EXT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - EVENING
Zidane, Vivi and Eiko are out on the balcony of the West Tower. Dagger approaches with a tray of assorted food.
DAGGER
"Check it out, everyone. I managed to find all this tasty food lying around in the kitchen."
ZIDANE
"Oh, sweet! Do you have any soda?!"
DAGGER
"Sure, soda all 'round!"
She gives each of her friends a drink.
VIVI
"So, there's still time for one more story. Eiko, do you wanna try?"
EIKO
"Alright, but I must warn you; this one is VERY spooky!"
DAGGER
(Sarcastically)
"Oh, just like the last two, right?"
EIKO
"My story is called 'The Merge.' Bwahahahaha!"
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
FFIX: The Merge
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - MORNING
ZIDANE is doing the laundry in the castle basement.
ZIDANE
(To himself)
"Dammit! I hate laundry day! Nothin' but dirty old clothes and bad smellin' soap!"
Zidane starts to scrub the laundry clean with a soap bar.
ZIDANE
(To himself)
"I wish someone would invent some kinda machine that could make this job go quicker! I should talk to Regent Cid about it tomorrow..."
Suddenly, a strange vortex opens up in the corner of the room. Zidane is amazed.
ZIDANE
"I'm amazed! What the hell is that thing?!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Zidane, are you okay down there?"
ZIDANE
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"When you've finished down there, can you come up here and help me give Mother a bath?"
ZIDANE
"Queen Brahne?! Bath?! Oh, that isn't good!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Zidane?"
ZIDANE
(To himself)
"Oooh, what should I do?!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"I'm coming down!"
ZIDANE
"What the hell...?"
He jumps into the vortex.
INT. VORTEX - MORNING
Zidane is being sucked through time and space. He screams.
EXT. ALCAULD PLAINS - DAY
The vortex opens up in the sky and Zidane drops out onto the soft grass.
ZIDANE
"Holy crap! Where am I?!"
He looks around the countryside. There is a small seaport town to his left, and to his right; a huge futuristic type building.
ZIDANE
"Is this the future?!"
Just then, a BITE BUG flies right at him and tries to bite him.
ZIDANE
"Whoa! Get off me! Shoo! Piss off!"
The Bite Bug doesn't go away.
ZIDANE
"Oh, I have to get to shelter!"
INT. BALAMB GARDEN - DAY
SQUALL, ZELL, RINOA, SELPHIE, IRVINE AND QUISTIS (all from FFVIII, as if you didn't know) are talking in the Main Hall.
ZELL
"Man, it sure is quiet here in the Garden today. I'm bored."
RINOA
"Don't you have to go to class, Zell?"
ZELL
"Um..."
QUISTIS
"Its a national holiday, Rinoa. There are no classes today."
RINOA
"Oh, yeah? What holiday?"
QUISTIS
"Uh... Monday Day..."
RINOA
"Monday Day...?"
SELPHIE
"Oooh, I love Monday Day!"
SQUALL
"...Whatever."
IRVINE
"Selphie, you and I were destined to be together."
ZELL
"Hey, who the hell is that little punk?!"
The party turn around to see Zidane walking towards them.
SQUALL
"A midget! Quick, draw your weapons!"
The party draw their weapons.
ZIDANE
"Hi, uh, I come in peace!"
SQUALL
"State your purpose!"
ZIDANE
"Um... I fell out the sky..."
ZELL
"I don't trust him, Squall! Let's kill him!"
ZIDANE
(Noticing Selphie)
"Wow! Well, hello, little lady!"
SELPHIE
"Are you talking to me?"
ZIDANE
"Man, I've never seen anyone as cute as you, baby. Wanna go for a little snack? I'll pay!"
IRVINE
"Alright, that does it! I'm gonna blast his brains out!"
SELPHIE
"No!"
Selphie runs in front of Zidane.
SELPHIE
"I like him. He's funny."
ZIDANE
"Funny? Funny?! I've been called a lot of things, but funny isn't-"
He notices Rinoa.
ZIDANE
"Oooh, hot, hot, hot!"
RINOA
"..."
ZIDANE
(To Rinoa)
"Hey, gorgeous! Goin' my way?"
SQUALL
"...Geez, he's crackin' onto Rinoa now! He must die!"
ZELL
"He reminds me of me..."
SQUALL
"Okay, I give everyone permission to KICK HIS ASS!"
Squall, Zell and Irvine all advance on Zidane.
ZIDANE
"Crap! This is bad! I better scramble!"
He runs off with Squall, Zell and Irvine in pursuit.
EXT. ALCAULD PLAINS - DAY
Zidane runs through the countryside and jumps back into the vortex. It disappears before Squall and friends can reach it.
SQUALL
"The bastard got away!"
ZELL
"Squall, calm down, alright? You're behavin' extremely out of character!"
SQUALL
"...Whatever."
INT. VORTEX - DAY
Zidane is travelling through time and space again.
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - DAY
The vortex opens up and dumps Zidane back in the castle basement.
ZIDANE
(Rubbing his head)
"Ow, what a ride!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Zidane, there you are!"
DAGGER walks into the room.
ZIDANE
"Uh, hi, babe."
DAGGER
"Where've you been? I was worried sick!"
ZIDANE
"N-Nowhere. I've been here all the time."
DAGGER
"Well how come I couldn't find you?"
ZIDANE
"Uh..."
DAGGER
"Now stop fooling around and come and help me draw Mother a bath."
Dagger walks off.
ZIDANE
"Not on your life, sister!"
He turns around and attempts to jump back through the vortex, but it has disappeared and he lands on the hard floor instead.
ZIDANE
"Ow! Oh, my head!"
INT. ALEXANDRIA CASTLE - AFTERNOON
Zidane walks into the dinning room. Dagger, STEINER AND VIVI are all there.
DAGGER
"Zidane, what has gotten into you today?"
ZIDANE
"Nothin'..."
STEINER
"There's definitely something wrong, Princess."
ZIDANE
"Can it, Rusty!"
STEINER
"I beg your pardon?!"
ZIDANE
"You heard me!"
STEINER
"I'll teach you a lesson!"
DAGGER
"Stop it, both of you! Just grow up!"
Zidane and Steiner both back down.
DAGGER
"Nevermind, Zidane. I'll give Mother a bath by myself."
She leaves the room.
STEINER
(To Zidane)
"Now look what you've done!"
Steiner leaves the room. Zidane sits at the table with Vivi.
ZIDANE
"Vivi, can I ask you something?"
VIVI
"Y-You're not gonna go crazy on me aswell, are you?"
ZIDANE
"Don't be stupid. I wanna talk to you about time travel. Do you know anything about it?"
VIVI
"Z-Zidane, you misunderstand. I'm a black mage, alright? I'm not a scientist."
ZIDANE
"Oh, yeah..."
Suddenly, the vortex from earlier opens up above the two friends.
VIVI
"Oh, my! W-What is that thing?!"
ZIDANE
"It's the time-travelling vortex! Come on, Vivi!"
VIVI
"W-What?!"
ZIDANE
"Let's go!"
Zidane grabs Vivi by the arm and drags him into the vortex.
INT. VORTEX - AFTERNOON
Both Zidane and Vivi are sucked through time.
VIVI
"W-Where the heck is this taking us?!"
ZIDANE
"J-Just hold on to me! D-Don't let go!"
EXT. ALCAULD PLAINS - AFTERNOON
The vortex opens and Zidane and Vivi shoot out. They land on the ground.
VIVI
(Getting up)
"P-Phew... Still alive..."
ZIDANE
(Getting up)
"Alright! We're back here! Time to get me some hot lovin'!"
VIVI
"H-Hot loving...?"
ZIDANE
"Oh, yeah! There were these really hot chicks here, and I just know they wanted me bad!"
VIVI
"Zidane, you already have a girlfriend, remember? What about the princess?"
ZIDANE
"B-But these babes were SO hot! What Dagger doesn't know, can't hurt her!"
VIVI
"A-Are you considering cheating on the princess?!"
ZIDANE
"It wouldn't be cheatin', Vivi. I mean, we're not even in our own time period. I think we're in the future, although I'm not completely sure."
VIVI
"Wow! Look at that building over there! It's huge!"
ZIDANE
"The really hot women are in there! C'mon!"
Zidane runs off towards Balamb Garden. Vivi reluctantly follows.
INT. BALAMB GARDEN - AFTERNOON
Rinoa and Selphie are talking in the Main Hall.
SELPHIE
"So, anyway, Irvine is always bugging me to go out with him. What should I do, Rinoa?"
RINOA
"Why don't you give him a chance? You might like it."
SELPHIE
"Like what?"
RINOA
"You know... it."
SELPHIE
"...It?"
RINOA
(Sigh)
"Selphie, let me explain. Y'see, when a man loves a woman, and a woman loves a man, they might decide to cement their love by having se-"
ZIDANE
(Interrupting)
"Well, well, well! We meet again!"
SELPHIE
"Lookie, Rinoa! It's the funny guy with the tail!"
RINOA
"Yeah, and he has a cute little black mage with him! Oh, how sweet!"
ZIDANE
"Huh?!"
VIVI
(To Zidane)
"I dunno!"
Rinoa and Selphie run over to Vivi and cuddle him like a stuffed toy.
RINOA
"Oooh, I love him!"
SELPHIE
"Me too! Aw, how soft!"
They begin to tickle Vivi. He laughs.
VIVI
(Innocently)
"Stop it! Hehehehe! Stop it!"
RINOA
(To Selphie)
"Aw, isn't he just so cute?!"
SELPHIE
"Yeah! Let's bring him back to our dorm and shower him with attention!"
ZIDANE
"WHAT?!"
VIVI
"WHAT?!"
RINOA
"Come on, sweetie!"
Rinoa and Selphie take Vivi down the corridor.
ZIDANE
"Hey, hey! Come back!"
VIVI (O.S)
"Zidane, help me!"
ZIDANE
"Oh my God! They've got Vivi! You bastards!"
VIVI (O.S)
"No! No! Not the make-up kit! Anything but the make-up kit!"
ZIDANE
"I gotta save him!"
SQUALL (O.S)
"Not so fast!"
ZIDANE
"What the...?"
Zidane turns around to see Squall, Zell and Irvine stood behind him.
ZELL
"Come crawlin' back, eh?"
ZIDANE
"Not quiet."
SQUALL
"Silence! You made a BIG mistake coming back here, pal!"
ZIDANE
"Look, uh, about earlier... I'm sorry."
IRVINE
"That ain't good enough, buddy. We've gotta kick your ass before we can feel better."
ZIDANE
"B-But you can't kick my ass! It isn't fair!"
SQUALL
"Life isn't fair, kiddo! Get used to it!"
ZIDANE
(Gulp)
"So, you're gonna kill me?!"
SQUALL/ZELL/IRVINE
"Uh-huh!"
ZIDANE
"Can I use the bathroom first?"
SQUALL
"...Okay, but be quick."
Zidane runs off.
EXT. ALCAULD PLAINS - AFTERNOON
Zidane is wandering through the countryside.
ZIDANE
(To himself)
"Oh, man! What am I gonna do?! Vivi's been kidnapped by those evil, but really sexually attractive women, and I can't go back otherwise I'll get my butt whipped by those damn stuck-up assholes! What to do? What to do?"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Zidane, Zidane, where are you?!"
ZIDANE
"Dagger?!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Zidane, where are you? And what is this vortex doing here?!"
Zidane looks up at the swirly vortex, which has now gotten smaller.
ZIDANE
"Dagger, I'm on the other side of the vortex! I'm in another world!"
DAGGER (O.S)
"Another world?! Well, you can just march your butt back here to the real world right now!"
ZIDANE
"B-But..."
DAGGER (O.S)
(Angry)
"But what?!"
ZIDANE
(To himself)
"Damn, I'm gonna haveta go back. I'm gonna haveta forget about Vivi and leave with my own life."
DAGGER (O.S)
"Zidane, the vortex is closing!"
ZIDANE
"Huh?!"
Zidane looks up at the vortex again. It is shrinking.
ZIDANE
"Crap! Uh, sorry, Vivi! But I gotta think about my own safety!"
He jumps into the vortex, but a strong hand grips onto his tail and pulls him back. The vortex closes.
ZIDANE
"No!"
SQUALL (O.S)
"Yes... Hahahaha!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
