and Yu-kun are learning new fighting methods, Megumi-sensei and Sanosuke seem to be getting closer, Kaoru-san and Himura-san are busy taking care of Asuko and running the dojo…" Mei watched them for a minute. She could see that they wanted to know of Misao… that the information she had just given them were not as important, but she knew that they wouldn't ask. They would wait until she spoke of Misao and then ask their questions. Instead, Okina asked another question.

"Who's Yu-kun?"

"He is Sanosuke and Misao's student. Well minna, I have to go down to the clinic and gather some of my belongings. I'll be back for dinner. " That was all she said and she smiled before she left. She left the Oniwabanshuu in their state of confusion.

"Did she just say the Yu-kun was Sanosuke and…" Omasu didn't finish her sentence, but Shiro did it for her.

"Sanosuke and Misao's student?"

"Aa. She did."

The information left them confused. Misao was teaching someone the ways of an Oniwabanshuu? Why would she do that?


For once Aoshi wasn't meditating instead he had decided to take a walk to get away from reality. His mind shifted to the events in the past few months… the months since they received word that Misao had arrived in Tokyo. When Yuri had told him the news, his heart was suddenly soothed and the turmoil was erased from it. He had heard that Mei was going to stay with Misao in Tokyo, but she had come back for a visit and to gather some of her belongings. She hadn't spoke of Misao, refusing to answer any of their questions. The only thing she would say about Misao was that she was doing fine. That was it. It was enough to drive the others mad. He headed off the trail and turned his attention up into the trees where he saw Mei watching him.

"Mei-san?" She nodded in greeting and jumped down from the branches and landed on the ground softly next to him.

"Aoshi-san, Ohayo."

"Nande?"

"I wanted to tell you before I told the others…" Mei began and paused.

"Tell me what?"

"Misao has decided to permanently live in Tokyo, and she says that she will never come back to Kyoto." Mei finished quickly and looked at him, studying him for any reaction.

"She is living with the Battosai and that ex-gangster. She's completely protected…"

"HIMURA-SAN has a wife and child to protect. Sanosuke has to look after Megumi-sensei and Kaoru-san. Misao only has herself… and… considering her will to live, that isn't much protection."

"She is living with the Battosai and that ex-gangster. She's completely protected…"

"HIMURA-SAN has a wife and child to protect. Sanosuke has to look after Megumi-sensei and Kaoru-san. Misao only has herself… and… considering her will to live, that isn't much protection."

"Her will to live?" Aoshi raised a questioning eyebrow. Mei glanced away from him into the distance.

"Misao… she's… her ki still isn't strong… she doesn't have the will to live. For the first few weeks during her recovery from her illness, all she did was walk around, staring into the distance as if she was waiting for someone to come for her… and her eyes… they're so hard… unfeeling…"

Aoshi didn't know what to say. Mei's words didn't seem to sink in quickly, and said nothing in response, so Mei continued trying to reason with him.

"…her eyes show no emotions…she's lifeless… and she's become so cold."

"…"

Mei was angered even more when Aoshi showed no emotions. "Have you nothing to say?"

"… it is better for her to stay in Tokyo…" Where I can't hurt her. Aoshi finished his thought in his mind.

"She needs you! Can't you see that yet?! After so long, are you still so blind as not to see how you really love her?! That perhaps… no… I know that you love her as much as she does you! Why can't you realize that? Why?! Misao isn't herself anymore. I don't know what she's become…"

Mei's eyes began to well up in tears that she had kept in the last several emotion racking months. Aoshi immediately wrapped his arms around her, offering his shoulder. Mei cried from all the pain of the last months, she cried for Aoshi, she cried for Misao, but most of all, she cried for the love that Aoshi had refused to give Misao, I can't help her. No one can… only him…and he doesn't even care…

"Gomen nasai. I got your shirt wet. I'm going back to Tokyo today. Sayonara, Aoshi-san."

Mei began to walk off, but before she did, she turned around for the last time to face Aoshi.

"She's beginning to become like you Aoshi-san…" And she walked off.


"Sayonara minna. I'll come back for a visit in a few months." Mei waved before she left with Sa who had come to accompany her home.

"Sayonara Mei-san!"

"Sayonara Mei!"

"Sayonara Mei-chan!"

They watched Mei walked further and further away until she disappeared from view.


Aoshi did not see Mei off with the others, instead he had spent his time in his room, trying to meditate. But every time he tried to clear his mind, Mei's voice would fill his head.

"Misao has decided to permanently live in Tokyo, and she says that she will never come back to Kyoto."

It is better for her to stay there…

"Misao… she's… her ki still isn't strong… she doesn't have the will to live. For the first few weeks during her recovery from her illness, all she did was walk around, staring into the distance as if she was waiting for someone to come for her… and her eyes… they're so hard… unfeeling…"

Then why did his heart tell him differently?

"She's beginning to become like you Aoshi-san."

Was she really becoming like him? Impossible. She couldn't possibly know what it was like to succumb to the darkness. Impossible when she was light… light does not give into darkness.

"…her eyes show no emotions…she's lifeless… and she's become so cold."

But the light had died in her not so long ago, almost a year. He had seen that much when she had tried to kill herself. It was because of him. He, the darkness had broken her, the wonderful light that shone for all.

"She needs you! Can't you see that yet?! After so long, are you still so blind as not to see how you really love her?! That perhaps… no… I know that you love her as much as she does you! Why can't you realize that? Why?! Misao isn't herself anymore. I don't know what she's become…"

Misao… why am I feeling the way I do now? Why is my heart yearning for you? Could it possibly… could Mei have been right? Aoshi shook his head. It couldn't be…

Confusion was something Shinomori Aoshi was not used to feeling, but ever since he had came back to the Aoiya, that was all he was feeling.


"Aoshi?"

"What is it Yuri?" Aoshi sighed as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Okina-sama sent a letter to Tokyo. We may get to see Misao-san soon."

Misao? Yes, he needed to see Misao right now. But why? Why did he need to see her so bad? He loved Yuri. He was engaged to Yuri... but his the deepest part of his heart yearned to see Misao. Why? He had Yuri... could his heart be trying to tell him something? What was this urgent feeling to see her? Misao... his Misao-chan. The little girl who followed him everywhere. The young woman who had become his friend in a way. The young ninja whose heart he had broken so many times. The need to see her was becoming so great... why?


Author's Notes: Gomen nasai for rushing this fic through the months, but if I take my time, this fic might become more than fifty chapters don't want that to happen. What did you think? Loved it? Hated it? Send comments and suggestions, ne?