Dreams Divided

Chapter One — A Journey Begun

"Pa, I just don't see how I can pass up this opportunity. I know you don't like the idea of me moving back to Boston, but Richard's offering me a full partnership." Adam was hoping he could convince his father just how important this was to him.

Ben Cartwright regarded his oldest son thoughtfully. "It means that much to you?"

Adam nodded. "Richard says the whole area's booming. He has more work than he can handle, and he's still turning down jobs. This is something I want to do, Pa."

Ben knew that Adam had felt torn ever since Richard Lawson's letter had arrived from Boston. Adam's loyalty to his family had been at war with his longing to put his architecture training to full use and the pull of his memories of college days in Boston. "Son, the Ponderosa is your home, not a prison. I never want you to feel bound here. If this is really what you want, then go after it. We'll miss you, but your brothers and I can manage the ranch."

Adam sighed in relief. He'd worried that Pa would be upset at the idea of him leaving. The past few months, though, he'd felt even more restless than usual. He loved the Ponderosa, but the time he had spent back east had been some of the happiest years he could remember. And ever since, Virginia City had seemed somehow limiting. He was convinced that this move to Boston was the right thing for him. "Thanks, Pa."

v v v

"You're moving where?" Joe stared across the table in disbelief.

"Boston? What fer?" Hoss nearly choked on his potatoes.

Both Adam's younger brothers gaped at his announcement at supper that night.

"You remember me talking about Richard Lawson, from college?" Adam continued at their nods, "He's running his own architecture firm in Boston, and he's offered me a full partnership. I figure on leaving the end of the month."

"That's just a couple of weeks!" Joe cut off the rest of his protest at a sharp look from his father.

Ben glared at his youngest. This decision hadn't been easy for Adam, and he didn't need his little brother to make it any harder.

"I know. Richard said he'll start lining up jobs for me as soon as I can get there. I'll need a couple of weeks travel time, too, don't forget. That makes it a month, even leaving that soon." He rose from the table. "Excuse me, Pa. I better get started getting things together." At his father's nod, Adam headed up the stairs.

Joe sat, staring down at his plate. Adam was really leaving, for good! His older brother might be a royal pain sometimes, but Joe couldn't imagine not having him looking over his shoulder, or covering his back.

Hoss looked lost. He remembered when Adam had left for college, how strange it had seemed not to have him around. Hoss had been afraid at the time that Adam would enjoy city living and decide to stay in Boston. No one, not even Pa, had been happier than Hoss when his older brother had come home. Now it seemed that all his worst fears were coming true. Hoss was losing his big brother, this time permanently.

Ben looked at his two younger sons, knowing what was going through their minds. "I know this is a shock for you, but Adam has thought about this, long and hard. We'll all miss him, but he feels this is the right move for him. He didn't make this decision lightly, so I don't want either one of you making this any harder on him than it has to be, understood?"

Hoss met his father's stern gaze. "Sure, Pa."

Ben noted his youngest boy's lack of response. "Joseph?"

Joe looked down at his plate, pushing the food around. "Yeah, Pa, okay."

v v v

Joe had finished the evening barn chores, but was in no hurry to get back in the house. He stood brushing Cochise, despite the horse's already gleaming coat. Just being around horses helped him think. He remembered Adam teaching him how to train the half-wild pony. Joe grinned faintly at the memory of his brother yelling, trying to convince him that he couldn't just jump on the animal and take off. Adam had kept him from getting stomped or breaking his neck that day. He thought of other times his oldest brother had saved him from his own foolishness.

Adam slipped into the barn quietly, wondering what was keeping Joe. He spotted his brother brushing the pinto, feeling a stab of pain when he saw Joe drag a sleeve across his eyes. Although their relationship was often contentious, Adam knew his little brother had to be hurting at his sudden decision to move away. He remembered when he left for college, Joe had been too young to really comprehend how far away Boston was, or how long he'd be gone. When he'd returned four years later, the two of them had needed to get to know one another all over again.

Adam moved toward the stall. "Hey, Joe. You okay?"

"Yeah." Joe sniffed, embarrassed at being caught.

"You know, if you keep brushing her like that, ol' Cooch won't have any hair left on that hide of hers." He knew why Joe was paying so much attention to the horse. When something was bothering him, Joe usually preferred horses to people.

"She likes it." Joe kept brushing the horse, glad of an excuse not to look his brother in the eye.

"Joe, look. I know I've kind of sprung this Boston thing on everyone, but it's something I just have to do." Adam hoped he could make Joe understand that he wasn't doing this to hurt them, or just because he wanted to get away from them. "This is something I've wanted for years, and now it's just dropped into my lap."

Joe finally looked up from the horse's side. "I guess. I just don't get how you could want to move away from the Ponderosa, Adam. And to Boston? Sheesh, San Francisco's big enough, and that seems too crowded for me, sometimes!"

Adam sighed. The attractions of big cities were something that neither one of his brothers would ever agree with him on. "I love it here, Joe. But it's different for me. You've never lived anywhere else, and Hoss was too young to remember when we settled here. I just need to try this, being somewhere on my own."

Joe shook his head and resumed brushing Cochise. "Yeah, okay, Adam. You gotta do what you think is right for you."

Adam put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Better get inside soon. Pa sent me out to see what was taking so long."

"Okay, in a few minutes."

Adam walked back to the house, not feeling like he'd really resolved anything. He didn't want to hurt his family by leaving. This chance was like a dream come true for him, but the only one who could see that seemed to be Pa.

v v v

Adam looked up from the book at a soft knock on his bedroom door. "Come in."

Hoss came in and settled in the chair. "Saw yer light on, and figgered you were still up."

Adam set the book aside. "Yeah. What's on your mind, Hoss?" He knew his brother would want to get straight to the point.

"You movin' to Boston." Hoss was still trying to figure out why Adam wanted to leave. Everything he needed was right here on the Ponderosa.

Adam wondered for a moment how many times he would have to explain this. "Hoss, you were too little to remember when we first came out here, but Pa's told us all often enough why he moved west."

Hoss nodded, "Yeah. He always had a dream of having a place of his own, of building it up from nothing. That's what he did with the Ponderosa. So?"

"Well, I've had a dream of my own, ever since college. To build things, to look at a building that I designed, and know it will stand there for years, just like I imagined it."

Hoss scrunched up his face, trying to understand. "But you've built things here. This house, some of the buildings in town..."

"I know, Hoss. But it's just not enough anymore. Richard designs office buildings, big department stores. There's even talk back east of 'sky scrapers' ten stories tall, or more! I want to be part of that." Adam's face shone with the intensity he felt.

Hoss caught his older brother's dreamy expression, something very few people ever saw. Most people thought Adam Cartwright was a hard-headed realist, never imagining that he had a visionary side. "Well, I reckon if you gotta go, you gotta, Adam. It's just that...well, doggone, I'm gonna miss ya, that's all!"

Adam smiled. "Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too." He knew it was true, even as he said it. Hoss was the one person he could always talk to. Even when he thought Adam was nuts, like now, he never judged him or ridiculed his dreams.

v v v

Ben caught Adam's eye as Joe and Hoss headed up the stairs, indicating that he wanted to talk to his oldest son in private. He couldn't believe that the days had gone by so quickly, and Adam was leaving tomorrow!

He rose from his chair and poured both of them some brandy. "All packed?" he asked as he handed the glass to Adam.

"Yeah." Adam accepted the glass. He had been looking forward to this talk with his father, as well as dreading it. This was the toughest part of all about leaving.

Ben considered his words carefully. "Adam, I said I'd never try to hold you here, but if you ever change your mind..."

"No, Pa. I'm set on going. This is the right thing for me." Adam hoped that Pa wasn't going to try to talk him out of moving at this late date!

"All right, son, as long as you're sure." Ben regarded the amber liquid in his glass. "I just want you to know, the Ponderosa will always be your home. There's always a place for you here, whatever happens."

Adam swallowed the brandy past the lump that was forming in his throat. "I know that, Pa. I'll remember," he said softly.

Ben was fighting the misty feeling in his own eyes as he downed the rest of his drink. "Well, you'll need to be up early to get that stage on time!" He forced a heartiness he didn't feel.

Adam gulped his own brandy in relief. At least Pa wasn't going to make a scene. And he'd better get upstairs quickly if he didn't want to make one himself! "Night, Pa."

"Good night, son."

v v v

The four Cartwrights gathered next to the stage, reluctant to say goodbye. Joe punched Adam lightly on the shoulder. "You watch out for those city gals, big brother. I hear they're pretty wily!" Adam merely chuckled at his little brother's warning.

Hoss hugged Adam, not caring who saw. "You take care, now, Adam."

Adam straightened his hat, knocked askew by Hoss. "I will. And you keep an eye on that one," he jerked a thumb at their younger brother and grinned, "and don't let him talk you into anything!"

Adam turned to his father. It was plain to see that Ben was struggling to control his emotions. Adam clasped his hands. "Take it easy, Pa."

Ben nodded. "Remember what I said last night."

"I will." Adam hugged his father briefly, then climbed aboard the coach. As the stage jerked into motion, Adam waved out the window and wondered when, or if, he would ever see his family again.

v v v

Chapter Two — Building a Dream

Adam looked over the crowded room. How could all these people dance in this hot stuffy place without even breaking a sweat? He pulled uncomfortably at his high collar, then gave up and headed into the crowd, looking for Richard. This wasn't exactly a social occasion for them. Richard's father-in-law, Alistair Wentworth, had planned this party to introduce the architecture firm of Lawson and Cartwright to some of the most influential men in the city. These were the people who determined who would design the newest, grandest buildings in Boston. Adam was enjoying the music, but wished they could just get down to business without all this foolishness.

"Adam, there you are!" Sabrina Wentworth Lawson grabbed the sleeve of her husband's partner. "I've been looking everywhere for you." She steered him toward the side of the room. "You haven't met my little sister yet, have you?"

Adam had to fight the urge to stare. Sabrina was leading him up to one of the most gorgeous creatures he had ever seen. "No, I don't believe I've had the pleasure."

"Jocelyn, this is Richard's partner, Adam Cartwright. Adam, my sister, Jocelyn Wentworth." Sabrina hoped this match would work out. Jocelyn was twenty-three, and if she kept discarding suitors as she had, people would begin to talk.

Adam flashed his most winning smile at her, and raised her hand to his lips. "My pleasure, Miss Wentworth." He meant every word of it. Jocelyn Wentworth's ebony hair and lovely figure were showcased by the vivid violet of the gown she wore. When she raised her gaze to meet his, Adam felt a shock at the sight of her violet eyes.

"Mr. Cartwright." Her voice was soft and musical. Adam realized that he was staring.

"Uh, Miss Wentworth, would you do me the honor?" Adam gestured toward the dance floor, his earlier discomfort forgotten. She smiled and took his outstretched hand.

As they danced, Jocelyn knew what Sabrina was up to. Well, she'd just have to make the best of it! At least he was a decent dancer. "Where is it that you're from, Mr. Cartwright?"

"Nevada, Virginia City." He smiled down at her. "I don't suppose you've ever heard of it."

"No, I haven't." The only place she had heard of out west was San Francisco, and what she'd heard of that was barbaric!

"My family has a ranch west of there, up in the mountains. Mostly cattle, but some timber and mining, too." Adam was still more than a little homesick.

"Good heavens! You mean... you're a cowboy?" Jocelyn gasped in shock. What was her sister trying to do to her?

Adam chuckled at her reaction. "No, I'm an architect. My father owns the ranch, and I was raised there."

She stared up at him. "Then how did you end up in Boston?"

"I knew Richard in college. He invited me to come join his firm, and I enjoyed living here before, so I jumped at the chance."

"I don't wonder! How on earth did you ever survive out there?" Jocelyn had heard tales of the Wild West, and couldn't understand how anyone could live like that.

"It's not as bad as you read about. Why, we hardly ever have Indian raids anymore." He smiled, teasing her a bit. "It must be a couple of months at least since the last one." He chuckled again at her expression.

"Mr. Cartwright!" Jocelyn's shock turned to temper when she realized he was making fun of her.

He had the nerve to laugh. "I'm sorry, Miss Wentworth, but I've just met so many people here with silly notions about the west. It's nothing like the dime novels' version. We don't run around shooting people all the time, and most folks are peaceful and law-abiding. I've read some of those stories, and I don't even recognize that place they're talking about."

"But people do go about armed there, don't they?" She wasn't going to be ridiculed so easily.

He sobered at that. "Yes. One can still get into some dangerous situations."

"Did you?" Her curiosity about this dark stranger got the best of her manners.

"Did I what?" He wasn't sure what she was asking.

"Did you carry a gun when you lived there?"

"Yes. From the time I was sixteen." Adam wasn't pleased with this line of discussion.

"Have you ever shot anyone?" Jocelyn pressed on.

Adam was relieved to hear the music end. "Yes," he said shortly. He escorted her back to the side of the room. "Thank you for the dance, Miss Wentworth." He turned abruptly and walked away from her.

Jocelyn stared at his retreating back, wondering why he had gotten so huffy over a simple question. She was intrigued by the tall, handsome westerner, and resolved to find out more about him.

Adam made his way out to the garden, needing some fresh air. Jocelyn's questions had brought back memories that he preferred not to dwell on. Yes, he had shot someone. He remembered the nightmarish night and day that he'd spent holding Joe on his own horse, praying that he could get his brother back to the Ponderosa before he died. Then, when the doctor couldn't come, having to dig his own bullet out of his brother's shoulder. All because of a stupid careless hunting accident. It had taken Adam a long time to regain his confidence after that incident.

"Adam, come on." Richard came up and grabbed his sleeve. "There's some people here you have to meet. That's the whole idea of this shindig, anyway." The shorter, stockier man propelled his partner back toward the ballroom.

v v v

"You asked him what?" Sabrina Lawson glared down at her younger sister.

"I asked him if he'd ever shot anyone, then he got all huffy and left." Jocelyn still didn't see what she'd done that was so terrible.

"Jocelyn, what is the matter with you? Any decent man wouldn't want to talk of such a thing! What in the world were you thinking?" Sabrina was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to get Jocelyn married off.

Jocelyn's famous temper flared. "Well, how was I supposed to know? After all, he comes from the wilderness, I didn't think it would bother him! I was just trying to make conversation, Sabrina."

Sabrina rolled her eyes in a plea for heavenly support. "Jocelyn, sometimes I think you're hopeless!" She glanced at the clock. "I better get going. Richard's waiting downstairs for me. You're still coming for dinner and the opera on Friday, aren't you?"

"Depends. Is Mr. Cartwright coming, too?" Jocelyn grinned at her sister.

Sabrina sighed. "Yes. Richard's convinced him to come along. But if you behave like you did tonight, I doubt he'll thank us for the experience!"

Jocelyn put on her best innocent look. "I promise, dear sister. I'll absolutely charm Mr. Cartwright off his feet."

v v v

Jocelyn was as good as her word. Adam had felt uneasy, considering their last meeting, when he found out that he was to escort Miss Wentworth for the evening. But his fears turned out to be unfounded. Jocelyn was on her best behavior, and proved to be a lively and sparkling companion. By the end of the evening, Adam was enjoying her flirting and teasing.

Richard watched dourly as his partner said goodnight to his sister-in-law. Adam had walked her up the steps to her father's door, leaving Richard and Sabrina sitting in the carriage. "I hope you know what you're doing," Richard muttered to his wife.

"Oh, don't fuss, Richard. Jocelyn just needs a strong hand, that's all. Papa's always been too easy on her, but I think Adam would be just the man for her." Sabrina was encouraged by the way this evening had turned out.

Richard just shook his head at his wife's matchmaking.

v v v

Within a few weeks, Adam and Jocelyn were already thought of as a couple by the Wentworth's social circle. Finally, Richard felt he had to say something to Adam regarding his intentions. He decided that it would be easier to approach Adam at work.

Adam looked up as Richard entered his office. "I don't have those drawings done yet, Rich. Just tell the client that I'll have them tomorrow."

Richard closed the door to the outer office. "That's not a problem, Adam." He cleared his throat, wondering how he had gotten himself into this situation. "Adam, Jocelyn's father is starting to wonder about you and her. He's wanting to know what your intentions are."

"My intentions? What intentions?" Adam was confused by the question.

Richard settled on the corner of the desk, facing Adam seated at the drafting table. "It's all over town that you're courting her. You know how Boston society is. You've been seeing quite a bit of her, and that's bound to start a scandal soon."

Adam was getting indignant over the insinuation. "We've never been anywhere that we weren't properly chaperoned! You know that as well as I do!" Indeed, Richard and Sabrina had been constant companions to Adam and Jocelyn, just to avoid any appearance of impropriety.

"I know, Adam! I'm not saying that there's anything improper going on. I know you better than that. It's just starting to cause talk, that's all." Richard was embarrassed about having to discuss this with his old friend at all. "Look, just forget I said anything. Sabrina wanted me to mention it to you, but I should have told her to mind her own business." He got up from the desk and went back into his own office, red-faced.

Adam looked after his partner as the door closed. Setting the drafting pencil down, he leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. What were his intentions toward Jocelyn? He certainly didn't want to damage her reputation, and that was what would happen if they continued to see each other as they had been. He enjoyed her company, and found himself laughing at her sharp barbs at the social circles they moved in.

Adam had saved a good bit of money over the years living on the Ponderosa, and had invested it well. He'd had more than enough to live comfortably while he was establishing himself here in Boston. His practice with Richard was doing well, and his earlier investments continued to pay adequately. Adam was not yet wealthy in his own right, but he was definitely on the way. Financially, he was certainly able to contemplate settling down and starting a family.

That left the other question. Did he love her? Adam wasn't sure he knew the answer to that one. He thought back to the first time he'd seen her, at the party. She'd taken his breath away. But Adam also remembered that the evening had ended badly. Jocelyn had seemed to understand why he'd taken offense at her questions, but the memory still rankled.

He thought about not seeing her again, and grimaced at that thought. His mind formed a picture of dark, shiny hair, a tiny but determined chin, sparkling smile, and flashing violet eyes. He could hear the chime of her laughter as she poked fun at one of the stuffed shirts of Boston society.

He sighed. No, cutting off their relationship wasn't the answer. He couldn't imagine not seeing her any more. Adam wondered how anyone knew when they were in love. Pa had certainly seemed to have no trouble figuring it out, with Inger, then Marie. Adam wondered if those feelings would appear after marriage. Or maybe that kind of passionate love just wasn't part of his make-up.

He'd been accused of being cold at times. No one really knew just how hard he'd worked to build that wall around his feelings, or how often the whole thing threatened to come tumbling down. Now, could he actually break through that wall, on purpose? Deliberately expose himself to the kind of hurt he'd experienced before, when he'd loved someone then lost them?

Making up his mind, Adam strode to the door between the offices. After knocking, he walked in. "Rich, this Sunday, could you and Sabrina, um, make yourselves scarce for a while at the park?"

Richard looked up in surprise. "Uh, sure. Adam, don't think that just because I said that, you have to..."

Adam waved off his partner's concern. "No, that's not it. You just got me started thinking, that's all. I needed a nudge." He grinned at the shorter man. "I'm leaving early. See you tomorrow!"

Adam made a stop on his way home that afternoon, and that evening, paid a visit to Mr. Wentworth.

v v v

Adam sat on the park bench next to Jocelyn, trying to catch Richard's eye. When his partner glanced at him, Adam jerked his eyes meaningfully toward the rose garden. Richard caught the hint and helped his wife to her feet. "My dear, let's go have a look at the roses." He started guiding her away, even as she spluttered a protest.

Adam knew he didn't have much time. Sabrina wouldn't leave them alone for very long. He looked at Jocelyn and took a deep breath. "Jocelyn, the time we've spent together has meant a great deal to me. I hope you feel the same."

She looked up at him. "Yes, of course it has." A question formed in her eyes. What was he up to?

Adam felt in his pocket, drawing out a small box. He slipped off the bench and dropped to one knee in front of her. "Jocelyn, I would be honored if you'd consent to be my wife."

Jocelyn thought before she answered. He wasn't from one of the fine families of Boston, but he was successful, and good-looking. Her family's connections ought to be enough to secure their place in society. She smiled down at him. "I would be honored to be your wife."

Adam let out the breath he'd been holding and slipped the ring on her finger, kissing her hand afterward. He moved back next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders as Richard and Sabrina approached.

One look at the couple's faces told them what had happened, but Richard couldn't resist teasing a little. "All right, what's going on here? Seems like we just can't leave you two alone for a minute!"

Adam beamed at him. "Jocelyn has agreed to marry me."

Richard grinned as he congratulated them, but something seemed just a little off-kilter. Adam and Jocelyn just didn't sound right together to him.

v v v

Joe noticed the look of surprise on his father's face as he read the letter. "What's Adam say, Pa?"

Ben looked up from the page. "He's getting married."

"Married! When?" Joe crowded close to get a look for himself.

"The seventeenth." Ben was stunned by the news. Adam hadn't mentioned the girl in any of his previous letters, and now suddenly he was going to marry her.

"Well that dadburned Adam always was a slick one with the ladies, Pa. Married! If that don't beat all!" Hoss wasn't all that surprised by Adam's announcement. He'd always figured some woman would snare his older brother someday.

Joe was bothered by his father's troubled look. "What's wrong, Pa? I'd think you'd be happy for him."

Ben shook off his misgivings. "I am, Joe. I guess I just wish I had time to get there." He rose and headed for the stairs. "I'll send a wire in the morning. Don't you two stay up too late. I want to get an early start."

Joe and Hoss looked at each other and groaned. To Pa, an "early start" meant dawn. "We won't, Pa." Hoss turned back to their checker game.

v v v

Adam opened the telegram.

CONGRATULATIONS AND BEST WISHES ON YOUR MARRIAGE STOP WISH WE COULD BE THERE STOP HOPE YOU CAN VISIT SOON STOP PA

He, too, wished they could be here for the wedding. But since Jocelyn's father was leaving for a trip overseas, she wanted to have the wedding as soon as possible. There just wasn't time for his family to travel all the way from Nevada.

Adam thought about the prospect of visiting the Ponderosa. Jocelyn would probably be horrified at the idea, still clinging to her belief that the west was populated entirely by outlaws and wild Indians. He didn't think he'd be able to change her mind any time soon. He missed his family and his home, though, and was determined that sooner or later, he would convince her to come with him.

v v v

Adam stood at the front of the church, staring out at the sea of faces. "How did I let Jocelyn talk me into this?" he muttered to Richard, standing at his side.

Richard chuckled softly. "Relax, partner. The Wentworths have to give their daughters a good send-off!" He had felt the same way at his own wedding. Sabrina's family had pulled out all the stops, and Jocelyn wasn't about to have her wedding compared unfavorably with her sister's.

Adam watched the bridesmaids come down the aisle, then caught his breath at the sight of Jocelyn. The snow-white gown she wore had been made from the latest French styles, and probably cost more than all the clothes Adam had ever owned in his life. Adam felt a jolt at that thought. This was his wedding day. Why on earth was he thinking about how much his bride's dress cost?

Jocelyn's face glowed as she approached her groom. She saw his eyes widen when he looked at her and smiled. The gown was perfect, and she had insisted on violets for her bouquet, knowing that they would accentuate her eyes. This was the fairy-tale wedding she had always dreamed of, including the handsome prince!

When Jocelyn smiled at him, Adam forgot the crowd, the expense, everything but her. This was the beginning of their life together. He felt a bit of regret at the fact that Pa and his brothers couldn't be here with him. He had always hoped that Hoss would be the one standing at his side on this day.

v v v

Chapter Three — Awakening

"I don't care if we have to wait two days for the next stage! I'm not going one mile farther until I've had a bath and a decent night's sleep!" Jocelyn was sick and tired of being dusty and dirty, and she was not about to meet Adam's family in this state.

Adam tried to reason with his wife. "Honey, we can be there tomorrow. It's just one more day." It had taken him two months to convince her to travel west with him, and he was anxious to get to the Ponderosa.

"All the better reason to get a hotel for tonight. I don't want to meet them like this." She futilely brushed at the trail dust on her skirt.

Adam sighed and resigned himself to the situation. Jocelyn had been uncomfortable and complaining the entire trip, and at least tonight, he could get some peace!

"All right." He called up to the driver, "Throw our bags down, please. Mrs. Cartwright and I will be staying here."

The driver shrugged, glad that the couple had at last settled their disagreement. The delay from their arguing was going to throw him behind schedule as it was. "Suit yerselves." He tossed the bags down from the top of the coach. "What about these trunks? You want them, too?"

Adam shook his head. "Can you just deliver them to the Virginia City stage depot? We'll pick them up there."

"Yeah, okay." The driver looked relieved. At least he wouldn't have to waste more time unloading the heavy trunks. "Hee yahh!" He slapped the reins and was off.

Adam picked up the bags where the driver had tossed them. "Let's get over to the hotel. I'll see if I can hire a buggy tomorrow, and we can drive the rest of the way." He didn't want to wait for the next stage, and he was familiar enough with the countryside to find his own way.

Jocelyn looked worried. "Oh Adam. Do you think it's safe, traveling by buggy?"

He snorted, losing patience with her. "Of course it's safe! How many times do I have to tell you, this place isn't like you've read about!" He calmed a moment later. "Jocelyn, don't worry. I've ridden that road a hundred times. I wouldn't take you out there if it weren't safe."

"If it's so safe, why are you wearing that?" She pointed at the gun he'd been wearing since they crossed the Mississippi River.

"Jocelyn, look around here. Do you see a man who isn't wearing a gun?" They entered the hotel lobby and Adam set down the bags in front of the desk. After arranging for a room and bath, he escorted her up the stairs.

Once he was sure of his wife's comfort, Adam set off in search of a livery. The liveryman was reluctant at first, not wanting to hire out a horse and buggy to some eastern dude with no guarantee that they would be returned. Once Adam mentioned his name, however, the man's attitude changed dramatically. "Oh sure, Mr. Cartwright. I know you'll see that they get back."

Adam smiled in relief. "If I can't get them back in a couple of days, one of my brothers will bring them by. I'm afraid my wife just isn't up to any more of that stage."

"Yeah, women can be a trial sometimes. I'll have that buggy for ya first thing in the mornin'." The liveryman shuffled off.

Adam hurried back to the hotel, hoping that Jocelyn would be in a better mood after a bath and a rest.

v v v

They pulled up in front of the house the next afternoon. As Adam helped Jocelyn from the buggy, the front door flew open. "Mistah Adam! No one know when you come! Family all out, all work!" Hop Sing was surprised that Adam had turned up unannounced. They had expected a telegram telling them when to meet the stage.

Adam grinned at the cook. "We weren't sure ourselves. Hop Sing, this is my wife Jocelyn."

Hop Sing smiled at her. "Missy, you come in, sit. Too pletty stand out in hot sun. Mistah Adam always have good taste."

Jocelyn just stared, but allowed Hop Sing to guide her to the living room. When he brought a pitcher of lemonade and glasses, she managed to get out, "Thank you."

Adam had to stifle a laugh at the expression on her face. Hop Sing was nothing like the servants she had been used to in her father's house, or even their own housekeeper! Jocelyn was accustomed to household employees who "knew their place," but she didn't realize that Hop Sing had been running the house for many years, and was more like family than hired help.

He had carried their bags upstairs and stabled the horse by the time they heard a rider approaching. "Good. Pa's back early." He moved from the window, settling next to Jocelyn on the settee. He grinned over at her. "Don't say anything." He wanted to see how long it took Ben to notice them.

Ben was puzzled by the strange buggy parked by the side of the barn, and didn't recognize the brand on the horse stabled inside. What was going on? He glanced at the house. Nothing seemed out of order. Hop Sing waved from the garden, reassuring him that all was well. Hmm. Must be company. He headed inside to greet his guest.

He paused in the entry, looking for some sign of the mysterious caller. "Hello?" he called out. "Is there something I can do for you?" He moved into the main room, stopping when he saw the backs of two people sitting in front of the fireplace.

Adam heard the steps behind him, and stood, grinning. "Well, you could come meet your daughter-in-law!"

"Adam!" Ben rushed forward to greet his son. "When did you get in? We didn't know when to expect you, or we'd have met the stage." For the moment, Ben had overlooked the young woman seated next to Adam.

"Pa, this is Jocelyn." Adam drew her to her feet. "Jocelyn, my father."

Jocelyn smiled and extended her hand, saying nothing. She was not impressed. Adam's father was certainly striking-looking, but he was dressed as a common cowhand, and had obviously been working. His face was streaked with dust and sweat, and he smelled like cows!

"It's a pleasure to meet you at last, my dear. Welcome to the Ponderosa." Ben noticed her hesitancy. "I'm afraid you're not catching us at our best, right now." He turned to his son. "Adam, you should have given us some notice, then at least I wouldn't have been fresh off the range to meet your lovely bride."

Adam looked a bit embarrassed at that. "We got off the stage in Parkersville and hired a buggy from there, Pa. Jocelyn wanted a chance to freshen up before we got here, and that's the last hotel before Virginia City. We weren't sure just when we'd get in."

Ben beamed at both of them. "Well, let me go get cleaned up, then you can tell me all about the trip, and the wedding. Have you had time to get settled yet?"

Adam nodded, "A bit. We've been here about an hour."

Ben headed up the stairs, wondering about his son's new wife. She seemed kind of distant, as if she wasn't very pleased with her current situation.

Jocelyn hadn't had time to recover from the shock of meeting her father-in-law, when the door flew open to admit two more men. She looked on in horror as they greeted her husband exuberantly.

"Adam!" Joe and Hoss charged together, almost knocking their older brother off his feet as they pummeled his back and bombarded him with questions. "When'd you get here? How long are you staying? You here for good?"

Adam laughed and raised his hands in surrender at his brothers' relentless onslaught. "Whoa! Hold on, both of you! Let me catch my breath." He drew Jocelyn forward. "Jocelyn, as much as I hate to admit it, these two yahoos are my brothers, Hoss and Joe." She stood stiffly, not sure what to make of these two ruffians.

Hoss grinned, "Howdy." He turned to his brother, "You got a good eye, older brother."

Joe agreed, "I'll say. Big brother, you just better be glad you saw her first."

Jocelyn could only stare in disbelief as her brothers-in-law excused themselves and made their way up the stairs. "Good heavens, Adam! Are they always like that?"

Adam frowned. "Like what?"

"So...so boisterous! I know they haven't seen you for a while, but goodness! I was afraid for a minute that they were going to injure you,."

"Injure me! Jocelyn, that was just a little horseplay. I grew up roughhousing with them. Relax, honey." He couldn't believe that she was upset over this. "Look, it's been a long day. Why don't you go on up and rest a while before supper?" He guided her to the stairs.

Jocelyn saw his concerned look, and realized that he was right. She was tired. "All right." She ascended the stairs and headed toward the room Adam had shown her earlier. She turned by instinct as she heard a door open down the hall.

"Dadburn it, Joe! How come you always gotta swipe my clean towels?" Hoss charged out into the hall, shirtless and intent on retrieving the wayward towels from his younger brother. With soap in his eyes, he didn't notice Jocelyn standing there until she shrieked and ran for Adam's room, slamming the door behind her. A moment later, he found himself face-to-face with his older brother, who'd come running at his wife's scream.

"What happened? Hoss!" Adam didn't need any explanation once he saw Hoss standing there, half undressed and dripping wet. Hoss was already beet-red with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't know she was upstairs!" Hoss blurted, as Ben and Joe emerged to see what the commotion was all about. "Dadburn it all, Little Joe! This is all your fault!"

Joe immediately went on the defensive. "My fault! How is it my fault? I'm not the one prancing around half naked in the hall!"

"Yeah, but if you hadn't swiped my towels, I wouldn't be out here in the first place!" Hoss was ready to light into Joe, who was trying to keep their father between himself and his irate brother.

"All right, that's enough!" Ben bellowed. "Both of you, finish getting cleaned up. Adam, you better make sure Jocelyn's all right."

Adam sighed and shook his head as he tried to open the bedroom door. It was locked! "Jocelyn, it's me honey. Open the door."

Her muffled voice came through the door. "Are they still out there?" She'd heard the yelling in the hall.

"No, everyone's gone. It's just me." After a moment, the lock clicked back, and she opened the door, admitting him to the room.

She turned away as he approached her. "Adam, I'm sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can't. I know this is your home and your family, but I just can't stay here!"

He held her shoulders gently. "Jocelyn, look, it's only the first day. Give it some time, honey." He turned her and tipped her chin up to meet his eyes. "You're tired, and we did just turn up here with no warning. You're not seeing the Ponderosa or my family at their best."

She sniffled, "That's obvious! But Adam, I miss Boston. I want to go back."

"We'll only be here a few weeks. Just try to make the best of it, okay?" He smiled down at her. "Who knows, you might actually start to like it here, if you give it a chance."

She shuddered at the thought. "I'll try, Adam. But that's all I can promise."

v v v

Adam lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling. In the two weeks since he and Jocelyn had arrived at the Ponderosa, it had become clear that she would never be happy here. All she could talk about were the things she missed in Boston.

Adam was disappointed in the outcome of this visit. It had never occurred to him that she wouldn't get along with his family. But she had the idea firmly entrenched in her head that his brothers were incorrigible barbarians, and was not interested in getting to know them any better. She was even cool and distant with Pa, despite his efforts to make her feel like a member of the family.

Adam sighed. Perhaps it would be better to cut this visit short, and return to Boston next month, rather than staying the two months he had originally planned. Jocelyn certainly wasn't comfortable, and he could feel the tension building between himself and his family over the situation. Better to leave before they wore out their welcome entirely!

He turned to his wife. He could tell by the tightness in her shoulders that she wasn't asleep. "Jocelyn?"

"What?" She turned to face him.

"I've been thinking. How would you feel about starting back to Boston after the end of the month? I know it's earlier than we planned, but..." She cut off his words with kisses.

"Oh, Adam! Yes!" She cuddled against him. "I've been so afraid that you'd want to stay here. I just can't live like this. And... and..." her words faltered.

"And what?" he encouraged her to tell him what else was bothering her.

She looked up at him. "And I'm terrified of having a baby out here."

Adam stared at her, not certain he'd heard her right. "A baby? You mean you're...?"

At her nod, he gathered her in his arms again. "Oh, Jocelyn! Of course I'll take you back to Boston, darling, if that's what you want."

v v v

Ben's joy at the news that he was going to be a grandfather was tempered by Adam's announcement that he and Jocelyn would be returning to Boston a month earlier than they'd planned. Adam tried to explain his decision to his father later that night.

"I hoped we could stay the whole two months, Pa, but Jocelyn's really miserable here. Maybe if she felt better, everything wouldn't be so hard for her." Adam thought that he now understood his wife's moodiness and ill temper. He had been old enough when his brothers were born to realize that pregnancy affected a woman's disposition.

Ben was worried that Adam was making a hasty decision. "Are you sure Jocelyn's up to the trip right now? It might be better to wait until the baby's born."

Adam shook his head vehemently. "No, she's scared to death of that idea. I think worrying about it would just make the whole thing worse for her." He was concerned for Jocelyn's state of mind. "I already tried to convince her to wait just a couple of months. I know the first few months are the hardest. She wouldn't even consider it. Pa, she's just going to stay upset until I get her back to Boston."

Ben sighed. He knew first hand the futility of trying to reason with an expectant mother when she had her mind made up. "Then I guess that going back is the best thing for you to do. For her peace of mind, and yours." He could tell Adam was upset over this. He put a hand on his son's shoulder to reassure him. "I understand, Adam. Things don't always work out just the way we'd like them to."

"Yeah, Pa. Thanks." Adam stood and stretched. "I'll ride into town tomorrow and see about the tickets."

v v v

"Adam! Hey Adam!" The telegrapher's clerk caught up to him, puffing and red-faced. "Boy, I'm glad I caught ya. I was just fixin' to ride out when I heard you were in town. Telegram came in for ya." The boy handed the envelope to Adam.

"Thanks. I'll let you know if there's any reply." Adam tore the envelope open and read the message quickly, then stood for a moment, thinking. This changed everything!

When he arrived home, he showed the wire to his father.

ALISTAIR WENTWORTH DECLARED BANKRUPTCY AND ARRESTED IN FRANCE STOP JOCELYNS INHERITANCE WIPED OUT STOP WERE ON OUR OWN PARTNER STOP RETURN HERE ASAP STOP RICHARD

Ben looked gravely at his son. "How is this going to affect Jocelyn?"

Adam ran a hand through his hair. "That's just it, Pa. Richard and I can make it on our own. I'm doing all right financially. I never counted on the Wentworth money, anyway. That's for Jocelyn and our children. But the Wentworths were a respected family, high society people. That's important to Jocelyn. I'm sure it's a big scandal, and I don't know how she's going to react to that."

"She has to know, son, and it would be better coming from you."

"Pa, I know it's a lot to ask, with Jocelyn's attitude and everything, but I have to get back to Boston as quickly as I can. If she's too upset to travel right now, could she stay here for a few weeks, just until things settle down?" Adam didn't like to ask, knowing that his wife would be an extra burden on his family, but he didn't see that he had much choice.

"Of course she can," Ben replied without a second thought. "She's family, whether she thinks much of the idea or not," he added with a small grin at his son.

"Thanks Pa." Adam trudged up the stairs, dreading giving the news of her father's disgrace to his wife.

v v v

"Papa's arrested? Why? What for?" Jocelyn couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I don't know, honey. All I have is Richard's telegram. We'll both do all we can for him, but it's going to be difficult, with him in France." Adam wasn't sure what either he or Richard could do to help their father-in-law, short of traveling to France. Well, at least for Adam, that was out of the question.

"Well, I'm sure Richard has Papa's lawyers working on it. They'll figure something out." The gravity of her father's situation hadn't registered with Jocelyn yet.

Adam shook his head. "I'm afraid not. He declared bankruptcy, Jocelyn. There's no money to pay the lawyers. Richard's got his own attorney trying to deal with it, but that's the best we can do, right now."

Jocelyn stared at him in horror. "You mean it's all gone?"

Adam nodded. "Everything." He took her in his arms as she started crying. "We'll be all right, sweetheart. Don't worry. Richard and I are doing fine on our own, and I have some money saved. You don't have to be worried about that."

"It's...it's not just that, Adam. How...how am I ever going to hold my head up in Boston again? Everyone will know, and they'll all be talking behind my back. My friends won't want to be seen with me!" She sobbed against his shoulder.

He set her back so he could look her in the eye. "Jocelyn, you are not responsible for what your father did! No one has any right to blame you. If your friends can't see that, then you don't need them. We'll get by."

She held onto him and kept weeping, knowing that he just didn't understand.

v v v

Jocelyn had agreed to stay at the Ponderosa for a few more weeks, much to Adam's surprise. He had expected her to throw a fit at the suggestion that she remain while the furor in Boston died down, while he returned to do what he could to help settle the situation. The following day, as he was packing, another telegram arrived that shattered her world even more completely, if that was possible.

Adam tore open the wire, hoping that Richard would say that it had all been a big mistake and that everything was all right. No such luck.

FRENCH CONSUL INFORMED US THAT ALISTAIR COMMITTED SUICIDE IN FRENCH JAIL STOP MOST URGENT THAT YOU RETURN BOSTON AT ONCE STOP RICHARD

"Oh, God!" Adam's moan brought Ben back from the hall. One look at his son's pale face told him that the telegram was more bad news.

"Adam, what's wrong? Sit down, son." Ben guided Adam to a seat on the bed, seeing the shock register on his face.

"Pa, Jocelyn's father...killed himself." Adam's voice was a hoarse whisper, as if he was forcing himself to say the words. He buried his face in his hands, muttering, "Oh, God. How do I tell her this?"

"Adam, do you want me to send for the doctor before you tell her? It might not be a bad idea, with a shock like this." Ben was concerned for Adam as well as Jocelyn.

Adam forced his mind to function and nodded, "Yeah, Pa, but I can't wait that long to tell her. She'll be wanting to know what the wire was about."

"All right. Just give me a few minutes to get one of the hands started for town." Ben left the room, wondering how Jocelyn would deal with this latest blow.

About ten minutes later, Ben met Adam halfway down the stairs. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked quietly. Adam nodded wordlessly.

Jocelyn was sitting in the main room reading. She looked up as they entered. The grim expressions on both her husband's and father-in-law's faces alarmed her. "Adam, what's wrong?"

Adam looked at his father, as if for support, and sat on the table facing her. "Honey, that telegram was from Richard. I'm afraid...it's more bad news."

"What?" She was getting scared. Adam looked so distressed, something terrible must have gone wrong. "Oh, God! Sabrina?"

Adam took her hand. "No, honey, Sabrina's fine. It's...it's your father." He took a deep breath. "There's no easy way to tell you this, honey. He died in jail in France."

Jocelyn paled as he told her. "No! No, not Papa!" She stared up at her husband. "How? How did it happen?"

Adam closed his eyes. He had wanted to spare her this part of it, at least for now. "Jocelyn, it's not...you don't need to..."

"Tell me! How did he die?" Jocelyn was nearly hysterical, screaming at him.

Adam looked helplessly at his father, then back at his wife. He said quietly, "I'm sorry, honey, he took his own life."

"NO! God, no!" Jocelyn moaned, then slumped in Adam's arm's, unconscious.

Ben helped Adam arrange Jocelyn comfortably on the settee, then tried to calm his son down. "She'll be all right, Adam. She's just fainted from the shock. She'll probably come around before the doctor even gets here."

Ben's prediction was correct. Jocelyn awoke a few minutes later, and started crying inconsolably as the import of Adam's words sunk in. Adam helped her upstairs to bed, and waited with her for the doctor's arrival.

An hour later, Paul Martin came down the stairs and reassured Adam, "She's going to be fine, and the baby's fine, too. She just needs to rest for a few days, that's all."

Adam had already determined that he was not leaving while Jocelyn needed him. Anything in Boston that Richard couldn't handle on his own would just have to wait! "Doc, how soon would she be able to travel?"

"Back to Boston?" Martin frowned at Adam's nod. "That's a pretty rough trip. How far do you have to travel by stage?" He knew the railroad was reaching farther west every year, but wasn't sure how far they'd gotten.

"Denver. They just opened the line that far when we came out here." Adam had been grateful for that, at least.

Dr. Martin shook his head. "She's in no shape to travel that far right now. It would be best if she'd stay put until she has the baby."

Adam looked miserable. "I already tried to convince her of that, but Jocelyn won't have any part of it. She wants to be in Boston when the baby comes."

"Well, I'd say she could be up to it in a couple of months, maybe less." Paul could believe that Adam had tried and failed to convince his young wife of the wisdom of remaining at the Ponderosa.

Adam gazed at the ceiling. "I can't stay here that long. Pa, you sure you wouldn't mind?"

Ben clasped his son on the shoulder. "I already told you, Jocelyn's family, Adam. We'll take care of her for you."

Paul cleared his throat. "Adam, just so there's no misunderstanding, just because it will be safe for her to travel, doesn't mean she'll be able to travel alone."

Ben had already anticipated this. "Don't worry, Paul. I'll escort Jocelyn back to Boston myself, if Adam can't come for her."

Adam's shoulders slumped in relief. "Thanks, Pa." He hadn't been sure how he was going to handle getting Jocelyn back home.

v v v

Chapter Four — A Dream Divided

Richard walked into the office and threw his hat down in disgust. "Well, we lost Easterby!"

Adam looked up from the desk at his partner. "Think it would do any good if I talk to him?"

"I doubt it. He's like the rest, his wife's calling the shots." Richard slouched in a chair. "I never realized how much business we got just because these guys were afraid to cross the Wentworths."

Adam stood and stretched. "We still have enough contracts to get by. Sooner or later, they'll figure out that we weren't just doing well because we were connected, but that we actually know what we're doing."

When Adam had returned to Boston, he'd found their business a shambles. Richard had always depended heavily on his wife's social connections to bring in clients, but Adam had been working to change that before he left. Since he'd been back, he'd managed to salvage several important contracts that had almost gone to competitors due to the Wentworth family scandal. He reflected that it was a good thing that Jocelyn had stayed on in Nevada for a while, since he wouldn't have seen her much anyway. He'd been putting in eighteen or twenty hours a day at the office, just trying to keep them afloat.

He glanced at the clock. "I better get going. Pa and Jocelyn are coming in this afternoon, and I want to get to the station early."

Richard laughed. "At least something's getting you out of here before midnight. And go home, Adam. Don't come back!"

Adam grinned back at him. "After three months? You can bet I won't!"

v v v

Adam noticed the two women stare at him as he entered the station, then quickly turn away when they saw him looking in their direction. Strange, they'd looked like a couple of Jocelyn's friends. He shrugged and headed for the arrival board to look for the platform number.

Ben looked up from his book as the train darkened. They were pulling into the shed at the Boston station. He reached over and gently shook his daughter-in-law to wake her. "Jocelyn, wake up, dear. We're coming into the station."

Jocelyn blinked. "What? Oh, we're here?" She sat up, straightening her skirt and smoothing it over her enlarging middle. "Oh, look at me. I'm a mess!"

Ben smiled. "I don't think Adam will mind!" He started to gather their hand baggage as the train jerked to a stop.

Jocelyn peered out the window. "There he is!" She started waving.

Adam spotted Jocelyn waving from the window, and headed for the door of the car, reaching it just as they emerged. Jocelyn flew into his arms. "Oh Adam. I'm so glad to be home!"

Ben stood back, letting Adam and Jocelyn enjoy their reunion. After all, they'd been apart for almost half their marriage. Meanwhile, he handed their baggage checks to a porter, but wasn't sure where to instruct him to deliver the luggage. He finally cleared his throat.

Adam looked up sheepishly. "Ah, sorry, Pa. Hi."

Ben chuckled. "Sorry to interrupt, but our luggage?" Adam looked blank. "Where should I send it?" Ben was amused by his son's confusion.

"Oh, your luggage!" Adam came out of his daze. "I have a cab outside." Ben nodded to the porter, and they set out for the cab.

v v v

Ben looked sharply at Adam as they entered the concert hall. His son looked tired, and this was the first night he hadn't worked late this week. The last two weeks had been the same. Ben was leaving tomorrow, and he resolved to have a talk with the boy before he went. It was clear that Adam was working too hard.

Later when they were coming out, Jocelyn recognized a member of the Symphony Auxiliary. She started in the woman's direction, only to stop short when she saw the older woman freeze her with a look, then deliberately turn her back. Jocelyn stood there in shock. Priscilla Engel had just cut her! At that moment, something went cold inside Jocelyn Wentworth Cartwright. So that was why her courtesy notes had gone unanswered! Well, if they thought they could snub her, she'd show them. She would show them all!

v v v

Ben smiled at the picture of his new granddaughter. It certainly looked like she'd gotten the best of looks from both her father and her mother. He could see Jocelyn's delicate jaw, and Adam's determined eyes. Of course, from the black and white photo, he couldn't tell what color the baby's eyes were. He settled down to read Adam's letter. The last couple of paragraphs turned his smile into a frown of concern.

... I had hoped that Jocelyn would settle down after Alyssa's birth, and start coming to terms with the changes in our lives. But if anything, she seems even more determined to re-establish herself in Boston society. It bothers me that she has all but turned Alyssa's care over to the nanny, involving herself in several committees and organizations. I sometimes feel as if I don't know my own wife any more.

I know that being cut off by people that she thought were her friends must hurt her, but I can't seem to convince her that she doesn't need to prove anything to those people. I hope that eventually she will realize that those who fault her for her father's folly are not important.

I sometimes think that perhaps Jocelyn and I married too quickly, Pa. Maybe if we'd taken more time to get to know each other, things might have turned out differently. But I suppose that now all I can do is make the best of it, and try to ensure that Alyssa isn't affected by all this.

Ben folded the letter. Adam certainly didn't sound like the happy new father that Ben had expected. From his own perspective, Ben felt that the hardest part of being a parent was waiting around to help pick up the pieces when things fell apart.

— Continued in "The Special Place —