Deep
Within
By Jen
Stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but my way
My lonliness ain't killing me no more
I'm stronger
That I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn't really care 'bout me
You might think that I can't take it, but you're wrong
'Cause now I'm…
Stronger than yesterday
-Stronger Britney Spears
Chapter
10- Strength and Weaknesses: 'Love was my weakness…he was my weakness'
"Oi! WEASEL!" Several kunais just barely missed Sano's head.
"Don't call me weasel!" Misao was stalking towards Sano dangerously. Mei came out when she heard
Misao's outburst and ran between the two.
"Maa. Maa. Calm down
Misao." Misao let out a sigh, and calmed down but not before she kecho kicked
him. "I'm not a weasel, rooster-head."
"Che. Are you really a
girl?" Sano rubbed his sore head. Misao fumed. "SANO!"
"I'm kidding! Just
kidding!"
"What did you want?"
"You got a letter." Sano
held Misao a note.
"Ehh? A letter?" Before
Misao could open it, everyone was already crowding around her.
"Who's it from Misao-dono?"
Kenshin asked when he saw Misao's face.
"From Kyoto." She muttered. She opened the letter and read through it. She frowned and
closed the letter, and walked off without another word, the letter slipping from
her hand.
"Misao?" Mei watched
Misao's retreating back and frowned. She picked up the fallen letter and read
aloud the contents.
Ciao. My Angel Misao.
It has been a long time
since we heard from you. I hope that you are faring well. How is your new life?
I wanted you to know that everyone misses you and wishes to see you again. With
your permission, we would like to come to Tokyo to celebrate your birthday with
you.
Adios
Your beloved Jiya
P.S. How is Mei?
Mei frowned and looked back
to wear Misao had retreated. "They shouldn't have done that. They really
shouldn't have."
"I wonder what Misao-dono
will do?" Kenshin asked quietly.
"What else can she do? If
they visit, it will open up old wounds and I am sure Misao can't take that."
Kaoru and Mei exchanged worried looks.
"She will not allow them to
come, and Okina-sama and the others would be hurt. But if they come…could she
handle it?"
Misao sat at her dresser
staring into the mirror. She saw her reflection. It reminded her of the time
before she had started her new life. She was sure that she could face Jiya and
the others again, but what of Aoshi? Was she really ready to open up old wounds?
Even after eleven months, she could not forget. How pathetic am I? She
thought, laughing hollowly. Why can't I just forget him? He rejected me.
End of story. Why can't I move on? Misao sighed and looked away from the
mirror. Even if I hadn't moved on, I will pretend. Let them come. I'll
just pretend. Misao got out a piece of paper and ink and began to write a
later to Kyoto.
Minna-san,
I am faring well. My new
life suits me well. If you would like, a short visit is fine with me. We will
expect you in five days.
Ja ne,
Misao
Short, sweet, and to the
point. Perfect. Misao whistled and Shin came flying into her window. She
attached the note to the hawk and sent it on its way. I am fine. I can handle
this. Misao decided to go work out to take her thoughts off of everything.
Aoshi was meditating when
Shin swooped down with a reply from Misao. Aoshi took the letter and read
Misao's delicate handwriting. He stood to bring the message back to the Aoiya,
knowing fully that everyone will be pleased. And you? A voice asked him. Are
you happy that you get to see Misao again? Aoshi paused in mid-stride. Yes
he would be happy to see Misao again. In her absence, his heart yearned for her
presence. Her laughter, her smile, and her cheerful chatter. He wondered about
this. He cared for Misao. Yes, that was true. But he wasn't sure how much he
cared for her. True, he did love Yuri, but he found that there was something
missing in his heart.
A
simple yearning, yet it persisted him. The yearning was not new. It had been
with him ever since Misao had confessed her love to him. He could not understand
the emptiness he felt when Misao had left them. Nor, the feeling of dread when
he had saved Misao from her own death. After her disappearance, images of her
plagued his mind. He thought of no one but her. He had still yet to come to a
conclusion. His mind went back to Yuri. No plans have been made for the wedding,
even though Yuri kept asking him to help her. He would always refuse, trying to
postpone it as much as he could. But why? He wanted to marry her…right? He
loved her and wanted to live life with her. But something was wrong. It all felt
wrong. Something in his heart was telling Aoshi that he was not supposed to
marry Yuri, no he was supposed to marry….
"Aoshi!" He looked up to
see Yuri running towards him.
"Nande?"
Yuri flashed him a strange look before continuing. "Has
anything come from Tokyo yet?"
"Aa." He gave her the
message and she read it. She smiled and ran excitedly back to the Aoiya to let
the others know of the good news.
Aoshi watched her. He was
missing something, but what?
Misao gazed at the full moon
outside her window as she brushed her hair. It had grown in the past eleven
months. Not to its original length, but instead it hung below her chest. She was
considering about what she would do when Okina and the rest arrived. She was
wondering how she should act. What she could say to them? What was there to say?
They had not spoken since her attempted suicide. How would she face them now?
"Misao?" Mei and Kaoru
had been standing behind her for a few minutes, but she hadn't even noticed
them.
"Hai?"
"Are you going to be
alright? Are you sure you can handle seeing them again?"
"Of course I am… it's
been months. I'm sure they've forgotten about it by now."
"Misao-chan…
Misao-chan…honestly…"
"Iie. I'm not fine with
it, demo… I still care for them… I can't refuse them this. I just
couldn't."
"What about Aoshi-san?
Won't seeing him and Yuri-san together… can you handle that?"
Misao was silent for a few
moments. "I'll be fine. I'm sure of it. As
for seeing them together… I've realized that love was my weakness…he was
my weakness."
"Misao…?"
"Daijobou.
Honto. I'll be fine."
I'll
be fine…
She repeated to herself over and over. Yes, I'll be fine.
"Misao-senpai?"
Yu called his mentor again for the tenth time. She was staring off into the
distance again, reminding him of the days when she had been recovering from her
illness. Since that day two days ago when the message came from Kyoto, she had
been walking around in a daze. "Misao-senpai?"
He
waved his hands in front of her face. His blue eyes narrowed slightly…when she
said nothing. "Misao-senpai?"
She
blinked as if noticing him for the first time. "Yu-kun?"
"Daijobou
ka?" He asked concerned.
"Daijobou.
I'm just thinking."
"Are
you sure?" His concern for his mentor was evident as he sat down next to her.
Misao smiled at her student. She knew his affections for her were great and hers
for him were also there. She knew that he saw her as the older sister he had
lost just two years ago. He watched over her while she watched over him.
Overtime, he had begun to tell her about his life. His older sister and he were
orphans when his parents were killed in the war. Two years ago, his older sister
had caught a deadly disease and died soon after. He lived on the streets until
she had found him eleven months ago. Since then he had been living with them. He
cared for both his mentors, taking on their attitudes. He had her patience and
Sano's cockiness. Even his looks resembled a cross between the two, with his
emotionless blue eyes in battle and Sano's spiky hair. His agility was his
best ally in fighting, almost faster than she.
"Senpai?"
"I'm
sure Yu-kun."
"Misao-neesan!!!!!!!"
Misao found herself the victim of a glomp as she looked up. "Su-chan?
Konnichiwa."
"Neesan
will you make Su-chan something to eat?"
"Ehh?
Where's your okaasan?"
"'kaasan
is teaching her st..ude..nts…" Asuko smiled in triumph as she got out the
new word she learned.
"Ok.
Neesan will make you something to eat."
Misao
got up, Yu following her movement. "Ne, Yu-kun want to join us?"
"Hai."
Misao,
Asuko, and Yu walked back to the dojo. "Neesan?"
"Hai?"
"kaasan
says we're going to have visitors from …Kyoto..?"
"…hai."
"Do
you know them?"
"Hai."
"Are
they nice?"
"..hai..
very nice. I used to live with them."
"Before
you came here?"
"Before
I came here." Misao agreed as she placed Asuko down next to Yu and started to
prepare a snack and some tea for herself. The scent of green tea entered her
nostrils and she felt the familiar sense of pain, remembering how she used to
make it for Aoshi. "Aoshi…"
Yu
heard her quiet murmur. "Who's Aoshi?"
Misao's
head snapped up. "Nani?"
"Who's
Aoshi? You just said his name." Yu noticed the way she stiffened.
"He
was someone I used to know. One of our visitors in two days."
"Oh."
Misao
silently helped Asuko eat and sipped her own tea. "He was also my old mentor.
He taught me everything I know about kenpou. He's also one of the best
warriors I know…" He was my first love…my only love… Misao held
back the flood of emotions.
"He
taught you kenpou?"
"Hai.
When I was really young. I used to bother him until he would teach me something
new. I remember this one time when I was learning this one kick…"
Misao
lost herself in the memory, feeling a sort of happiness from it.
"Aoshi-sama!
Did you see it? Did you? I did it right, ne? Ne?" Misao asked Aoshi who had
been helping her with Hannya.
"Can
you do it a little slower so I can see?"
"Honto?"
"Hai.
He may even show you how to use kodachis. Twin blades of the Oniwabanshuu."
"Honto
ni?"
"It
took me a week to learn that move, but Aoshi-sama was very patient with me…"
Misao laughed lightly. Yu enjoyed the sound, having not heard it in the past
days. "When you meet him Yu-kun… you'll grow fond of him, I'm sure. He
is kind hearted, even if he doesn't show any emotions. Despite all his faults
and all the years, I still admire him and think that he's one of the greatest
man I know."
"Honto?"
"Hai.
He may even show you how to use kodachis. Twin blades of the Oniwabanshuu."
"Honto
ni?"
"Hai."
"You
must really love him to speak so highly of him, Misao-senpai."
His
words struck a chord in her and her hand stopped midair, a little ways from
Asuko's mouth. You must really love him… Could it be? Could it really
be? After all this time, could she still love him? "Neesan?"
Misao
smiled at Asuko and helped her finish her snack, her mind far away.
Mei stood witness to the whole scene. She had seen the way Misao had stiffened at the mention of love for Aoshi. She still loves him… after everything… she still loves him.
Author's notes: Errr….nothing
to say but send comments, ne? Oh and the next part is rated R.., for reasons I
will not say because it would spoil it.
Preview of next
chapter (sorta...)
"Misao-senpai? Daijoubu
ka?" Misao looked at Yu who had tensed when he felt her tension.
"Ehh? Daijobou, Yu-kun."
Misao smiled, but inside she could feel a sense of foreboding.
