TITLE: What Did Your Mother Always Tell You? (Part 2)
SERIES: It Started With A Car....
AUTHOR: Jana Kay
EMAIL: jana_kay17@yahoo.com.au
DISCLAIMER: All characters named here belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB and 20th Century Fox. No profit being made, I'm just playing.
RATING: R and in future parts, *MAY* contain **M/M and F/F SLASH** references. I'm not sure yet, but best to be warned.
PAIRING: X/Anya, S/D
SPOILERS: This takes place a week after 'Where the Wild Things Are,' and breaks from canon from that.
SUMMARY: Xander falls foul of the most important car trip rule.

*****

God help him, but if anything rolled around and knocked him upside the head one more time, he was going to throw down and have a screaming hissy fit in the trunk of his car....which was currently being driven by one bleached freak....excuse me....very *dangerous* -- he's really got to get used to that again -- vampire.

And to top it all off.... Anya! Would you quit snoring?!"

There was a muffled noise in his ear, and then a sleepy, "Whaaa ... ?"

Pure anger and frustration shot through his body. Was there no justice? While he, Xander Harris, had been jumping out of his skin with a) worry that was more like terror and b) hysterical laughter at the way Spike had fashioned his hair this time, his beloved girlfriend whose sanity he was seriously questioning, had curled up on her side and promptly fallen asleep. And that was after having yelled at him for getting them carjacked in the first place, when she was the one who'd picked up the leather covered vamp!

On top of that....she snored. Only lightly mind you, but enough was enough. And she'd already been the cheese grater to his last nerve over an hour ago. Any moist snuffling noises near his ear were as of now, off limits.

He wracked his brain as he tried to think of a way out of this. Maybe when the *dangerous vampire* stopped the car, they'd be able to call for help. And then maybe they could escape. Finally.

Because forget getting away with their lives intact, Xander was going to give a nice big tongue filled kiss to the first porcelain god they came across. He never realised his body could store so much pee! And pretty soon, it was all going to come flooding out.

Why hadn't he gone before they left his basement? And why had he drunk a whole two litres of Dr Pepper before they left? And why, freaking *why* had he asked Anya to go driving?

He curled his hands into fists as he struggled to calm down and moderate his breathing. In....out....in....out....water....falling....no no no....in....out....in....out.... water....gushing....nononononono.....

Screw waiting. "IIIIIIIIIII NNNNEEEEEEDDDDD TTTOOOO PPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

And miraculously, the jarring music cut off and the car shrieked to a halt. And no, no, no, Xander was not thinking of his poor brakes as he found Anya suddenly on top of him....and she was laughing!

"What?" Frustration, thy name is Xander.

"Didn't I tell you to go before we left?" A snort and then she moved off. "Men. So typical."

Masculinity, intelligence, penis....it was all on the line, but before he could shoot off his witty retort, the car trunk popped opened and they were blinded by street lights while looking up into Spike's face.

A cigarette dangled loosely in between pouty pink lips, and harsh fluorescent lights glanced off his sharp features. One hand came up and removed the cigarette, releasing a cloud of obnoxious smoke into the confined space.

Xander found himself coughing and wishing he was allergic, because then he wouldn't have to put up with this anymore. He could just die quickly. Possibly painfully....but quickly was still the key.

They all stared at each other for a few moments, then, "Harris. Heard you needed to pee."

And pray tell, just what was he supposed to say to that?

'Can I have a diaper?'

'You wanna hold my hand?'

"Let us go you bleached freak!"

He opted for the last one, though the first had almost slipped out....

....okay, the second had almost slipped out too.

A harsh laugh came from the blonde vampire. "Look, I'm being a bit nice here. Now do you want to wet yourself or not?"

Hmm, let him think.... "Of course I don't you idiot!"

And damn, he'd forgotten Spike could move that fast....and double damn....how had the fucking jack rolled itself under his head? Now he was sore in two places, could feel a bruise coming on his cheek, and still really needed to pee!

A bored look crossed Spike's features. "Let's start over, shall we? You going or not? Because I really don't want you taking a leak in my soddin' car."

EXCUSE ME???

"*Your* car?? This is *my* car!!"

A breath of air escaped Spike's lips as he furrowed his brow, tilted his head and thought it over. Finally, he slapped the side of the car decisively as he twitched his eye and turned back around. "It was. It's not anymore. Now it's mine. And Harris? If you're going to go, you'd better bloody go now because I'm losing my patience."

Okay. He won't argue with the *dangerous* //Get it through your head Xander! He's not the same Spike as the one you roomed with for awhile// vampire. But that's only for now. Because even a tree trunk is looking great if he could only just....

"An? You wanna move so I can get out?"

"Why should I?"

Gritting his teeth and the pain feels *good.* "Because otherwise I'll pee on you!"

A humph and then her wriggling just the tiniest bit out of his way. "Okay, okay. Just hold it in or something."

And Spike was *laughing*! He was *so* going down.

"Good one, love."

And Anya was smiling at Spike! Had he gone crazy in the five seconds it took him to climb over her and swing a leg over the side? Oh forget it. Pee now. Think about this later.

He almost managed to get his other leg out of the trunk with dignity, but before he was fully balanced, a graceful sweep of a leg knocked him off his feet and he groaned as he hit the gravel. So not good for the bladder.

He blinked his eyes as the blurry picture came back into focus. "What was that for?"

A smirk and then ash drifted down towards him....on *purpose*.... "Because I can." Thought for a few seconds. "And because you called me an idiot."

And then something was happening inside Xander, and he was up and running into the nearest bushes he could find, Spike's laughter trailing behind him.


The End.