Tenchi for President!

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tenchi, the Interviewer is a self-insertion it is true but he's insane so he'll fit right in.

This is inspired by "What if Tenchi was president" story but takes the general approach of those stupid but funny pseudo-fictions such as "Cobra Commander for 2000" or Cthulhu 1996#! It's a half sequel to my Interview with the Tenchi cast stories and makes a few references to them.

Interviewer: Welcome to the Tenchi for President campaign headquarters! Tired of the current guy already? Not exactly keen on your other option? Well let's try then some people who we all know and love in the Tenchi cast! We're interviewing applicants and will get their views on all the hot issues before setting em up on the Jurai ticket!

*Interviewer summons Tenchi Masaki*

Tenchi: Oh man not you again.

Interviewer: Be quiet! We're interviewing you for the candidacy for President of the United States of America!

Tenchi: What? I'm not even a resident! Heck I only speak English in the dub!

Interviewer: Your also far below the age limit unless Sakuya has had her way with you.

Tenchi: *sighs dreamily* Oh yeah.

*Interviewer smacks Tenchi*

Tenchi: Ow! What was that for?

Interviewer: Losing your virginity to an older woman who was your grandfather's girlfriend and not Ayeka.

Tenchi: Oh sorry.

*Interviewer smacks Tenchi again*

Tenchi: Ow!

Interviewer: That's for having a child with another one!

Tenchi: I thought this was supposed to be about me running for President!

Interviewer: We're going through preliminary scandals.

Tenchi: Uh huh! Okay I'm out of here…

*Interviewer waits patiently*

Tenchi: Damnit! I hate these fanfics! I can't ever escape!

Interviewer: Muhahahaha. Okay we're first going to ask why you are running for President of the United States.

Tenchi: Your making me!

Interviewer: Fair enough. Have you decided on who your running mate will be?

Tenchi: Hmmm well I guess limited to the household I'd choose Sasami.

*Interviewer smacks Tenchi across the face*

Interviewer: You sick pervert!

Tenchi: What? You asked me who my VP would be?

Interviewer: I asked you who the First Lady would be you Pedophile!

*Tenchi wonders what gods he ticked off this week for this*

Tenchi: Well I don't have one thank you very much! They'd all move in anyway and anyone I picked would be dead in a week.

Interviewer: You obviously lack the taste to pick the Camelotian next Jackie O pick of Ayeka.

Tenchi: Right….okay. If we're done now…

Interviewer: So what are your stances on the issues?

Tenchi: The issues?

Interviewer: Unemployment for instance.

Tenchi: Uh I'm against it.

Interviewer: Excellent answer! Next question what is your opinion on the United States military?

Tenchi: Ummm I have no opinion whatsoever.

Interviewer: Two for two! You keep this up and you'll be in the White House in no time!

Tenchi: Right…now..

Interviewer: So what of the rumors that you intend to replace all handguns in the world with Jurai energy swords?

Tenchi: What rumors! I've never said anything in my life like that.

Interviewer: So you deny it….tsk tsk tsk tsk.

*Tenchi prepares to summon the light hawk wings*

Interviewer: How for instance would you solve the United State's energy crisis by the way?

Tenchi: *puts away energy as he realizes it'd probably just trap him here forever* Well I guess I'd put Washu on it. She'd get it fixed in no time.

Interviewer: Impressive answer. Now for drugs.

Tenchi: *blinks* I don't do them.

Interviewer: I'm not accusing…

Tenchi: Listen I don't know how my roommate at college got that stuff and I certainly wasn't involved in selling any!

*Interviewer just stares shocked*

Interviewer: Okay. *Scribbles down some notes*

Tenchi: Just so where clear the police found now reason to prosecute.

Interviewer: Okay I think it's time for a new question. What is your sexual relationship with the five women who live in your house?

Tenchi: That's none of your damn business and none!

Interviewer: You do realize we can prosecute you for perjury now.

Tenchi: I did not have sexual relations with any of them!

Interviewer: *smirks* Ohhhh well *wink wink* I get it now.

Tenchi: Oh man what are you hinting at now?

Interviewer: Yeah Washu. *Interviewer then creepily shudders as memories come back*

Tenchi: So anything else?

Interviewer: Okay let's say a war breaks out with Jurai…

Tenchi: Why would war break out with Jurai?

Interviewer: It doesn't matter that it's Jurai. I just don't want to say China or Russia or anybody. What would you do?

Tenchi: Well I'd send Ayeka to tell her father to stop it.

Interviewer: And such a brave noble beautiful purple haired goddess would lonely march to end this war while her ungrateful sob of a master watches on. She is truly great.

Tenchi: Yeah whatever.

Interviewer: And what happens if she fails and they attack Earth?

Tenchi: We all die. They're like a million years ahead of technology.

Interviewer: Well this is going to win votes *pppphpt*

Tenchi: I don't want to win votes! I guess I'd also try to stop them myself with the Light hawk wings, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, and the rest.

Interviewer: Ah so you support smaller military groups but higher technology and training. Plus increased liberalization in the military towards women and gays?

Tenchi:…gays?

Interviewer: You know who I'm talking about.

Tenchi: No I don't! Really!

Interviewer: Gotcha. Well Mr. Masaki it was wonderful having you here! See you in four years!

Tenchi: Huh? Your not even having an election now?

*Tenchi disappears*

Interviewer: Next up, that beautiful Purple haired goddess I so adore gives her opinions on why she should be the closest thing the USA has to a queen!

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