Thanks for the replies, Tammy and Anakah. I wasn't going to tell who was who yet, but since you asked. Tess is Ophelia, Maria Cassandra, and Isabel Guinevere. The guys will be mentioned later.

I feel guilty every time I look at her. I feel like just being within miles of him is a betrayal of her friendship. So why do I keep sleeping with him? Why do I keep going back for her forgiveness even though I know I don't deserve it? Do I really want him that much? Do I want to hurt her? Or am I punishing myself?

I'm so very confused. I've ruined what was once such a beautiful, strong relationship with her and the easy camaraderie I had with him. I'm sleeping regularly with a completely hot guy, which hurts his girlfriend, I'm failing school, I'm the slut of the school, and my parents hate me because I've ruined their social status. This is my life to date and I have no idea how I got here. How did I fall so far so fast?

I used to be one of the most popular girls in school, despite my association with the outsiders. I used to be the only one she trusted- the one she came to when her mother was being a she-demon. I used to be adored by the community and my parents both. He and I used to laugh together, now we don't talk except in the 'throes of passion.' I miss the way my brother used to look at me, this mixture of exasperation and love. He barely glances at me now and when he does I can feel his disappointment. My life has hit rock bottom, or at least I hope so. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

What did I gain by falling into bed with him? The sex may be great, but it's not worth everything I've lost. I know deep down in my bones, though, that if he were to come to me right now I would fall into bed with him without another thought. However I still don't know why that is. I'm either incredibly weak and he's incredibly strong or something's pulling us together. I don't which would make me sleep easier at night.

I barely remember our first encounter, it's just a series of moments in my mind, and I can't recall who started it. I pray every night that it wasn't me, that I'm not the one mostly to blame here. I also hope that I was the one, who started it, because I don't want to think that he kissed me and I let him. I don't know want to think that I lost complete control of my life. I want to believe that I at least had the strength of will to go after something I wanted, even if the cost was great.

Maybe I'm just a vindictive person who wants to hurt one of the people I love most. Am I that horrible a person that I'd want to destroy my only friend's happiness? This whole mess might be because of my own self-destructive tendencies, too. Am I trying to destroy the little love people have left for me? Do I really need therapy that bad? I just have on thing to say: God bless the bad girls, if they're anything like me, they need it.