"A Day in the Life of a Digimon" by-
:: "Whoa-whoa-whoa! Who's
been messin' with my fic files?!?!?!" ::
Author turns to look at
Trowa.
"What?" he asked, as if
nothing was wrong.
"DIGIMON?" Duo exclaimed
:: "Grr….i'll hafta fix
this and move on to the REAL fic…..Take two!" ::
:: "………TROWA!!!!!" ::
"It wasn't me this time! I
swear! I don't even like that couple!" he pleads
Author sweatdrops at his
attempted alibi.
:: "Then who…" ::
Charlotte whistles
innocently
:: "CHARLOTTE!!!!!!!" ::
"What?"
:: "Grrr….Now I hafta fix
this AGAIN! Will you two STAY OUT OF MY FIC FILES!!!!! Ahem…..Take Three!" ::
"When Pokemon come out and attack the fanfic authors who make fun of them" by-
:: "OK…who's the wise guy
this time?!?!?!?!?!" ::
Both Charlotte and Trowa
look away and whistle innocently.
:::It had better work this
time, or you two are in The Chair again. (I think it deserves capital letters,
I mean, even Draco's scared of it!) Take four!!:::
I've Never (Big brother my way style)
"Hey people! What's up?" Duo Maxwell waved from the couch where he was sitting beside Jenni, Katie, Draco, Quatre, Hannah, Daniel and Heero Yuy, who contented himself with a glare in Duo's direction. Jack, Sirius, Wufei, and Pikkoro, were all huddled in the corner, laughing, and trying to think of ways to get back at Draco, after the Tipex incident. (Tipex fights are fun! ^_^ Don't ask.)
The Grinch and Nick were doing something obscure in a broom cupboard somewhere.
Rowena and Brian were playing footsie on the couch.
Don't ask what Ellie and Angel were doing.
Charlotte
Hill and Trowa Barton were sitting on the window seat, heads bowed over a small
computer, minds frantically working to accomplish a single goal, their mission
desperate.
Dorothy
squealed, ever the double agent. "Ooohhhh! A MISSION! I wonder what it could
be! Maybe it's a conspiracy to-"
"Thunder
shock!" Charlotte squealed. "Thunder shock NOW!!!"
(Duo:
…..is there ANY fic out there where Trowa isn't obsessed with pokemon????
"If
I find one, I'll let ya know!" shouted Trowa, sounding annoyed.)
"Sorry
about that," said Jenni apologetically. "Ever since Pokemon: Teal
came out no-one's been able to get them to stop."
(Author's
Little Sister reading story over her shoulder) "There's no Teal! It's only Red,
Blue, Green, Yellow, Gold, and Silver!"
Everyone:
NOBODY CARES!
"Gotta
catch em all," said Trowa. "Must catch them all... Must..."
At
that moment a butler came in from the kitchen, and gave Dorothy a plate.
"Hordeuvres, anyone?" she asked.
"What
does she think this is?" muttered Jenni. "A restaurant?"
Katie
stood up. "Hey everyone, gather round, gather round... Charlotte, Trowa...
PLEASE put that down..."
"Hey!
That Rhymes!" said Duo.
The
author rolled her eyes. "Very observant, Duo"
"Oh
God," said Wufei. "I KNEW this was a bad idea."
"But
you think anything social is a bad idea!" exclaimed Rowena.
"Oh
shut up."
"…We're
going to play another game, seeing as Truth or Dare kinda turned ugly." Katie
glanced at Draco, who was cringing at the memory of being tied up with all that
duck tape.
"A
game????" asked Heero, horrified.
"I
want Pikachu!" demanded Charlotte.
"NOT
Pokemon," said Jenni. "A drinking game. Duo? Can you go and get the
champagne?"
"What?
All of it?" he asked, sounding horrified.
"No….ya
think?"
"I
can't carry fifteen crates by myself!!!" Duo protested.
"Oh,
get Pikkoro to help you or something. He's strong."
"Fifteen...
crates????" said Relina. "Um... this is the sort of thing that gets
politicians into lots of trouble and I'm not ready to resign yet."
"Darn!"
said Dorothy, snapping her fingers. She smiled sweetly. "Don't worry Miss
Relina, we're all friends here."
"No
we're not!" shouted everyone.
"We're
friends? Now I'm worried," said Relina, looking extremely worried.
"I'm
offended," said Dorko.
"Do
we care?" asked Ellie.
"Don't
worry about it," said Daniel. "We have a jamming field on, and no recording
devices are going to be able to work through it."
Dorothy,
Wufei and Jack grimaced, *Damn.*
:::Awwwww…too
bad…..there's enough dirt in here to blackmail everyone!:::
Everyone
looks scared.
:::Woops!
Giving away the plot already!:::
The
champagne was lugged in, and the first bottles were poured. Everyone sat around
in a circle, and Duo began.
"The
rules are quite simple. We go around in a circle, and each person says
something they've never done, Like, uh, 'I've never painted everyone's Gundams
bright pink to get them back for the camera incident."
"How'd
he know that was me?" asked Heero, going red, and reaching for his glass.
"Heero!!
That was you??!!" Quatre asked, stunned.
Trowa
pointed his pokeball thingy at Heero, "Pikachu! Attack!" Charlotte, in her
yellow Pikachu costume, just cowered behind him.
Wufei
started to growl.
Heero
did a death glare at Duo.
"OR
like 'I've never eaten a live rat'," Duo amended hastily.
"Eeeeewwwwwwwww!"
said Everyone.
"I
never did that!" said Duo. "I swear! The game's called I've never! Okay?"
The
Grinch took a sip of his champagne.
"EEEEWWWW!!!"
"What?"
he said. "I'm a bad guy in a children's book! We have to keep up our
reputations ya know!"
Nick
looked disgusted. "And to think of all the times I've kissed you, and the other
stuff-"
"*Cough*"
Rowena tried to change the subject. "THEN, anyone who HAS done that thing,
has to drink. Not the whole glass, unless you want to, but slightly more than a
sip. Any questions?"
"Is
it too late to leave?" Angel asked.
"Yes,
the doors are locked and I know where you live." Said Jenni. "And that
goes for everyone!"
Ellie
nudged Angel, "Can't you just have some fun for once?"
Angel
looked scared.
Draco
snickered. "Yeah, right!"
"I'll
go first," Duo declared. "I've thought long and hard for this
one."
(Author:……you
thought?
Duo:
Ya know..i don't like you very much
Author:
Flattery gets you nowhere!)
Everyone
waited with bated breath.
"Bated?
We're going fishing?" asked Kian.
Rowena
rolled her eyes. "Beauty, but no brains." The pop haters in the room began to
look nauseous.
"Hey
hey hey! Lips-moving-still-talking!" Duo sounded annoyed. "Thank you. Ahem. I
have never punched a friend in the stomach and had them locked in prison."
Duo said.
Trowa
and Heero looked at each other. "Still carrying a grudge about that one
then, Duo." said Heero, as they both reached for their glasses. Duo now looked
slightly happier, having got that off his chest.
Rowena
looked thoughtful. "I've never… been infatuated with a fictional character."
Jenni,
Hannah, Katie, Ellie and Manisha all deathglared at her and sipped their
champagne. Rowena smirked.
Quatre
was next. "I've never asked the one I'm in love with to come and kill
me."
"Wonder
who's gonna sip on THAT one." Said Ellie, glaring at Angel, who's lap she was
sitting on.
Both
Angel and Relina blushed and sipped delicately as everyone grinned at them.
Next
was Trowa's turn.
"I've
never had my Gundam blown up by others," he said quietly. The four other
pilots seemed to take offence at this.
"No,
he had to blow it up himself!" said Heero.
"You
LOST it once," pointed out Wufei.
"Yeah…he
lost his Gundam…he lost his mind…. What else is there to loose?" asked Quatre.
"Doesn't
count." said Trowa.
Duo
scowled. "Well, MINE wouldn't have been blown up if it hadn't been for a
certain SOMEONE in this very room!" (Glares at Trowa)
Trowa
smiled as the four other Gundam pilots drank their drinks.
"Is
it just me, or has Duo drunken a lot so far?" asked Quatre.
Duo
was beginning to look somewhat flushed.
"It's
jusht you " said Duo.
"But…"
"Don't
even bother, Quatre." Said Jenni.
Then
it was Charlotte's turn.
"I've
never nicked all the marshmallows in someone's pack of 'Pokémon Breakfast" she
glared at Jenni who grinned back, and reached for her glass.
"Hey,"
Said Jenni. "It's like that 'two birds with one stone' thing. It annoyed you,
and, I was hungry!"
Brian
also reached for his glass, ducking Kian's glare.
Rowena
turned to Kian. "You like Pokémon?" she asked.
"Well
yeah…"
"Whadya
expect?" said Katie. "He's a popstar!"
"Well,
yeah, I guess the beauty and no brains thing…"
***
"I've
never sat inside a Gundam," Katie said.
The
five pilots reached for their drinks.
"Well,
THAT was a given!" said Hannah.
So
did Jenni, Dorko and Relina.
"Interesting…."
Duo
and Jenni blushed and so did Heero and Relina.
"But
how did Dorothy?" asked Quatre.
"WHAT???!!!"
screamed Wufei. "Would everyone stop looking at me!"
***
Jenni
composed her thoughts. "Hmmm... I've never tried to kill my friends."
"Ya
sure about that, now?" asked Hannah.
Wufei,
Quatre, Angel and Dorothy reached for their drinks.
"Well…technically,
they were never friends," Jenni avoided Heero's deathglare.
Next
was Daniel's turn. "I've never danced round in my underwear,
singing."
Jack
burst into laughter.
Daniel
aimed a gun at Jack.
Jack
immediately stopped laughing, groaned and reached for his glass.
So
did Relina.
Everyone
turned to stare at Relina, wide-eyed.
"I
was six!" said Relina defensively.
"Well,
I guess THAT'S understandable," said Daniel.
"Awww...
that must have been so cute," said Heero.
Relina
blushed, then Hannah tapped her shoulder and handed her a photo. "Jack
doesn't have your age excuse."
Relina
looked at the photo and giggled.
"WHAT
THE-!!!?" shouted Jack.
Hannah
showed the photo to everybody, thwarting Jack's desperate attempts to get it
back.
"Hey!!!"
complained Jack. "No fair! You're all picking on me," he hiccupped.
"Well that's just FINE!"
He
fished a photo out of his jacket pocket and handed it around to everybody. It
was a lovely "early morning" shot of Hannah.
"Ummm...
not a morning person I take it?" asked Dorothy, who promptly got hit with
the frying pan. (HA! Katie couldn't take it off me! Not even for cookie
dough!!)
"JACK!!!!"
shouted Hannah.
"Uh-oh….
SOMEONE'S in trouble now." giggled Daniel.
"Relina,
you're up!" shouted Jenni, trying to head off the carnage.
Relina
tried to think of something no one could ever have done. "I've never used
whipped cream for anything other than food."
Heero
actually spoke. "Not true."
Everyone
turns and stares at Relina, mouths open.
"Don't
tell me you've never been involved in a food fight before!"
Everyone
let out giant breath they were holding.
Of
course, Rowena and Kian drank.
Katie
and Draco paled, and stared at Relina. "How did you kn-..." they both
stopped and reached for their drinks.
"I
always wondered where you went at weekends Draco." Said Hermione, disgustedly.
"What
about the restraining order Draco?" asked Manisha.
Trowa
also reached for his glass.
"Trowa???"
shrieked Quatre.
Everyone:
(GASP!!!)
"I
work in the circus Quatre," reminded Trowa. "I am a clown! Custard,
whipped cream, chocolate mousse - I've thrown 'em all." (Charlotte started
singing 'Gotta catch 'em all', but everyone ignored her.)
Everyone:
(PHEW!)
"My
turn, my turn," said Hermione. "This one was Dorothy's idea." She shot
Draco a penetrating glance. "I've never slept with Harry."
Katie
and Manisha merely stared at her whilst Draco sputtered and choked. Hermione
looked disappointed, and faintly relieved.
So, there was hope after all.
"Not
if she's thinking what I THINK she's thinking!" said Katie.
Draco
ground his teeth. How could she? This meant war!
"My
turn!" he said. "I've NEVER crept NAKED into another person's room to
try and seduce them with my feminine wiles!" He shuddered.
"That's
scarier than Daniel before he's had his five cups of coffee in the morning!"
said Jack.
"I
don't like this Author!" said Hermione, reaching for her glass.
"And
I'm pretty sure she doesn't like you, either!" said Rowena, from Kian's lap.
Hermione
turned on Draco, infuriated. "How could you..." she drank from her
glass.
"Back
to the beginning," said Duo. "Hmmm... I've never..."
***
Hannah
sighed. "I've never had sex in..." her mind wandered. "An
aeroplane or a Gundam."
Heero
and Relina went bright red and picked up their glasses. So did Jenni and Duo.
"Oh
you're kidding..." said Sirius.
"PLEASE
be kidding!" pleaded Daniel.
Draco
and Katie looked at each other, "Why didn't we think of that?" Draco
asked.
"Prob'ly
cos it would be too cramped," said Katie. "I mean, where would you
put..."
"SHUT
UP! SHUT UP!" screamed Hermione, with her hands in her ears.
***
However,
this was soon dwarfed by Wufei's next statement.
"I've
never been insulted by Jack," said Wufei.
"How
could he not have been insulted by Jack? Jack insults EVERY ONE!" asked Daniel,
appalled.
Everyone
but Wufei and Jack went for their glasses.
"Told
ya!" he said.
"What's
THAT supposed to mean!" Jack demanded.
"DUH!
It means you insult everyone! What did you THINK it meant!" said Draco.
A
drunken Hannah patted his shoulder. "Don'cha worry Jack," she said.
"We all know that'sh how you show affection."
"Yes,
we noticed how you sculled your glass Hannah," said Relina.
Duo:
……..I've run out of comments. Anyone else got one?
***
"I've
never kissed another person of the same sex," said Heero.
"HA!
Take THAT you Heero/Duo fans!!!!!!!" shouted Relina. Jenni grinned.
Of
course, the Grinch and Nick drank.
Quatre
and Trowa exchanged glances, smiled, and also drank.
(Everyone
stares wide-eyed at the Author) "I THOUGHT YOU DON'T LIKE YAOI!!!!!!"
"True-true,"
said Jenni. "But they're so funny, and they're not much, so I decided to let
this slide. Anyway, whenever those two are in a fic together, they're always at
it one way or another. Who else would ya pair them with? Dorko?"
Quatre
snorted.
Dorothy
looked hurt. Still, there would always be fun with...
"I've
never had sex with Jack," Dorothy said abruptly. Everyone turned to look
at Daniel, who raised his hands. "Not guilty." he said. "Look at
Hannah - look at Hannah! For goodness sake stop looking at me... she's
practically drinking the whole bottle.
Everyone
turns to look at Hannah.
"Doncha
y'all look at me!" drawled a very drunk Hannah. Who, had in fact, been drinking
nearly all night, whether she'd done the I've never or not.
"Is
it just me or has Hannah drunk a lot so far?" asked Duo.
"Ish
jusht you." Said Hannah.
Everyone turned back to look at Jack.
"Why
won't you believe me? There's nothing between Daniel and me. Nothing I tell
you! See, I'll prove it!" He grabbed Hannah and kissed her.
"Awwwww...how
sweet!" said Relina.
"Oh..."
said Dorothy disappointedly. No scandals here.
"Okay
Jack, we believe you." Said Duo.
"Jack...
you can stop now." Said Wufei.
"Jack...
don't you have to come up for air or something. Jack? JACK!!!" shrieked
Daniel.
"Okay,
NOW it's gone too far" said Jenni.
"DUH"
said Daniel.
***
The
evening wore on:
"I've
never been turned on by my Gundam - or anyone else's. Why is everyone looking
at me disbelievingly?" said Wufei.
Nobody
drank.
Duo
stared at Wufei for a second, before cracking up.
***
"I've
never been thrown out of a big brother house." Said Kian, smirking at Brian.
(See earlier chapters of BBMW)
Brian
and Nick picked up their glasses.
Dorothy
and Hermione made a big show of not picking up their glasses.
"Don't
push it." Said Jenni.
***
"I've
never had sex in…the kitchen." Said Angel.
"We
can soon change that." Said Ellie.
"Do
you guys have cameras in our house or something?" asked Draco picking up
his glass.
Mass
spitting out of hordeuvres.
***
"I've
never used another persons name at school." Said Duo.
"Did
you have a problem with that Duo?" asked Heero.
"Not
really, I got great grades! I even got an A in philosophy."
"Bet
you've never had one of those before." Said Katie.
"He
hasn't." said Jenni.
"Are
you making fun of my intellect, again?"
"Hmmm…."
Said Rowena. "Would we? Really?"
***
"I've
never had sexual fantasies about Janet." (A/N the nurse lady in Stargate.)
"Damn
you Jack!" shouted Daniel.
"Daniel!
Ew!" said Hannah
Everyone
stared at Daniel, and then moved away.
"What?"
he said.
"It's
TRUE?!?!?" asked Jack.
"I
choose to plead the fifth on that one!"
***
"I've
never tried practicing the kama sutra." Said Sirius.
"You
guys DO have cameras in our house!" said Draco, alarmed.
"Do
you two ever STOP???!!!" asked Hermione.
"Umm...
is that an I've Never statement?"
Manisha
and Hermione screamed in horror.
Katie
whispered to Draco. "They don't REALLY have cameras in our house, do they?"
***
Around
5 am things began to run down.
Trowa
and Charlotte had gone to sleep in the corner, occasionally murmuring,
"Pika..."
Quatre
and Trowa were leaning together drunkenly on the couch.
Hannah
was languidly draped over Jack who was still sitting bolt upright despite the
two empty champagne bottles in front of him. Heero and Relina were still
sitting together, both still blushing and avoiding looking at Draco and Katie,
who were playing footsie. Jenni was sitting beside Duo, sipping her champagne
and smirking as Pikkoro tried to think of a safe question that didn't involve
sex in strange places or poses, since he'd discovered MORE about Katie and
Draco's sex life than he'd ever wanted to know.
"Ummmm...
I've never... been locked outside in my underwear." he said finally.
Hannah
giggled and reached for one of the four champagne glasses in front of her. Damn
things kept moving about!
"You
drunken fool," said Jack.
"Hey,
it was deliberate," she said. "I was trying to get away from the jerk
on the other side of the door!"
"Hee
hee…I bet it was Daniel!" whispered Duo.
"You...
you... you... went out with someone?" asked Jack disbelievingly.
"Hey...
not everyone's totally resistant to my charms," said Hannah.
"Immoral
woman!"
Relina,
Hermione, Katie and Jenni, Rowena, Manisha and Ellie do the patented Sheep™
squeals. (Baaa! Don't ask! I'm sure Rowena or Katie could explain it better
anyway.)
"Ohh…this
is gonna be good!" said Manisha.
"What's
your problem? You don't have any right to criticize me or be judgmental - it's
not like we're married or anything."
"If
we were married things would be different."
"…yeah…"
said Daniel. "They'd argue even more then they do now!"
"But
we're not, Jack, so this is pointless," said Hannah crossly.
Dorothy
gently woke Charlotte up to watch as they all drew closer to the argument.
"I
know that we're not but you should listen to me, woman!"
"I
don't think so."
Jack's
eyes flashed. "You are so stubborn! Who would want to marry such a woman
as you anyway?"
"Well
you don't have to worry about it." Hannah shrugged and turned away,
reaching once more for her drink.
"Fine!
Will you marry me or not woman!" Jack shouted.
:::Author
desperately trying not to laugh out loud and worry her father who's looking at
her strangly.:::
The
room held its collective breath.
"I
bet she'll say no!" whispered Dorothy, excitedly.
There
was a short pause. "Okay," said Hannah, just before passing out.
"…just
goes to show ya how drunk she was!" said Duo, grinning.
Jack
looked at her as the last conversation trickled through his skull. He looked up
at his audience, whom were all grinning at him.
"Congratulations!"
said Draco. "I've never proposed to someone in a drunken rage."
"…..or
proposed to anyone at all!" muttered Katie.
"Well
mayb…" said Draco… then Manisha and Hermione gagged him before he could say
anything else. Katie deathglared at them.
"Uh
oh…" said Manisha.
The
End (Heh heh)
