Ah there's nothing like a fresh interview to get one's day started and today we have a very special party guest today with scientist, mother, ex-POW and now politician Washu!
*Interviewer summons Washu and hopes he isn't teleported into her lab again*
Washu: Howdy folks.
Interviewer: I see your wearing your adult body for this interviewer.
Washu: My statistical analysis indicates voters respond more positively to a form that's past puberty.
Interviewer: So I understand. So Big Wa…
*Washu turns Interviewer into a cabbit with a remote then back*
Interviewer: GAHHHH!
Washu: Don't call me Big Washu.
Interviewer: Ahhhhh what the….carrots…ahhhh….
Washu: You aren't acting very professional in this interview. What would Walter Cronkite say?
Interviewer: Walter Cronkite was never turned into another lifeform by a subject?
Washu: Oh shush and get on with the interview.
Interviewer: So what….carrots….*shakes his head rapidly* is your platform?
Washu: I'm glad you asked that boy. *Washu gives the interviewer a carrot, which he greedily munches on* I intend to do nothing but health care and education.
Interviewer: Mmmmmm. *shakes his head again* Why did I have a feeling those would be your issues?
Washu: Mainly because the tagging for genetic research of everyone in the world is for some reason an unpopular issue *pats her interviewer*
Interviewer: Rowr…LISTEN HOW LONG TIL THIS WEARS OFF?
Washu: Oh don't worry, the psychic trauma only lasts an hour or two or a lifetime. Depends. Basically I think the Earth's problems can all be solved if everyone becomes a scientific genius like me though truth be told I don't think you'll ever be able to do it. In twenty thousand years a few might just come close!
Interviewer: Hence the health care. I see. So how exactly would you pay for these massive undertakings?
Washu: Well given I own five planets of scientific equipment I don't really need to spend too much of the United States's budget but just replicate the stuff all the kids of America needs. Shouldn't take more than an hour.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Washu: I'll consider the reimbursement of America the culling of the best scientific minds as lab assistants for the rest of their natural lives. Maybe they're descendants too.
Interviewer: Esssh.
Washu: Don't cry for them they'll get everything they want and with a few eggs and some mass we'll just replicate for them wives too if they get lonely! It worked for Ryoko!
Interviewer: That's…..
Washu: Ingenious?
Interviewer: Debatable. What about if the United States is attacked by a foreign power?
Washu: I will release my genetically engineered horde of rapid cabbits to tear their civilization back to base components…then offer to rebuild it for allegiance!
Interviewer: Ummm you're part of the Reform Party aren't you?
Washu: Card-carrying member. How'd you know?
Interviewer: Just a guess.
Washu: I shouldn't say in an interviewer but any foreign power gets prissy I'll just take em down to the lab, clone them or splice some better brain tissue into them and thus bring about world peace.
Interviewer: *eyes widen* I think that may be illegal.
Washu: Not after I've replaced the Supreme Court and Congress!
Interviewer: You've thought this out rather thoroughly haven't you?
Washu: I've had it in my mind ever since I came to the Earth.
Interviewer: More info than I wanted to know Not-so-little Washu. So who would be your running mate?
Washu: You mean my V.P. and not my little guinea pig right?
Interviewer: Yeah…
Washu: Goody I would have as my running mate…WASHU!
Interviewer: Pardon?
Washu: If by some bizarre circumstance I were to be killed I would just activate one of my many clones for such a case. I don't ever intend to be replaced as president once I'm in office you know.
Interviewer: So you'll just rule us forever.
Washu: Oh yes. I'll get elected by telling the American People who shot Kennedy too.
Interviewer: Who?
*Washu whispers in the interviewers ear*
Interviewer: Get out!
Washu: It's true! I went back in time to confirm it.
Interviewer: Well I'll be. So any plans you have as President for stimulating the economy?
Washu: I intend to eliminate taxes.
Interviewer: Umm Washu even if you do have five planets I doubt that will help the economy.
Washu: Well I don't ACTUALLY intend to do it. It's one of those campaign lie things my computer says I have to do to be well liked.
Interviewer: pardon?
Washu: Well everyone expects politicians to lie and wants them to not so I will and I won't.
Interviewer: Huh?
Washu: Exactly.
Interviewer: *shakes away weird urge to vote for her* So any further plans you'd like to share with us regarding your campaign and subsequent works for the United States of America?
Washu: If you don't install a scientific mastermind in charge of your planet to fix the world, terrible ancient sea-creatures that have been sleeping dormant beneath the earth's crust will awaken and destroy you all.
Interviewer: Is that true?
Washu: As far as you know. Cthulhu ho!
Interviewer: Seven thousand years imprisoned and among the things you read when your out is Lovecraft?
Washu: I went to the science academy with him. Top of his class after me and that's only because he couldn't swallow my cute crab hair.
Interviewer: Okay I think this is straying off topic.
Washu: I'm not exactly sure we have one.
Interviewer: Okay final question then, once you've presumably accomplished your goals as President of the United States…ruling forever with an army of cloned slaves at your beck and call….
Washu: Not to mention an army of super geniuses for galactic domination! Oooo cookies.
*Washu grabs one and crunches*
Interviewer: Yeah Tsunami made them before she left. What would you like people to remember your legacy as?
Washu: I just want people to be able to look at my statue in New York Harbor….
Interviewer: ohgreatshe'sreplacingthestatueoflibertywithherfacenow.
Washu: And know that I stood for something greater than myself…..
Interviewer: And what's that?
Washu: Making myself better!
*Interviewer dismisses Washu with a wave*
-Comments?
*Interviewer summons Washu and hopes he isn't teleported into her lab again*
Washu: Howdy folks.
Interviewer: I see your wearing your adult body for this interviewer.
Washu: My statistical analysis indicates voters respond more positively to a form that's past puberty.
Interviewer: So I understand. So Big Wa…
*Washu turns Interviewer into a cabbit with a remote then back*
Interviewer: GAHHHH!
Washu: Don't call me Big Washu.
Interviewer: Ahhhhh what the….carrots…ahhhh….
Washu: You aren't acting very professional in this interview. What would Walter Cronkite say?
Interviewer: Walter Cronkite was never turned into another lifeform by a subject?
Washu: Oh shush and get on with the interview.
Interviewer: So what….carrots….*shakes his head rapidly* is your platform?
Washu: I'm glad you asked that boy. *Washu gives the interviewer a carrot, which he greedily munches on* I intend to do nothing but health care and education.
Interviewer: Mmmmmm. *shakes his head again* Why did I have a feeling those would be your issues?
Washu: Mainly because the tagging for genetic research of everyone in the world is for some reason an unpopular issue *pats her interviewer*
Interviewer: Rowr…LISTEN HOW LONG TIL THIS WEARS OFF?
Washu: Oh don't worry, the psychic trauma only lasts an hour or two or a lifetime. Depends. Basically I think the Earth's problems can all be solved if everyone becomes a scientific genius like me though truth be told I don't think you'll ever be able to do it. In twenty thousand years a few might just come close!
Interviewer: Hence the health care. I see. So how exactly would you pay for these massive undertakings?
Washu: Well given I own five planets of scientific equipment I don't really need to spend too much of the United States's budget but just replicate the stuff all the kids of America needs. Shouldn't take more than an hour.
Interviewer: Uh huh.
Washu: I'll consider the reimbursement of America the culling of the best scientific minds as lab assistants for the rest of their natural lives. Maybe they're descendants too.
Interviewer: Esssh.
Washu: Don't cry for them they'll get everything they want and with a few eggs and some mass we'll just replicate for them wives too if they get lonely! It worked for Ryoko!
Interviewer: That's…..
Washu: Ingenious?
Interviewer: Debatable. What about if the United States is attacked by a foreign power?
Washu: I will release my genetically engineered horde of rapid cabbits to tear their civilization back to base components…then offer to rebuild it for allegiance!
Interviewer: Ummm you're part of the Reform Party aren't you?
Washu: Card-carrying member. How'd you know?
Interviewer: Just a guess.
Washu: I shouldn't say in an interviewer but any foreign power gets prissy I'll just take em down to the lab, clone them or splice some better brain tissue into them and thus bring about world peace.
Interviewer: *eyes widen* I think that may be illegal.
Washu: Not after I've replaced the Supreme Court and Congress!
Interviewer: You've thought this out rather thoroughly haven't you?
Washu: I've had it in my mind ever since I came to the Earth.
Interviewer: More info than I wanted to know Not-so-little Washu. So who would be your running mate?
Washu: You mean my V.P. and not my little guinea pig right?
Interviewer: Yeah…
Washu: Goody I would have as my running mate…WASHU!
Interviewer: Pardon?
Washu: If by some bizarre circumstance I were to be killed I would just activate one of my many clones for such a case. I don't ever intend to be replaced as president once I'm in office you know.
Interviewer: So you'll just rule us forever.
Washu: Oh yes. I'll get elected by telling the American People who shot Kennedy too.
Interviewer: Who?
*Washu whispers in the interviewers ear*
Interviewer: Get out!
Washu: It's true! I went back in time to confirm it.
Interviewer: Well I'll be. So any plans you have as President for stimulating the economy?
Washu: I intend to eliminate taxes.
Interviewer: Umm Washu even if you do have five planets I doubt that will help the economy.
Washu: Well I don't ACTUALLY intend to do it. It's one of those campaign lie things my computer says I have to do to be well liked.
Interviewer: pardon?
Washu: Well everyone expects politicians to lie and wants them to not so I will and I won't.
Interviewer: Huh?
Washu: Exactly.
Interviewer: *shakes away weird urge to vote for her* So any further plans you'd like to share with us regarding your campaign and subsequent works for the United States of America?
Washu: If you don't install a scientific mastermind in charge of your planet to fix the world, terrible ancient sea-creatures that have been sleeping dormant beneath the earth's crust will awaken and destroy you all.
Interviewer: Is that true?
Washu: As far as you know. Cthulhu ho!
Interviewer: Seven thousand years imprisoned and among the things you read when your out is Lovecraft?
Washu: I went to the science academy with him. Top of his class after me and that's only because he couldn't swallow my cute crab hair.
Interviewer: Okay I think this is straying off topic.
Washu: I'm not exactly sure we have one.
Interviewer: Okay final question then, once you've presumably accomplished your goals as President of the United States…ruling forever with an army of cloned slaves at your beck and call….
Washu: Not to mention an army of super geniuses for galactic domination! Oooo cookies.
*Washu grabs one and crunches*
Interviewer: Yeah Tsunami made them before she left. What would you like people to remember your legacy as?
Washu: I just want people to be able to look at my statue in New York Harbor….
Interviewer: ohgreatshe'sreplacingthestatueoflibertywithherfacenow.
Washu: And know that I stood for something greater than myself…..
Interviewer: And what's that?
Washu: Making myself better!
*Interviewer dismisses Washu with a wave*
-Comments?
