New Life
Part 10~Let's Wait Awhile
There's something I want to tell youbr
There's something I think that you should knowbr
It's not that I shouldn't really love youbr
Let's take it slowbr
br
When we get to know each otherbr
And we're both feeling much strongerbr
Then let's try to talk it overbr
Let's wait awhile longerbr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Before we go too farbr
br
Remember that special nightbr
When all of the stars were shining brightbr
We made our first endeavorbr
to stay togetherbr
br
We made our very first promisebr
To love, to share, and be real be honestbr
But on that very first nightbr
It wasn't quite rightbr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Our love will be greatbr
Let's wait awhilebr
Before we go too farbr
br
I didn't really know not to let all my feelings showbr
To save some for later so our love can be greater You said you wouldbr
Always love mebr
Remember I said the same thing, too br
You don't have to be frightened,br
With my lovebr
br
Because, I'll never give up on youbr
Let's wait awhilebr
Ah well before it's too latebr
You know can't rush love, lovebr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Our love will be greatbr
Let's wait awhilebr
Before we go too far, oohbr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Our love will be greatbr
Let's wait awhile br
Before we go too far...br
br
I promise, I'll be worth the wait br
~Let's Wait Awhile
~Janet Jackson
pPacey knocked on the door and Nick let him in. "Do you sleep?"
pPacey looked at him oddly, "What?"
p"You're just always here early and leave late. Just wondering if you ever sleep," he
said, trying to hide his laugh.
pPacey offered him a slight smile, "You see Joey this morning?"
p"No. But Jen is up there with her right now." Nick looked at his saddened expression,
"Are you okay?"
pPacey shook his head, "I kissed Joey last night."
pNick smiled, "About damn time."
p"No...I kissed her and then left."
p"What do you mean you left?"
p"I mean...I kissed her, freaked out, then left."
pNick's smile left his face. That would explain why Jen thought she heard Joey crying.
If that was the case, it would explain why he was here this morning looking like someone
had killed his dog.
p"And now you're here this morning to explain things?"
p"To try to at least." Pacey sighed, "As a shrink...do you have any advice?"
pHe nodded, "Yeah. Be honest with her. And let her down easy..."
p"How did you...?"
p"Please, I don't paid the amount I do to not know..."
p"Yeah...I don't want to hurt her. She's been let down enough and..."
P"But you can't string her along and let her think there is something there when you
obviously are not ready for that."
pPacey sat on the couch. "I really confused here, Nick. I loved my wife. She was
everything to me....she was my universe. And Joey...I don't even know how I feel about
her."
p"What possessed you to kiss her?"
P"I wanted her. But there is a difference between wanting and loving...and I'm not sure
I can ever love Joey like I loved Veronica."
p"You never love two people the same. I just don't think that is ever possible. But I
do think that a person is capable of loving two people in the same amount, just different
ways. Make any sense?"
pPacey nodded. He looked towards the stairs, "So you haven't seen her this morning?"
p"Nope."
pHe sighed and stood from where he was sitting. He looked at Nick, then made his
way to the stairs, "Wish me luck."
P"Good luck."
pPacey made his way up the stairs and Jen stopped him in the hall way, pulling him into
the bedroom she and Nick were staying in. "You sure you want to do that?"
p"Don't I? I have to explain things. I can't run the risk of losing her."
p"You aren't going to lose her Pacey."
p"Why do I get the feeling that you know something I don't."
P"All I'm saying is...don't give up hope if she throws you out of that room. As we both
know...Joey tends to act before she can think. Like someone else we both know."
p"Is she okay?"
pJen nods, "But I'm telling you, if she is mean or hateful, don't hold it against her. She
needs time to think and I'm pretty sure you do too."
pPacey looked at the floor, "That's all I did last night...think."
P"Did you come to any conclusions?"
p"A few."
pJen sighed, "Good luck Pacey."
pPacey nodded then walked into the hallway and to Joey's bedroom door. He knocked
lightly and heard a muffled voice say 'come in'. He opened the door slowly to find Joey
sitting in her chair by the window.
p"Hey," he said softly.
pHer eyes never left the window. He looked at her, noticing the red streaks down her
cheeks, and she was wearing the same dress she was wearing last night. "Hey," she said
just as gentle.
p"I...I think you and I need to talk."
p"Well, seeing as how you didn't take the hint when I hung up on you, you probably
won't understand it when I throw you out, so I'm going to save myself the energy."
pHe bit the inside of his lip, staring at her, nothing could have prepared me for the
emotion he heard in her voice. "You're right, I won't. Because this has to be solved."
pJoey shook her head, closing her eyes, "You can't fix this Pacey. Because you and I
both know that it's been brewing for a while now."
p"You're right it has. Which is one of the reasons why I stopped." She finally looked
at him, her eyes meeting his, seeking out answers for why she was hurting. "Joey, you and
I have always had a rather unusual relationship...and..."
PShe turned back to the window, sighing as she spoke, "I don't care to dredge up the
past Pacey. I've learned how to live in the present..."
p"But I haven't," he said pleadingly.
pShe bit her lip, and turned to look at him. She lowered her eyes to the floor, then
back out the window. "So...explain."
pPacey took a seat at the foot of her bed, two feet from her. "You and I...we've
developed something here. I mean...I know that. I'm not stupid. It's been building up and
it just hit a breaking point last night. All I could think about...all that was in my mind last
night, was how much I wanted you. How much I wanted to kiss you or hold you...I
wanted all of that. But when we started kissing...everything just left my mind. All reason,
all thought...everything disappeared and I was left with this raw emotion that wasn't guilt
or anger or regret...but something I couldn't describe."
PHe took a breath and continued, "The thing that scared me more than anything...I
thought of so many reason why it was right. Why being there with you like that was
where I was supposed to be, but then I had one reason enter my head why it was wrong.
Why I shouldn't be feeling things for you...why it just shouldn't happen."
p"Veronica," she whispered.
p"As crazy as it sounds...it felt like I was cheating on her. Not really...her...but the
memory of what we had together. Then the dream came back into my head...her
screaming at me that I never loved her...and I pulled away. That's why there was a Pacey
sized hole in your door. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact
that I am not over that. I don't think I will be for a while."
p"But Joey..." he moved from where he was sitting on her bed to kneel by the chair she
was sitting in. "Joey...I need you in my life. I won't deny that there is something between
us. I haven't lied to you and I won't start now. I feel it and I know you do too...but what
I need right now is my best friend."
pJoey looked down at him. There was no way she could refuse that face. He was so
sincere and so honest..."Can you continue being my best friend?" he asked, looking up at
her with the blue eyes that made her weak in the knees.
pShe nodded, "Can you do me a favor Pacey?"
pHe nodded, "Anything."
p"When you feel ready to fall in love or whatever again...let me be the first one to
know?"
PPacey looked at her, not really sure of what to say. He nodded then sat back on his
knees. "So what now?"
p"Well, I have to take Nick and Jen to the airport, then I have to go to work."
pHe nodded. "Want some company with taking them to the airport?"
pShe shook her head. "I just want...and need to be alone right now. I have one say to
prepare for Noah to get back..."
pHe held up his hand, "Hey..you don't have to explain it to me...I understand."
p"Good."
p"I...I uh...I should be going."
p"Okay."
pHe stood then walked to the door. He slowly turned to see her swipe away a tear,
"Later, Jo."
p"Bye Pacey."
phr
piNext Day/i
pJoey was standing in front of the school, taping her foot impatiently. She looked
around the scattered parents, all waiting for their children's arrival. The bus pulled around
to the front of the school and kids began piling off of it quickly. Noah peered his blonde
head off the bus and spotted his mother. He quickly ran to her and she lifted him in her
arms. She hugged him and kissed his cheek, causing him to wipe it off.
PJoey felt a tug on her shorts and looked down to see Samantha. "Joey...where's my
daddy?"
pJoey looked around, noticing for the first time that Pacey was no where in sight. "I
don't know sweetie. I'm sure he'll be here in a minute," she said as she put Noah on the
ground. Sam embraced Joey then pulled away smiling.
P"So..did you two have fun?"
pThe two kids nodded eagerly and began talking at the same time. "Whoa...you two,
slow down...one at a time. Sam first."
p"We got to swim in the lake. And Noah found a frog..."
PJoey looked at her son, "You didn't bring it home did you?"
p"No...Sam wouldn't let me."
pJoey smiled, "Thank you, Sam."
pThe little girl beamed then stuck her tongue out at Noah. "Sam!"
pThe little girl turned to find her father standing behind them. She ran over to him
quickly as he scooped her up into his arms and kissed her pink cheeks. "Daddy," she
squealed in laughter.
p"Oh...I missed my girl. Did you have fun?"
pShe nodded then leaned into her father's ear. "I have to tell you a secret."
pHe pulled away, looking at the six year old. "What's that?"
pShe opened her mouth to reveal a missing tooth. "I lost my tooth."
P"You sure did! Did you keep it so you could put it under you pillow and let the tooth
fairy bring you money?"
pShe nodded. Then looked over at Joey who was staring at the two. She then turned
back to her dad. "Aren't you going to say hey to Joey?"
pHe took a deep breath, "Hey Joey."
p"Hey."
pSam crinkled her forehead up then looked back at Pacey, "Are you sad again?"
pJoey looked up at him and Sam, hearing her last question. She waited for his answer.
She caught Pacey's eyes then diverted them back to her son.
p"Not really...just disappointed."
p"What does that mean?"
p"It means...let down. Like...some one hurt you without their knowing it," he
whispered into her ear.
p"Who hurt you daddy?"
pJoey looked up quickly, wishing she could read his mind.
p"Someone."
p"I'll beat 'em up," the little girl said with a smile, holding up her fists.
p"Oh you will? You'll protect me?"
pShe nodded, "Thank you sweetie," he said softly.
p"Sam can't beat nobody up...she's a girl," Noah said with his hands on his hips.
p"I can too!"
p"Nah-uh...girls can't beat anybody up..."
p"Noah..." Joey said warning him.
P"But Mommy...girls can't."
p"How do you know? Sam could beat you up," Pacey said with a smile, crouching
down to Noah and Sam's level.
pNoah was wide eyed as he stared at the little girl and her father, "No she can't. I'm a
boy."
p"But she's older than you."
p"I'm bigger than her."
p"Pacey, don't make him any meaner than he already is," Joey said softly.
pPacey looked up at Joey, then over to Sam. "What do you say princess...you ready to
go home?"
pShe nodded, "Yeah. Bye Joey. Bye Noah."
p"Bye Sam." Joey said with a smile.
p"Bye Sam...Bye Pacey!" Noah screamed after them.
pThe two left Joey and Noah standing in front of the school. "So...you ready to go
home?"
p"Yeah." Noah was quiet for a minute then looked back up at his mother as they
walked to the car. "Are you mad?"
pShe looked down at her sun, confused by his question. "Why would you think that?"
p"Cause..."
p"Cause...why?"
pNoah sighed, "Cause you and Pacey looked mad at each other. And if you and Pacey
are mad...does that mean I can't see Sam anymore?" he asked eagerly.
pJoey offered him a slight smile. And crouched down to his level. "Listen to me,
sweetie. Even if Pacey and I were mad with one another, it would not mean that you two
could not see each other any more."
p"Are you mad at Pacey?"
pJoey sighed, "We'll talk about it later."
p"But Mommy..."
p"Nick and Jen left you a present at the house," she said, changing the subject. She did
not feel like having this conversation with her son. Not now at least. Maybe in about ten
years she would be able to think about it without wanting to scream. She stood back up
and they continued walking to the car.
p"What did they leave?!"
P"I'm not telling you. It's a surprise."
pNoah rolled his eyes, "A surprise? Can't you tell me?"
p"I could...but I won't," she said as they reached the car.
phr
pPacey drove towards his house, Sam in the seat next to him. "Daddy?"
P"Yeah Princess?"
p"Who dispointed you?" making him smile at the way she said the word.
p"Who disappointed me?"
pShe nodded. He looked over at her, her blue eyes edging with curiosity and love for
her father. "I did baby."
p"How?"
pPacey sighed, "It's a long story that I might tell you one day."
pSam bit the inside of her lip, a trait she'd inherited from him, "You mean when I'm
older?"
p"Yep."
p"I wish I was older."
pPacey smiled, "Why is that?"
p"Cause...then I could go shopping..and get money...and get a car..and..."
p"Slow down there, Sam. Daddy's not ready to think about you shopping or getting a
car."
p"Can I get a boyfriend?"
pPacey looked at her suddenly, "What?"
pSam rolled her eyes, looking exasperated, "Daddy, you know...a boyfriend."
p"No."
pSam closed her mouth, and looked out the window. "Why?"
p"Cause you aren't allowed to have a boyfriend until your old and gray or I'm dead."
p"But Daddy...you can't die! Who will take care of me?"
pPacey looked over at her, realizing that they had never had this conversation,
"Uh...who would you want to take care of you?"
p"You."
p"That's not what I meant."
p"If you died like mommy?" she asked softly. He nodded, then looked at her, "Joey."
pPacey brow wrinkled, "You wouldn't want one of your aunts?"
p"No...I'd want Joey. She's funny and she's nice to me."
p"Your aunts are nice to you too."
p"I know...but Joey is kind of like Mommy."
pPacey is quiet as they finish the drive to the house. Sam was thinking of Joey as if she
were her mother. He sighed as he pulled into the drive way and cut the engine. "Hey...I
have a question for you, Sam."
p"Okay."
p"Do you love Joey?"
p"Yup," the little girl nodded her head.
p"You do?"
p"Yes, Daddy."
pPacey undid her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. "Do you love Joey?" she asked
looking at him with wondering eyes. He walked around to the other side of the car, trying
to think of something to tell her.
pHe didn't know how to answer that question. Did he tell her 'Yes, but not the same
way you do' or 'Yes, and it's growing day by day' or 'Yes, as friends'? He nodded and
lifted her out of the car. The two walked into the house, Pacey carrying her little bag with
him. Sam ran up to her room, then came back down.
p"Sam, sweetie, come here."
pShe moved to stand in front of him, where he was seated on their couch. "Uh...can
we keep the whole Joey...love thing between you and me?"
p"You mean like our secret?" she asked excitedly.
p"Yeah. But that doesn't mean you can tell Joey or Noah that you have a secret."
pHer smile turned into a pout, "I can't tell Noah?"
pPacey shook his head, "No. This is a Daddy-Sam thing. That means it's between you
and me. Got it kid-o?"
p"Yeah. But Noah..."
p"You can't tell him...okay. I don't...some things could happen that I'm not ready
for...okay?"
pShe smiled at him, "Okay Daddy."
p"Okay." Sam moved to sit on the couch and picked up the remote. She turned on
the television and started watching Scooby Doo.
p"You hungry?"
p"No."
pHe looked at her oddly, "You're not?"
p"No. We had chips on the bus."
pPacey sat with his daughter as she watched television and he went over things for the
following Monday. The first day of school. He was happy that he would be able to teach
again. He missed it. Originally, teaching had never entered his mind, having hated high
school with a passion. But then, he saw her. She'd had this short cropped blonde hair, her
bangs falling into her eyes and he followed behind her, and into the education building.
He'd lost her in the crowd, and he went in circles trying to find the blonde beauty that had
vanished into thin air.
pHe'd given up, and started to walk out the door when he'd bumped into someone and
sent their book scattered over the floor. Pacey bent down and a finely manicured hand
grabbed the same book. He looked up and was face to face with her. Looking into her
green eyes, he soon found that he'd lost everything the second she smiled at him.
pHe'd muttered his apologies and she smiled again. She'd asked if he was taking classes
in education, and of course, he lied and said yes. She said she was going to become a
nurse, but wanted to work with children, so she was taking a class. She'd asked him what
he was taking and he'd stumbled for an answer. She smiled again. It's like she knew he
was lying and continued to call him on it. She then turned around and walked out of the
building and he quickly followed. He'd walked with her until she gave in and gave her
name. Veronica Walker. She'd laughed when he told her his name...not that he hadn't
expected her to, but she said it was a name probably fitting for an odd boy. The two soon
found themselves having lunch, and after that, he'd refused to let her go, and she wouldn't
let him go either.
pSo, he took the same course she did, after having his schedule changed two days
before classes. They studied together, they ate together, they became inseparable. But
Pacey found that he did want to teach. He liked having the influence over people and
having them actually listen to him. As he remembered back to high school how much all
of his teachers, excluding Tamara, had bored him, he'd decided he wanted to teach high
school. And since English was his cup of tea, he'd decided to teach it. He hated grammar,
didn't really care for it. But Literature...he'd loved it. Poetry, novels, short stories,
everything that went with reading something and having it take you to a new place...that
was what he wanted to teach.
pHe had quickly fit into a class room. The students taking a like to him because he
wasn't like other teachers. He listened to them, he respected them, and he made it fun.
Pacey had always been known as the class clown, now he could be one and not get in
trouble for it. He was known for letting students interpret their own ideas into the plays
and poems they read, and never told them what they thought or felt was wrong. He'd be
the one teacher whose classroom you would walk in to and find him standing on his desk
spouting off Hamlet or MacBeth, all the students actually paying attention. It was one of
the things that Veronica had told him she loved about him.
pHe looked over at his sleeping daughter, then up at the television. It was 11:30 and he
was still sitting on the couch next to the little girl that he'd help create. He tossed his
papers onto the table then smoothed down her blonde hair. He carefully lifted her and
carried her up the stairs. She was starting to get a little heavy, and he smiled down at her
as she snored, a trait he'd once insisted she'd inherited from her mother.
pHe laid her down in the bed, and pulled off her shoes. He pulled up the sheets around
her little body then kissed her on the forehead. He walked away but turned when he heard
her little voice.
P"Daddy?"
p"Yeah?"
pShe yawned, "Are you going to marry Joey?"
pPacey furrowed his brow, "Go back to sleep Sam."
p"But you said you loved her..." she yawned again, "so why don't you marry her?"
pPacey sighed and moved back to her bed, "Maybe one day, but not any time soon."
p"One day?"
p"Maybe."
p"Okay Daddy."
pPacey looked down at her, "Why?"
p"What?"
p"Why do you want me to marry Joey?"
p"Cause."
p"Sam...why?"
pShe smiled as she blinked slowly, "Cause she makes you happy."
pHe bit the inside of his lip and looked at the child in the bed, her blonde hair fanned
out around her head, "How do you know that?"
p"Cause...you smile when you're with her."
pPacey nodded and tucked her in, then walked out of the room, closing her door behind
him. He moved into his bedroom and looked at the phone, leading him to wonder what
Joey was doing right then. But Sam's question about marrying Joey popped into his head
and he dismissed the urge to call her.
pThere was no way he was ready to even think about marriage with Joey when he
couldn't even think about anything else other than friendship. But Sam had planted the
seed, leading him to wonder what it would be like. The interlude in her kitchen, and on
the couch, those would occur a lot more often. He knew that he would not be able to
keep his hands off of her. But that was lust talking. Then he'd thought about the times
she'd just listened to him talk. She'd been there as the friend that he'd so desperately
needed, she'd made him laugh, and restored hope that he could care about someone again.
But he was still getting over Veronica. It had only been nine months since she's been
gone...but that knowledge didn't stop him from feeling the way he did about Joey. He
groaned and fell back on his bed.
phr
p"I'm telling you Jen. He told her someone hurt him."
pJen sighed on the other line, the little drama that Pacey and Joey were living in was
getting aggravating. "Joey...he told you why he wanted to wait...and why he left."
p"I know...but he said I hurt him. How did I hurt him? Because it hurts me to talk to
him, so I'm choosing not to? I'm sorry that hurt him, but when he left I was hurting too. I
spent the entire night on the floor of my bedroom crying. But does he give a damn?
Noooooooo."
p"Joey...take a breath and calm down. Besides, you don't want to wake up Noah."
pJoey sat on her bed, "What am I going to do?"
pJen took a deep breath, "Well, the Joey Potter I know will do her best to set aside
what happened and be the best friend she can be. No strings attached. You'll complain to
me about having to be around him and not have him, but to him, you will be the friend he
told you he needed. Or, that's what my best friend would do. Not so sure about the
raging lunatic on this phone."
p"It's just...going to be hard."
p"Everything that's worth it always is."
p"Thank you Confucius. And...your right. I know that. But...do you realize the will
power it will take for me to be around him and not say things like 'I love you' or 'Take me
now'?"
pJen laughed, "I wouldn't advise doing that."
P"I know...but...it's just...I want to be able to tell him those things..."
P"And you will when he's ready. And you know Pacey, he'll do something incredibly
stupid or romantic or both to tell you that he's ready. That's just the way the dork is and
always has been."
P"Yeah."
p"Okay...I have to go to the doctor in the morning so I need to go to sleep. Joey...just
remember, you can do it. You've been doing it for a while now...so go back to that." She
tried to say something, "And...keep what happened on your couch in your head as
a....preamble of things to come."
P"Okay. Goodnight Jen."
P"Night Joey."
pShe hung up the phone and walked into her bathroom. Her bedroom door then
squeaked and she saw Noah standing in her room, wiping his wet eyes.
P"What's wrong sweetie?"
p"I'm scared."
P"Of what?"
pShe walked to him and lifted him into her arms. He shrugged and buried his face into
her shoulder. "Do you want to sleep in Mommie's bed?", she asked, rubbing the back of
his head. He nodded then sniffed. She set him back on the floor and he ran and jumped
into her bed. He snuggled under her covers and she walked back into the bathroom,
pulling her hair into a bun. Then brushed her teeth and walked back out to find her son
softly sleeping. She smiled.
PShe laid next to him and turned off the light, rubbing his back. She was so grateful
she had him. He was her life, her world revolved around him. So, she was going to
dedicate her life to him and to waiting for Pacey.
phr
pTo Be Continued....
Part 10~Let's Wait Awhile
There's something I want to tell youbr
There's something I think that you should knowbr
It's not that I shouldn't really love youbr
Let's take it slowbr
br
When we get to know each otherbr
And we're both feeling much strongerbr
Then let's try to talk it overbr
Let's wait awhile longerbr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Before we go too farbr
br
Remember that special nightbr
When all of the stars were shining brightbr
We made our first endeavorbr
to stay togetherbr
br
We made our very first promisebr
To love, to share, and be real be honestbr
But on that very first nightbr
It wasn't quite rightbr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Our love will be greatbr
Let's wait awhilebr
Before we go too farbr
br
I didn't really know not to let all my feelings showbr
To save some for later so our love can be greater You said you wouldbr
Always love mebr
Remember I said the same thing, too br
You don't have to be frightened,br
With my lovebr
br
Because, I'll never give up on youbr
Let's wait awhilebr
Ah well before it's too latebr
You know can't rush love, lovebr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Our love will be greatbr
Let's wait awhilebr
Before we go too far, oohbr
br
Let's wait awhilebr
Before it's too latebr
Let's wait awhilebr
Our love will be greatbr
Let's wait awhile br
Before we go too far...br
br
I promise, I'll be worth the wait br
~Let's Wait Awhile
~Janet Jackson
pPacey knocked on the door and Nick let him in. "Do you sleep?"
pPacey looked at him oddly, "What?"
p"You're just always here early and leave late. Just wondering if you ever sleep," he
said, trying to hide his laugh.
pPacey offered him a slight smile, "You see Joey this morning?"
p"No. But Jen is up there with her right now." Nick looked at his saddened expression,
"Are you okay?"
pPacey shook his head, "I kissed Joey last night."
pNick smiled, "About damn time."
p"No...I kissed her and then left."
p"What do you mean you left?"
p"I mean...I kissed her, freaked out, then left."
pNick's smile left his face. That would explain why Jen thought she heard Joey crying.
If that was the case, it would explain why he was here this morning looking like someone
had killed his dog.
p"And now you're here this morning to explain things?"
p"To try to at least." Pacey sighed, "As a shrink...do you have any advice?"
pHe nodded, "Yeah. Be honest with her. And let her down easy..."
p"How did you...?"
p"Please, I don't paid the amount I do to not know..."
p"Yeah...I don't want to hurt her. She's been let down enough and..."
P"But you can't string her along and let her think there is something there when you
obviously are not ready for that."
pPacey sat on the couch. "I really confused here, Nick. I loved my wife. She was
everything to me....she was my universe. And Joey...I don't even know how I feel about
her."
p"What possessed you to kiss her?"
P"I wanted her. But there is a difference between wanting and loving...and I'm not sure
I can ever love Joey like I loved Veronica."
p"You never love two people the same. I just don't think that is ever possible. But I
do think that a person is capable of loving two people in the same amount, just different
ways. Make any sense?"
pPacey nodded. He looked towards the stairs, "So you haven't seen her this morning?"
p"Nope."
pHe sighed and stood from where he was sitting. He looked at Nick, then made his
way to the stairs, "Wish me luck."
P"Good luck."
pPacey made his way up the stairs and Jen stopped him in the hall way, pulling him into
the bedroom she and Nick were staying in. "You sure you want to do that?"
p"Don't I? I have to explain things. I can't run the risk of losing her."
p"You aren't going to lose her Pacey."
p"Why do I get the feeling that you know something I don't."
P"All I'm saying is...don't give up hope if she throws you out of that room. As we both
know...Joey tends to act before she can think. Like someone else we both know."
p"Is she okay?"
pJen nods, "But I'm telling you, if she is mean or hateful, don't hold it against her. She
needs time to think and I'm pretty sure you do too."
pPacey looked at the floor, "That's all I did last night...think."
P"Did you come to any conclusions?"
p"A few."
pJen sighed, "Good luck Pacey."
pPacey nodded then walked into the hallway and to Joey's bedroom door. He knocked
lightly and heard a muffled voice say 'come in'. He opened the door slowly to find Joey
sitting in her chair by the window.
p"Hey," he said softly.
pHer eyes never left the window. He looked at her, noticing the red streaks down her
cheeks, and she was wearing the same dress she was wearing last night. "Hey," she said
just as gentle.
p"I...I think you and I need to talk."
p"Well, seeing as how you didn't take the hint when I hung up on you, you probably
won't understand it when I throw you out, so I'm going to save myself the energy."
pHe bit the inside of his lip, staring at her, nothing could have prepared me for the
emotion he heard in her voice. "You're right, I won't. Because this has to be solved."
pJoey shook her head, closing her eyes, "You can't fix this Pacey. Because you and I
both know that it's been brewing for a while now."
p"You're right it has. Which is one of the reasons why I stopped." She finally looked
at him, her eyes meeting his, seeking out answers for why she was hurting. "Joey, you and
I have always had a rather unusual relationship...and..."
PShe turned back to the window, sighing as she spoke, "I don't care to dredge up the
past Pacey. I've learned how to live in the present..."
p"But I haven't," he said pleadingly.
pShe bit her lip, and turned to look at him. She lowered her eyes to the floor, then
back out the window. "So...explain."
pPacey took a seat at the foot of her bed, two feet from her. "You and I...we've
developed something here. I mean...I know that. I'm not stupid. It's been building up and
it just hit a breaking point last night. All I could think about...all that was in my mind last
night, was how much I wanted you. How much I wanted to kiss you or hold you...I
wanted all of that. But when we started kissing...everything just left my mind. All reason,
all thought...everything disappeared and I was left with this raw emotion that wasn't guilt
or anger or regret...but something I couldn't describe."
PHe took a breath and continued, "The thing that scared me more than anything...I
thought of so many reason why it was right. Why being there with you like that was
where I was supposed to be, but then I had one reason enter my head why it was wrong.
Why I shouldn't be feeling things for you...why it just shouldn't happen."
p"Veronica," she whispered.
p"As crazy as it sounds...it felt like I was cheating on her. Not really...her...but the
memory of what we had together. Then the dream came back into my head...her
screaming at me that I never loved her...and I pulled away. That's why there was a Pacey
sized hole in your door. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact
that I am not over that. I don't think I will be for a while."
p"But Joey..." he moved from where he was sitting on her bed to kneel by the chair she
was sitting in. "Joey...I need you in my life. I won't deny that there is something between
us. I haven't lied to you and I won't start now. I feel it and I know you do too...but what
I need right now is my best friend."
pJoey looked down at him. There was no way she could refuse that face. He was so
sincere and so honest..."Can you continue being my best friend?" he asked, looking up at
her with the blue eyes that made her weak in the knees.
pShe nodded, "Can you do me a favor Pacey?"
pHe nodded, "Anything."
p"When you feel ready to fall in love or whatever again...let me be the first one to
know?"
PPacey looked at her, not really sure of what to say. He nodded then sat back on his
knees. "So what now?"
p"Well, I have to take Nick and Jen to the airport, then I have to go to work."
pHe nodded. "Want some company with taking them to the airport?"
pShe shook her head. "I just want...and need to be alone right now. I have one say to
prepare for Noah to get back..."
pHe held up his hand, "Hey..you don't have to explain it to me...I understand."
p"Good."
p"I...I uh...I should be going."
p"Okay."
pHe stood then walked to the door. He slowly turned to see her swipe away a tear,
"Later, Jo."
p"Bye Pacey."
phr
piNext Day/i
pJoey was standing in front of the school, taping her foot impatiently. She looked
around the scattered parents, all waiting for their children's arrival. The bus pulled around
to the front of the school and kids began piling off of it quickly. Noah peered his blonde
head off the bus and spotted his mother. He quickly ran to her and she lifted him in her
arms. She hugged him and kissed his cheek, causing him to wipe it off.
PJoey felt a tug on her shorts and looked down to see Samantha. "Joey...where's my
daddy?"
pJoey looked around, noticing for the first time that Pacey was no where in sight. "I
don't know sweetie. I'm sure he'll be here in a minute," she said as she put Noah on the
ground. Sam embraced Joey then pulled away smiling.
P"So..did you two have fun?"
pThe two kids nodded eagerly and began talking at the same time. "Whoa...you two,
slow down...one at a time. Sam first."
p"We got to swim in the lake. And Noah found a frog..."
PJoey looked at her son, "You didn't bring it home did you?"
p"No...Sam wouldn't let me."
pJoey smiled, "Thank you, Sam."
pThe little girl beamed then stuck her tongue out at Noah. "Sam!"
pThe little girl turned to find her father standing behind them. She ran over to him
quickly as he scooped her up into his arms and kissed her pink cheeks. "Daddy," she
squealed in laughter.
p"Oh...I missed my girl. Did you have fun?"
pShe nodded then leaned into her father's ear. "I have to tell you a secret."
pHe pulled away, looking at the six year old. "What's that?"
pShe opened her mouth to reveal a missing tooth. "I lost my tooth."
P"You sure did! Did you keep it so you could put it under you pillow and let the tooth
fairy bring you money?"
pShe nodded. Then looked over at Joey who was staring at the two. She then turned
back to her dad. "Aren't you going to say hey to Joey?"
pHe took a deep breath, "Hey Joey."
p"Hey."
pSam crinkled her forehead up then looked back at Pacey, "Are you sad again?"
pJoey looked up at him and Sam, hearing her last question. She waited for his answer.
She caught Pacey's eyes then diverted them back to her son.
p"Not really...just disappointed."
p"What does that mean?"
p"It means...let down. Like...some one hurt you without their knowing it," he
whispered into her ear.
p"Who hurt you daddy?"
pJoey looked up quickly, wishing she could read his mind.
p"Someone."
p"I'll beat 'em up," the little girl said with a smile, holding up her fists.
p"Oh you will? You'll protect me?"
pShe nodded, "Thank you sweetie," he said softly.
p"Sam can't beat nobody up...she's a girl," Noah said with his hands on his hips.
p"I can too!"
p"Nah-uh...girls can't beat anybody up..."
p"Noah..." Joey said warning him.
P"But Mommy...girls can't."
p"How do you know? Sam could beat you up," Pacey said with a smile, crouching
down to Noah and Sam's level.
pNoah was wide eyed as he stared at the little girl and her father, "No she can't. I'm a
boy."
p"But she's older than you."
p"I'm bigger than her."
p"Pacey, don't make him any meaner than he already is," Joey said softly.
pPacey looked up at Joey, then over to Sam. "What do you say princess...you ready to
go home?"
pShe nodded, "Yeah. Bye Joey. Bye Noah."
p"Bye Sam." Joey said with a smile.
p"Bye Sam...Bye Pacey!" Noah screamed after them.
pThe two left Joey and Noah standing in front of the school. "So...you ready to go
home?"
p"Yeah." Noah was quiet for a minute then looked back up at his mother as they
walked to the car. "Are you mad?"
pShe looked down at her sun, confused by his question. "Why would you think that?"
p"Cause..."
p"Cause...why?"
pNoah sighed, "Cause you and Pacey looked mad at each other. And if you and Pacey
are mad...does that mean I can't see Sam anymore?" he asked eagerly.
pJoey offered him a slight smile. And crouched down to his level. "Listen to me,
sweetie. Even if Pacey and I were mad with one another, it would not mean that you two
could not see each other any more."
p"Are you mad at Pacey?"
pJoey sighed, "We'll talk about it later."
p"But Mommy..."
p"Nick and Jen left you a present at the house," she said, changing the subject. She did
not feel like having this conversation with her son. Not now at least. Maybe in about ten
years she would be able to think about it without wanting to scream. She stood back up
and they continued walking to the car.
p"What did they leave?!"
P"I'm not telling you. It's a surprise."
pNoah rolled his eyes, "A surprise? Can't you tell me?"
p"I could...but I won't," she said as they reached the car.
phr
pPacey drove towards his house, Sam in the seat next to him. "Daddy?"
P"Yeah Princess?"
p"Who dispointed you?" making him smile at the way she said the word.
p"Who disappointed me?"
pShe nodded. He looked over at her, her blue eyes edging with curiosity and love for
her father. "I did baby."
p"How?"
pPacey sighed, "It's a long story that I might tell you one day."
pSam bit the inside of her lip, a trait she'd inherited from him, "You mean when I'm
older?"
p"Yep."
p"I wish I was older."
pPacey smiled, "Why is that?"
p"Cause...then I could go shopping..and get money...and get a car..and..."
p"Slow down there, Sam. Daddy's not ready to think about you shopping or getting a
car."
p"Can I get a boyfriend?"
pPacey looked at her suddenly, "What?"
pSam rolled her eyes, looking exasperated, "Daddy, you know...a boyfriend."
p"No."
pSam closed her mouth, and looked out the window. "Why?"
p"Cause you aren't allowed to have a boyfriend until your old and gray or I'm dead."
p"But Daddy...you can't die! Who will take care of me?"
pPacey looked over at her, realizing that they had never had this conversation,
"Uh...who would you want to take care of you?"
p"You."
p"That's not what I meant."
p"If you died like mommy?" she asked softly. He nodded, then looked at her, "Joey."
pPacey brow wrinkled, "You wouldn't want one of your aunts?"
p"No...I'd want Joey. She's funny and she's nice to me."
p"Your aunts are nice to you too."
p"I know...but Joey is kind of like Mommy."
pPacey is quiet as they finish the drive to the house. Sam was thinking of Joey as if she
were her mother. He sighed as he pulled into the drive way and cut the engine. "Hey...I
have a question for you, Sam."
p"Okay."
p"Do you love Joey?"
p"Yup," the little girl nodded her head.
p"You do?"
p"Yes, Daddy."
pPacey undid her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. "Do you love Joey?" she asked
looking at him with wondering eyes. He walked around to the other side of the car, trying
to think of something to tell her.
pHe didn't know how to answer that question. Did he tell her 'Yes, but not the same
way you do' or 'Yes, and it's growing day by day' or 'Yes, as friends'? He nodded and
lifted her out of the car. The two walked into the house, Pacey carrying her little bag with
him. Sam ran up to her room, then came back down.
p"Sam, sweetie, come here."
pShe moved to stand in front of him, where he was seated on their couch. "Uh...can
we keep the whole Joey...love thing between you and me?"
p"You mean like our secret?" she asked excitedly.
p"Yeah. But that doesn't mean you can tell Joey or Noah that you have a secret."
pHer smile turned into a pout, "I can't tell Noah?"
pPacey shook his head, "No. This is a Daddy-Sam thing. That means it's between you
and me. Got it kid-o?"
p"Yeah. But Noah..."
p"You can't tell him...okay. I don't...some things could happen that I'm not ready
for...okay?"
pShe smiled at him, "Okay Daddy."
p"Okay." Sam moved to sit on the couch and picked up the remote. She turned on
the television and started watching Scooby Doo.
p"You hungry?"
p"No."
pHe looked at her oddly, "You're not?"
p"No. We had chips on the bus."
pPacey sat with his daughter as she watched television and he went over things for the
following Monday. The first day of school. He was happy that he would be able to teach
again. He missed it. Originally, teaching had never entered his mind, having hated high
school with a passion. But then, he saw her. She'd had this short cropped blonde hair, her
bangs falling into her eyes and he followed behind her, and into the education building.
He'd lost her in the crowd, and he went in circles trying to find the blonde beauty that had
vanished into thin air.
pHe'd given up, and started to walk out the door when he'd bumped into someone and
sent their book scattered over the floor. Pacey bent down and a finely manicured hand
grabbed the same book. He looked up and was face to face with her. Looking into her
green eyes, he soon found that he'd lost everything the second she smiled at him.
pHe'd muttered his apologies and she smiled again. She'd asked if he was taking classes
in education, and of course, he lied and said yes. She said she was going to become a
nurse, but wanted to work with children, so she was taking a class. She'd asked him what
he was taking and he'd stumbled for an answer. She smiled again. It's like she knew he
was lying and continued to call him on it. She then turned around and walked out of the
building and he quickly followed. He'd walked with her until she gave in and gave her
name. Veronica Walker. She'd laughed when he told her his name...not that he hadn't
expected her to, but she said it was a name probably fitting for an odd boy. The two soon
found themselves having lunch, and after that, he'd refused to let her go, and she wouldn't
let him go either.
pSo, he took the same course she did, after having his schedule changed two days
before classes. They studied together, they ate together, they became inseparable. But
Pacey found that he did want to teach. He liked having the influence over people and
having them actually listen to him. As he remembered back to high school how much all
of his teachers, excluding Tamara, had bored him, he'd decided he wanted to teach high
school. And since English was his cup of tea, he'd decided to teach it. He hated grammar,
didn't really care for it. But Literature...he'd loved it. Poetry, novels, short stories,
everything that went with reading something and having it take you to a new place...that
was what he wanted to teach.
pHe had quickly fit into a class room. The students taking a like to him because he
wasn't like other teachers. He listened to them, he respected them, and he made it fun.
Pacey had always been known as the class clown, now he could be one and not get in
trouble for it. He was known for letting students interpret their own ideas into the plays
and poems they read, and never told them what they thought or felt was wrong. He'd be
the one teacher whose classroom you would walk in to and find him standing on his desk
spouting off Hamlet or MacBeth, all the students actually paying attention. It was one of
the things that Veronica had told him she loved about him.
pHe looked over at his sleeping daughter, then up at the television. It was 11:30 and he
was still sitting on the couch next to the little girl that he'd help create. He tossed his
papers onto the table then smoothed down her blonde hair. He carefully lifted her and
carried her up the stairs. She was starting to get a little heavy, and he smiled down at her
as she snored, a trait he'd once insisted she'd inherited from her mother.
pHe laid her down in the bed, and pulled off her shoes. He pulled up the sheets around
her little body then kissed her on the forehead. He walked away but turned when he heard
her little voice.
P"Daddy?"
p"Yeah?"
pShe yawned, "Are you going to marry Joey?"
pPacey furrowed his brow, "Go back to sleep Sam."
p"But you said you loved her..." she yawned again, "so why don't you marry her?"
pPacey sighed and moved back to her bed, "Maybe one day, but not any time soon."
p"One day?"
p"Maybe."
p"Okay Daddy."
pPacey looked down at her, "Why?"
p"What?"
p"Why do you want me to marry Joey?"
p"Cause."
p"Sam...why?"
pShe smiled as she blinked slowly, "Cause she makes you happy."
pHe bit the inside of his lip and looked at the child in the bed, her blonde hair fanned
out around her head, "How do you know that?"
p"Cause...you smile when you're with her."
pPacey nodded and tucked her in, then walked out of the room, closing her door behind
him. He moved into his bedroom and looked at the phone, leading him to wonder what
Joey was doing right then. But Sam's question about marrying Joey popped into his head
and he dismissed the urge to call her.
pThere was no way he was ready to even think about marriage with Joey when he
couldn't even think about anything else other than friendship. But Sam had planted the
seed, leading him to wonder what it would be like. The interlude in her kitchen, and on
the couch, those would occur a lot more often. He knew that he would not be able to
keep his hands off of her. But that was lust talking. Then he'd thought about the times
she'd just listened to him talk. She'd been there as the friend that he'd so desperately
needed, she'd made him laugh, and restored hope that he could care about someone again.
But he was still getting over Veronica. It had only been nine months since she's been
gone...but that knowledge didn't stop him from feeling the way he did about Joey. He
groaned and fell back on his bed.
phr
p"I'm telling you Jen. He told her someone hurt him."
pJen sighed on the other line, the little drama that Pacey and Joey were living in was
getting aggravating. "Joey...he told you why he wanted to wait...and why he left."
p"I know...but he said I hurt him. How did I hurt him? Because it hurts me to talk to
him, so I'm choosing not to? I'm sorry that hurt him, but when he left I was hurting too. I
spent the entire night on the floor of my bedroom crying. But does he give a damn?
Noooooooo."
p"Joey...take a breath and calm down. Besides, you don't want to wake up Noah."
pJoey sat on her bed, "What am I going to do?"
pJen took a deep breath, "Well, the Joey Potter I know will do her best to set aside
what happened and be the best friend she can be. No strings attached. You'll complain to
me about having to be around him and not have him, but to him, you will be the friend he
told you he needed. Or, that's what my best friend would do. Not so sure about the
raging lunatic on this phone."
p"It's just...going to be hard."
p"Everything that's worth it always is."
p"Thank you Confucius. And...your right. I know that. But...do you realize the will
power it will take for me to be around him and not say things like 'I love you' or 'Take me
now'?"
pJen laughed, "I wouldn't advise doing that."
P"I know...but...it's just...I want to be able to tell him those things..."
P"And you will when he's ready. And you know Pacey, he'll do something incredibly
stupid or romantic or both to tell you that he's ready. That's just the way the dork is and
always has been."
P"Yeah."
p"Okay...I have to go to the doctor in the morning so I need to go to sleep. Joey...just
remember, you can do it. You've been doing it for a while now...so go back to that." She
tried to say something, "And...keep what happened on your couch in your head as
a....preamble of things to come."
P"Okay. Goodnight Jen."
P"Night Joey."
pShe hung up the phone and walked into her bathroom. Her bedroom door then
squeaked and she saw Noah standing in her room, wiping his wet eyes.
P"What's wrong sweetie?"
p"I'm scared."
P"Of what?"
pShe walked to him and lifted him into her arms. He shrugged and buried his face into
her shoulder. "Do you want to sleep in Mommie's bed?", she asked, rubbing the back of
his head. He nodded then sniffed. She set him back on the floor and he ran and jumped
into her bed. He snuggled under her covers and she walked back into the bathroom,
pulling her hair into a bun. Then brushed her teeth and walked back out to find her son
softly sleeping. She smiled.
PShe laid next to him and turned off the light, rubbing his back. She was so grateful
she had him. He was her life, her world revolved around him. So, she was going to
dedicate her life to him and to waiting for Pacey.
phr
pTo Be Continued....
