Deep Within

Deep Within
By Jen

But now I'm…
Stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but my way
My lonliness ain't killing me no more
I'm stronger
That I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn't really care 'bout me
You might think that I can't take it, but you're wrong
'Cause now I'm…
Stronger than yesterday

-Stronger Britney Spears

Chapter 10- Strength and Weaknesses: 'Love was my weakness…he was my weakness'

"Oi! WEASEL!" Several kunais just barely missed Sano's head.

"Don't call me weasel!" Misao was stalking towards Sano dangerously. Mei came out when she heard Misao's outburst and ran between the two.

"Maa. Maa. Calm down Misao." Misao let out a sigh, and calmed down but not before she kecho kicked him. "I'm not a weasel, rooster-head."

"Che. Are you really a girl?" Sano rubbed his sore head. Misao fumed. "SANO!"

"I'm kidding! Just kidding!"

"What did you want?"

"You got a letter." Sano held Misao a note.

"Ehh? A letter?" Before Misao could open it, everyone was already crowding around her.

"Who's it from Misao-dono?" Kenshin asked when he saw Misao's face.

"From Kyoto." She muttered. She opened the letter and read through it. She frowned and closed the letter, and walked off without another word, the letter slipping from her hand.

"Misao?" Mei watched Misao's retreating back and frowned. She picked up the fallen letter and read aloud the contents.


Ciao. My Angel Misao.

It has been a long time since we heard from you. I hope that you are faring well. How is your new life? I wanted you to know that everyone misses you and wishes to see you again. With your permission, we would like to come to Tokyo to celebrate your birthday with you.

Adios ,
Your beloved Jiya

P.S. How is Mei?

Mei frowned and looked back to wear Misao had retreated. "They shouldn't have done that. They really shouldn't have."

"I wonder what Misao-dono will do?" Kenshin asked quietly.

"What else can she do? If they visit, it will open up old wounds and I am sure Misao can't take that." Kaoru and Mei exchanged worried looks.

"She will not allow them to come, and Okina-sama and the others would be hurt. But if they come…could she handle it?"


Misao sat at her dresser staring into the mirror. She saw her reflection. It reminded her of the time before she had started her new life. She was sure that she could face Jiya and the others again, but what of Aoshi? Was she really ready to open up old wounds? Even after eleven months, she could not forget. How pathetic am I? She thought, laughing hollowly. Why can't I just forget him? He rejected me. End of story. Why can't I move on? Misao sighed and looked away from the mirror. Even if I hadn't moved on, I will pretend. Let them come. I'll just pretend. Misao got out a piece of paper and ink and began to write a later to Kyoto.

Minna-san,

I am faring well. My new life suits me well. If you would like, a short visit is fine with me. We will expect you in five days.

Ja ne,
Misao

Short, sweet, and to the point. Perfect. Misao whistled and Shin came flying into her window. She attached the note to the hawk and sent it on its way. I am fine. I can handle this. Misao decided to go work out to take her thoughts off of everything.


Aoshi was meditating when Shin swooped down with a reply from Misao. Aoshi took the letter and read Misao's delicate handwriting. He stood to bring the message back to the Aoiya, knowing fully that everyone will be pleased. And you? A voice asked him. Are you happy that you get to see Misao again? Aoshi paused in mid-stride. Yes he would be happy to see Misao again. In her absence, his heart yearned for her presence. Her laughter, her smile, and her cheerful chatter. He wondered about this. He cared for Misao. Yes, that was true. But he wasn't sure how much he cared for her. True, he did love Yuri, but he found that there was something missing in his heart.

A simple yearning, yet it persisted him. The yearning was not new. It had been with him ever since Misao had confessed her love to him. He could not understand the emptiness he felt when Misao had left them. Nor, the feeling of dread when he had saved Misao from her own death. After her disappearance, images of her plagued his mind. He thought of no one but her. He had still yet to come to a conclusion. His mind went back to Yuri. No plans have been made for the wedding, even though Yuri kept asking him to help her. He would always refuse, trying to postpone it as much as he could. But why? He wanted to marry her…right? He loved her and wanted to live life with her. But something was wrong. It all felt wrong. Something in his heart was telling Aoshi that he was not supposed to marry Yuri, no he was supposed to marry….

"Aoshi!" He looked up to see Yuri running towards him.

"Nande?"

Yuri flashed him a strange look before continuing. "Has anything come from Tokyo yet?"

"Aa." He gave her the message and she read it. She smiled and ran excitedly back to the Aoiya to let the others know of the good news.

Aoshi watched her. He was missing something, but what?


Misao gazed at the full moon outside her window as she brushed her hair. It had grown in the past eleven months. Not to its original length, but instead it hung below her chest. She was considering about what she would do when Okina and the rest arrived. She was wondering how she should act. What she could say to them? What was there to say? They had not spoken since her attempted suicide. How would she face them now?

"Misao?" Mei and Kaoru had been standing behind her for a few minutes, but she hadn't even noticed them.

"Hai?"

"Are you going to be alright? Are you sure you can handle seeing them again?"

"Of course I am… it's been months. I'm sure they've forgotten about it by now."

"Misao-chan… Misao-chan…honestly…"

"Iie. I'm not fine with it, demo… I still care for them… I can't refuse them this. I just couldn't."

"What about Aoshi-san? Won't seeing him and Yuri-san together… can you handle that?"

Misao was silent for a few moments. "I'll be fine. I'm sure of it. As for seeing them together… I've realized that love was my weakness…he was my weakness."

"Misao…?"

"Daijobou. Honto. I'll be fine."

I'll be fine… She repeated to herself over and over. Yes, I'll be fine.


"Misao-senpai?" Yu called his mentor again for the tenth time. She was staring off into the distance again, reminding him of the days when she had been recovering from her illness. Since that day two days ago when the message came from Kyoto, she had been walking around in a daze. "Misao-senpai?"

He waved his hands in front of her face. His blue eyes narrowed slightly…when she said nothing. "Misao-senpai?"

She blinked as if noticing him for the first time. "Yu-kun?"

"Daijobou ka?" He asked concerned.

"Daijobou. I'm just thinking."

"Are you sure?" His concern for his mentor was evident as he sat down next to her. Misao smiled at her student. She knew his affections for her were great and hers for him were also there. She knew that he saw her as the older sister he had lost just two years ago. He watched over her while she watched over him. Overtime, he had begun to tell her about his life. His older sister and he were orphans when his parents were killed in the war. Two years ago, his older sister had caught a deadly disease and died soon after. He lived on the streets until she had found him eleven months ago. Since then he had been living with them. He cared for both his mentors, taking on their attitudes. He had her patience and Sano's cockiness. Even his looks resembled a cross between the two, with his emotionless blue eyes in battle and Sano's spiky hair. His agility was his best ally in fighting, almost faster than she.

"Senpai?"

"I'm sure Yu-kun."

"Misao-neesan!!!!!!!" Misao found herself the victim of a glomp as she looked up. "Su-chan? Konnichiwa."

"Neesan will you make Su-chan something to eat?"

"Ehh? Where's your okaasan?"

"'kaasan is teaching her st..ude..nts…" Asuko smiled in triumph as she got out the new word she learned.

"Ok. Neesan will make you something to eat."

Misao got up, Yu following her movement. "Ne, Yu-kun want to join us?"

"Hai."

Misao, Asuko, and Yu walked back to the dojo. "Neesan?"

"Hai?"

"kaasan says we're going to have visitors from …Kyoto..?"

"…hai."

"Do you know them?"

"Hai."

"Are they nice?"

"..hai.. very nice. I used to live with them."

"Before you came here?"

"Before I came here." Misao agreed as she placed Asuko down next to Yu and started to prepare a snack and some tea for herself. The scent of green tea entered her nostrils and she felt the familiar sense of pain, remembering how she used to make it for Aoshi. "Aoshi…"

Yu heard her quiet murmur. "Who's Aoshi?"

Misao's head snapped up. "Nani?"

"Who's Aoshi? You just said his name." Yu noticed the way she stiffened.

"He was someone I used to know. One of our visitors in two days."

"Oh."

Misao silently helped Asuko eat and sipped her own tea. "He was also my old mentor. He taught me everything I know about kenpou. He's also one of the best warriors I know…" He was my first love…my only love… Misao held back the flood of emotions.

"He taught you kenpou?"

"Hai. When I was really young. I used to bother him until he would teach me something new. I remember this one time when I was learning this one kick…"

Misao lost herself in the memory, feeling a sort of happiness from it.


"Aoshi-sama! Did you see it? Did you? I did it right, ne? Ne?" Misao asked Aoshi who had been helping her with Hannya.

"Can you do it a little slower so I can see?"

"Honto?"

"Hai. He may even show you how to use kodachis. Twin blades of the Oniwabanshuu."

"Honto ni?"


"It took me a week to learn that move, but Aoshi-sama was very patient with me…" Misao laughed lightly. Yu enjoyed the sound, having not heard it in the past days. "When you meet him Yu-kun… you'll grow fond of him, I'm sure. He is kind hearted, even if he doesn't show any emotions. Despite all his faults and all the years, I still admire him and think that he's one of the greatest man I know."

"Honto?"

"Hai. He may even show you how to use kodachis. Twin blades of the Oniwabanshuu."

"Honto ni?"

"Hai."

"You must really love him to speak so highly of him, Misao-senpai."

His words struck a chord in her and her hand stopped midair, a little ways from Asuko's mouth. You must really love him… Could it be? Could it really be? After all this time, could she still love him? "Neesan?"

Misao smiled at Asuko and helped her finish her snack, her mind far away.

Mei stood witness to the whole scene. She had seen the way Misao had stiffened at the mention of love for Aoshi. She still loves him… after everything… she still loves him.


Author's notes: Errr….nothing to say but send comments, ne? Oh and the next part is rated R.., for reasons I will not say because it would spoil it.

Preview of next chapter (sorta...)

"Misao-senpai? Daijoubu ka?" Misao looked at Yu who had tensed when he felt her tension.

"Ehh? Daijobou, Yu-kun." Misao smiled, but inside she could feel a sense of foreboding.