Believe: Part 9

Believe: Part 8
By Izzy

All standard disclaimers apply. Long time, no see minna! I've been very busy working my @$$ off at school and home (that's my excuse). I've been working on improving my writing, as I hope you will notice in this chapter. About 'mai' tenshi, I'm really sorry if I confused some people, but you all know how I write really late. That's one of the weirdest typos I have ever made.

"The only way to love is to realize it may be lost."
"Love unreturned is like a question with no answer."

Relena collapsed into a chair in her bedroom, cursing the world for her life. God had granted her the one thing her heart most desired, but not whole. This wasn't the Heero that she knew. All her dreams for their future were shattered with that one sentence from his cruel lips. "I don't remember..."

Now she was with child ... *his* child, and she desperately needed him. After all this time, Relena knew she had cracked. Heero had also changed into someone loving and kind ... someone who loved her back, loved her for what she truly is.

Tears brimmed up into her eyes and she angrily wiped them away. "Stop crying, Relena," she chastised herself quietly. "Stop crying and help yourself. You've helped yourself all your life, don't give up now." But she knew that everything she did and thought was a meaningless charade. Her life was nothing without Heero. She knew that it just wasn't an infatuation, she *loved* Heero. After everything they had been through - the shattered trust, the sense of loss, the renewed friendship ... revived love - she knew that Heero Yuy was her reason for going on, forcing her flashing blue eyes to valiantly face her fate.

The room seemed to dim, rain clouds forming in the distance. The setting sun cast melancholy shades of gray around the colors of faded peach and rose. The room was dull, few pictures lining the walls, and those that did were of her children and few friends. The room was plain all in itself, the furniture and decoration being kept very simple. She had not yet had time to furnish the room, but she never really had planned to. She *had* been in mourning until about an hour ago when she found out that he was still alive, and now she was mourning for a different cause.

Everything she had, she had to work for. There was always some price to pay for the ones she loved. For the pilots, she had to face war, and the same could be said about her brother, Milliardo. She was repeatedly hurt trying to get through to him, never really understanding why he didn't want to get to know her ... why he kept pushing her away. Didn't he want to love her, just the same as she already loved him? Relena was really close to no one, save Quatre. He acted more of a brother than Milliardo himself. He never judged her, never questioned, only comforted and loved.

Standing with the grace of a feline, Relena strode, one foot in front of the other, to a Victorian styled bureau, designs of carved roses weaving its way intricately around the drawers and around handles. She pulled out an old and faded white shirt and pair of boxers, and held them to her face, inhaling deeply. Autumn and musk filled her senses.

Heero had left these in her room the last time she saw him, before he left for battle. She quickly stripped and replaced her uniform. She pulled the ribbon from her hair, and, running her fingers sleepily through the long tresses, she yanked back the covers of her cold and unwelcoming bed. There were already too many memories. Too many painful memories to deal with.

She fought back sleep to continue contemplating her life. Exhaustion gripped her senses, and she willingly succumbed to the sleep that she knew would be filled with horrifying nightmares and dreams that flaunted what her future would never be.

Relena was jarred awake by the awful buzzing sound of an alarm clock. She lazily slapped the snooze button, wanting to stay in that bed forever, away from the world.

The door burst open, and Relena's eyes automatically searched for the rude person. Her eyes caught a figure, but they suddenly yanked her curtains open, allowing glorious white light to enter the room. She was blinded by such brilliance, and used her hand to cover her eyes from the bright light.

The figure plopped on the bed next to her just as her eyes were adjusting. The face was a little blurry, but she thought she could make it out and was amazed. "Heero?" she whispered hopefully.

The person frowned, and Relena's vision returned to normal. "No, Mom. It's me."

Relena tried to smile at her son, but it came out small and pitiful. "Sorry, honey," she murmured, hoping to brush it off. She was not in the mood for confrontation.

She pulled back the covers and stepped out of bed at the other end. She quickly grabbed a robe that was thrown carelessly over the back of a chair, and pulled it on, tying the knot securely. She stumbled over to her vanity, and stared at herself, touching the bags under her eyes softly. She cursed under her breath, regretting that she had cried so mcuh. This was not the day to look awful. At the very least, Heero was back. She should be happy.

She looked away from the mirror, disgusted with herself. She should have moved on long ago.

"Hey, Mom?" Haziel was sitting cross-legged at the foot of her bed, his chocolate hair unkept and Prussian blue eyes as sad as ever.

"Yeah, Ziel?" She grabbed her brush and took her frustration out on her long hair.

"Are you okay? I mean, with everything that's been going on - Aunt Hilde's triplets and Dad and all." He leaned back on his hands, his eyes intensely studying her face.

"What do you mean? I'm doing just fine," Relena answered, trying to keep her voice calm and a straight face. She couldn't break down in front of her son. She had to be strong, if not for herself, then for Elena and him. "Don't worry about me, hon. Why don't you go visit with Flora? She just got here and already there's chaos. I know how much you missed her."

Haziel scoffed. "Whatever, Mom. Elena just wants you to think that," he retorted pointedly. He tried to send her a glare, but ended up somewhere around a smirk.

Relena gave him a lopsided grin. "I'm sure." She got up and opened her door. "Now, I would appreciate it if you left me to myself to dress. Go visit your girlfriend." She cast him a small smile as he left the room.

She pulled her hair back and changed into a pair of slacks and a blouse, inhaling the shirt's aroma one last time. Crossing her arms, she walked downstairs for breakfast. Heero would be there, and she didn't want him suspecting anything just yet.

She instantly spotted him and tried to avoid eye contact. It would be too difficult to know he was there but not be able to reach him.

Flora smiled. Her emerald eyes twinkled. "Hey there, Miss Lena! Haven't seen you in a while, except for on *TV* of course! How's it going?"

Relena plastered a smile on her face. "As great as can be expected, Flora. How's your mom? Still busy with work, hmm?"

"She's doing great, misses you a lot, though. She told me to tell you to call her." Flora stabbed her fork into a pancake and proceeded to eat.

"Hello Sean, Heero." She nodded to both. "How are you doing today? Did you get a good night's rest?"

Sean smiled brightly at her, his eyes gleaming. "We slept great. Well, I did at least. I think Heero had some problem getting to sleep. Thanks for breakfast, though."

"Yeah, this is really good, Auntie Lu," Haziel complimented her, his mouth full.

"Thank you, Ziel, but I would appreciate it even more if you chewed before you talked." She smiled teasingly at him.

Elena smirked and kicked him beneath the table, giggling with Flora. Flora smiled brightly at him, causing his face to redden. "Oooh! Lookie, Ziel's blushing! I guess it has something to do with his giiirlfriend!"

"Shut up, Elena!"

"Whhhhyyyy? You know she's your giiiiiirlfriend!"

"Quiet, both of you!" Relena had had enough. "Today is not the day to do this!"

The two immediately quieted, and Elena cast a daring glance at her father. He seemed to be a little surprised at her mother's outburst. She could sense her mother's frustration, and was instantly sorry for acting like that in front of Heero.

"Sooo ... Sean, how old are you?"

He turned his gaze onto her, his spring eyes staring into her ocean depths. Elena fought hard to melt at his intense stare. "I'm eighteen. You?"

She smiled beautifully at him, or at least she hoped it was beautiful. Inside she was falling to pieces. "Sixteen. When did you join?" She saw Flora grinning at her out of the corner of her eye.

"About a year ago. I'm not sure exactly why." He picked up his glass and took a sip of orange juice.

"What about high school? Did you ever finish?"

"I took some extra courses, summer school, and I finished a couple years early. I really wasn't into college at the time, though. I figure since all this happened, I might as well try."

Relena watched her daughter talk with the young soldier skeptically. 'Well, at least one of us should be getting a little luck. Besides, Sean looks like a really nice young man.' (AN: Excuse me while I go puke.) She glanced over, and saw Heero staring at her. Her cheeks reddened slightly and she looked back down at her food. She could feel Heero's eyes bore into her, and stood up suddenly. Everyone's eyes turned towards her questioningly. Muttering an excuse, she left the room.

She subconsciously drove towards the hospital. When the huge white building made its way into her range of vision, she knew she had to talk to Hilde.

"Hey, Hildes!" Relena plastered a smile on her face, hoping that Hilde would not see through the facade.

Unfortunately, she did. "Relena ..." Hilde chastised her pointedly. "What's wrong?"

Relena pulled a chair up to the side of the hospital bed, and began tugging at the loose strings in the blanket. "I'm not sure if Duo has told you yet, but-"

"But what? What was Duo supposed to tell me?"

"Um," Relena swallowed a lump that had been growing in her throat, "well, you see..." She paused to take a deep breath. "Heero's back."

Hilde's face fell. "Relena, I know you miss him a lot, but he's dead and he's not coming back. I don't want to see you like this!"

Relena's brow furrowed. "I'm not kidding, Hilde! He's at the mansion right now!"

Hilde was shocked silent. "So everything's alright now? Why are you acting so sad? I thought you and Heero loved each other ... after everything..."

Relena's eyes began to slightly tear. "That's the problem, Hilde! I get exactly what I want, and it seems like fate is punishing me for being so selfish!"

"Wait, slow done. Fate is 'punishing' you? How? And again, why are you so sad if Heero's back?" Hilde propped herself up against the headboard, two overstuffed feather pillows supporting her back.

"But he's 'not' back!" A confused look crossed Hilde's face. "I mean, he's back, but only his body." Silent tears trickled down her cheeks. "Don't you understand?! He can't remember anything, Hilde. He forgot all about me..." By the time she was done, her voice had faded off to a low whisper.

"What do you mean 'he can't remember anything'? At all?"

Relena dropped her head into her hands, silently sobbing. Hilde could barely make out the shake of her head, indicating "no."

Hilde couldn't stand seeing her friend like this. "Come on, Relena. Stop crying. Come here." She scooted as far as she could to the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around her longtime friend. "We'll work this out, we always do."

Relena angrily scrubbed at her eyes with the back of her hands. "You know, Hilde, you'd think that I'd get over this by now."

"Get over what?" Hilde gently urged her on.

"This!" Relena bit her lip, attempting to prevent more tears. "I know I've gone through enough pain. I know I should just let go of it all. My brain keeps telling me that I shouldn't put myself through this, but my heart keeps pulling me back to him and I don't know why." Despite all efforts, Relena broke down again.

Hilde opened her mouth, but really couldn't find anything to say. Relena knew that Heero was The One.

"You know," Relena whispered, breaking Hilde's reverie, "It's amazing, Hilde."

"What is, Relena?"

Relena looked up into her violet eyes, tears clouding her own blue ones. Hilde could almost feel her heart breaking.

"It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you still love them with every broken piece of it."

Okay! There's really no plot to this chapter, but it should be over in two or three more parts. Hope you liked the last line. Cheru-chan sent it to me and I thought it was so sad!
Iz