Author's Notes: Spoilers for "Haven." I had a few bones to pick with this ep...it had great potential, but what was with the "Last Stand at Ruby Ridge" thing? Err...the writers need to just accept that a good portion of their 12-million a week viewers are shippers...Max and Logan need to cut the crap and admit they've got it bad for each other...it'd prolly make the it easier on the actors too...they could stop pretending they aren't together in real life. *Sigh* Okay, end of tirade. The characters aren't mine; I'm not the one who raised the Titanic. The song belongs to Fisher...I know some of my readers don't like songs in my fics, so instead of putting the lyrics throughout the story (as I usually do), I'm going to put it at the end and you can read the lyrics if you like. Enjoy the reading!
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Max was so incredibly excited to be taking a vacation. With Logan. The last part was the general reason for her excitement, whether or not she was willing to admit it. She was practically jumping up and down as she waited in the gas line with Sketchy. Finally, she would be getting a break from Military Seattle, Pulse-induced dullness and depression, Jam Pony and Normal, Lydecker and Manticore; this would be her opportunity to leave it all behind. She could hardly wait to be at the cabin, with Logan, in front of a fire, eating s'mores...

Then she was pissed when she discovered Logan in his "I'm a Self-pitying Despondent Bastard" mode. He was back in the chair and had automatically, and in her opinion, selfishly, decided that their big vacation plans were now canceled because his legs had given out again. Whoop-dee-doo, he was back in the chair. So freakin what? How long was it going to take before she was able to pound into his head that she didn't care about the chair, that he wasn't any less of a person, of a man, to her, because he was paralyzed? None of it mattered to her; she cared about him, not the amount of mobility he had. But somewhere, deep down, Max knew that wasn't entirely true-if she had to run again, she knew he wouldn't be able to go with her if he was still in the chair. And the thought of leaving him broke her heart.

Logan knew he was confusing the hell out of Max, and pissing her off a good deal probably too. He knew she was going to be angry he was bailing on their trip because of his legs but he couldn't help it. Rolling along the bumpy terrain with Max looming above him wasn't nearly as romantic as a quiet stroll in the woods, where at any moment he would be able to turn to her and hold her to his chest. Pulling her across his lap somehow seemed less romantic, at least for a weekend in the country. Then when he saw the sector passes and heard what she'd gone through to, ahem, obtain them, he knew she was giving him an opportunity to get some time away with her and work on Eyes Only.

Even though they flirted in the car, he knew she was going to be angry when she discovered it was a working vacation. He could sense her suspicion when they passed the road to the cabin. As much as he wanted to spend a quiet weekend with Max, Logan knew his sense of guilt would not allow him to, not when there was work to be done, wrongs to be righted. His overdeveloped and sometimes misplaced sense of guilt made him angry and annoyed when Max got angry with him.

But she wanted to have a good time. Preferably with him, but if he was going to be stubborn about saving the world, max was going to find fun without him. Sage was nice; he was everything she wished she could have been as a kid. Someone who lived in a nice quiet town with nice quiet folks. Someone who woke daily to the smell of fresh air, not military sterility or the fumes of the city. Her seizures were the only other thing keeping her from fully enjoying her weekend. She wished they would go away, but she knew they wouldn't, so she tried to work through them. When Logan showed up at the bar, she was momentarily afraid of him finding out her seizures had kicked up with a vengeance. But then she saw him take one look at the empty milk glass and one look at her slightly trembling form, and saw the compassion and worry in his eyes. She wondered why he wouldn't accept the same from her.

They were having a half decent time, plying pool, flirting a little, until Logan got jealous and tried to protect her virtue-she had to laugh at his old fashion values-and ended up getting his ass dumped out of the chair. She knew it was more of a blow to his ego than anything else, but it sent him crashing back into "Despondent Bastard" mode faster than she could say "Time to bounce." The next morning they fought again, Max growing angry that he was angry. She was pulling the same thing with him he pulled with her. And they both knew it. Max knew why they clashed so often-it was not only because they cared for each other so much, or because they were both unwilling to admit it, but also because they were so much alike. They were both stubborn as hell and had egos and senses of pride that were far to large for their own good.

Whether Max had wanted it or not, their trip turned into a working vacation when she began to piece together Sage's puzzle. What had angered her more than anything though, was when her body betrayed her, making her unable to fight for, or at least beside, Logan as he tried to protect them both. The gunshots sent shock waves of fear through her heart, as she lay curled up under the blankets, feeling Sage's tiny hand rub her back lightly every so often to comfort her. The sound of the guns brought horrible memories to the surface of her mind-escaping from Manticore, running from Manticore, being chased by Manticore, Logan's gunshot that had paralyzed him. That was the reason she hated guns most of all. Because of what they did to him.

When BD and his gang had retreated the first time, Logan's first priority was to get to Max and check on her. He knew her seizures were getting really bad, and that she was incapacitated. He hated seeing her like that-he hated seeing such a strong and vibrant woman reduced to a trembling ball of pain each time the seizures took hold of her. He sent Sage to the master bedroom to get the liquid Tryptophan Logan had brought for this very reason. When the boy had gone, Logan had rolled to the other side of the bed, to face Max. Her face was covered in a thick sheen of sweat, and her eyes every so often rolled back into her head, frightening him. He reached out and smoothed her hair a little. He put a hand on her shoulder, trying to keep her from shaking too violently.

"How you doing?" he asked.

"D-d-d-ducky," she replied, her voice so weak and pitiful. "B-b-b-bring 'em on-n-n-n." Then the sadness filled her eyes. "P-p-p-please b-b-b-be c-c-careful L-l-logan."

He smiled for her, "I promise. I'm no superhero. But I'm gonna keep us all safe. I swear."

"I kn-kn-kn-know," she replied, closing her eyes. "Stay safe."

"Shhhh," Logan kissed her forehead. "Rest Max. You'll be safe. We all will." He didn't know how much he believed his own words, but he knew she needed to hear them. Moments later Sage returned and they injected the medicine into Max's bloodstream. Thankfully, the tremors stopped enough for her to rest. Sage helped him pull the covers up to her chin, and they set about booby-trapping the property.

Logan didn't know what came over him; he killed four people. He knew it was in self-defense, but somehow, after the fact, that was little comfort to him. He wondered if he had become everything he fought against. All he knew was that when BD and company laid siege on the house, he had switched onto autopilot. All he knew was that he, Sage, and Max were being threatened and he had to protect them; protect her. Somewhere in his mind, he figured this would be a time for payback for all the times she had saved his life. But after he felt the knife sink into BD's side, all Logan felt was emptiness. Again.

Sage helped him into the chair and they made their way to Max's room. Logan's heart dropped when he found her on the floor, coughing from the smoke inhalation. As he scooped her up into his lap, he knew she must have heard the gunshots and explosions and tried to get out of bed to help. To Logan's surprise, in Max's weakened state, she curled up in his arms, hugging him around the neck, burying her face in his shoulder. He felt her body shake and he hugged her back. Sage sat on the bed silently and watched. Eventually, Max's body stopped shaking almost entirely. But for some reason, they stayed like that, holding each other.

Max knew nothing of what had gone on while she had been unconscious, but she knew that Logan had been successful in protecting them. After her seizures subsided, she slowly came back to full awareness. At first, she was embarrassed by the fact that she was curled up in Logan's arms. But then she felt him trembling and she held on tighter, hoping to soothe him as he had soothed her. After a time, she murmured, "Hey Sage, can you do me a favor? I'm kinda cold. Can you run down to the master bedroom and get me a blanket?"

Sage smiled and walked past them, "I'm glad you're better Max. Thanks for saving us Logan." With that, the boy left the room.

Max self consciously climbed off Logan's lap and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled his chair closer and she leaned forward, resting her hands on his knees. "So, Eyes Only," she said coyly, feeling his trembling subside. "You saved us, huh?"

HE could barely smile.

"I'm impressed," Max tried again, hoping he would smile. But to no avail. "Logan," she said gently. "What happened while I was out?"

His eyes were filled with a great sadness and Max reached out, her palm cupping his stubble-covered jaw. He closed his eyes a little and nuzzled her hand.

Just then, Sage came running in with a blanket, "Max! Logan! People are here form the town. They must have seen the explosions and came to help us."

Sighing, Max and Logan broke apart. Max wrapped herself in the blanket and she and Sage followed Logan out to the front. She ruffled Sage's hair, "You did good kid." He smiled adoringly at her and she wrapped half the blanket around him as well, cocooning them together. As they sat on the porch in silence, Max used her enhanced hearing to subtly eavesdrop on Logan's conversation. He was very business like, very cool and at the same time passionate and devoted; his concern for the rest of the world was so apparent. Max found herself wondering exactly where in the hell it had come from. She knew mostly it was out of some heightened sense of guilt, but she wondered where his guilt came from. "What secrets do you keep inside, Logan?" she wondered.

She heard Sage's aunt call his name. Looking at him, she saw the hurt and betrayal in the boy's eyes. "She loves you," Max told him. "You're pretty lucky to have someone who cares about you that much."

Sage smiled, "So are you." And with that, he ran out of her life and back into his own. Slowly, still a bit shakily, Max walked over to Logan. She could see the pain in his eyes.

"I've never killed anyone before." Logan was wracked with guilt. He kept telling himself he had just been protecting Max and Sage, and that he had rid the world of murderers and bigots, but somehow it was not a comfort to him. Two wrongs did not make a right. He looked up at Max and knew she understood how he felt. He could see the compassion in her big brown eyes and wondered how many times he had missed it before. He had a hard time dispelling the bitterness he felt towards his paraplegia. Many days he found himself latching on to Max, using her as his reason for getting out of bed every morning. She gave him more to look forward to than trying, sometimes in vein he felt, to save their misguided and decrepit world. He knew that his paraplegia was in a way a blessing; he knew Max wouldn't have come back if he hadn't been wounded. But he couldn't help but feel helpless, not in his fight to save the world, the one that she was fighting for him, but also in his fight to have a normal life, and a normal relationship with Max. She meant so much to him.

All he had to do was keep his paralysis from getting in their way. Whether inhibiting them of its own volition or because he made it a problem, it was still there, a third party in their blossoming, confusing, and wonderful relationship. Looking up at her, Logan wanted Max to do nothing more than sit in his lap and hold him again. He needed her.

And she knew it. Max wished she could hold him and make his pain, all of his pain, go away, but she couldn't. All she could was make him smile. "It's good to know that when the superhero's otherwise occupied, the sidekick can save the day." She gave him an encouraging, smart-ass smile, hoping her words wouldn't backfire. She bit her lip.

Logan found himself grinning. "Thank you Max," he thought.

Their ride back to Seattle was quiet. The truck driving was luckily not of an amiably chatty nature, giving Max and Logan time to think. After a time, they found themselves enjoying each other's company, even in the silence. Glancing at the clock, Max noticed it was nearly two in the morning. She looked over at Logan and found his head nodding slightly as he dosed, weakly trying to stay awake. Smiling, Max unwrapped the blanket from around her slender frame and spread it across the two of them. Logan looked over at her and smiled tiredly. She patted his knee, wondering if he could feel it, and laid her head on his shoulder. Her seizures had left her greatly fatigued and she was fighting sleep herself. Logan unconsciously wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her to him, resting his chin atop her head.

And they both dosed, sleeping of their vacation, returning to their normal, sometimes dark and dreary lives. But they were each other's light, each other's salvation, whether or not they realized it.

As the truck lumbered back towards the Seattle perimeter check point, Max and Logan shared a peaceful dream.
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~So Much~

He wants to
I want too much
He says he's taking his time
When I hold him
And he holds back
It hurts me that I don't mind

Chorus:
He has only so much
He can give up for me
And I have only so much
And that's not enough but
Everything is good
Everything is fine for now
La da da la da la da da

She don't cry
I don't cry
The past won't let us let go
When she holds me
And I hold back
If she minds I'll never know

I have only so much
I can give up for her
And she gives only so much
And that's not enough but
Everything's good
Everything's fine

For now
For now

We have only so much
We can give up for love
And we give only so much
And that's not enough but
Everything is good
Everything is fine
For now