Chapter five…The Questions
Authors note: In all of the previous chapters we have been with Phoebe now I'm going to see where Cole takes this. And don't freak out yet because the ending isn't going to be as depressing as the rest of this.
She hadn't given him a fighting chance. Why didn't she give him a chance? True he'd killed an innocent witch, but it hadn't been his fault.
How could Phoebe just throw him away like that? He knew she loved him, at least he thought she did.
Cole kept playing that night over in his head. Every time though he still ended up at the same place, here, alone, without her by him, without her in his arms. He never knew it could hurt this much. He hadn't realized exactly what he had been getting himself into and now that it was really over between them…
He hated her. She was always the one who told him and everyone else that he could do it, that he wasn't evil, that he was good and that in his heart there was…well there was something good. Now at the first test of it she threw it all out the attic window. She'd shattered his heart just as surely as she'd smashed that goblet.
How was what she did better than him? No one had made her say and do the things that she did. No one had made her do anything and yet she still…
This human thing was harder than he'd ever imagined it would be. Maybe Raynor had been right to try and get him back. Cole had to admit that killing Raynor had felt good. A part of him had reveled in it. A part of him had needed it.
Maybe then Phoebe was right to hurt him the way she had. Maybe he would never win this battle with himself. If he never won what good would he be to them.
Still he did not understand why it had to be like this. He probably never would understand it.
Her words, save yourself rang in his head and lodged in his heart like a knife. He didn't think she could ever hurt him like that with only two words.
Alone they meant nothing, together they were everything.
Now Cole was nothing he'd lost his everything when she left.
What did it matter what he did now?
She had no right to judge him like that. He'd give her something to judge him by.
She had summoned him earlier probably to vanquish him and he was glad now that he had the strength to resist her pull. He never wanted to see her again. If she had so little faith in him she wasn't worth his time
He was glad now that he had called the alchemist to transmogrify his blood.
How could he have been so certain that he had never wanted to see her again? Now that was all Cole wanted to see. He couldn't stand looking in to her eyes that were so filled with anguish that was the only way to describe it. Piper had said that all he needed to do was tell her he loved her.
It was true he did still love her. And seeing her now as this demon was hurting him so much. He realized that he couldn't hate her. Phoebe was paying for it. More then she wanted to say.
"Phoebe I love you." He croaked out. She changed before his eyes. He had told her then of Raynor's control over him. It hadn't changed anything. He hadn't expected it too.
Seeing her had done something to him. It had awakened all of the feelings he had tried to suppress. Her lips had tempted him invitingly beckoned even but he fought it. The last thing they needed was for him to confuse them more. He couldn't however leave without touching her. He had tried but found that urge to tempting to resist.
He had stroked her smooth flawless cheek and remembered what it had tasted like when he had still been allowed that privilege. He pushed the though out of his head there was no room for those "phoebe thoughts" as he had labeled them.
Memories of when they were happy and together filled his mind and he pushed them out. He had to shimmer now or he'd do something both of them would regret.
With one last longing look he had shimmered away leaving her with questions none of them could answer.
This morning when he had awakened to her face…it had almost been like old times. Except for the fact that he had wanted to kill her. Then she had changed him. Like always she had fixed the problem.
She had been locked in his arms again two point four seconds later in an embrace Cole wanted to last forever. How he had missed this. How he had missed her in his arms, missed her smiling face, missed her full lovely wonderful perfect lips. There joy had been short lived however.
Love didn't solve everything. The person who came up with the idea that it did ought to be shot he remembered thinking.
And now…now he was alone again. Phoebe was probably in the other room dying and he couldn't get to her fast enough.
The underling demon that the Source had sent to do the job hadn't killed him only detained him very effectively with a stab wound through his chest. If he didn't get help soon however that same demon may very well have killed him.
But only the thought of getting to Phoebe on time filled his mind. He had tried to shimmer but they were somehow blocking his powers. So he found himself staggering through a maze of hallways trying to get to where he had left her. Leaving a trail of blood behind him.
The room was empty except for the straw and his pillow and in the corner… Cole turned away. He didn't want to see what he felt.
He had felt her slip away. He had known that that was what it was but he wanted so badly to deny it.
The blood-covered knife however took that away.
Phoebe was gone, his soul mate was gone, the only thing in his life that was worth anything had been taken from him. Because of him.
"No!" he screamed in agony. "Phoebe!" he cried sinking to the ground by the cruel weapon that had been used to take her away from him. It was her blood on that knife. He picked it up and threw it violently at the wall where it stuck. It was her blood that now stained his hands.
They would pay.
Bitter tears of pain and anger filled Cole's eyes spilling over and running down his not so brave face. Leaving tracks washed clean of dirt and drying blood.
She had been those tears. Wiping his soul clean of all the dried blood and dirt. Now as he stood here he knew that he could never go back. She had told him to save himself but in not trying she had saved him.
Yes, she had loved him with more love than he had ever seen. She had been full of love. And every time he had dropped by he had seen it in her eyes.
Cole wanted that. He wanted that love that he had so freely given him to fill his soul forever. He wanted to make her proud of her sacrifice.
He had to give it some kind of meaning or it would tear everything apart.
