TITLE: Return of the Idiot (Part 3)
SERIES: It Started With A Car....
AUTHOR: Jana Kay
EMAIL: jana_kay17@yahoo.com.au
DISCLAIMER: All characters named here belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB and 20th Century Fox. No profit being made, I'm just playing.
RATING: R and in future parts, *MAY* contain **M/M and F/F SLASH** references. I'm not sure yet, but best to be warned.
PAIRING: X/Anya, S/D
SPOILERS: This takes place a week after 'Where the Wild Things Are,' and breaks from canon from that.
SUMMARY: To go or not to go, that is the question. And Xander decides to ... well read and see.
NOTES: These //...// indicate thoughts or inner dialogue.
*****
It's a hard choice for Xander between returning to the car after he's emptied his bladder, or turning around and running as fast as he can in the opposite direction.
I mean sure, it wasn't as though Spike was actively trying to kill him at the moment, and Anya was still back there after all, but still, the part of his brain that was centered wholly around himself and his safety was pretty much set on packing up and leaving before the shit truly hit the fan. And thus it was kind of getting in the way of his 'protect your girlfriend' mindset.
After much debate, Xander kicked himself as best he could while balancing on one leg, then turned and slowly walked back towards the car.
Taking a deep breath to try and ease his frazzled nerves, he pushed past the last bit of foliage, and made his way out onto the side of the busy highway.
Whatever it was he was expecting to find when he got back, it certainly hadn't been this.
Spike was sitting side by side with Anya on the hood of his car, and they were both
laughing!
Catching sight of him, Spike coughed dramatically then hopped off the car.
"Ready to go, pet?"
A silent fury filled him at the casualness of the bleached //dangerousdangerous// moron in front of him, and Xander found that all he could do was grit his teeth, glare daggers at Anya for making nice with their kidnapper, and quietly say, "....Yes."
Spike grinned widely, his eyes glinting dangerously with evil glee, then staring at Xander enough to make his skin decide to suddenly up and crawl right off of his body, he nodded slowly and said, "Good."
Turning to Anya, he held out his hand to her, holding it in a style that Xander had only ever seen in old movies, or new movies about old times, and it made Xander's cheeks flush with hate as he realised just exactly what it was Spike was doing.
And true to form, Anya took the evil, disgusting, ew, gross hand, and used it to help her jump off the hood of the car.
Oh that was it. It was bad enough to find them talking, but Xander had had enough. The undead idiot had no right to flirt with his girlfriend....especially after he stole Xander's car!
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Spike?"
And no matter how much malice he put into his voice, all the response he got was a casual turning of a peroxide head and a lazy grin. Not to mention a fluttering of long, sooty lashes and a breathy voice.
"What on Earth do you mean, Xander?"
And screw his skin crawling off. Now it was actively running, and goosebumps were rippling up and down his arms in its wake.
//Control grasshopper....don't let your enemy see you squirm//
Okay, when had *that* voice taken up residence in his head?
//Go away. You're distracting me//
//Yes grasshopper//
//STOP IT!//
Straightening his shoulders and hardening his muscles, he stared angrily at Spike and replied, "I mean, Deadboy Junior, what the hell do you think you're doing flirting with my girlfriend?"
A hand resting innocently against Spike's chest while the other hand pulled a cigarette out of seemingly nowhere. "Who, me? Now tell me whelp, why would I do that?"
Clenching his fists in anger and irritation, and Xander snarls, "Because you're evil, and you're unchipped, and you've got a thing for taking people's girlfriends because Angelus took yours!"
Sometimes, Xander just doesn't know when to shut up.
"And let's not mention the whole crazy ho thing that was going on there. That girl was obviously just looking for somebody better than you. And look who she went to. What does that say about you, huh?"
And when he sees the glimmer of death in Spike's eyes, he just knows he's said the wrong thing....a couple of times.
The cigarette is casually lit while Xander gulps and Anya glances nervously back and forth between the two, and in dramatic style complete with cars whooshing past on the busy highway, the tension proceeds to mount.
Finally, after Xander can feel the sweat start to slowly drip down his spine, Spike looks up, smoke blowing slowly out of his mouth, cigarette now dangling between two black nailed fingers, and he sets a contemplative gaze on Xander's face.
"Now why did you have to go and say that, pet? I was gonna let you ride in the backseat and everything thanks to your girly girl here," at which point he jabbed a thumb in Anya's direction, who immediately shot a pleased little smile to Xander at what she'd managed to achieve for him.
"But," Spike continued, "now you've pissed me off." He shook his head in mock sympathy, then turned to Anya.
"You can hop in the front, love," then turning back to Xander, "and you, you big idiot --"
Xander gulped as he slowly backed away....
....which was just utterly useless, because Spike was next to him in less than a second and had slung an arm around his stiff shoulders, continuing on as though he'd never been interrupted.
"As I was saying, and you, you big idiot, are going back in the boot."
Xander turned suddenly and looked at Spike with owl eyes. "Excuse me?! I'm going where?!"
A quick roll of his eyes and a flick of the keys, and the hood of the car had popped open. "Bloody Americans," Spike muttered under his breath. And to Xander, "The *trunk* you bloody elephant. Now get yourself in there."
And Xander wanted to save himself he really did, but before he knew it, he was in the trunk again thanks to some clever maneuvering from Spike, and the last thing he saw before the vampire slammed the hood down was Anya waving at him with an, 'I tried, it's not my fault you mucked it up' face on.
Which promptly made Xander grind his teeth and whisper sullenly into the dark, "Well you could have tried harder...."
Then the car doors slammed in the front and he was rocked by the sudden thumping of the bass as Spike started the car, not to mention the rolling sharply as Spike stepped on the accelerator and the car leapt forward like a freaking leapfrog.
But at least there was one bright spot in his life at the moment.
He finally had some damn room back here!
End.
SERIES: It Started With A Car....
AUTHOR: Jana Kay
EMAIL: jana_kay17@yahoo.com.au
DISCLAIMER: All characters named here belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB and 20th Century Fox. No profit being made, I'm just playing.
RATING: R and in future parts, *MAY* contain **M/M and F/F SLASH** references. I'm not sure yet, but best to be warned.
PAIRING: X/Anya, S/D
SPOILERS: This takes place a week after 'Where the Wild Things Are,' and breaks from canon from that.
SUMMARY: To go or not to go, that is the question. And Xander decides to ... well read and see.
NOTES: These //...// indicate thoughts or inner dialogue.
*****
It's a hard choice for Xander between returning to the car after he's emptied his bladder, or turning around and running as fast as he can in the opposite direction.
I mean sure, it wasn't as though Spike was actively trying to kill him at the moment, and Anya was still back there after all, but still, the part of his brain that was centered wholly around himself and his safety was pretty much set on packing up and leaving before the shit truly hit the fan. And thus it was kind of getting in the way of his 'protect your girlfriend' mindset.
After much debate, Xander kicked himself as best he could while balancing on one leg, then turned and slowly walked back towards the car.
Taking a deep breath to try and ease his frazzled nerves, he pushed past the last bit of foliage, and made his way out onto the side of the busy highway.
Whatever it was he was expecting to find when he got back, it certainly hadn't been this.
Spike was sitting side by side with Anya on the hood of his car, and they were both
laughing!
Catching sight of him, Spike coughed dramatically then hopped off the car.
"Ready to go, pet?"
A silent fury filled him at the casualness of the bleached //dangerousdangerous// moron in front of him, and Xander found that all he could do was grit his teeth, glare daggers at Anya for making nice with their kidnapper, and quietly say, "....Yes."
Spike grinned widely, his eyes glinting dangerously with evil glee, then staring at Xander enough to make his skin decide to suddenly up and crawl right off of his body, he nodded slowly and said, "Good."
Turning to Anya, he held out his hand to her, holding it in a style that Xander had only ever seen in old movies, or new movies about old times, and it made Xander's cheeks flush with hate as he realised just exactly what it was Spike was doing.
And true to form, Anya took the evil, disgusting, ew, gross hand, and used it to help her jump off the hood of the car.
Oh that was it. It was bad enough to find them talking, but Xander had had enough. The undead idiot had no right to flirt with his girlfriend....especially after he stole Xander's car!
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Spike?"
And no matter how much malice he put into his voice, all the response he got was a casual turning of a peroxide head and a lazy grin. Not to mention a fluttering of long, sooty lashes and a breathy voice.
"What on Earth do you mean, Xander?"
And screw his skin crawling off. Now it was actively running, and goosebumps were rippling up and down his arms in its wake.
//Control grasshopper....don't let your enemy see you squirm//
Okay, when had *that* voice taken up residence in his head?
//Go away. You're distracting me//
//Yes grasshopper//
//STOP IT!//
Straightening his shoulders and hardening his muscles, he stared angrily at Spike and replied, "I mean, Deadboy Junior, what the hell do you think you're doing flirting with my girlfriend?"
A hand resting innocently against Spike's chest while the other hand pulled a cigarette out of seemingly nowhere. "Who, me? Now tell me whelp, why would I do that?"
Clenching his fists in anger and irritation, and Xander snarls, "Because you're evil, and you're unchipped, and you've got a thing for taking people's girlfriends because Angelus took yours!"
Sometimes, Xander just doesn't know when to shut up.
"And let's not mention the whole crazy ho thing that was going on there. That girl was obviously just looking for somebody better than you. And look who she went to. What does that say about you, huh?"
And when he sees the glimmer of death in Spike's eyes, he just knows he's said the wrong thing....a couple of times.
The cigarette is casually lit while Xander gulps and Anya glances nervously back and forth between the two, and in dramatic style complete with cars whooshing past on the busy highway, the tension proceeds to mount.
Finally, after Xander can feel the sweat start to slowly drip down his spine, Spike looks up, smoke blowing slowly out of his mouth, cigarette now dangling between two black nailed fingers, and he sets a contemplative gaze on Xander's face.
"Now why did you have to go and say that, pet? I was gonna let you ride in the backseat and everything thanks to your girly girl here," at which point he jabbed a thumb in Anya's direction, who immediately shot a pleased little smile to Xander at what she'd managed to achieve for him.
"But," Spike continued, "now you've pissed me off." He shook his head in mock sympathy, then turned to Anya.
"You can hop in the front, love," then turning back to Xander, "and you, you big idiot --"
Xander gulped as he slowly backed away....
....which was just utterly useless, because Spike was next to him in less than a second and had slung an arm around his stiff shoulders, continuing on as though he'd never been interrupted.
"As I was saying, and you, you big idiot, are going back in the boot."
Xander turned suddenly and looked at Spike with owl eyes. "Excuse me?! I'm going where?!"
A quick roll of his eyes and a flick of the keys, and the hood of the car had popped open. "Bloody Americans," Spike muttered under his breath. And to Xander, "The *trunk* you bloody elephant. Now get yourself in there."
And Xander wanted to save himself he really did, but before he knew it, he was in the trunk again thanks to some clever maneuvering from Spike, and the last thing he saw before the vampire slammed the hood down was Anya waving at him with an, 'I tried, it's not my fault you mucked it up' face on.
Which promptly made Xander grind his teeth and whisper sullenly into the dark, "Well you could have tried harder...."
Then the car doors slammed in the front and he was rocked by the sudden thumping of the bass as Spike started the car, not to mention the rolling sharply as Spike stepped on the accelerator and the car leapt forward like a freaking leapfrog.
But at least there was one bright spot in his life at the moment.
He finally had some damn room back here!
End.
