Hello there folks! After our exhausting interview with Ryoko the committed Republican (hopefully to an institution)…OWW OWWW geez do you Ryoko-fans just bring weapons to all my fics beforehand?
Okay okay no Ryoko bashing….she is probably reading this anyway. Today we shall be continuing our interview for the Jurai national parties official candidate for President of the United States.
Next up on our candidate list….SASAMI!
*Interviewer summons Sasasmi*
Tsunami: Hiya!
Interviewer: What the…
Tsunami: Oh sorry, for the interview I decided to speed up the assimilation process. Hi all you lucky people you.
Interviewer: Ummm you are Sasami right?
Tsunami: Who else would I be?
Interviewer: I dunno I sort of imagined the process akin to a Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Lovecraftian demonic possession where a subject such a young innocent girl is ejected to make room for the malevolent godlike entity.
*Tsunami stares*
Interviewer: I'm way off on this aren't I?
Tsunami: Uh, yeah.
Interviewer: Ummm nice hair.
Tsunami: Uh thanks.
Interviewer: So getting onto the whole President of the United States deal, you'd be the first women President of our country.
Tsunami: Oh I would? Was their something wrong before?
Interviewer: Well women couldn't even vote til this century.
Tsunami: How awful! I'll change that the moment I'm in office.
Interviewer: Well your actually a bit…
Tsunami: I think that's just wrong that women haven't had a president and I'll be the best president they've ever had…which I suppose shouldn't be hard.
*Interviewer blinks and shrugs*
Interviewer: Yeah your Sasami all right…or Mihoshi. So what's your agenda for the United States once you become President?
Tsunami: Well I suppose it would be to make people's lives better you know.
Interviewer: That's nice. How would you go about that?
Tsunami: Well I'd listen to peoples problems and fix them and stuff. I am a princess and all and that's what my father does. Plus I have the power and knowledge of a goddess now so that means I'd be really good at stuff like finance and agriculture.
Interviewer: Those are definite pluses.
Tsunami: Oh and I'd make sure every family has a cabbit.
Interviewer: Well there is the question of the carrot shortage that would cause and the fact cabbits become terrifyingly powerful battle ships.
Tsunami: I'd address those as president.
Interviewer: So who are you choosing to fill the seat at your side come the White House?
Tsunami: Umm do we mean who I want to marry or who I want as my vice president or who I want for you know…
Interviewer: You know?
*Interviewer blinks as he realizes*
Tsunami: S…E…X.
*Interviewer flushes*
Interviewer: Umm your too young to think about that.
Tsunami: But I'm old enough to be a candidate for President?
Interviewer: Yes it's one of your main selling points. I mean as your V.P.
Tsunami: Oh then I guess Ryo-Oki.
Interviewer: Your replacement would be a cabbit who can only think about carrots?
Tsunami: Yes she'd really do a good job if he had the right advisors.
Interviewer: That's what we said about Dubya.
Tsunami: Hmmm?
Interviewer: Nothing. The previous three candidates have all quoted you as a vice-president nomination. Have you any reason to explain your appeal?
Tsunami: I make the food and you can eat it as opposed to Ryoko's and Noboyuki's?
Interviewer: Errr good answer.
Tsunami: I would make sure every man and woman growing up gets a good education in food. It's just not right some people don't know how to take care of stuff like that and a house.
Interviewer: Oddly I'm leaning toward voting for you myself now.
Tsunami: Why thank you.
Interviewer: Now were going to focus on some issues. What exactly would you do if one of the Supreme Court died and your support would put them through. One of the candidates is highly conservative with a history of just decisions and rulings but a definite agenda to moving the country toward a return of religeous and state unity…
Tsunami: Oh you don't have that on Earth?
Interviewer: Uh well not everywhere. It's not really worked in a lot of places…
Tsunami: That's sad, it's fine on Jurai.
Interviewer: Oh really?
Tsunami: *the goddess stares at the Interviewer*
Interviewer: Oh yeah right. The other candidate is a much more moderate candidate but he's strongly for *writes down a list of liberal issues and hands them to Tsunami-Sasami*
The following policies and would support them as legal if court cases come.
Tsunami: Gosh this is a lot.
Interviewer: I wanted to cover all the bases.
Tsunami: Well I support this and that but I don't support that.
Interviewer: Unfortunate I know. Which would you choose as your candidate?
Tsunami: Well the religious guy sounds good but it's unpopular I shouldn't. I guess I'd suggest a third candidate. Oh I know, Yosho!
Interviewer: pardon?
Tsunami: He'd have all the good issues plus handle the state thing.
*Interviewer shrugs and nods*
Tsunami: Plus if anyone did anything bad with his rulings he'd cut em down with a laser sword.
*Tsunami-Sasami twirls her hair happily*
Interviewer: Well that was the most nonoffensive response any fan of the show could get with strong political beliefs.
Tsunami: I do my best.
Interviewer: So do you have anything else to say to the people of the United States and elsewhere?
Tsunami: Well I know it will take about a thousand to ten thousand years for this to reach planet Jurai but I just want to say Hi momma! Hi papa!
*Interviewer watches her wave*
Interviewer: Well there you have it folks! Next up on our list will be the immortal Washu!
-Comments?
