HE LOVES YOU NOT.
---
by rinoastar
song by Dream
---
Categorization: Songfic, shonen-ai
Archive: PRAORPOARI, any that ask
Warnings: OOC, shonen-ai, Hilde bashing
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, R+D
Disclaimers:
I don't own Gundam Wing. I don't own Dream or their song. Please don't
sue me!
---
lyrics in seperate sets
'...' indicates thought
"..." indicates speech
---
Give it your all girl, give it all ya got.
Take your chance at a second hand shot.
---
Hilde watched Hiiro flirt with Duo, an Akane Tendou-like
battle aura beginning to surround her. She decided to go over
and do something about it. Duo was laughing loudly, his mouth
open and eyes alight with humor. Hiiro was quietly smirking at
him, his own indigo eyes glimmering in the dusk light.
The angry girl with violet hair stormed over to the
happy couple. She lay a possessive hand on the braided boy's
arm, trying not to notice Hiiro's, wrapped firmly around his
waist. "Konnichiwa!" Hilde chirped, determined not to look
jealous.
"Hilde! Long time, no see!" Duo grinned. He brushed
her dark hair from her face and tugged at her beret.
"Duo, " Hilde said slyly, encouraged by his light
flirting, "will you come to the movies with me Saturday?"
"Oh, yeah! There's a new gory flick I've been dying to
see, and Q-bean and Tro can go to that sappy love flick that
just opened yesterday. Wuffie won't go, but Hiiro would!
Whadda ya say, Hii-chan? Gory or mushy?" Duo turned to Hiiro.
Hiiro smirked with knowledgeable eyes at Hilde and
replied, "Mushy. Wanna come with?" he offered to Hilde. "I
was planning on bringing it up later, but thank you for doing it
now."
Hilde's eyes smoldered as she pasted her 'happy-face' on
and smiled sweetly. "No, thank you. I wouldn't dream of
interrupting the bonding between comrades. But why would you
want to go see that movie? Why not go see the gory flick, and
I'll catch up with you guys afterwards. You mustn't put
yourselves out because of me!"
---
Say what you want girl, Do what you do.
He's never gonna, gonna make it with you.
---
Hilde, Katherine, Dorothy, and Relena sat comfortably in a
tearoom, sipping green tea and talking about the war. Katherine,
Relena, and Dorothy trailed off into a conversation while Hilde
daydreamed about Duo.
". . . so do you think he likes him?" Dorothy's question
caught Hilde off-guard.
"Oh, yeah. There's no doubt in my mind. He is my little
brother, after all, " Katherine laughed lightly and sipped her
tea. "It's mostly a matter of does he have the guts to come out
and say it, and will he tell us. "
Dorothy shook her head in awe. "You're taking this
awfully well, aren't you?" her ice blue eyes were dancing in
anticipation. "I mean, I always thought that you wanted to
protect him in all possible ways, and a romantic relationship
is definitely one of the most dangerous, possibly most painful
things to get into."
"Oh, I trust the other guy. He's a perfect gentleman,
and should he ever prove otherwise, he's small enough that I
can strangle him and hide the body, " Katherine giggled.
Relena smiled and shook her head. "I know I was a little
surprised and somewhat hurt when Hiiro told me he'd rather be
with a boy than me. Then, I thought about it, and he always did
strike me as a bit fruity, you know?"
Dorothy crowed with laughter. "The 'Perfect Soldier'
'fruity'?" She laughed and laughed. "You must be joking! He's
the most positively UN-'fruity' person I've ever met!"
"No, really, what kind of guy wears shorts that can cut
off circulation year-round? And spandex? I thought that kind of
cloth went out of style hundreds of years ago!" Katherine giggled.
"But seeing him in jeans . . . " she raised a hand to fan herself.
"I know!" Dorothy chuckled. "And your brother's a good
one for that, too!"
"And Wufei has a well-built chest, " Relena added shyly.
"How would you know that?" Dorothy asked curiously.
"Well, he's bad about changing before looking to see if
anyone's around, " she ducked her head, blushing. "I didn't
even stay after he got down to his boxers. They're kind of cute.
Dragons and pheonixes. Just don't tell him I told you that. He'd
kill me, even if Hiiro won't."
The whole crowd laughed. Finally, Hilde broke in, "Hiiro's
getting on my nerves. He's constantly moving in on Duo. I think
Duo thinks they're just friends, but Hiiro thinks they're more.
How can I keep him from flirting with my boy?"
Dorothy's forked eyebrow rose delicately in a quizical
expression. She looked just like Trieze when she did it.
Katherine tilted her head to the side and looked her over.
Relena just looked confused.
"I can't tell if she's joking or what!" Dorothy mused.
"I know. I wonder . . . " Katherine shrugged.
"The poor thing's delusional!" Relena burst out.
"Delusional!? Who are you to say anything about
delusional, Ms. I-Want-a-Homocidal-Maniac-Who-Happens-to-be-Queer
-to-Come-Kill-Me-Now! I swear! The stupidest things I've ever
heard in my life were, 'Hiiro! Come and KILL me!' and 'I was meant
to be killed by you,' " Hilde exploded.
"Well! I never . . . " Relena started, then thought
better of it. She continued in a sweet tone, "Maybe it wasn't
Hiiro who turned gay? Maybe it was Duo who turned him!"
Hilde's jaw dropped. Dorothy giggled in the background, and
Katherine was choking on her tea. "Duo is NOT gay! Maybe you
turned Hiiro!"
The sound of three teacups shattering on the floor echoed
in the room. "E-excuse me?" Relena shook.
"Don't speak to Miss Relena like that, " Dorothy lay her
hand on Relena's arm.
"That was a bit out of line, " Katherine admitted through
her giggles.
"Ugh! I'm out of here. Katherine, you can keep your 'Oh-
so-talkative' queer little brother, and Dorothy, you can keep your
'Oh-so-self-righteous' queer little girlfriend!" Hilde huffed,
standing up and leaving.
---
Pulling petals off a flower trying to get your way.
Keep pulling til' it says what you want it to say.
Girl you can pick a field full of daisies,
But he'd still be my baby.
---
Hilde sat at Duo's kitchen table, waiting for her braided
friend to come home. She picked a daisy out of the bouquet on the
table and pulled the petals off one by one.
"He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me
not, " she said aloud, tossing the mutilated flower behind her into
the pile of murdered flowers. "I think I may be overreacting. That
card didn't mean what I thought it meant! Of course not! Why would
Hiiro send Duo flowers? And thanking him for a wonderful time? Why,
they must have went on a mission for Sally Po and Duo had to
crossdress. Hiiro's just rubbing salt in the wounds. They didn't go
out on a date!" she smiled to herself before tearing another of the
flowers Hiiro had sent out of the bouquet and ripping it to shreds.
"Hmm. Maybe I'd better get this mess cleaned up before Duo
gets home. He might be a little upset!" she stood up and began to
sweep the petals and stems from the floor, and straight off the
balcony.
---
Instinctively, I know what you're thinking,
You'll be giving him an open invitation,
But my baby won't be taken in.
---
Hilde giggled to herself as Duo repeated for the umteenth
million time that Hiiro was going to be on a business trip that
weekend. Of course, it wasn't the REAL Duo; it was a copy of
the transmission in which he had first told her.
"Ah, this is my chance!" she clasped her hands and fell
down onto her couch. "That braided psychopathic schitzophreniac
will be mine at last!"
"Mine mine mine mine mine, not yours, " she sang to a
photograph of Hiiro with his arm around Duo. "Waidaminute . . . "
She grabbed the picture. "Oh. they're friends. They can hug."
She sat up and dropped the picture when she heard a key
turning in the lock. It landed with a dull thump on the carpeting
and she hissed. "I thought you'd break!" she snarled at it under
her breath.
Duo swung open the door, and stopped when he saw Hilde.
And gawked. "Hi, Duo!" she bounded over to him. "We haven't
been spending a lot of time together, so I thought I'd come here
and greet ya when ya got off of work!"
"Uh, hi, Hilde. How'd you get in?" he suspiciously
checked the windows and balcony.
"Oh, I still have that spare key left over from when you
moved in!" Hilde chirped.
"Remind me later to change my locks, " he muttered to
himself. "Ah, Hilde, how have you been?"
"Oh, fine, thank you, Duo! Everything has been going
great! How have you been? How are all the other pilots?" she
chattered along, not really caring about them.
"Fine. The guys are doing well. T-man and Q-bean got
together recently. They're really into this relationship thing.
Q-bean's practically picking out china, and T-man's creating a
dowry, I think, " he replied. Seeing Hilde's vague expression,
he added, "And pink bunnies have become the new Gundam Pilots."
"Oh, that sounds great. I'm so glad for them . . . Huh?
Pink bunnies? Duo Maxwell! And Trowa and Quatre are . . . ew!
Don't you ever worry that they're going to jump you or something?"
Hilde scrunched up her nose and made a face of distaste.
"I half wish they would! I wonder what they're like
in bed . . . " Duo smirked as Hilde nearly turned purple. "But
just because they're into each other doesn't mean they're into
all guys. I mean, you're into guys, too, and you don't jump
every guy you see. You haven't jumped me!"
'Takes a lot of self-control not to, ' Hilde mused,
frowning. "I guess you're right. So has Hiiro found the man
of his dreams yet?" she cattily remarked.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that, in a way, " Duo
vaguely answered. "Hey, Hilde, I'm gonna take a shower. Do
you mind going home and coming back tomorrow?"
Hilde was disappointed, to say the least. "Alright,
Duo. See ya later!"
---
You can pout your cherry lips,
Try to tempt him with a sweet kiss.
You can flutt your pretty eyes,
He ain't got his hands tied.
---
Duo sighed with relief as Hilde finally left him alone.
"Man, Hii-koi was right. That girl *is* obsessed! Now, I just
wait for Hii-koi's gift to arrive . . . he said that if it
wasn't here when I got here, it'd arrive soon." He stood up and
went out to the balcony of his apartment. It was close to the
Tokyo Tower and he could see the flashing lights atop of the
ancient building. It was no longer functional, a museum of days
when information was passed through radio waves instead of
satellites. As he looked down on the people leaving, he saw a
mess of white petals on the ground below, and a card caught
between the railing of his balcony, at the bottom as though it
had almost been swept off.
He picked it up and read it.
/To Duo,
/Thanks for the wonderful evening. It was magical.
/Hiiro/
---
No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants.
He's into what he's got.
He loves me, he loves you not.
---
'Hiiro's probably keeping him there through blackmail!"
Hilde said angrily as she snipped the picture she was cutting
with a viscious clip. She daintily picked it up by the edge
and carefully pasted it onto another photograph. Hilde held
the new photo up to the light, examining it for realism.
In this new picture, Duo was holding Hilde in his
arms, with the other pilots around them. Hiiro's face was marked
out with an 'x' and Quatre and Trowa's faces were scribbled
out. Just for good measure, and because Hilde didn't like
the significant looks he gave her Duo, Wufei's face was drawn
on, and a construction paper dress adorned his thin frame.
She turned to a picture of Relena and Dorothy. She
took the cut out picture of Hiiro, from the picture she had
cut the Duo picture from, and glued him in behind Relena, making
it look like he and Dorothy were fighting over the aristocrat.
Hilde photographed the photo again, to create a smooth, glossy
copy, and went to work on the blackmail letters.
---
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.
He loves me, he loves you not.
---
Hiiro frowned as Duo explained to him for the third
time what Hilde did. "Just change your locks and tell that
psycho bitch to leave you alone, " he stated reasonably.
"Easy for you to say, Hii-koi. She's not stalking you!"
Duo snapped.
"You seem to have forgotten Relena. I still find bugs
when I'm cleaning house. I've been through it, and that's all
you can do, short of killing her, " Hiiro smirked as his
boyfriend pouted.
"Fine then, Hii-koi. You're helping me get new locks.
Meet you at True Value in ten minutes, " Duo said, before
turning of the vidphone.
They met at the hardware store just as planned. They
searched all over the store for new locks, but still couldn't
find any. "Excuse me, Ma'am, but where are your replacement
locks for doors and stuff?" Duo asked a passing saleslady.
"Oh, someone came in earlier and bought them all.
We haven't any left; I'm so sorry!" she told him and
disappeared down another isle. "It's so strange too; no one's
ever bought four hundred doorknobs at one time before."
"That's too bad. Y'know, that girl was kind of
familiar. Have we met her before?" Duo asked Hiiro. Hiiro
shrugged and they left.
As they left the store, Hilde turned down the isle for
home improvements. A girl with longish mousy hair turned in
with her. "You were so right. He is cute, but not as cute
as the guy with the funny bangs in that picture you showed me, "
the girl told Hilde.
"Thanks, Sharla. It really means a lot to me, if
it'll keep that conniving whore away from my Duo, " Hilde
told her friend. "They didn't even bother coming down this
isle. There's plenty of doorknobs and locks here!"
---
You're the kind of girl that is always up for do or dare.
Only want him just because he's there.
Always looking for a new ride,
The grass is greener on the other side.
---
Duo leaned over the table in his apartment, talking on
the vidphone. "Q-bean, man, you don't know what it's like, having
a deranged stalker after you, one that tries to do anything to
keep you from being with the one you love. Hilde has to be
stopped!"
"I suppose you're right, Duo-chan. Dorothy wasn't quite
a stalker, although how she recognized me from my fighting style
alone still mystifies me. Stalkers tend to leave us alone, you
know. The prospect of some forty hulking men beating the stuffing
out of you for peeping at their 'Master Quatre' is enough to keep
any wannabe stalkers at bay, " Quatre chuckled. "Trowa seems
to think he has a stalker, though."
Trowa leaned over his lover's lap and stared Duo in the
eyes. "Have you ever met Trixie?" he asked, a slightly frightened
look in his emerald eyes. Duo shook his head, wondering what could
scare his comerade, who had faced down hundreds of perverted
mercenaries and more mobile suits than he could count. "You don'
wanna." The tall boy shuddered and Quatre laughed, patting the poor
boy's head.
"She's just lonely. She doesn't understand that he's seeing
someone!" Quatre said reasonably. Then, he looked thoughtful.
"Maybe I DO have a stalker, of the bad kind! You know, I've been
recieving hatemail from someone, and my secretary caught a letterbomb
headed right for me!" the little blonde mused.
Duo's eyes widened. "It was Trixie!" Trowa cried defiantly,
from somewhere, and Duo didn't care to know where, in the silk nest
of Quatre's lap. He was certain that not all of that white silk was
their sheets . . .
Quatre giggled and stroked the patch of brown in the mess of
white. "Was not, To-chan. You're paranoid."
A soft springy sound was heard in the background. Duo
watched over Quatre's shoulder in their picture window as a blonde
woman with no small degree of insanity in her eye bounced up into
the window, then down out of sight. Then she bounced up again, and
down again. She continued to bounce up and down as Duo searched for
his voice, to tell his best friends that someone was in their window.
"Oh, Trowa! Trowaaaaaa!" she yelled, her voice loud enough
to be heard through both the thick glass of the window and the
vidphone. Quatre's eyes widened and Trowa buryed hiimself deeper
into the blankets, resulting in a coo from Quatre and an indignant
yelp from the madwoman bouncing in the window.
"Oh, it's Trixie! She's our neighbor, Duo. I'll go open
the window so you can chat with her, " Quatre merrilly chirped,
standing up and revealing his nightclothes to be an enormous white
silk dress shirt of Trowa's. The little blonde threw open the
window, narrowly missing Trixie, who was pressing an ear to the
window to hear their conversation. As soon as the window opened,
she pushed Quatre out of the way and forced her way into the room.
Trixie stood, looking a bit dissheveled, at the edge of the
bed in a slinky dress and heels. Quatre looked out the window onto
the trampoline that she had bounced up on and pursed his lips.
Then he shut the window and turned back. Trowa, meanwhile, was
trying to hide inconspicuously underneath the tangle of sheets, but
Trixie flopped down on top of him. Duo snickered and Trowa gave him
a Hiiro-esque death glare.
"Ah, I was just excerising on my new Bounce-o-Matic sports
trampoline and Oops! Next thing I know I'm up here and I can see in
your window! Fancy that!" she giggled coquettishly and Duo nearly
collapsed into gales of laughter at Trowa's horrified expression.
"A-anou, Trixie, your trampoline is rather close to our
house. Maybe that's why you ended up being so close?" Quatre
suggested, beaming sunnily.
Trowa politely snorted and tried to squirm away from the
lead press crushing his ribs. "Maybe. I don't know WHY something
like that would happen. It's almost as if I WANTED to get up here!
In such a skimpy outfit as this? I'm absolutely mortified!" Trixie
fluttered an embarassed hand in front of her face.
"Riiight, " Duo snickered and Trowa glared at him. "Well,
I can see that you've got company, so . . . I'd better be going.
It's RUDE to talk on the phone when someone's visiting . . . " the
braided boy laughed to himself and turned offthe connection. As the
image faded away, Duo saw Trowa flip him a bird and try to shove
Trixie off of him.
---
You're the kind of girl who's not used to hearing no,
All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go.
It doesn't matter how hard you try, you're never gonna get with my guy.
---
As a last attempt, Duo had called Wufei to ask him what he
should do. The Chinese youth had suggested that he take Hilde out
on a date and break it gently to her. Duoo decided that it was a
pretty nice thing to do, and seemed relatively easy, so he setled for
the idea.
Right then, Duo was wishing he'd shot himself in the foot,
and Wufei too, for his stupid advice. He should have listened to
Trowa, who'd suggested packing her in a box with no holes to Siberia.
Hell, he could have settled for sending HIMSELF in a box with no holes
in it to Siberia. Hilde was making this 'date' an evening from Hell.
"Duo, dear, you have no idea how lovely this evening is to
me! I've kind of been wanting this for a while now, but I always
figured that our friendship had to come first. I never knew you felt
the same way!" Hilde gushed, holding her hands beneath her chin and
moving her stockinged foot in his lap. He squirmed away from the
offending appendage, but it found its way right back to his crotch.
He was seriously considering shoving a fork into her little foot.
Hilde continued to blather on about something, and Duo felt
like he would rather yank his braid out, hair by hair, than listen
to her drivel. Eventually, she stopped and stared at him with a
sick look on her face.
"Hilde? You okay?" he asked her, worried that she was
going to be ill all over the table. If he was paying so much for
both of their meals, he'd be damned if she threw up all over it
before they could enjoy them.
Hilde nodded dreamily and Duo's mind caught up with him.
'Oh, shit! She wants me to kiss her!' his brain screamed at him,
and he instinctively shrank back. She blinked at him for a minute
before finally sitting back.
"What am I doing wrong? Duo, I've done everything I can
think of and you still don't take the initiative. Who would have
thought you were so shy? Well, then . . . " she said, leaning
over their table and kissing him firmly. His eyes widened and he
tried to push her away, but the spectators were cheering and the
whole thing seemed to encourage the overenthusiastic girl. Finally,
just as the world was beginning to fade at the edges and the colors
darkened, she let go. He gasped for air and glared at her.
"Hilde, what the Hell was that?" he demanded. She shrugged
and blushed. "I've got a boyfriend, Hilde. This was all, " he guestured
to the things around them, "to get you away from me. I was trying to
break it gently to you."
"So what does this mean?" Hilde asked. "I mean, we can still
be friends, right?"
"Yeah, we'll always be friends, Hilde, but I'm not interested."
"Aa, but I'm always up for a challenge!" she grinned. He
shook his head and left the restaurant, paying the bill at the counter in the
front. Hilde pouted and folded her arms over her chest. "Did he think I was
joking or what?"
---
No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants,
He's into what he's got (that's me)
He loves me, He loves you not.
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.
He loves me, he loves you not.
---
~OWARI~
Saa, I couldn't find a way to end this fic! It's turned into the attempt at comedy
from Hell! I hope this is at least a little funny.
Trixie is on loan from Lorena Manuel. If you even sort of thought that the part
featuring her was funny, you should definitely read her fic "Trixie." It's hilarious;
the first line had me rolling.
Sorry to any Hilde fans out there--I really killed her character in this fic! Imagine
that--a Relena sympathetic fic that bashes Hilde . . . Aa, I mumble. Feedback
craved like Trowa needs Quatre's smile! ^.^
---
by rinoastar
song by Dream
---
Categorization: Songfic, shonen-ai
Archive: PRAORPOARI, any that ask
Warnings: OOC, shonen-ai, Hilde bashing
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, R+D
Disclaimers:
I don't own Gundam Wing. I don't own Dream or their song. Please don't
sue me!
---
lyrics in seperate sets
'...' indicates thought
"..." indicates speech
---
Give it your all girl, give it all ya got.
Take your chance at a second hand shot.
---
Hilde watched Hiiro flirt with Duo, an Akane Tendou-like
battle aura beginning to surround her. She decided to go over
and do something about it. Duo was laughing loudly, his mouth
open and eyes alight with humor. Hiiro was quietly smirking at
him, his own indigo eyes glimmering in the dusk light.
The angry girl with violet hair stormed over to the
happy couple. She lay a possessive hand on the braided boy's
arm, trying not to notice Hiiro's, wrapped firmly around his
waist. "Konnichiwa!" Hilde chirped, determined not to look
jealous.
"Hilde! Long time, no see!" Duo grinned. He brushed
her dark hair from her face and tugged at her beret.
"Duo, " Hilde said slyly, encouraged by his light
flirting, "will you come to the movies with me Saturday?"
"Oh, yeah! There's a new gory flick I've been dying to
see, and Q-bean and Tro can go to that sappy love flick that
just opened yesterday. Wuffie won't go, but Hiiro would!
Whadda ya say, Hii-chan? Gory or mushy?" Duo turned to Hiiro.
Hiiro smirked with knowledgeable eyes at Hilde and
replied, "Mushy. Wanna come with?" he offered to Hilde. "I
was planning on bringing it up later, but thank you for doing it
now."
Hilde's eyes smoldered as she pasted her 'happy-face' on
and smiled sweetly. "No, thank you. I wouldn't dream of
interrupting the bonding between comrades. But why would you
want to go see that movie? Why not go see the gory flick, and
I'll catch up with you guys afterwards. You mustn't put
yourselves out because of me!"
---
Say what you want girl, Do what you do.
He's never gonna, gonna make it with you.
---
Hilde, Katherine, Dorothy, and Relena sat comfortably in a
tearoom, sipping green tea and talking about the war. Katherine,
Relena, and Dorothy trailed off into a conversation while Hilde
daydreamed about Duo.
". . . so do you think he likes him?" Dorothy's question
caught Hilde off-guard.
"Oh, yeah. There's no doubt in my mind. He is my little
brother, after all, " Katherine laughed lightly and sipped her
tea. "It's mostly a matter of does he have the guts to come out
and say it, and will he tell us. "
Dorothy shook her head in awe. "You're taking this
awfully well, aren't you?" her ice blue eyes were dancing in
anticipation. "I mean, I always thought that you wanted to
protect him in all possible ways, and a romantic relationship
is definitely one of the most dangerous, possibly most painful
things to get into."
"Oh, I trust the other guy. He's a perfect gentleman,
and should he ever prove otherwise, he's small enough that I
can strangle him and hide the body, " Katherine giggled.
Relena smiled and shook her head. "I know I was a little
surprised and somewhat hurt when Hiiro told me he'd rather be
with a boy than me. Then, I thought about it, and he always did
strike me as a bit fruity, you know?"
Dorothy crowed with laughter. "The 'Perfect Soldier'
'fruity'?" She laughed and laughed. "You must be joking! He's
the most positively UN-'fruity' person I've ever met!"
"No, really, what kind of guy wears shorts that can cut
off circulation year-round? And spandex? I thought that kind of
cloth went out of style hundreds of years ago!" Katherine giggled.
"But seeing him in jeans . . . " she raised a hand to fan herself.
"I know!" Dorothy chuckled. "And your brother's a good
one for that, too!"
"And Wufei has a well-built chest, " Relena added shyly.
"How would you know that?" Dorothy asked curiously.
"Well, he's bad about changing before looking to see if
anyone's around, " she ducked her head, blushing. "I didn't
even stay after he got down to his boxers. They're kind of cute.
Dragons and pheonixes. Just don't tell him I told you that. He'd
kill me, even if Hiiro won't."
The whole crowd laughed. Finally, Hilde broke in, "Hiiro's
getting on my nerves. He's constantly moving in on Duo. I think
Duo thinks they're just friends, but Hiiro thinks they're more.
How can I keep him from flirting with my boy?"
Dorothy's forked eyebrow rose delicately in a quizical
expression. She looked just like Trieze when she did it.
Katherine tilted her head to the side and looked her over.
Relena just looked confused.
"I can't tell if she's joking or what!" Dorothy mused.
"I know. I wonder . . . " Katherine shrugged.
"The poor thing's delusional!" Relena burst out.
"Delusional!? Who are you to say anything about
delusional, Ms. I-Want-a-Homocidal-Maniac-Who-Happens-to-be-Queer
-to-Come-Kill-Me-Now! I swear! The stupidest things I've ever
heard in my life were, 'Hiiro! Come and KILL me!' and 'I was meant
to be killed by you,' " Hilde exploded.
"Well! I never . . . " Relena started, then thought
better of it. She continued in a sweet tone, "Maybe it wasn't
Hiiro who turned gay? Maybe it was Duo who turned him!"
Hilde's jaw dropped. Dorothy giggled in the background, and
Katherine was choking on her tea. "Duo is NOT gay! Maybe you
turned Hiiro!"
The sound of three teacups shattering on the floor echoed
in the room. "E-excuse me?" Relena shook.
"Don't speak to Miss Relena like that, " Dorothy lay her
hand on Relena's arm.
"That was a bit out of line, " Katherine admitted through
her giggles.
"Ugh! I'm out of here. Katherine, you can keep your 'Oh-
so-talkative' queer little brother, and Dorothy, you can keep your
'Oh-so-self-righteous' queer little girlfriend!" Hilde huffed,
standing up and leaving.
---
Pulling petals off a flower trying to get your way.
Keep pulling til' it says what you want it to say.
Girl you can pick a field full of daisies,
But he'd still be my baby.
---
Hilde sat at Duo's kitchen table, waiting for her braided
friend to come home. She picked a daisy out of the bouquet on the
table and pulled the petals off one by one.
"He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me
not, " she said aloud, tossing the mutilated flower behind her into
the pile of murdered flowers. "I think I may be overreacting. That
card didn't mean what I thought it meant! Of course not! Why would
Hiiro send Duo flowers? And thanking him for a wonderful time? Why,
they must have went on a mission for Sally Po and Duo had to
crossdress. Hiiro's just rubbing salt in the wounds. They didn't go
out on a date!" she smiled to herself before tearing another of the
flowers Hiiro had sent out of the bouquet and ripping it to shreds.
"Hmm. Maybe I'd better get this mess cleaned up before Duo
gets home. He might be a little upset!" she stood up and began to
sweep the petals and stems from the floor, and straight off the
balcony.
---
Instinctively, I know what you're thinking,
You'll be giving him an open invitation,
But my baby won't be taken in.
---
Hilde giggled to herself as Duo repeated for the umteenth
million time that Hiiro was going to be on a business trip that
weekend. Of course, it wasn't the REAL Duo; it was a copy of
the transmission in which he had first told her.
"Ah, this is my chance!" she clasped her hands and fell
down onto her couch. "That braided psychopathic schitzophreniac
will be mine at last!"
"Mine mine mine mine mine, not yours, " she sang to a
photograph of Hiiro with his arm around Duo. "Waidaminute . . . "
She grabbed the picture. "Oh. they're friends. They can hug."
She sat up and dropped the picture when she heard a key
turning in the lock. It landed with a dull thump on the carpeting
and she hissed. "I thought you'd break!" she snarled at it under
her breath.
Duo swung open the door, and stopped when he saw Hilde.
And gawked. "Hi, Duo!" she bounded over to him. "We haven't
been spending a lot of time together, so I thought I'd come here
and greet ya when ya got off of work!"
"Uh, hi, Hilde. How'd you get in?" he suspiciously
checked the windows and balcony.
"Oh, I still have that spare key left over from when you
moved in!" Hilde chirped.
"Remind me later to change my locks, " he muttered to
himself. "Ah, Hilde, how have you been?"
"Oh, fine, thank you, Duo! Everything has been going
great! How have you been? How are all the other pilots?" she
chattered along, not really caring about them.
"Fine. The guys are doing well. T-man and Q-bean got
together recently. They're really into this relationship thing.
Q-bean's practically picking out china, and T-man's creating a
dowry, I think, " he replied. Seeing Hilde's vague expression,
he added, "And pink bunnies have become the new Gundam Pilots."
"Oh, that sounds great. I'm so glad for them . . . Huh?
Pink bunnies? Duo Maxwell! And Trowa and Quatre are . . . ew!
Don't you ever worry that they're going to jump you or something?"
Hilde scrunched up her nose and made a face of distaste.
"I half wish they would! I wonder what they're like
in bed . . . " Duo smirked as Hilde nearly turned purple. "But
just because they're into each other doesn't mean they're into
all guys. I mean, you're into guys, too, and you don't jump
every guy you see. You haven't jumped me!"
'Takes a lot of self-control not to, ' Hilde mused,
frowning. "I guess you're right. So has Hiiro found the man
of his dreams yet?" she cattily remarked.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that, in a way, " Duo
vaguely answered. "Hey, Hilde, I'm gonna take a shower. Do
you mind going home and coming back tomorrow?"
Hilde was disappointed, to say the least. "Alright,
Duo. See ya later!"
---
You can pout your cherry lips,
Try to tempt him with a sweet kiss.
You can flutt your pretty eyes,
He ain't got his hands tied.
---
Duo sighed with relief as Hilde finally left him alone.
"Man, Hii-koi was right. That girl *is* obsessed! Now, I just
wait for Hii-koi's gift to arrive . . . he said that if it
wasn't here when I got here, it'd arrive soon." He stood up and
went out to the balcony of his apartment. It was close to the
Tokyo Tower and he could see the flashing lights atop of the
ancient building. It was no longer functional, a museum of days
when information was passed through radio waves instead of
satellites. As he looked down on the people leaving, he saw a
mess of white petals on the ground below, and a card caught
between the railing of his balcony, at the bottom as though it
had almost been swept off.
He picked it up and read it.
/To Duo,
/Thanks for the wonderful evening. It was magical.
/Hiiro/
---
No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants.
He's into what he's got.
He loves me, he loves you not.
---
'Hiiro's probably keeping him there through blackmail!"
Hilde said angrily as she snipped the picture she was cutting
with a viscious clip. She daintily picked it up by the edge
and carefully pasted it onto another photograph. Hilde held
the new photo up to the light, examining it for realism.
In this new picture, Duo was holding Hilde in his
arms, with the other pilots around them. Hiiro's face was marked
out with an 'x' and Quatre and Trowa's faces were scribbled
out. Just for good measure, and because Hilde didn't like
the significant looks he gave her Duo, Wufei's face was drawn
on, and a construction paper dress adorned his thin frame.
She turned to a picture of Relena and Dorothy. She
took the cut out picture of Hiiro, from the picture she had
cut the Duo picture from, and glued him in behind Relena, making
it look like he and Dorothy were fighting over the aristocrat.
Hilde photographed the photo again, to create a smooth, glossy
copy, and went to work on the blackmail letters.
---
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.
He loves me, he loves you not.
---
Hiiro frowned as Duo explained to him for the third
time what Hilde did. "Just change your locks and tell that
psycho bitch to leave you alone, " he stated reasonably.
"Easy for you to say, Hii-koi. She's not stalking you!"
Duo snapped.
"You seem to have forgotten Relena. I still find bugs
when I'm cleaning house. I've been through it, and that's all
you can do, short of killing her, " Hiiro smirked as his
boyfriend pouted.
"Fine then, Hii-koi. You're helping me get new locks.
Meet you at True Value in ten minutes, " Duo said, before
turning of the vidphone.
They met at the hardware store just as planned. They
searched all over the store for new locks, but still couldn't
find any. "Excuse me, Ma'am, but where are your replacement
locks for doors and stuff?" Duo asked a passing saleslady.
"Oh, someone came in earlier and bought them all.
We haven't any left; I'm so sorry!" she told him and
disappeared down another isle. "It's so strange too; no one's
ever bought four hundred doorknobs at one time before."
"That's too bad. Y'know, that girl was kind of
familiar. Have we met her before?" Duo asked Hiiro. Hiiro
shrugged and they left.
As they left the store, Hilde turned down the isle for
home improvements. A girl with longish mousy hair turned in
with her. "You were so right. He is cute, but not as cute
as the guy with the funny bangs in that picture you showed me, "
the girl told Hilde.
"Thanks, Sharla. It really means a lot to me, if
it'll keep that conniving whore away from my Duo, " Hilde
told her friend. "They didn't even bother coming down this
isle. There's plenty of doorknobs and locks here!"
---
You're the kind of girl that is always up for do or dare.
Only want him just because he's there.
Always looking for a new ride,
The grass is greener on the other side.
---
Duo leaned over the table in his apartment, talking on
the vidphone. "Q-bean, man, you don't know what it's like, having
a deranged stalker after you, one that tries to do anything to
keep you from being with the one you love. Hilde has to be
stopped!"
"I suppose you're right, Duo-chan. Dorothy wasn't quite
a stalker, although how she recognized me from my fighting style
alone still mystifies me. Stalkers tend to leave us alone, you
know. The prospect of some forty hulking men beating the stuffing
out of you for peeping at their 'Master Quatre' is enough to keep
any wannabe stalkers at bay, " Quatre chuckled. "Trowa seems
to think he has a stalker, though."
Trowa leaned over his lover's lap and stared Duo in the
eyes. "Have you ever met Trixie?" he asked, a slightly frightened
look in his emerald eyes. Duo shook his head, wondering what could
scare his comerade, who had faced down hundreds of perverted
mercenaries and more mobile suits than he could count. "You don'
wanna." The tall boy shuddered and Quatre laughed, patting the poor
boy's head.
"She's just lonely. She doesn't understand that he's seeing
someone!" Quatre said reasonably. Then, he looked thoughtful.
"Maybe I DO have a stalker, of the bad kind! You know, I've been
recieving hatemail from someone, and my secretary caught a letterbomb
headed right for me!" the little blonde mused.
Duo's eyes widened. "It was Trixie!" Trowa cried defiantly,
from somewhere, and Duo didn't care to know where, in the silk nest
of Quatre's lap. He was certain that not all of that white silk was
their sheets . . .
Quatre giggled and stroked the patch of brown in the mess of
white. "Was not, To-chan. You're paranoid."
A soft springy sound was heard in the background. Duo
watched over Quatre's shoulder in their picture window as a blonde
woman with no small degree of insanity in her eye bounced up into
the window, then down out of sight. Then she bounced up again, and
down again. She continued to bounce up and down as Duo searched for
his voice, to tell his best friends that someone was in their window.
"Oh, Trowa! Trowaaaaaa!" she yelled, her voice loud enough
to be heard through both the thick glass of the window and the
vidphone. Quatre's eyes widened and Trowa buryed hiimself deeper
into the blankets, resulting in a coo from Quatre and an indignant
yelp from the madwoman bouncing in the window.
"Oh, it's Trixie! She's our neighbor, Duo. I'll go open
the window so you can chat with her, " Quatre merrilly chirped,
standing up and revealing his nightclothes to be an enormous white
silk dress shirt of Trowa's. The little blonde threw open the
window, narrowly missing Trixie, who was pressing an ear to the
window to hear their conversation. As soon as the window opened,
she pushed Quatre out of the way and forced her way into the room.
Trixie stood, looking a bit dissheveled, at the edge of the
bed in a slinky dress and heels. Quatre looked out the window onto
the trampoline that she had bounced up on and pursed his lips.
Then he shut the window and turned back. Trowa, meanwhile, was
trying to hide inconspicuously underneath the tangle of sheets, but
Trixie flopped down on top of him. Duo snickered and Trowa gave him
a Hiiro-esque death glare.
"Ah, I was just excerising on my new Bounce-o-Matic sports
trampoline and Oops! Next thing I know I'm up here and I can see in
your window! Fancy that!" she giggled coquettishly and Duo nearly
collapsed into gales of laughter at Trowa's horrified expression.
"A-anou, Trixie, your trampoline is rather close to our
house. Maybe that's why you ended up being so close?" Quatre
suggested, beaming sunnily.
Trowa politely snorted and tried to squirm away from the
lead press crushing his ribs. "Maybe. I don't know WHY something
like that would happen. It's almost as if I WANTED to get up here!
In such a skimpy outfit as this? I'm absolutely mortified!" Trixie
fluttered an embarassed hand in front of her face.
"Riiight, " Duo snickered and Trowa glared at him. "Well,
I can see that you've got company, so . . . I'd better be going.
It's RUDE to talk on the phone when someone's visiting . . . " the
braided boy laughed to himself and turned offthe connection. As the
image faded away, Duo saw Trowa flip him a bird and try to shove
Trixie off of him.
---
You're the kind of girl who's not used to hearing no,
All your lovers try to take you where you wanna go.
It doesn't matter how hard you try, you're never gonna get with my guy.
---
As a last attempt, Duo had called Wufei to ask him what he
should do. The Chinese youth had suggested that he take Hilde out
on a date and break it gently to her. Duoo decided that it was a
pretty nice thing to do, and seemed relatively easy, so he setled for
the idea.
Right then, Duo was wishing he'd shot himself in the foot,
and Wufei too, for his stupid advice. He should have listened to
Trowa, who'd suggested packing her in a box with no holes to Siberia.
Hell, he could have settled for sending HIMSELF in a box with no holes
in it to Siberia. Hilde was making this 'date' an evening from Hell.
"Duo, dear, you have no idea how lovely this evening is to
me! I've kind of been wanting this for a while now, but I always
figured that our friendship had to come first. I never knew you felt
the same way!" Hilde gushed, holding her hands beneath her chin and
moving her stockinged foot in his lap. He squirmed away from the
offending appendage, but it found its way right back to his crotch.
He was seriously considering shoving a fork into her little foot.
Hilde continued to blather on about something, and Duo felt
like he would rather yank his braid out, hair by hair, than listen
to her drivel. Eventually, she stopped and stared at him with a
sick look on her face.
"Hilde? You okay?" he asked her, worried that she was
going to be ill all over the table. If he was paying so much for
both of their meals, he'd be damned if she threw up all over it
before they could enjoy them.
Hilde nodded dreamily and Duo's mind caught up with him.
'Oh, shit! She wants me to kiss her!' his brain screamed at him,
and he instinctively shrank back. She blinked at him for a minute
before finally sitting back.
"What am I doing wrong? Duo, I've done everything I can
think of and you still don't take the initiative. Who would have
thought you were so shy? Well, then . . . " she said, leaning
over their table and kissing him firmly. His eyes widened and he
tried to push her away, but the spectators were cheering and the
whole thing seemed to encourage the overenthusiastic girl. Finally,
just as the world was beginning to fade at the edges and the colors
darkened, she let go. He gasped for air and glared at her.
"Hilde, what the Hell was that?" he demanded. She shrugged
and blushed. "I've got a boyfriend, Hilde. This was all, " he guestured
to the things around them, "to get you away from me. I was trying to
break it gently to you."
"So what does this mean?" Hilde asked. "I mean, we can still
be friends, right?"
"Yeah, we'll always be friends, Hilde, but I'm not interested."
"Aa, but I'm always up for a challenge!" she grinned. He
shook his head and left the restaurant, paying the bill at the counter in the
front. Hilde pouted and folded her arms over her chest. "Did he think I was
joking or what?"
---
No chains to unlock,
So free to do what he wants,
He's into what he's got (that's me)
He loves me, He loves you not.
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you.
He loves me, he loves you not.
---
~OWARI~
Saa, I couldn't find a way to end this fic! It's turned into the attempt at comedy
from Hell! I hope this is at least a little funny.
Trixie is on loan from Lorena Manuel. If you even sort of thought that the part
featuring her was funny, you should definitely read her fic "Trixie." It's hilarious;
the first line had me rolling.
Sorry to any Hilde fans out there--I really killed her character in this fic! Imagine
that--a Relena sympathetic fic that bashes Hilde . . . Aa, I mumble. Feedback
craved like Trowa needs Quatre's smile! ^.^
