AS3

You don't have to worry, people, this James won't turn out to be a pervert, that's the business of "I'd Love You To Hate Me"-Jamie. The one here just said what he said because he wanted to get Lily's mind off the Voldie-topic. Okay, I just thought I should make this clear.

As the last part is quite a long time ago (sorry...), here's a short summary of what happened so far: After Sirius spread the photo of Lily and James's kiss, the both of them have a rather stressful day. Because she mentions Voldie's name in Divination, Professor Mylar, the Divination teacher, sends her to Dumbledore's office. The Headmaster then tells her about a prediction that was made for our favorite Dark Wizard, and as it says that the child of the 'Flower' might be his downfall, every girl named after a flower is in danger now. Obviously, Lily's one of them. She tells James, who happens to find her in their room, about it and he suggests a 24-hour-guarding service, the team formed by Jessie, Sarah, Sirius, Remus, Peter *pulls a face* and himself, of course. - Remember? Great, then here we go!

As we go on...

Part 3

"Okay, let me get this straight." Sirius raised both hands in the air, looking stressed and slightly helplessly. "You're trying to tell me that Voldemort is after Lily just because of some stupid prediction some Mylar look-alike recently made for him?"

He was answered by nods from Lily, James and Remus.

"And now we have to watch 24/7 over her, right?"

Once again the three nodded their heads.

"Damn." was all Sirius said before plopping down in his chair.

The afternoon light of the sun was glistening through the half-closed curtains of the Gryffindor tower, bright spots of light were dancing on the walls and on the faces of the six Gryffindors who were assembled in the room. They were alone at the moment, everyone else was down in the Great Hall for lunch. Deciding that this was the perfect time to have some privacy, the group had skipped it. Well, the whole group except Peter, they hadn't been able to find him, and so they assumed that they could start the discussion without him and inform him later. Although the six friends weren't discussing right now. In the contrary to their usual noisy behaviour, their conversations filled with laughter, everyone was silent, a mixture of confusion and desperation evident on their faces as they were staring into the flames of the fire that was burning the whole year, in summer as well as in winter. In the summers, it brought somewhat fresh air in the room while in the winters, it heated everything up, so it was a great place to sit at, no matter what time of the year.

After minutes of thoughtful silence, Remus was the first to speak. He tugged a roll of parchment out of his bag and places a quill next to it, then looked around. "Why don't we start making a list with everything we have to do and think about? Maybe this helps us to bring some order in this whole mess."

James sighed. He was sitting in the loveseat together with Lily, his arm loosely draped around her shoulders, and to everyone who didn't know anything about the situation, it would be clearly obvious that James was the one Voldemort was after. He looked like the fear in person. His girlfriend next to him seemed to be quite calm. Now that she had told her friends what was bothering her, she was relieved of the blind panic and disbelief she had felt at the beginning. She was nervous, yes, but she didn't want to show this to anyone. It would only cause them to worry more about her than they already did, especially James. So she kept her anxiety inside and covered it up in smiling. "I don't think there's any point in guarding me. Hogwarts is safe."

Even to her, this statement sounded completely ridiculous and the sarcastic snorts of the others and the firmer grip of James's hand immediately proved her right on her shoulder.

Jessie shook her head. "Lil, stop playing the hero and face reality. This is serious."

"It's not only serious. It's also deadly dangerous." Remus added.

"But it's just some random prediction. I'm sure Voldemort got a lot of those during his life. Why'd he want to go for this one?" Lily tried to find arguments for her attitude, but she knew very well that she was fighting a losing battle.

"Lil, listen." It was the first time that James spoke after they had left the little room behind the portrait of the knight. "No matter what you say or do, you can't stop me from caring about you and doing everything to ensure your safety, so just quit trying, it won't get you anywhere. Even if I have to tie you up to a chair to keep you from going anywhere alone, you can be sure that I'd do this. I will not let happen anything to you."

Lily was about to go off. What gave him the right to treat her like that? She wasn't a little baby that needed to be protected by big daddy. She was old enough to watch out for herself. And then, she was at Hogwarts, therefore it wasn't as if Voldemort could be waiting for her behind every corner. Opening her mouth to speak, she took a deep breath, then made the mistake to look at James - and everything she had wanted to say just disappeared. No more "How dare you?", all she could think of was that she didn't want to see this fear into his eyes and that she was ready to agree with their plans as long as it calmed him down at least a bit. So she just closed her mouth and nodded.

***

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials and my tribulations
Through our doubts and frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear and my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart

Michael Jackson - Will you be there

The darkest time of the night is right before the start of the dawn. Not knowing why or how, it was exactly the time Lily chose to wake up. After staring out at the black sky that showed through the gap between the curtains for what seemed like hours without being able to fall asleep again and anticipating the thunderstorm that was about to go off very soon. Finally she sneaked out of bed, not wanting to disturb any of her roommates.

The air outside was cold, yet refreshing. Lily shuddered a little as the icy wind blew at her bare arms, but she was enjoying the sensation. The last few days had been much too hot and sultry for this time of the year, the middle of spring. It just didn't seem appropriate. Somehow it reminded Lily of the proverbial silence before the storm.

Her arms folded on the balustrade of the balcony, her back turned to the door that led into the Gryffindor common room. She let her thoughts drift from one subject to another, like the momentary silence between Sirius and Sarah, caused by him kissing some random girl two days ago - the boys hadn't known that the girls had planned to check out the same club in Hogsmeade exactly this night. So, at the moment, things were rather awkward between those two, although everyone, but most of all Sirius, hoped that everything would work out eventually while Sarah kept on either glaring or ignoring him completely.

Lily raised her head and looked up at the moon that was peering through a tiny hole in the cloud cover. Full. Remus was now at the Shrieking Shack or maybe somewhere in the Forbidden Forest, along with the animagus forms of his three male friends. She vaguely wondered what they were doing, although she wasn't really concerned. The quartet knew how to look out for itself.

Thinking of the quartet brought her mind to what she had been unconsciously avoiding till now. James. Lily sighed, resting her head on her arms, her gaze focused on her bare feet. How was she supposed to figure out what she was feeling right now, her uncertainty about anything around her, including her friends, but most of all James, a result of her fear. How could she stay with them if at the same time, she knew that she might endanger them? It was enough to know that Voldemort was after her, but what if he decided that it couldn't do any harm if he hurt her a little before he actually killed her. What prevented him from killing James or Jessie or whomever, like he had already done with her parents?

The tapping of a pair of feet behind her made her spin around. When she saw whom they belonged to, she breathed a sigh of relief and took a step to the side to make space for Sirius. Wordlessly, he stepped next to her, his hands grabbing the balustrade as if in search for something to hold on to.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Lily watched him for a few minutes, noticing him biting his lower lip, the way he unconsciously shifted his weight from one leg to the other, before she eventually decided to speak. "How come you're not out there, with Remus, James and Peter?"

The boy next to her didn't respond immediately, his eyes focused on something far away only he could see. When he finally answered, she could hear the sadness in his voice, sadness about the way things were going. It was also evident in his eyes, which resembled the sky in their color. "I didn't feel like going out tonight." He paused for an instant and eyed her questioningly. "Actually, I'm surprised that you even want to talk to me after what I did."

She shot him a wry smile. "You can thank James for that. He practically begged me to give you at least the chance to explain."

"Guess I owe him, then."

"I only said that I'd listen, Sirius. Unless you have a pretty good explanation for what we saw at that club, nothing's gained."

He sighed and turned around to face her, looking her straight in the eye, trying to hold her gaze. "Lil, I wish I had a good explanation. The problem is: I don't. All I can say is that my brain was somewhere else."

"I can just imagine." Lily muttered, shooting a meaningful glance at his pants, but Sirius emphatically shook his head.

"No, that's not it. If I can say one thing for sure, then it's that this wasn't the reason. The truth is, I was scared. Plain and simple. Suddenly I was afraid that... Oh damn, this sounds so stupid! Well, anyway. I was afraid of loving too much."

"Sorry, but what? How can you love too much, Sirius? This is ridiculous."

"Yeah, it is. Now I can say that, too, but at that moment, in the club where everyone was dancing, and then the lights and all people having fun, and yet all I could think of was Sarah, well, right then I was afraid that I forgot how to have fun. And so I did the first thing that came to my mind."

"Which was a pretty stupid thing."

Sirius bent his head. "As if I don't know... After all, it made me lose her."

"Honestly, Sirius, what were you thinking?"

"Nothing."

"I figured that much."

"Lil, just answer me one question: Do you believe me?"

There was silence for a minute, the girl staring out into the dark of the night, the boy watching her intensely, eagerly awaiting her reply while dreading it at the same time. He was a little startled when all of a sudden, she turned around and nodded. "Yes, Sirius. I do believe you. But that doesn't mean that I can understand you or say that it's not that bad what you did."

"I know. I guess I was on the James-trip. Remind me never ever again to use James as an example."

"I will if you tell me what you mean by 'James-trip'."

A look of confusion crossed Sirius's face, then Lily could see the ghost of a smile. "Nah, don't worry, it's not what you think. Jamsie didn't do anything wrong, I swear. Heck, he didn't even notice all those dancing girls! No, I was referring to the former James, you know, Mr. Heartbreak. The way James behaved about half a year ago."

"Oh yeah, it was like he wanted to set a new world record in breaking girl's hearts, wasn't it?"

"Yup. Well, back then, I asked him once why he didn't stay with the same girl for at least a week or so. He told me that, as long as it was just for a short time, he wouldn't be in danger of falling in love, and therefore he couldn't get hurt and no one would be able to control him."

"Pretty stupid theory, if you ask me." Lily muttered, and Sirius nodded.

"By the way, that's exactly what James said when I reminded him of this conversation." He sighed. "To tell the truth: I've never seen him that mad. He was yelling at me about my stupidity and stuff. I deserved it, though. Anyway, he said that I shouldn't copy his faults and that maybe this was right for him back then, but as long as you have a relationship worth fighting for, it's just plain dumb to screw it up like this."

"James said that?"

"Yeah. He really changed, didn't he?" Sirius looked thoughtful, but shook it off quickly and turned to the girl next to him. "Lily, d'you think I still have a chance with Sarah?"

Lily was quiet. She knew that Sarah wasn't over Sirius, not at all, but she wasn't sure if, as Sarah's friend, she was allowed to tell him, so she just shrugged. "It's up to you to find out, Padfoot, it's up to you..."

"...Which means no."

"...Which means maybe. If you really try, she might give you a second chance."

"Okay, I'd say we let go of the topic now." Once again, Sirius sighed, and then he looked Lily up and down, suddenly wondering why she was up this early in the morning. He raised a brow. "Didn't we forbid you to go anywhere alone?"

Lily averted her eyes. "I..."

He groaned. "Oh no. Lily, please, not again. Hey, little sister, this is for you to write down: You won't get rid of us that easily. You can bitch at us as much as you want, we know the reasons behind your behavior, and just because you don't want to endanger us, it doesn't mean that you have the choice."

There was no answer. Lily had her back turned to him; her shoulders slumped slightly forwards. She was watching the Hogwarts grounds, seeing, but not noticing anything. Not the moon, half hidden behind a cloud, not the lake, resembling the sky in its darkness, and not the Forbidden Forest, the slight trembling of its trees in anticipation of the upcoming thunderstorm. She was lost in her own world, in her inner battle between conscience, fear, friendship and who knows what else.

When Sirius finally came to realize that there was no point in awaiting her reaction, he tapped her slightly on the shoulder. "Lil, I'll go to sleep now. You'd better do the same, but I let you sort things out on your own, okay? I don't think you're in any danger right now. Sweet dreams."

For a moment, Lily was jerked out of her thought and flashed him a smile. "Goodnight, big brother. Try not to worry too much."

Right then, he didn't know that these would be the last words he heard from her for quite some time.

***

James awoke when the first ray of sunlight hit his face. He was in a strange state of uneasiness, shifting uncomfortably, not able to go back to sleep, although he had spent most of the last night in the Forbidden Forest, not to mention the thunderstorm that had soaked Remus, Peter and him to the skin. He hadn't the faintest idea what was keeping him from falling asleep again. That is, he didn't have the faintest idea until his hand touched a piece of paper that was hidden under his pillow. Pulling it out from beneath, he immediately recognized Lily's hand, and with a jerk, he was wide-awake and sat up in his bed, grabbed his glasses and read the message, eyes open wide in shock.

Dear James, Sarah, Jessie, Sirius, Remus, Peter and whoever else is reading this,

when you're reading this letter, I'm already far away, I won't tell you where or how. Believe me, it's for the better. Please, don't be mad at me. Look, I had to options: Number 1: Stay and endanger me and my friends, or, number 2: Disappear and endanger only me. You know which one I chose.

Try to understand me, okay? Think about it: What would you have done if you were me? I know you well enough to tell you one thing: The same. As far as I can see, it's the only and best way for every one of us. I don't want to be responsible for any more deaths. And who knows? Maybe I 'll succeed in hiding, and maybe, someday, when Voldemort will be only a nightmare of the past, we'll meet again. Till then, every one of you should feel hugged and kissed.

James: There's one thing you mustn't forget: I love you. Forever and a day. There's nothing more to say.

Sarah, Jessie: Damn, why couldn't you two be my sisters instead of snobby Petunia? Fate's cruel, isn't it? Girls, I love you, and I'll miss our chats and you laughter. Oh, and Sa? Give Sirius a chance, listen to what he has to say, okay? If not for you, then do it for me and for him. He deserves it.

Sirius: To me, you've always been the big and sometimes annoying brother I never had, and I wouldn't want to miss one single minute of the time we spent together. You can be sure that I'll never forget you. I won't forget any of you.

Remus: What else can say but: You're the greatest friend a person can have, and I don't know how I deserved being one of your best friends. I must have done something very good in my last life.

Peter: Stop being so shy! You're a wonderful person, and everyone should see that. And if they don't, then they're just not worth it.

I love you all, every one of you. Don't forget me, and you can be sure that I won't forget you.

Lily

It was a few minutes after 7 in the morning when everyone in the Gryffindor tower was woken up by a loud scream.

*****

Two weeks without Internet, that's quite an interesting experiment, believe me. I was forced to give it a try because our computer once again decided that it was time for a break. Damn, where's superman when you need him??? That's also the reason for the new e-mail-address, by the way.

So Lily runs... Do you think that this is too much, that she's overreacting? I tried to imagine what I'd do if I were she, and this was the first and best thing that came to my mind. I hope it's believable.

Chrissy: Nope, the review didn't fit or whatever. All I could read was one sentence... No prob, it's not your fault!

Pumpkin juice: Yes, I will finish this. Definitely. I just don't have much time at the moment, what about three of my best friends being lovesick, our computer going on strike, and so on. But I promise that I won't leave my stories unfinished.

Jessie: I didn't forget about you. Please, be a little patient. Puh-lease? Just look at what I wrote to pumpkin juice, and you know the reasons...

=): I don't know if this series will go on until their death. I think I'll end it with the end of their school time.

Sirius: You're still there? I'm surprised now. Didn't you mention you might develop withdrawal symptoms? Well, this took my like forever, so... Oh, and by the way: Damn, you really saw through me. I always say that my stuff is horrible so that everyone tells me that it's not! Fishing for compliments, you know? *g* Nah, honestly, now that I read over the second part, I don't think it's as bad as I thought when I wrote it. But if I say that I don't like things, then I mean it. I didn't like the last two part of 'I'd love you to hate me', while I think that the 5th part was pretty good. But I'm not saying this to get told that I'm wrong. - Oh, and you're male? Finally, at least one! ;)

GinnyWeasley: Nope, the knight's not Sir Cardogan. Sir Cardogan's crazy, but apart from that; he's rather cheerful. That's if his horse didn't just throw him. *g* But as the knight in the painting's always in a bad mood, it's not Sir Cardogan.

I hope I didn't forget anyone's question. It's kinda confusing with the new outfit of FFN and everything, so if I didn't answer anything, yell at your screen for a minute, and then ask me again, okay?

© Saralea