Hello there and welcome to the third installment of the "Jurai Party candidate search" in which we have the impressive candidates of Ayeka and not so impressive candidate of Tenchi Masaki to contend with our third candidate…
RYOKO!
Hey, hey! Quit with the deafening applause would ya? She's not chosen as our party candidate yet!
*Interviewer summons Ryoko*
Ryoko: Hello all you lucky people you!
Interviewer: Yeah yeah let's get this over with.
Ryoko: Your just mad because I'm a shoo in for this election. I'm the only candidate who has two thousand years of experience while also maintaining a non-childlike figure, which will definitely win me the male vote as I sweep women with my empowering message.
Interviewer: Take anything that's not nailed down?
Ryoko: You say that like it's a bad thing. Plus I'm completely reformed according to the top psychiatrist in the universe.
*Interviewer reads document Ryoko produces*
Ryoko: I was temporarily insane during any criminal actions conducted after the statue of limitations passed.
Interviewer: This was done by Washu!
Ryoko: Known for her numerous books and essays on childrearing and criminal psychology that are universally acclaimed.
Interviewer: Oh for the love…could you tell us what your platform is for your election?
Ryoko: I intend to wipe out all crime in America.
*Interviewer puts his head in his hands*
Interviewer: Oh this I gotta here.
Ryoko: Who better to eliminate crime than the galaxy's former top wanted space pirate?
Interviewer: Anybody!
Ryoko: Pishaw. So let's get down to my plan to change the face of America..
Interviewer: Let's not hope with turbolasers. So what are your plans for dealing with drugs in America?
Ryoko: This is an issue of very real concern to the American people and for that I intend to call in my expert Mihoshi as my new drug czar.
*Interviewer blinks*
Interviewer: Mihoshi?
Ryoko: We can't really get worse at this point now can we? Besides she's been known to pull off weirder things.
Interviewer: True enough. How about gang violence?
Ryoko: The best way to resolve gang violence I believe is to offer every single gang member a job in the new Ryoko space military for the furthering of our nation's wealth.
Interviewer: Your recruiting them all as pirates!
Ryoko: I prefer the term "licensed privateers". Under my leadership the destructive urges of society can put to better use.
Interviewer: Yeah probably against the Jurai royal family.
Ryoko: I have currently no comment on the decadent aristocracy of said nation-planet.
Interviewer: Okay and how about local and unorganized crime, how exactly do you intend to deal with that?
Ryoko: In the interests of furthering the peace our forefathers…
Interviewer: You've never even been to America before fanfic!
Ryoko: our forefathers struggled so hard to build I am working in tandem to have noted intelligence expert Dr. Washu to install bugs and cameras in every home in America which will be processed and thus allow prosecution within seconds.
Interviewer: Oh my…
Ryoko: Little washu is watching you.
Interviewer: Did Tenchi like have to do a book report on Orwell or something? Leave the story lying around the house?
Ryoko: Actually just the cliff notes. Pretty boring stuff. So are you clear thus far on my plan for the revitalizing of America's security?
Interviewer: Crystal. Who are you choosing as your vice president?
Ryoko: After long and careful deliberation and confirmation I have decided that my long time friend and companion Nagi will be fulfilling the position.
Interviewer: You hate her and she hates you!
Ryoko: Tsk tsk those were mere fabrications of a media run wild interviewer. Nagi understands my pain and commitment to the future of this country and I can think of none better to carry on my dream should I meet an untimely end or bag Tenchi and ditch this job, whichever comes first.
*Interviewer crumbles his questions up*
Interviewer: And if she should happen to be involved in your untimely demise?
Ryoko: That's not a normal question.
Interviewer: You're not a normal candidate!
Ryoko: I'm sure it won't come to that though if my VP nomination is listening…oh dear excuse me *coughcough* IcouldreplaceyouwithSasami *coughcough*. Ahem oh my that was a long cough, I must be having trouble with my asthma.
Interviewer: Righht. We'll ignore your bio-engineered and immune to all disease and afflictions…
Ryoko: Health care is a part of my agenda!
*Interviewer tosses questions into the fireplace…again*
Interviewer: and instead focus on a character question regarding legalities in domestic violence.
Ryoko: If a princess of a foreign nation attacks a resident of Japan for seven hundred years it is perfectly within their rights to shove them through a brick wall. Hypothetically speaking.
Interviewer: That's not the question I'm going…
Ryoko: I know I know it's going to cause an intergalactic incident but really we have to show our citizens that we care about them more than we care about cultivating ties with a imperialistic belligerent power.
Interviewer: Oh for crying out…
Ryoko: *sniff* I know what it feels like to be abused and forgotten by a parent and to suffer needlessly in a household….can a person really be blamed for what they do in a situation like that?
*Interviewer looks teary eyed and gets her a hankie before he starts to realize what she's doing*
Interviewer: Now wait a minute…
Ryoko: Thus any Supreme Court justice I support will recognize childhood trauma such as kidnapping at an early age by a super scientist or being pushed around in a flower garden is justification for fraud, grand theft, and attacking capital nations.
Interviewer: I'm beginning to notice someone in particular will be benefiting from the reforms I make.
Ryoko: I am one of the people. My needs are theirs.
Interviewer: Okay getting off the criminal aspects of this case…
Ryoko: I also want to make it known that whatever myself and intern Tenchi did in the Oval Office yesterday was completely between us and I will refuse to answer any question regarding it.
Interviewer: What the…
Ryoko: I said no questions you sick demented pervert!
Interviewer: I am not a… *fumes* okay moving on, let's talk about economics.
Ryoko: I support campaign finance reform and only contributions made in the form of small unmarked dollar bills will be acceptable currency and then only to oppressed minorities such as cyan haired women with non-homosapien ancestors for affirmative action purposes.
Interviewer: I'm not…even…dignifying that one.
Ryoko: The truth shall set you free now let's get down to getting my face on the one dollar bill.
Interviewer: What? You can't be serious.
Ryoko: Hey it's the powdered wigged bald guy's ugly mug or my beautiful face. Which would you prefer?
Interviewer: Okay point conceded.
Ryoko: I'd accept a two dollar bill because I'm worth twice as much as him though!
Interviewer: Well there you have it folks, Ryoko and her works planned for the candidacy of the United States. Vote for her at your own risk.
Ryoko: Before we go I want everyone to know when we rob the galactic bank I'll share the spoils!
Interviewer: That's bribery!
Ryoko: I'm legalizing that too.
*Interviewer sends away Ryoko*
Interviewer: Next up Sasami!
-Comments
RYOKO!
Hey, hey! Quit with the deafening applause would ya? She's not chosen as our party candidate yet!
*Interviewer summons Ryoko*
Ryoko: Hello all you lucky people you!
Interviewer: Yeah yeah let's get this over with.
Ryoko: Your just mad because I'm a shoo in for this election. I'm the only candidate who has two thousand years of experience while also maintaining a non-childlike figure, which will definitely win me the male vote as I sweep women with my empowering message.
Interviewer: Take anything that's not nailed down?
Ryoko: You say that like it's a bad thing. Plus I'm completely reformed according to the top psychiatrist in the universe.
*Interviewer reads document Ryoko produces*
Ryoko: I was temporarily insane during any criminal actions conducted after the statue of limitations passed.
Interviewer: This was done by Washu!
Ryoko: Known for her numerous books and essays on childrearing and criminal psychology that are universally acclaimed.
Interviewer: Oh for the love…could you tell us what your platform is for your election?
Ryoko: I intend to wipe out all crime in America.
*Interviewer puts his head in his hands*
Interviewer: Oh this I gotta here.
Ryoko: Who better to eliminate crime than the galaxy's former top wanted space pirate?
Interviewer: Anybody!
Ryoko: Pishaw. So let's get down to my plan to change the face of America..
Interviewer: Let's not hope with turbolasers. So what are your plans for dealing with drugs in America?
Ryoko: This is an issue of very real concern to the American people and for that I intend to call in my expert Mihoshi as my new drug czar.
*Interviewer blinks*
Interviewer: Mihoshi?
Ryoko: We can't really get worse at this point now can we? Besides she's been known to pull off weirder things.
Interviewer: True enough. How about gang violence?
Ryoko: The best way to resolve gang violence I believe is to offer every single gang member a job in the new Ryoko space military for the furthering of our nation's wealth.
Interviewer: Your recruiting them all as pirates!
Ryoko: I prefer the term "licensed privateers". Under my leadership the destructive urges of society can put to better use.
Interviewer: Yeah probably against the Jurai royal family.
Ryoko: I have currently no comment on the decadent aristocracy of said nation-planet.
Interviewer: Okay and how about local and unorganized crime, how exactly do you intend to deal with that?
Ryoko: In the interests of furthering the peace our forefathers…
Interviewer: You've never even been to America before fanfic!
Ryoko: our forefathers struggled so hard to build I am working in tandem to have noted intelligence expert Dr. Washu to install bugs and cameras in every home in America which will be processed and thus allow prosecution within seconds.
Interviewer: Oh my…
Ryoko: Little washu is watching you.
Interviewer: Did Tenchi like have to do a book report on Orwell or something? Leave the story lying around the house?
Ryoko: Actually just the cliff notes. Pretty boring stuff. So are you clear thus far on my plan for the revitalizing of America's security?
Interviewer: Crystal. Who are you choosing as your vice president?
Ryoko: After long and careful deliberation and confirmation I have decided that my long time friend and companion Nagi will be fulfilling the position.
Interviewer: You hate her and she hates you!
Ryoko: Tsk tsk those were mere fabrications of a media run wild interviewer. Nagi understands my pain and commitment to the future of this country and I can think of none better to carry on my dream should I meet an untimely end or bag Tenchi and ditch this job, whichever comes first.
*Interviewer crumbles his questions up*
Interviewer: And if she should happen to be involved in your untimely demise?
Ryoko: That's not a normal question.
Interviewer: You're not a normal candidate!
Ryoko: I'm sure it won't come to that though if my VP nomination is listening…oh dear excuse me *coughcough* IcouldreplaceyouwithSasami *coughcough*. Ahem oh my that was a long cough, I must be having trouble with my asthma.
Interviewer: Righht. We'll ignore your bio-engineered and immune to all disease and afflictions…
Ryoko: Health care is a part of my agenda!
*Interviewer tosses questions into the fireplace…again*
Interviewer: and instead focus on a character question regarding legalities in domestic violence.
Ryoko: If a princess of a foreign nation attacks a resident of Japan for seven hundred years it is perfectly within their rights to shove them through a brick wall. Hypothetically speaking.
Interviewer: That's not the question I'm going…
Ryoko: I know I know it's going to cause an intergalactic incident but really we have to show our citizens that we care about them more than we care about cultivating ties with a imperialistic belligerent power.
Interviewer: Oh for crying out…
Ryoko: *sniff* I know what it feels like to be abused and forgotten by a parent and to suffer needlessly in a household….can a person really be blamed for what they do in a situation like that?
*Interviewer looks teary eyed and gets her a hankie before he starts to realize what she's doing*
Interviewer: Now wait a minute…
Ryoko: Thus any Supreme Court justice I support will recognize childhood trauma such as kidnapping at an early age by a super scientist or being pushed around in a flower garden is justification for fraud, grand theft, and attacking capital nations.
Interviewer: I'm beginning to notice someone in particular will be benefiting from the reforms I make.
Ryoko: I am one of the people. My needs are theirs.
Interviewer: Okay getting off the criminal aspects of this case…
Ryoko: I also want to make it known that whatever myself and intern Tenchi did in the Oval Office yesterday was completely between us and I will refuse to answer any question regarding it.
Interviewer: What the…
Ryoko: I said no questions you sick demented pervert!
Interviewer: I am not a… *fumes* okay moving on, let's talk about economics.
Ryoko: I support campaign finance reform and only contributions made in the form of small unmarked dollar bills will be acceptable currency and then only to oppressed minorities such as cyan haired women with non-homosapien ancestors for affirmative action purposes.
Interviewer: I'm not…even…dignifying that one.
Ryoko: The truth shall set you free now let's get down to getting my face on the one dollar bill.
Interviewer: What? You can't be serious.
Ryoko: Hey it's the powdered wigged bald guy's ugly mug or my beautiful face. Which would you prefer?
Interviewer: Okay point conceded.
Ryoko: I'd accept a two dollar bill because I'm worth twice as much as him though!
Interviewer: Well there you have it folks, Ryoko and her works planned for the candidacy of the United States. Vote for her at your own risk.
Ryoko: Before we go I want everyone to know when we rob the galactic bank I'll share the spoils!
Interviewer: That's bribery!
Ryoko: I'm legalizing that too.
*Interviewer sends away Ryoko*
Interviewer: Next up Sasami!
-Comments
