Hero
by mrs~*~kenobi
a.k.a. ~queen of hearts~
Standard Disclaimer: the characters belong to Sir Lucas, the knight in shining flannel (who needs to hurry up with Episode II...) "Hero" is by Mariah Carey.
AN~ Ah, it's nice to be back in the gap again...lol. I've heard this song a jillion times, but a few days ago when I was adding to Obi collection, "Hero" came on the radio, and I can't tell you the rush I got. (that's what music inspiration does for me), and I knew that I had to use it for a Star Wars songfic. I haven't done one in a while so I said, "what the hey?" enjoy! :)
lyric format: same as in "You've Got A Friend" and "Lullaby", by me.
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Hero
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Searing terror.
What is it? Obi-Wan Kenobi thought as he leaned against the wall of the Theed Palace. He hadn't had this blindsiding, overwhelming feeling for a while. No, not since Anakin had turned. And the effects from that were elongated - a feeling of utter fear and misery, a feeling that Obi-Wan woke up to for weeks.
Anakin's turning had destroyed Obi-Wan. He had been a good friend, and a strong willed young man. Obi-Wan remembered about how, when he first met Anakin, that the boy so much wanted to be a Jedi. What went wrong? Anakin's turning had dissolved Obi-Wan from what was a virtuous, brave, and enduring man into a weak, depressed, and empty-feeling one. Obi-Wan didn't see himself as anyone now. Just another face in the crowd. No one. Nobody. No way could he feel as if he were worth anything.
Searing terror ripped through Obi-Wan again. It yanked him out of Memory Lane and back to the present, this time being a feeling so strong, so sharp, it was almost a physical pain. And to a Jedi, like Obi-Wan, it was.
His muscles went limp and he fell back against the brick wall of the Palace. Clutching his forehead, Obi-Wan tried to concentrate on the pain, to uncover its source. As he calmed his trembling heart, Obi-Wan tried to remember how he'd dealt with the last attack of this sort, Anakin's turning - though not as strong as this one -, and how he had discovered where it was emanating from.
Then the thought hit him like nothing else.
"Amidala..." Obi-Wan uttered to himself in terror and realization. He bolted inside the Palace and up the long staircase to the Queen's bedroom, hoping, in fact praying, that it wasn't too late.
Amidala was in her room, out on its balcony, climbing up on the railing. How easy it will be to just jump, she thought. To fall, and just die.
She couldn't take the pain any longer. Anakin's turning had emotionally wounded her so badly, that if killing herself would take the pain away, Amidala wouldn't think twice.
Meanwhile, Obi-Wan had just burst into the Queen's room, scared to death that she was nowhere in sight.
"Oh, Gods..." the Jedi swallowed hard. No...I lost Qui-Gon, I lost Anakin...I can't lose Amidala. It was then that Obi-Wan noticed the ajar balcony doors.
Amidala, arms outstretched, whispered, "I say goodbye to this world and its Gods that have been so cruel to me these last few months. You took my Anakin away from me! Therefore I do not see it fit to remain alive any longer! I say goodbye to my one kind, and loyal friend to me these past years, and I hope that he finds peace one day as well,..........Obi-Wan?!"
And indeed he was there, out on the balcony, staring at the scene in shock. Obi-Wan was immediately at her side, though still on the balcony floor.
"What are you doing Ami? I will not let you do it!" he exclaimed, taking firm hold of Amidala's arm.
"No, Obi-Wan! This is something I must do! It is the only thing left to do! I want to die!" she replied, half sobbing, trying to break free of his grasp.
"Ami, listen to yourself! This isn't the Queen Amidala I know! Queen Amidala is strong, brave, and never gives up! You are..."
"Don't you understand?" Amidala shouted, shaking her arm from Obi-Wan's grasp. "That Queen Amidala was lost forever when the galaxy fell apart! She was lost when her Anakin left and went away! There is nothing left for her here!"
Obi-Wan knew what he had to do. Climbing up on the railing, Obi-Wan took Amidala's arm again, and then shared with her a long, meaningful glance.
"Ami, if you are so set on killing yourself, you'll have to take me down with you," he said softly, yet firmly.
Amidala looked up at Obi-Wan with wide eyes. She tried to speak, to say, or at least stutter, a few words, but nothing came out.
"Now do you really want to be responsible for killing me, too? Do you really want to take me down, too? Don't you see, Amidala? We're all each other has left now. Everything you do affects me and everything I do affects you. If you leave now, you'll make my existence worse than it already is. Do you really want to do that to me?"
Amidala said nothing as she stared at Obi-Wan, taking in everything he was saying. She knew he was right. If Amidala were to let herself fall with him, she'd die in even more agony for being responsible for Obi-Wan's death. And if she fell alone, she'd die knowing that Obi-Wan would live the rest of his life in pain. After a few moments, Amidala let herself fall into his arms.
Obi-Wan climbed off the railing carrying her and walked back into Amidala's bedroom. Sitting down on her bed, Obi-Wan let Amidala bury her face into his shoulder and cry.
Hours seemed to pass. Obi-Wan felt the minutes drag by. After nearly thirty minutes, Amidala had calmed slightly and the sobs subdued, though she did not let go of Obi-Wan.
Another few minutes of silence ticked by, then, "What did you mean before?" Amidala asked, her voice clogged with slime and tears.
"What did I mean about what?" Obi-Wan asked, tightening his embrace around her.
Amidala lifted her head off his shoulder to look into his eyes. "You said if I left, if I killed myself, I'd make your existence worse than it already is." She slipped off Obi-Wan's lap and settled next to him.
"You cannot honestly believe that I am worth anything," Obi-Wan said. "I couldn't save Qui-Gon. I couldn't even fulfill his death wish. I lost Anakin to the Dark Side. He's turned, everything is in ruins, millions of lives are most likely at stake because of this, and it's all my fault."
"Obi-Wan...you've been a wonderful friend to me forever. Especially after these few months when I have needed you most. You were here for me, and I was here for you. After Anakin's falling from grace, it's been hell. But we've tried to make it better. And I know you feel like I should hate you forever. But I could never hate you. It's not your fault. Whatever happens, whatever did, it's not your fault. And I know that. I miss Anakin. I miss Anakin so much that I wanted to kill myself. But you saved my life, Obi-Wan. You saved me from myself. You've been the best friend anyone could ever have. And for that, you're...you're my hero."
"Hero?" Obi-Wan echoed.
"Yes," Amidala replied, smiling softly. "A hero to me is someone who goes to all costs. And you have done that many times. You've done everything in your power to protect me. When someone is the best friend a person could ever have, that is a hero."
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
"You...you really mean it?" Obi-Wan asked, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.
"Yes, I do, Obi-Wan," Amidala replied. "Would I say it if I didn't, or if it wasn't true?"
He hugged her impulsively, letting tears of his own fall.
It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
"Do you think we'll get through this?" he asked.
Amidala sniffled, the urge to cry again overtaking her. "Of course Obi-Wan. Of course we will. As long as you'll always be here for me until the day I die."
"I promise," Obi-Wan replied. "I'm never going to let you go."
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
"Thank you, Obi-Wan," Amidala said softly, burying her face into his shoulder again.
"No, Amidala. Thank you," he said, smiling, then embraced her tightly again, never wanting to let go.
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you.
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el fin
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