Intense
Disclaimer: I now state I do not own any of the people mentioned in this fan fic (though I'm welcome to offers Brendan and Jason!) This is purely for entertainment.
Rating: If you're old enough to watch the show you can read this.
Author's note: Destiny thoughts. I haven't actually seen this episode so this fic is purely from what I've been told/read/heard. Michael POV.
I didn't think my life could get any worse. I've just walked away from the only person I've ever loved. Sure, I'm doing it for the right reasons. Being noble, suffering so she'll be safe.
Screw being noble.
To think that I've lost her. I don't have the right to drag her into the backroom of the Crashdown and kiss her. The Eraser room won't be getting any visits from me. She won't be in my apartment, lying on my sofa watching TV or a movie with my arms wrapped around her. I'll never get to dry her hair when she gets caught in a downpour like I did the night after we found out Tess was an alien.
That's what I'm gonna miss. Simply being able to reach out and touch her. I'm going to have to see her and resist the temptation. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I can see it all now. She'll be serving our table, flipping her hair out of her face and I'll just pull her down onto my lap and kiss her and tangle my fingers in her hair.
I left Max, Tess and Isabel as soon as we drove into Roswell. I jumped out the jeep at a stop sign. I couldn't stand to be in the car with them anymore. Isabel. My "mate". It's too much to take in.
My first stop was Liz's. I climbed up the fire escape to see her sobbing, real gut wrenching sobs. Her small body was convulsing with each one, her fist trying to muffle the sobs. I so badly wanted to reach out and help her but knew I'd probably make things worse. So I left. I walked past the Crashdown. Valenti and Kyle were standing by the counter talking to Mr Parker. He must have picked her up after she left the cave. Kyle looked as if he were about to pass out. Who can blame him after what he learned?
Destination Whitman was next. The house was obviously empty, no cars being present in the drive. I knew from Maria the family wasn't very close. I looked through she living room window just in time to see him punch the wall. He cursed loud enough for me too hear.
"Damn Max Evans! Damn Michael Guerin! Damn f*****g destiny!" he yelled.
It was the first time I heard him lose total control. He was swearing and kicking things. I had to empathise. And I couldn't blame him for cursing Max and me. Max had devastated Liz, inadvertently. I had broken Maria's heart. And too add insult to injury, in his eyes, I've stolen Isabel. Not being able to stand it I run. Run to the one place I find comfort.
Oh. My. God. I'm fully aware that I sound like that over the top woman in Friends. Jane or something. But what I'm seeing is literally tearing me apart. Maria is lying on her bed, curled up in a ball, literally screaming. She sounds like a wounded animal. Her voice is hoarse and I wonder how long she's been like this. Her mom can't be home. She could never let her act like that if she was there. I listen more closely trying to pick something out of the garbled words.
"Michael…" she sobs. It's me. I've f**ked up someone else's life up so totally. What have I done?
She leans over the side of her bed and I hear her throw up in her bin. Now I know this must be love. I can feel the acidity filling my mouth. I can feel her pain. Cause I feel exactly the same way. Everytime I think if what I've done I want to hurl. I've ruined the only good thing I ever had. My precious Maria is broken because of me.
I have to stop calling her that. She's not mine and probably never will be again. As much as it hurts to say it, she'll find someone else, someone who can make her happy. And that person's not me. Look what I've done to her. She's so devastated, even more so than Liz. So much for the soulmate phenomenon.
At last I can give her something Max can never give Liz. Absolute, utter, complete pain. God, I could kill myself. I could get a knife and slit my wrists. Let my stupid alien blood drip away until there was nothing. No heaven, no hell. Just darkness. But knowing my luck, Max would find me and heal me before I was fully gone. I look back in the window.
She's talking to herself through her tears.
"I am useless. I can't even make Michael stay with me. He doesn't need me. He doesn't want me. I couldn't even tell him what I wanted to say!"
Her arms are wrapped around her legs, now clad in her pajayma shorts. They're grey with a drawstring around the waist. And she's wearing one of my shirts. Its looks cute on her. Then again she'd look cute in anything. It's way to big for her and the black makes her skin look even paler the usual.
"And now he's gone."
She said the last sentence with such resignation. She thinks I've left her because I want to. That I'm tired of her.
Doesn't she know that if I had the choice we'd never be parted? That I'd be with her, every minute of every day?
"God, if he loves me as much as he says he does why is he doing this to me?"
Now I'm feeling like Romeo. You know when he hides beneath Juliet's window just to hear her speak.
"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief."
Bet nobody even thinks I know who Shakespeare was. But that story….captured my imagination. Two people madly in love but unable to be together because of circumstances beyond their control. Everyone is convinced Max and Liz are the star-crossed lovers of Roswell but I know better. I love Maria more than I ever thought I could ever love someone. I would do anything for her. Max is convinced he and Liz are the definition of perfection. But then how could they be anything else. They both have secure, loving families who can afford to give them everything they need. Maria and me have had to fight for what we have. And I've learnt that sometimes you have to let go.
If Liz hadn't walked, Max would have never been strong enough to leave her. I am. It hurts like hell but it's for the best. Max doesn't get that. By just getting attached to them, involving them in our secret, we've already endangered them.
The first time I ever touched her was to get the Sheriff off Max's back. And the first time we actually said more than "hi" or "here you go", I kidnapped her, blew up her car and dragged her into an awful motel room. Then I resisted the urge to screw her senseless. I know, not very gooey eyes romantic. But think about it. I'm a guy (an alien guy), in a motel room made for sex, alone with a girl who manages to annoy me and turn me on in equal measure. Even after she fell on top of me and I felt her warm, soft body covering mine. At first I thought I was dreaming but then I realised she was really lying on top of me in what could be seen as a very intimate position. I pushed her off and tried to keep away from her. When we were all squashed in the jeep I had the impulse to pull her into my lap. But I couldn't.
And then she helped me focus so I could get a vision from the key. I'll never know why she stood so close or looked at me with those eyes that screamed "You can do it!". But she did and it worked.
When we were climbing out of that pipe even though I knew Topolsky was on our tail I was acutely aware how close behind me she was. I jumped out of it and dumped the box before grabbing her by the waist and picking up and out of it and told her to run to the jeep.
The Romeo and Juliet thing keeps popping up with us. You know how he does the ye olde flirtinge thing with her? Well the chocolate cake/sweet and spicy thing was out version. Even Isabel saw it. And we had our first brief kiss that night but it wasn't enough. It spurred me to kiss her more, touch her and hold her. And then it all ended in tears.
Here we go again.
When did I turn into Max? Having thoughts that are pure mush? When did I start babbling inside my own head? Like Maria.
We couldn't be more opposite if we tried.
She's good and kind. I'm bad and harsh.
She's gentle. I've killed someone.
She's a human. I'm an alien.
A stupid alien who has ruined her life.
It's tearing me apart already. Its only hours since I told her I loved her and walked away from her. I'm never gonna make it. By my calculations I have about 63 more years to live. That's if my alien genes don't curse me with an extra time. God, 63 years without her? That's like giving someone one taste of perfect happiness then telling them they can never have it again.
Maria was my perfect happiness. It's all downhill from here.
She's still crying and I'm still here. Any neighbours must think I'm a burglar. A slow one. I've been standing outside her window for hours watching her cry. I must enjoy pain because each time she sobs or murmurs my name it feels like a knife going through my heart.
She's tired. I can see that. She keeps trying to stretch out to relieve the tension in her muscles, yet she is still to stubborn to sleep like she needs too. In the last couple of days everything has changed, so dramatically. She's been thrown around like a rag doll, from worrying about Max to seeing her boyfriend turn into a killer.
Go to sleep Maria, I mentally tell her.
My powers seem to be working for once and she obeys my silent request.
She crawls underneath the covers and her breathing rate begins to steady. At last she isn't torturing herself. Well, until tomorrow anyway.
You know that Romeo and Juliet analogy I was going on about before? Well I just realised something. They died didn't they? He couldn't go on without her so he killed himself. When she realised he was dead, she couldn't face life without him. My mind is seriously warped to even associate us with that.
Oops. I forgot. There is no us anymore.
I want to climb in and hold her in my arms just one last time. But it will never be enough. I did it after we broke up the first time. And that just made me want her more. So I ward off the temptation to lie beside her again and hold her tight, to feel her arms grip me around the waist.
I slip away from the window and vow that their fate is not gonna be ours. We WILL be together. And we WON'T have to die to do it. One day, when it's safe, I'll give her everything. Till then I'll make sure she's happy the best I can.
Never was there a tale of more woe
Than that of Juliet and her Romeo
Disclaimer: I now state I do not own any of the people mentioned in this fan fic (though I'm welcome to offers Brendan and Jason!) This is purely for entertainment.
Rating: If you're old enough to watch the show you can read this.
Author's note: Destiny thoughts. I haven't actually seen this episode so this fic is purely from what I've been told/read/heard. Michael POV.
I didn't think my life could get any worse. I've just walked away from the only person I've ever loved. Sure, I'm doing it for the right reasons. Being noble, suffering so she'll be safe.
Screw being noble.
To think that I've lost her. I don't have the right to drag her into the backroom of the Crashdown and kiss her. The Eraser room won't be getting any visits from me. She won't be in my apartment, lying on my sofa watching TV or a movie with my arms wrapped around her. I'll never get to dry her hair when she gets caught in a downpour like I did the night after we found out Tess was an alien.
That's what I'm gonna miss. Simply being able to reach out and touch her. I'm going to have to see her and resist the temptation. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I can see it all now. She'll be serving our table, flipping her hair out of her face and I'll just pull her down onto my lap and kiss her and tangle my fingers in her hair.
I left Max, Tess and Isabel as soon as we drove into Roswell. I jumped out the jeep at a stop sign. I couldn't stand to be in the car with them anymore. Isabel. My "mate". It's too much to take in.
My first stop was Liz's. I climbed up the fire escape to see her sobbing, real gut wrenching sobs. Her small body was convulsing with each one, her fist trying to muffle the sobs. I so badly wanted to reach out and help her but knew I'd probably make things worse. So I left. I walked past the Crashdown. Valenti and Kyle were standing by the counter talking to Mr Parker. He must have picked her up after she left the cave. Kyle looked as if he were about to pass out. Who can blame him after what he learned?
Destination Whitman was next. The house was obviously empty, no cars being present in the drive. I knew from Maria the family wasn't very close. I looked through she living room window just in time to see him punch the wall. He cursed loud enough for me too hear.
"Damn Max Evans! Damn Michael Guerin! Damn f*****g destiny!" he yelled.
It was the first time I heard him lose total control. He was swearing and kicking things. I had to empathise. And I couldn't blame him for cursing Max and me. Max had devastated Liz, inadvertently. I had broken Maria's heart. And too add insult to injury, in his eyes, I've stolen Isabel. Not being able to stand it I run. Run to the one place I find comfort.
Oh. My. God. I'm fully aware that I sound like that over the top woman in Friends. Jane or something. But what I'm seeing is literally tearing me apart. Maria is lying on her bed, curled up in a ball, literally screaming. She sounds like a wounded animal. Her voice is hoarse and I wonder how long she's been like this. Her mom can't be home. She could never let her act like that if she was there. I listen more closely trying to pick something out of the garbled words.
"Michael…" she sobs. It's me. I've f**ked up someone else's life up so totally. What have I done?
She leans over the side of her bed and I hear her throw up in her bin. Now I know this must be love. I can feel the acidity filling my mouth. I can feel her pain. Cause I feel exactly the same way. Everytime I think if what I've done I want to hurl. I've ruined the only good thing I ever had. My precious Maria is broken because of me.
I have to stop calling her that. She's not mine and probably never will be again. As much as it hurts to say it, she'll find someone else, someone who can make her happy. And that person's not me. Look what I've done to her. She's so devastated, even more so than Liz. So much for the soulmate phenomenon.
At last I can give her something Max can never give Liz. Absolute, utter, complete pain. God, I could kill myself. I could get a knife and slit my wrists. Let my stupid alien blood drip away until there was nothing. No heaven, no hell. Just darkness. But knowing my luck, Max would find me and heal me before I was fully gone. I look back in the window.
She's talking to herself through her tears.
"I am useless. I can't even make Michael stay with me. He doesn't need me. He doesn't want me. I couldn't even tell him what I wanted to say!"
Her arms are wrapped around her legs, now clad in her pajayma shorts. They're grey with a drawstring around the waist. And she's wearing one of my shirts. Its looks cute on her. Then again she'd look cute in anything. It's way to big for her and the black makes her skin look even paler the usual.
"And now he's gone."
She said the last sentence with such resignation. She thinks I've left her because I want to. That I'm tired of her.
Doesn't she know that if I had the choice we'd never be parted? That I'd be with her, every minute of every day?
"God, if he loves me as much as he says he does why is he doing this to me?"
Now I'm feeling like Romeo. You know when he hides beneath Juliet's window just to hear her speak.
"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief."
Bet nobody even thinks I know who Shakespeare was. But that story….captured my imagination. Two people madly in love but unable to be together because of circumstances beyond their control. Everyone is convinced Max and Liz are the star-crossed lovers of Roswell but I know better. I love Maria more than I ever thought I could ever love someone. I would do anything for her. Max is convinced he and Liz are the definition of perfection. But then how could they be anything else. They both have secure, loving families who can afford to give them everything they need. Maria and me have had to fight for what we have. And I've learnt that sometimes you have to let go.
If Liz hadn't walked, Max would have never been strong enough to leave her. I am. It hurts like hell but it's for the best. Max doesn't get that. By just getting attached to them, involving them in our secret, we've already endangered them.
The first time I ever touched her was to get the Sheriff off Max's back. And the first time we actually said more than "hi" or "here you go", I kidnapped her, blew up her car and dragged her into an awful motel room. Then I resisted the urge to screw her senseless. I know, not very gooey eyes romantic. But think about it. I'm a guy (an alien guy), in a motel room made for sex, alone with a girl who manages to annoy me and turn me on in equal measure. Even after she fell on top of me and I felt her warm, soft body covering mine. At first I thought I was dreaming but then I realised she was really lying on top of me in what could be seen as a very intimate position. I pushed her off and tried to keep away from her. When we were all squashed in the jeep I had the impulse to pull her into my lap. But I couldn't.
And then she helped me focus so I could get a vision from the key. I'll never know why she stood so close or looked at me with those eyes that screamed "You can do it!". But she did and it worked.
When we were climbing out of that pipe even though I knew Topolsky was on our tail I was acutely aware how close behind me she was. I jumped out of it and dumped the box before grabbing her by the waist and picking up and out of it and told her to run to the jeep.
The Romeo and Juliet thing keeps popping up with us. You know how he does the ye olde flirtinge thing with her? Well the chocolate cake/sweet and spicy thing was out version. Even Isabel saw it. And we had our first brief kiss that night but it wasn't enough. It spurred me to kiss her more, touch her and hold her. And then it all ended in tears.
Here we go again.
When did I turn into Max? Having thoughts that are pure mush? When did I start babbling inside my own head? Like Maria.
We couldn't be more opposite if we tried.
She's good and kind. I'm bad and harsh.
She's gentle. I've killed someone.
She's a human. I'm an alien.
A stupid alien who has ruined her life.
It's tearing me apart already. Its only hours since I told her I loved her and walked away from her. I'm never gonna make it. By my calculations I have about 63 more years to live. That's if my alien genes don't curse me with an extra time. God, 63 years without her? That's like giving someone one taste of perfect happiness then telling them they can never have it again.
Maria was my perfect happiness. It's all downhill from here.
She's still crying and I'm still here. Any neighbours must think I'm a burglar. A slow one. I've been standing outside her window for hours watching her cry. I must enjoy pain because each time she sobs or murmurs my name it feels like a knife going through my heart.
She's tired. I can see that. She keeps trying to stretch out to relieve the tension in her muscles, yet she is still to stubborn to sleep like she needs too. In the last couple of days everything has changed, so dramatically. She's been thrown around like a rag doll, from worrying about Max to seeing her boyfriend turn into a killer.
Go to sleep Maria, I mentally tell her.
My powers seem to be working for once and she obeys my silent request.
She crawls underneath the covers and her breathing rate begins to steady. At last she isn't torturing herself. Well, until tomorrow anyway.
You know that Romeo and Juliet analogy I was going on about before? Well I just realised something. They died didn't they? He couldn't go on without her so he killed himself. When she realised he was dead, she couldn't face life without him. My mind is seriously warped to even associate us with that.
Oops. I forgot. There is no us anymore.
I want to climb in and hold her in my arms just one last time. But it will never be enough. I did it after we broke up the first time. And that just made me want her more. So I ward off the temptation to lie beside her again and hold her tight, to feel her arms grip me around the waist.
I slip away from the window and vow that their fate is not gonna be ours. We WILL be together. And we WON'T have to die to do it. One day, when it's safe, I'll give her everything. Till then I'll make sure she's happy the best I can.
Never was there a tale of more woe
Than that of Juliet and her Romeo
