I have had writer's block for the longest time and this was the only thing I could think of writing. I think it's kind of funny I hope you do to.
I haven't run this by my beta so all bad spelling is my own fault (English is not my first language so no flames about my spelling)
Disclaimer: I do not own Santa. Not yet, but someday vengeance will be mine.
Christmas is cancelled or How the author got her muse.
Santa was usually a jolly man, but as he sat there, tied to my favourite chair his round cheeks were pale and his eyes had lost their spark. When he saw me approach he started sweating.
He knew I was not pleased with him.
Santa: You…you know someone will notice that I am missing. And… and…they will not let you get away with this!
Author: I thought we had a deal.
Santa: But you threatened…
Author: Did or didn't we have a deal?
Santa:…
Author: That's what I thought. Now last time we talked, we agreed that I was to receive a Wolverine muse.
Santa: No, you said you wanted Hugh Jackman delivered to your door nude and covered in baby oil.
Author: Are you calling me a liar!
Santa: NO! No perhaps I just misunderstood you.
Author: Good. I want a Wolverine muse; he has to be tall because I like tall men.
Santa: But Wolverine is short. All the comics say so.
Author: I don't care what all the comics say! This is MY fantasy and I want a tall Wolverine.
Santa gave me a look of despair and once again tried to struggle against the ropes.
Santa: Do you realise what you're asking for? I got millions of letters from people, everyone wants a Wolverine muse. Several of the elves have had nervous breakdowns; my chef elf Puzzelhoney had to get stitches because one of the Wolverine muses got loose.
Author: Well, you should just have given him some cigars.
Santa: What is it with you and cigars! Since the whole Monica Lewinsky affair you have been obsessed!
Author: Have not!
Santa: Have too!
Author: No, I just couldn't figure it out in the beginning because…I mean, tobacco falls apart when it gets wet and that's a sensitive area, you know, and then with nicotine and stuff…But then I realised that they didn't unwrap it.
Santa: You are so stupid.
Author: Fuck you! I don't smoke cigars. I didn't know some of them come wrapped in plastic.
Santa: You shouldn't have researched the matter.
Author: Why not, I am an adult…stop struggling you are not getting loose until I get my muse.
Santa: Look, how about I get you a Xavier muse, we have plenty of those.
Author: A Xavier muse? What the hell is I supposed to do with that.
Santa: Scull fucking?
Author: I will pretend I didn't hear you say that.
Santa: But a Wolverine muse is bad for you! Your not studying enough as it is.
Author: Look you KGB –Mother- Making-A-List-Tjekking-It-Twice-Fucker. I.WANT.WOLVIE!
Santa: NO!
Author: Look, do you want me to show Mrs. Clause the pictures of you and a certain reindeer?
Santa: You wouldn't.
Author: Wouldn't I?
Santa's face turned purple and he started shouting.
Santa: Why don't you leave me alone! You don't even believe in me! You never did!
Author: Just because my parents didn't brainwash me as a child, doesn't mean I can't put you to got use.
*Knock, Knock*
A small elf was at the door. He had stress lines around the eyes and his arm was bandaged. It was Puzzelhoney.
Puzzelhoney: Hmmm…Halloo misses, I was wondering if Santa was inhere?
Author: Yes he is. But he's kind of tied up in the moment.
Puzzelhoney: Yes I see. He asked me to deliver a muse to you.
Author: Well its about time.
Puzzelhoney: Sorry if I am a bit late but I had some problems with the sled.
Author. I am just relived he is finally here I have had writers block for a long time.
Puzzelhoney untied Santa and they ran out the door. I should have suspected that something was wrong but I was to busy unwrapping the muse. I heard bells as the sled flew away.
Finally I unwrapped the last piece of paper.
Author: WHAT! Santa you Son of A…
Jean Muse: You know you really shouldn't swear.
Author: THIS MEANS WAR!
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So what did you think of it? Please review it.
I haven't run this by my beta so all bad spelling is my own fault (English is not my first language so no flames about my spelling)
Disclaimer: I do not own Santa. Not yet, but someday vengeance will be mine.
Christmas is cancelled or How the author got her muse.
Santa was usually a jolly man, but as he sat there, tied to my favourite chair his round cheeks were pale and his eyes had lost their spark. When he saw me approach he started sweating.
He knew I was not pleased with him.
Santa: You…you know someone will notice that I am missing. And… and…they will not let you get away with this!
Author: I thought we had a deal.
Santa: But you threatened…
Author: Did or didn't we have a deal?
Santa:…
Author: That's what I thought. Now last time we talked, we agreed that I was to receive a Wolverine muse.
Santa: No, you said you wanted Hugh Jackman delivered to your door nude and covered in baby oil.
Author: Are you calling me a liar!
Santa: NO! No perhaps I just misunderstood you.
Author: Good. I want a Wolverine muse; he has to be tall because I like tall men.
Santa: But Wolverine is short. All the comics say so.
Author: I don't care what all the comics say! This is MY fantasy and I want a tall Wolverine.
Santa gave me a look of despair and once again tried to struggle against the ropes.
Santa: Do you realise what you're asking for? I got millions of letters from people, everyone wants a Wolverine muse. Several of the elves have had nervous breakdowns; my chef elf Puzzelhoney had to get stitches because one of the Wolverine muses got loose.
Author: Well, you should just have given him some cigars.
Santa: What is it with you and cigars! Since the whole Monica Lewinsky affair you have been obsessed!
Author: Have not!
Santa: Have too!
Author: No, I just couldn't figure it out in the beginning because…I mean, tobacco falls apart when it gets wet and that's a sensitive area, you know, and then with nicotine and stuff…But then I realised that they didn't unwrap it.
Santa: You are so stupid.
Author: Fuck you! I don't smoke cigars. I didn't know some of them come wrapped in plastic.
Santa: You shouldn't have researched the matter.
Author: Why not, I am an adult…stop struggling you are not getting loose until I get my muse.
Santa: Look, how about I get you a Xavier muse, we have plenty of those.
Author: A Xavier muse? What the hell is I supposed to do with that.
Santa: Scull fucking?
Author: I will pretend I didn't hear you say that.
Santa: But a Wolverine muse is bad for you! Your not studying enough as it is.
Author: Look you KGB –Mother- Making-A-List-Tjekking-It-Twice-Fucker. I.WANT.WOLVIE!
Santa: NO!
Author: Look, do you want me to show Mrs. Clause the pictures of you and a certain reindeer?
Santa: You wouldn't.
Author: Wouldn't I?
Santa's face turned purple and he started shouting.
Santa: Why don't you leave me alone! You don't even believe in me! You never did!
Author: Just because my parents didn't brainwash me as a child, doesn't mean I can't put you to got use.
*Knock, Knock*
A small elf was at the door. He had stress lines around the eyes and his arm was bandaged. It was Puzzelhoney.
Puzzelhoney: Hmmm…Halloo misses, I was wondering if Santa was inhere?
Author: Yes he is. But he's kind of tied up in the moment.
Puzzelhoney: Yes I see. He asked me to deliver a muse to you.
Author: Well its about time.
Puzzelhoney: Sorry if I am a bit late but I had some problems with the sled.
Author. I am just relived he is finally here I have had writers block for a long time.
Puzzelhoney untied Santa and they ran out the door. I should have suspected that something was wrong but I was to busy unwrapping the muse. I heard bells as the sled flew away.
Finally I unwrapped the last piece of paper.
Author: WHAT! Santa you Son of A…
Jean Muse: You know you really shouldn't swear.
Author: THIS MEANS WAR!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
So what did you think of it? Please review it.
