Author's note: This is the "I and I am Camera" chapter. Sorry it has taken so long to post. I am going to try to have a chapter for HASB up by Monday, but I need and episode transcript, so please, if anyone has one, could you please send it to me? Thanks. I'm sorry to everyone who also reads my "Air" fic; I know that's been neglected of late. I promise to get back to it as soon as I can. I am in my final week of classes and things have been a little hectic lately, but look for a new chapter soon. I promise. As always, none of it's mine, please don't sue. Thanks, as always, to my beta-boos, LadyCallie and Evil Twin. Happy reading!
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Logan Cale needed a drink. A strong, powerful one. A stiff one. Preferably a double. His head was spinning as he tried to assimilate everything that had gone on recently. His entire world was tottering precariously, as though some great earthquake was threatening to undo the foundation, giving only small quakes as warning. It made him wonder when exactly the big one would strike.

He had spent many years rebuilding his life, trying to find a goal, a purpose. He had been born to a life of privilege, cursed with it, perhaps, and as such had been blissfully ignorant until the first quake-the Pulse. His entire life had changed then. Especially after he had lost his parents-the second quake. His father had been like Jonas, proud, arrogant, shrewd in business but not very adept at family life. His mother, on the other hand, had been the shining star of the Cale family. She was unlike Margo in that she cared little for the wealth or status or power the Cale family name afforded her. She more than made up for the love and affection Logan's father had never shown him. But his parents had loved each other, of that Logan had no doubt. They were his stabilizing force, even when he had no idea what the real world was like, or how mean it could be.

But he had learned quickly. Oh, how he had learned. As the eldest child of the eldest brother, Logan had all the power in the Cale family, but gladly handed it to Jonas for safekeeping. Before finding his true calling in underground cyber-journalism and cutting himself off as much as possible from his family, Logan had been the typical rich boy, even after the Pulse. He had indulged in liquor and women, desperately going from one to the next, trying to find solace, a place to build his foundation. He thought he had found it in Valerie. He had been wrong. He had stopped the womanizing and drinking only to realize that his wife was alcoholic and their marriage was a sham. He had mistaken comfort and good sex for love and support. It was around that time that Logan realized the kind of world in which he lived-earthquake number three.

It was then that Logan had truly embraced altruistic journalism. Leaving the family estate outside the city for an inner city penthouse had been a huge move, however contradictory. From wealth outside to wealth inside was little change. But it had been enough to get him going, to work diligently as Eyes Only. He thought it was his foundation, his solace. He found peace, somewhat, in his work, in knowing that he helped people. But his life was a solitary one, with informants or cases going in and out of his life, fleeting as ghosts, his only companions his bodyguards and his computer.

He hadn't truly realized how empty his life was, however, until Max had started unwittingly breaking down his walls, or more accurately, his door-earthquake number four. From the day she had broken into his apartment, beaten up his bodyguard and thrown herself out his window, Max had changed Logan's life. He had told her the truth that day he tracked her down at Crash-he hadn't been able to get her off his mind. He still couldn't. Not a single day went by that he didn't think about her. Not even when he was recuperating from the gunshot wounds that paralyzed him-quake five-did a day pass that the beautiful chimera did not enter his mind. He had been delighted when she returned to his penthouse after the accident, even if he had a strange way of showing it.

Their relationship had been rocky at first-she had trouble letting people get close to her, and so did he, but for obviously different reasons-but Logan had never doubted their connection. In fact, it had become his foundation without him even knowing it. Max had become his reason for getting up in the morning, the reason for continuing Eyes Only, the reason he did not kill himself. Despite all the non-Manticore-related work he did, his prime focus was finding her siblings and trying to bring down Manticore. Everything else was extra. Anything Max came across became an Eyes Only mission. Or if she didn't bring him anything, he brought her stuff, just so he could see her.

The day he had dropped her and Zack off at the cabin was one of the worst days of Logan's life. Once again, he was losing his foundation; that, coupled with the surgery and near death became quake six. When she saved him, transfused him, got recaptured for him, Logan knew how much she meant to him and how much he meant to her, even if they could not admit it. The next transfusion had brought them closer, and Logan could feel his foundation strengthening. For a while, he had actually begun to believe life was overall not out to make him its whipping boy.

But then, he had his legs returned to him and snatched away all within a short period and it had undone him-earthquake seven. For a while, he hadn't even allowed Max to save him. But she had, like she always did, and things once again got as close to normal as their current situation would allow. They were growing closer by the day and sometimes it took all the willpower Logan had in him not to reach out, pull her close, and kiss her.

But then, the biggest earthquake of all had hit and Logan's entire world crumbled again. As much as he hated to admit it, his faith in Max had been shattered by whatever happened with Ben. Lydecker's pictures had undone him and Logan was no longer sure what his foundation was.

But then, Logan had found renewed faith in the most unlikely places. In a turbo-charged, semi-deranged do-gooder who was full of conspiracy theories and crazy ideas, and had a heart big enough to swallow Texas. It was a strange comedy meeting this man, who's name was, apparently, Phil. Each encounter Logan had with him was bizarre and strange, like everything else lately, and yet Logan found himself oddly soothed by the deranged man. The man was also frighteningly wise. He was able to kick Logan out of his stupor. Or at least help him begin to climb out himself.

Logan had told Max he had many things on his mind. She was so damned perceptive. She knew him so well. He hated that he was letting Lydecker's pictures get to him. He knew that was the man's intention and he was falling into the trap. Every time he saw Max after receiving those pictures, he could not help but think of them. He was having trouble discerning the Max he knew from the Max in the pictures. Everything she said he wondered if she was joking or deadly serious.

Seeing Phil drop his pants was something Logan could have lived without, but he would be lying if he said that seeing the exoskeleton didn't send ideas of potential running through his brain. He had immediately wished he could get his hands on one, so that he could use it. The idea of walking again was more tempting than any drug. The idea of being able to fight alongside Max without being a liability to her was downright dangerous.

Then Max had saved his life. Again. And every doubt Logan had about her was as shot to hell as his car. While he and Phil had waited for Max to finish destroying the hoverdrone, Phil had been nosy and perceptive enough to pick Logan's brain.

"So," Phil said, trying to catch a glimpse of the action. "Is she your, I mean do you two...?"

Logan raised an eyebrow.

Phil sighed, "She your woman?"

Logan shook his head, "We're not like that."

Phil looked surprised, "Really? I must be losing my powers of perception then. I thought for sure you guys went way back and had this really deep relationship." He frowned, deep in thought.

Logan was also deep in thought. He and Max *did* have this really deep relationship. And even though they had only known each other less than a year, he felt as though he had known her their entire lives. He wished she could have grown up with him, or she could have known the way the world was before the Pulse. He wished he could show her what life was like before things got so that you had to fight, run, and be on your guard all the time.

Phil broke into Logan's thoughts, "Are you sure you guys don't have that kind of relationship?"

Logan nodded, "I'm sure. Believe me, I'm sure."

"Hmmm," Phil scratched his chin. "Then maybe you should. Why don't you? Are you scared?" He looked at Logan as though trying to search him for signs of fear.

Logan shook his head, "Max? I'm not afraid of Max."

"I didn't say you were afraid of her. I could tell that. You trust her completely; I can see it in your body language. What I meant was: are you afraid of having a relationship with her?"

Logan did not know why, but he felt as though he could talk to Phil about how he felt, "I'd only slow her down. She doesn't need me as a liability."

"You wouldn't be a liability to her," Phil argued. "I've watched the way you two work together. You'd be lost without each other."

Just then, Max hollered, "Boys!"

"Over here," Logan replied, hoping to disguise the surprise and distraction in his voice.

"Think about it," Phil whispered before Max got to them.

Logan thought about his words the entire way back to Seattle. After dropping Phil off, Logan and Max had returned to his place. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

He shrugged, "Yeah. I mean, it's not every day I'm nearly killed by a flying mechanical assassin, but other wise I'm okay."

Max crossed her arms and looked frustrated, "Logan I don't know what's been up your ass lately, but if you don't want to talk to me about it, fine. I just thought our friendship went deeper than that."

At first, Logan had been angered by her words. "Then why won't you tell me what went on with Ben?" he wanted to ask. But he refrained. In some way, he already knew and he didn't want to hurt Max anymore. Instead, he looked straight into her eyes and said, "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shut you out. Don't worry about me. I'm a big boy. It's no big deal. I'm okay Max." She still looked doubtful. "Honest," he insisted.

She sighed, "If you say so."

"Trust me," he said, smiling.

"I do," she replied, the sincerity in her voice shockingly clear. She seemed to hear the implications in her own voice, because she uttered her trademark "Gotta bounce" moments later. She returned after hearing about Jonas's death and how he'd tried to kill Logan.

Logan had been grateful. She was always there for him to bounce ideas off of, or vent his frustrations to. Just having her there when he was once again enduring another earthquake meant more to him than he thought she knew. Even if she was angry with him for wanting to give up his money just because it came from a company seeped in blood. She had a point-he hadn't known, and therefore it wasn't directly his fault, but in Logan's mind, guilt by association was guilt enough.

When they were sharing wine, later, after Logan had gone public about the family business via and Eyes Only broadcast, he once again was reminded why he should not be afraid of Max. In a discussion about Jonas, Max had said, with such seriousness that Logan's heart broke, "The one thing I learned in my years at Manticore is never underestimate what people are capable of doing to each other."
Logan had immediately countered, saying, "My uncle, for all his privilege, went right for the heart of darkness. You've lived your life trying to get as far away from that as possible." But he knew Max was not completely encouraged by his words.
She had gotten up to leave, to get ready for Herbal's friend's memorial service, but not before saying sadly, "Thing is...it's always there, the darkness...right on my tail."
"I know," Logan had replied, with more understanding than he should have. "But you got moves." Even though he could not see her face, Logan knew she had smiled. Lydecker had been wrong. Logan *did* know what Max was capable of. And he was really working hard at getting back to the point where he didn't care.
Shredding the check and the pictures had been therapeutic beyond words. Logan was able to exorcise many of his new and aggravatingly present demons all with the help of a handy dandy paper shredder. It made him smile, watching those pictures get destroyed. Logan knew his next step was erasing them from his memory. Which he would do. With time.
And of course, Phil's gift might make that time go faster and help Logan erase the memories more quickly. The man lived a life that was comedy of the absurd, and was possibly a raving lunatic, but he was wise and kind and he had made Logan think. And he had possibly given Logan back his legs and yet *another* chance with Max.
Maybe it was destiny.