I don't own them - Aaron Bejamin Sorkin does. However, this little alternate universe is all mine, and it began with "You've Got To Want It". The series finally has a title - "When Push Comes To Shove".


When Push Comes To Shove:
Inadequacy and the Single Woman
By Rebecca A. Anderson
Sniggles@claudia-jean.net
May 2001


Leo's getting married. He told us tonight. So, here I am, moping around with half a gallon of rocky road.

We've both been alone for so long that I guess I thought we could just be alone together. Years of friendship... he's always been the one that was here, up in the middle of the night when I needed someone to talk to.

I put him on a pedestal - oh, hell, who am I trying to kid? I fell in love with him. But no way am I gonna screw up this chance for his happiness. I love him so much that I have to let him go.

He and Mary will be happy together, and I will be completely miserable.

Is there no man in this world who can look past the fact that I am not incredibly drop-dead gorgeous? Is there anyone that doesn't think I'm too tall or too smart? Just once, I want to feel like someone really does care.

For God's sake - Erin and Tracy came to visit a couple of weeks ago, and big surprise!, my nieces who love me, who have always idolized me, didn't want to have anything to do with me. All they wanted was to be spoiled to death by Jed and Abbey. Since Jed retired, it seems like all he cares about is spoiling his grandkids and stealing my nieces' love. But then, he's always got to be the center of attention, and I've always just stepped to the side, out of the way, harboring and nurturing a desire to step into that spotlight...

I did get a brief flash of that light a few weeks ago, inbetween Jed shooting off his mouth. For a whole day, I got to bask in the glory... I got my PhD, and I celebrated, we partied... Toby even came up from New York, and those who couldn't make it all sent flowers. It was fabulous, and the experience has left me with the feeling that my life is now lacking. But then, maybe it always was? God, do I sound inadequate or what?

I have a delicious job - it's comfortable for me, it's something I want to keep doing for as long as Jed and Abbey will have me do it. I have wonderful friends, even if most of us don't talk much anymore... New Hampshire has become my home; Jed, Abbey, and Leo have become my family.

I wouldn't trade that for anything.





CJ heard footsteps on the stairs and she crumpled the sheet of paper she had been scribbling on into a ball. "Leo! What are you doing up?"

Leo raised an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing, Ceej. Got enough of that to share?" he asked, gesturing at the tub of ice cream.

"Yeah - grab a spoon," she replied, pitching her paper ball across the room into the trash can. "I was just trying to start writing that thing for Abbey for that career day thing next week - I couldn't sleep."

Leo nodded. "Me, too... I keep worrying about Mary and me. It's strange that I should only really begin to worry about it now, after we've decided to get married..."

"No, not really - you've both been burned by love before and you're both worried about being hurt again. But you're both gonna find that the love outweighs the fears." She stood up and said, "Enjoy the ice cream - I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Leo."

"Sleep well," he replied.

He waited until she was up the stairs before closing the ice cream and setting aside his unused spoon.


Finis