Intense


Disclaimer: I now state I do not own any of the people mentioned in this fan fic (though I'm welcome to offers Brendan and Jason!) This is purely for entertainment.

Rating: If you're old enough to watch the show you can read this.

Author's note: White Room thoughts

When I saw her walk through the door I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life. What if had been Maria that had been kidnapped? Not that I'm glad its Max, or that Liz was kidnapped. But it would drive the final knife into me if I were responsible for her getting hurt. I see her look over Liz's shoulder and spot me. She's in my arms within seconds. I feel a pang of guilt when I see Liz look like she's about to crumble. But it's forgotten when Maria's arms slip around me. I close my eyes and let her scent surround me. This will probably go down as one of the worst days of my life but she manages to give me some sense of reason. I know that I'm being selfish but I wish I could just stay like this with her forever. I could never get tired of holding her. I could stand here from here to eternity and never let ago. But I know its coming.

Isabel's a wreck. After what she saw I can't blame her. Max…he's not in a good way. When I hug her its nothing like when I hug Maria. I love Isabel, but in a sibling kinda way. We could never be more.

I'm standing here, in the crummy UFO centre and I can feel my heart breaking. Literally. Sappy I know but this is it. If we fail-me, Isabel and Tess-then that's it. Max is as good as dead as are we. Liz, Maria and Alex will have no way of knowing what happens to us, always wondering if we got out and are just on the run or if we're lying on some gurney being autopsied.
This is killing me.
Liz looks like shes gonna fall down. I wish I could do something to take care of her but I'm not good at all that supportive stuff. I hugged her after she told me they had Max but that was pure instinct. She's part of our little screwed up family and I have to take care of her. Max, and me we made a pact. If anything goes down we're gonna be the ones to deal with it. It's too dangerous for the others. We're both aware it would tear Isabel apart if something happened to us.
But she's not cut out to battle.
She would be too afraid to hurt someone.
Alex may be a guy but he has no way of protecting himself. It'd be too dangerous for him.
Liz and Maria. This was the one thing we were certain about. Under no circumstances were we going to let them fight any alien battles. No way. If anything happened to either of them it'd push us over the edge. It's corny but I don't think I could bear to live without her. Max feels the same. I wish I could spare them all any pain.
And I guess now Tess is one of us, its my duty to protect her. Maria would kill me if she could hear my thoughts. It sounds sexist to any normal person out there. But I'm not normal. At the end of the day none of them can be risked just to save our asses.

Well rule one is broken. Isabel and Tess are coming with me to bust Max out. But I need them. I wouldn't be able to get in, distract the guards, get Max out and fight at the same time. We'll just have to do the best we can. And as much as I hate to say it, Tess is right. The others would be a liability. Since they knew to take Max, I presume they know about Liz, Maria and Alex and how much they mean to us. They could use them against us. We can't fight and look after them at the same time.
We're gonna bring Max back to Liz. I'm gonna bring Isabel back to Alex. I'm gonna keep Tess safe.
And I'm gonna be back for Maria.

I see the look in her eyes when she realises how its gonna be. This is so stereotypical. Guy goes off to fight while girl waits at home pining.
"Come back to me…" she whispers.
Time's ticking onwards. So I kiss her. I kiss her like it's the last time I'll ever do it. I wish we had more time. I wish I had time to make love to her, take her to fancy places, give her nice things. The thought of anybody else touching her makes me want to hit something. But I can't deny her happiness. I want to tell her I love her. But I can't do it. Even now, when there's a real possibility that I may never get the chance again, I can't say it. And I know why. It'd be too hard. It'd break her heart as well as mine.
So I leave her with this kiss, trying to memorise everything about her. Her lips, her face, her eyes, her hair, the way her body fits perfectly to mine, the way I feel so complete when she's near me.
I bury my head in the gap between her shoulder and her neck and try to gain some control. I feel her breath on my neck, small and strangled. Why do I always have to hurt her? I have to leave before I find I can't. I give he waist one last squeeze and give her the briefest of kisses on her neck, applying enough pressure so she'll still be able to feel it when I'm gone.
I pull away and see the tears in her eyes. I tell her with my eyes what I can't say out loud and hope she gets it. I drink her in. If I die I want to be able to picture her face in my last moments.
We turn away, we leave. I can feel their eyes on my back. All three of them expect me to return their loved ones to them. I can't look back. If I do….then the ruins of my stonewall will totally crumble.
I've felt more and experienced more in a couple months of knowing the three of them than I have in the rest of my life. I have ties with Liz and Alex. I actually have friends, two people I trust totally. They've saved me more than once. Liz from wallowing in self-pity and Alex from death. Isabel told me he was the first to step forward at Riverdog's. A guy who's existence I never really thought about until I thought he was a threat. Even then he was only "Maria's friend". Too be honest I was more interested in working out how to kiss her again than her friendship with him.
And I have love with Maria.
I want to come back to her, then we can be together and get married and have lots of kids. If anybody knew this was what I wanted… Liz would have a heart attack, Isabel and Alex would laugh, Max would say I was turning into him and Maria…she would probably wonder how the hell to get out of being an alien's significant other for the rest of her life. But I swear one day I will come back for her. Even if its takes me the rest of my life.

All I have to do is come back and never leave them again. I can do that. Please god say I can.