Intense
Disclaimer: I now state I do not own any of the people mentioned in this fan fic (though I'm welcome to offers Brendan and Jason!) This is purely for entertainment.
Rating: If you're old enough to watch the show you can read this.
Author's note: After Maria's mom gets Michael out of Jail what is Maria thinking?
Song: This fic was inspired by Absence of fear by Jewel.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. He makes random appearances in my life, then disappears. Isabel just rang me and told me Michael's left. As in gone. As in left Roswell, New Mexico. As in left me without so much as a goodbye. Apparently Max went to see him and he was packing everything he owned in a bag and preparing to take off.
She wanted me to know before Max told Liz and I heard it from her. I think she knows that I'll miss him as much as she will. She understands how I feel about him. When we nursing him after he started having those fits or whatever they were she saw that I care about him too. She knows I wouldn't have let him in last night for no reason. Alex and Max would be the only other guys I'd let in and even then I'd have made them sleep in the spare room or on the couch. But I just couldn't leave him standing outside looking so lonely. Its ironic really, that Isabel understands but Liz doesn't. She tries, but it's not the same. Max is so open and trusting. He'd have no problem going to her and asking for advice or help. It'd be no big deal. But Michael's different. He keeps his feelings close to his chest and when he does open up its for a reason.
When Isabel told me that Hank had been hurting him I thought I was going to burst into tears in the middle of the Crashdown. I thought he was just feeling worse than usual about not knowing who he is. I never dreamed it was such a terrible thing as being beaten up. I'm so glad I let him in. He must have felt so unwanted, so unloved. What would it have done to him if, when he had asked for my help in his own way, I had turned him away?
I don't know how he does this. HE runs away and I feel bad. If only I had done something to let him know how much he means to me, how much I need him here with me. No matter what he's done or is going to do, I just wish he knew how special he is. He makes me feel special and wanted and loved and just generally great. And now he'll never know. He's gone and there's nothing else I can do.
You know, after we left the Sheriff's office this afternoon we walked in silence outside. I perched myself on the bonnet of the Jetta and he stood there looking at me.
"What?" I asked awkwardly. He was looking at me as if I was an alien, for lack of a better word.
He didn't answer. He just carried on looking at me.
"I'm sorry about my mom this morning. She kinda freaked out," I apologised. He smirked. At last a reaction. All through last night's encounter he didn't say a word. This morning he was to busy running from my mom and her newspaper to tell me anything. "She just completely got the wrong end of the stick. She thought we were…" I trailed off, hoping he could fill in the gap himself.
He looked at me blankly.
"She thought we were sleeping together," I explained looking at my sneakers.
"We were," he replied with a hint of his usual spunk colouring his voice.
"Not sleeping together as in SLEEPING together but as, like…." I was trying to find the words without actually sounding weird.
"Screwing each other's brains out?" he asked smirking again.
I looked up sharply.
"Do you have to put it so….vulgarly?"
He smirked. And then did a totally un-Michael like thing. He leaned over and kissed my forehead like he'd done during the heatwave.
Then he walked away. I was still staring after him when my mom got in the car and told me to get my ass back in the car.
He didn't look back. Maybe that kiss was his way of saying goodbye. Maybe he already knew what he was going to do.
So know I'm lying in my bed wide awake, trying to get over how wrong it feels to be here alone. And what makes it worse is that I know this is how its gonna be for the rest of my life. He'll never be back in my bed. He's gone for good. And now I'm crying. It's started to rain again and I can't help wishing him here.
I'm staring out the window like I was last night, clutching the pillow he slept on. It's all I have left. He's made me go mad because now I'm talking to the rain.
"Michael, please come back," I whisper. Maybe he'll hear me and turn right around. Or maybe he'll keep going until he finds whatever he's looking for. Either way things will never be the same between us. Ever.
I asked the guy to pull over so I could get out. Those stones Max gave me made me realise something. Without all three of us those stones mean absolutely nothing. We have to stay together if we're ever gonna find a way home. We need each other.
The rain falling on my head reminds me of last night. Last night when I went to her and she let me cry in her arms. She'll never know how much that meant. I decide I'm gonna take a detour. I'll head back to Max and Isabel's later. Now I just have to see her. She's probably asleep, unaware how close to leaving I was. Maybe Isabel and Max have broken the news that I'm gone already.
I walk across her garden to reach her window. I see her through her beaded curtains. She's fallen asleep, her head resting against the window. She's clutching a pillow to her chest tightly. There are tear tracks on her cheeks. Caused by me I expect. Again I've made her cry. I pull the window open. She shivers as the cold air brushes her skin. I touch her cheeks gently with my fingertips, wishing I'd been here earlier to comfort her like she comforted me. With my other hand I pull one of hers away from the pillow and grasp it tightly. She looks so sad. For the second night in a row I kiss her hand. She seems to sense me because a slow smile spreads across her face. I close the window and look at her once more before walking away from the DeLuca house and towards the Evan's. I'm not gonna screw up again. She deserves more than I can give her but if she'll have me I'll do the best I can. For her.
