Author's Note 1: Whew! I FINALLY finished it. This story legit took me a week to write. Notice how lengthy it is. I guess it is because "Meow" was such a packed episode that it had to be this long. With school ending and finals approaching, I had trouble finding time to sit down and write this in one lump session. Sorry.
Author's note 2: What did you all think of "Meow"? I liked it, even if I *had* read the script beforehand. It gave me lots of good shippery stuff either way.
Author's note 3: As always, the characters are not mine (wish they were); they belong to Eglee and Titanic Boy. The title comes from a song by Eve 6, called "Here's to the Night." Thanks to my amazing beta-boos, Callie and Evil Twin! You girls rock!
Logan Cale felt a little bit like MacGuyver. Trying to make the exoskeleton work again was like trying to make a nuclear bomb out of soap on a rope and a baby key ring. He had managed to swing the money, but had not taken into account the delivery time. He wanted to be up and mobile ASAP. With Manticore pulling tricks left and right, he knew Max was potentially going to have to run again. This time, however, he was damned if he wasn't going to run with her.
The problem was, Logan didn't want Max to be in the know, so to speak. He wanted to surprise her. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw he was ambulatory again. He couldn't wait to smile and look down at her, take her face in his hands and bring her mouth softly to his own, to wrap his arms around her and... needless to say, Logan had been dreaming about this. Nevertheless, at the same time, as full of anticipation as he was, he was scared. Scared of the implications the exoskeleton would bring. He and Max had been dancing around their mutual attraction for so long, but they had been just that-dancing. Not willing to own up to it. What if Max still wasn't ready? What if she freaked out? What if-?
"Knock knock!" Max interrupted Logan's thoughts and his conversation with Sebastian.
Logan's eyes darted in the direction from which his angel's voice had come, and he heard Sebastian good naturedly suggest, "Could use your in house cat burglar." Just as Peter had, Sebastian had teased Logan about his initial search for Max. Had Logan been looking for his intruder and not for a new girlfriend? Who knew? Nevertheless, he had found an amazing woman whom he would love to be his girlfriend and so much more. All they had to do was face their fears and get Logan up and walking.
"Logan?" Max called, having not gotten a response.
"She's not in the loop on this little project and I want to keep it that way," Logan told his friend as he began to hurriedly cover the exo, in the event Max got impatient waiting for him and came in search of him.
"I get it," Seb said knowingly. "You want to make a grand entrance."
"Something like that," Logan replied, frowning a bit when he heard Max move away from the office and head towards the kitchen. 'She must be famished,' he thought.
"No reason for her to know what the chip's for," Sebastian said conspiratorially.
"Sneaky," Logan commented. "I like it. Gotta go." He disconnected and rolled out to meet Max, taking a final glance to make sure the hidden project was secure. Sure enough, Logan found Max near the kitchen, waiting for him and stalking around like a caged animal. 'She must have had a bad day,' he thought.
"What happened to that great Chinese urn," Max asked as she headed for the kitchen at great haste, with Logan at her heels, trying to keep up with her. "Don't tell me you sold it." Normally, she would have sounded chastising, and maybe even pissed, but tonight, the comment came out more as a statement.
"Wouldn't rule it out," he replied half earnestly, half seriously, watching her position herself on the breakfast bar, paying attention to him, but looking distracted at the same time. She attacked his fridge and he took the opportunity to rope her into stealing the evil, Peirpont Lempkin, Star Wars chip. He couldn't actually believe she bought it. To punctuate his "truth", Logan said, "I need you to do this for me."
Max shot him one of her "Whatever" looks and began unexpectedly peeling off her clothes. Logan's eyes widened in surprise, as he tried to think good, non-Max and sins of the flesh related thoughts, when the Chimera commented, "Boy it's hot in here."
Logan frowned, since he felt comfortable, and asked, "So, you'll do it?"
"Whatever," she said, reinforcing her look.
"On another matter," he began, but was cut off as thought Max hadn't even heard him.
"I think I'm coming down with something," Max said, fanning herself and huffing exasperatedly.
"I hope not," he said sincerely. "Cuz, you know, it was a year ago Thursday you broke in here looking to rob me." He smiled mischievously, knowing all that simple larceny had done for them both.
This seemed to pique Max's interest, as she suddenly no longer cared about her possible illness. She perked up and smiled slightly, asking, "Is that right?
"It's sort of like an anniversary," Logan continued, his smile widening as he thought off all that their anniversary could have in store. "I thought we should celebrate."
He watched as Max's eyes clouded over and her posture slumped slightly. "Great," she said sadly. "I could use a little mirth in my life."
He nodded knowingly, "It can't be easy, knowing they have Tinga." He had watched since her sister's abduction as his angel grew sadder every day Tinga was in Manticore's clutches. He wished there was something he could do to help her. Maybe he would be able to once he got the exo working...
"Zach found out they didn't take her back to Manticore," Max said, her voice growing hard with disdain. "Hope he can turn something up on where they've got her." The determination in her voice was palpable.
"Then we'll get her out," Logan said, his voice so full of promise it drew Max's attention. He tried to be upbeat, for her sake, saying, "Thursday night there will be an abundance of mirth." He smiled for her, looking like a mischievous boy, "And maybe even a little surprise."
Max raised a brow, her intrigue truly piqued, "What?"
"Then it wouldn't be a surprise," Logan replied, smiling with anticipation as he thought of the possibilities a working exoskeleton. Max smiled back and promised she'd be there Thursday night. She ate some more food and left, wanting to get home and sleep in case she was getting a bug. She didn't want to be ill for their big day.
But unfortunately, Max *was* ill. Kinda. It was worse than a bug. Max was in heat. That horrified her. She knew what her raging feline hormones could make her do against her will. What scared her more is that she'd dreamt of *Logan* during the onset of her heat. Her feline DNA was telling her be with him, to mate with him. It hadn't told her to do that before. What did that mean? The implications scared Max. She and Logan had been dancing around their mutual attraction for a long time; too long. Now that she was in heat, Max was afraid she might do something she would regret, something she, *they*, weren't ready for.
It was pretty humiliating telling Cindy about her "condition." First of all, putting a voice and words to it made the heat even more real. Which might have been why Max gave Cindy permission to clock her if the feline DNA got too out of hand. Max had to interact with men all day. How was she going to avoid jumping them-any of them, all of them? Thankfully, her friend understood and was cooperative, promising to lay the smack down on Max's ass should she get out of hand.
Cindy was right at Jam Pony. Max *was* tripping. She was pacing and stalking like a caged animal. She was sweating, panting, and generally freaking everyone out. Not that she enjoyed it. She wanted to curl up in a ball and die rather than subject everyone to her time of heat. And seeing Cindy "proposition" Sketchy didn't exactly help. Cindy was trying to prove to Max that all she had to do was kick with some random shorty, without any emotional attachment, and she would be aiight. The problem was, Max didn't want to kick it with some random shorty; she wanted to kick it with Logan. But she couldn't. Why didn't Cindy understand?
"Fine, if you don't want to hit it with just anybody, why don't you go be about it with a guy you're into?" Cindy suggested. "Like, Logan."
Max sighed, "That's not how I want it to happen with us and anyway we're not like that." It was a total contradiction that Cindy completely caught, but Max didn't care. She and Logan *weren't* like that, no matter how much she wanted them to be. Especially now. She could picture his face, his stubble, his eyes, his hair, his hands, remember his touch, his smile, and practically melt and get the overwhelming urge to jump him. Which is not what she wanted to do. If she and Logan ever were to hit it, she didn't want it to be frantic, violent, or hormonally charged. She wanted it to be sweet and slow, tender and loving. Not that it would ever happen.
"Stop talking about scratching," Max snapped at Cindy. "I wanna beat this bitch. You got my back?" She felt as though she was asking Original Cindy to baby-sit her, but effectively, that's what she was doing. She *couldn't* be allowed to lose control. She'd never forgive herself.
"Who's your girl?" Cindy asked, right before they ran smack dab into Rafer and all Max's good intentions went out the window. Her hormones surged and her cat genes were telling her to mount him and take him right there. It was a good thing Original Cindy pushed Max out the door and forced her to work.
By the time Max got home, she most definitely needed a cold shower. She had been horny as hell all day and Original Cindy had fought an uphill battle to keep Max from banging the gong with every John who crossed their path. When they got home, she was relived her boo hit the showers so she could get some downtime. Of course, when Max came out and started doing push ups, Original Cindy rolled her eyes. "I'm not even gawnna ask."
Max sighed and sped up her pushups, "Hey, I gotta sit in the same car with Logan tonight."
Cindy frowned, "Is that wise? You keep saying you don't want anything to happen between you two."
Max again sped up the pushups, "No choice. We gotta run this... errand." Original Cindy didn't need to know they were breaking into a nuclear power plant to steal stealth technology.
"He got the 411 on what's up with you?"
Max groaned and jumped to her feet, thinking that Cindy should change her name from Original Cindy to Overly and Annoyingly Curious Cindy. "Are you kidding? He's the last person in the world I'd want to know." The more she and Cindy talked about Logan, the more Max had a hard time denying her attraction to him. When she wasn't in heat, she could ignore it; say it was a "phony sentimentality." However, when she was in heat, all bets were off. There was no denying, she wanted Logan, *bad.*
Then, making matters worse, as if he knew he was being talked about, Logan showed up at Max's door.
He thought it was strange the way Cindy was forcefully blocking Max with her body, which might have been why he didn't ask any questions when Cindy told him to wait downstairs. He could have sworn as he rolled down the hall he heard Original Cindy tell Max to drop and give her twenty. Maybe Max had a bad day at work and needed to work off some steam.
Speaking of steam, Logan had no idea why the car was so fogged up. He hadn't thought it was humid. Damp and cold, as Seattle always was, but he hadn't noticed a heat in the air. "What's up with the windows?" He wiped the condensation off with his sleeve and looked over at Max. He observed she was sitting on her hands and looking a bit frantic. Maybe, if he didn't know her better, he would say Max was nervous. But Max never got nervous. So why was she sitting on her hands and biting her lip? Logan had to look away so he wasn't turned on by the sight of her biting her lip.
"I don't know," she said quickly. "Why are you asking me?"
Logan raised a brow, "I'm just saying. Must be humid tonight."
"Must be," she replied, distracted.
Logan shook his head, wondering to himself if Max had PMS. He chose, however, not to give voice to his thoughts, knowing he'd probably get a black eye because of it. He checked his watch and remarked, "The guards must have changed shifts by now." He squinted trough the fog and asked, "Can you make anything out by the gate?" Logan looked at Max and noticed she was staring at him strangely. What was up with this girl? He hoped she hadn't come down with something. And if she had, he wished she had told him. As much as he wanted the chip, he didn't want her risking her life by being too ill to do the job.
"What?" Max asked, her voice sounding rough and slightly strangled or choked.
"Can you make anything out past the gate?" he asked again, peering through the window.
No," Max said quickly, her eyes widening. "Not a thing."
Logan sighed and turned to face her, "You okay?"
"Fine," she replied, not very convincingly. "Why?"
'Oh, because you're acting extremely strangely, like you want to jump from the Space Needle, and I was just concerned.' Logan thought, but opted, in deference to his life, not to say. Instead, he replied, "Just checking." He began patting his pocket for his phone. When he couldn't find it, he began searching the car. He reached into the glove compartment, trying to ignore the chills he got as his arm brushed Max's leg. The next thing he knew, Max muttered something about getting it over with, and bolted from the car. "But the guards haven't-!" Logan managed to get out before the door slammed in his face.
He sighed and sat back, tapping his fingers idylly on the steering wheel. They beat out random rhythms as Logan tried not to get antsy himself. He hated not being able to know what Max was going through every time she did a job. He wondered why he hadn't given her one of the spare earwigs a while ago. Maybe it was because he had figured she'd be offended, think he was trying to coddle her, and bounce right out of his life. He knew how strong and independent Max was. But he couldn't help but wish he could do more for her. Do more to protect her. He didn't want her to go through what had happened to Tinga. That was why he needed the exo working. He needed to be able to take Max away or run with her, in the even Lydecker closed in on them.
Suddenly, Logan heard alarms go off and felt his heart leap into his throat. Max had obviously gotten in. The question was, had she gotten the chip? Had she been caught? Had she gotten hurt? Another reason he hated sending her out was that he knew he was putting her in danger every time. If she came back with so much as a scratch, a bruise, or a paper cut, Logan felt extremely guilt. Luckily, this time, all Max did was come back wet. She climbed into his car, dripping wet, and slammed the door shut.
"You get it?" he asked.
"No," she said snidely. "I just won a wet T-shirt contest." Luckily, she didn't notice the flash that went across Logan's features as the image of her in a wet T-shirt flashed across his mind. "Course I got it," she continued, reaching inside her cat suit and retrieving the pouch with the chip.
He took it from her, an amazed look on his face. He couldn't believe that she'd gotten it. Not could he believe that she managed to hide anything in that skintight suit. A smile spread across his face as his eyes fell across the chip that would change his life.
"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, seeing his expression. "We foiled Peirpont Lempkin's evil plan and saved the world. Now can we get outta here?"
Logan snapped out of it and hastily put the car in gear, noticing that the sirens hadn't stopped and the shouts were getting closer. Still smiling, keeping the chip in his pocket, Logan peeled out, and tried not to think to intently on how close he was to being up and walking, and how close he was to Max, who was sopping wet, and slightly panting.
It was all Max could do as well to forget how close she was to Logan as she was panting and sopping wet. When he dropped her off at her crib, she hastily clambered out of the newly restored Aztec, which he had commissioned before Cale Industries went bottom up thanks to a phantom cyber journalist, and raced inside the building, calling a brief farewell to her confused and slightly distracted male companion. Cindy was asleep when Max got home. The X-5 female had been hoping for some girl talk, but she couldn't bring herself to wake her friend. Instead, Max threw herself on the bed and forced herself to go to sleep.
The next morning, Original Cindy waited until they were at work to comment on Max making it home in one piece. Max, however, was not amused. "Very funny," she spat, less than glad her friend could make light of such a serious condition. "I just got to get through the next 24 hours. And, of course, today had to be the one-year anniversary of the night Logan and I met. And, of course, he had to remember. And, of course, he wants to have dinner."
Cindy raised a brow, "Think you can make it through without jumping his bones?"
Max rolled her eyes and began searching for something to deliver, "I don't even want to think about that. I just need to focus on the task at hand and the task at hand is delivering packages." Max grabbed a package and booked for the front, only to bump into Rafer. Again. She felt her hormones rage as he spoke her name and she dropped the package, running for the back office as she bellowed, "Normal! I need to take a personal day!"
However, Type A asshole boss man was standing in the office in a wifebeater. Before she knew what she was doing, Max had thrown Normal against a wall and was trying to kiss him, hard. Had she been of better mind, she would have killed herself for even thinking such a thing. The problem was, she *wasn't* of a better mind. That's why she had tried to lock herself in a closet.
Cindy must have followed her, because the most original one came barging into the office and clocked Max, hard, right across the face, sending her best friend sprawling onto the floor and leaving Normal so dazed and confused he told Max to take a week off. Cindy had dragged Max home and thrown her underneath the cold shower head, refusing to let Max come out until she had cooled off. An hour and a half later, Max had come out, blue skin and all, and dressed, her legs twitching with all the pent up energy inside her.
The game had been a bad idea. Hung. Prick. And the word Original Cindy refused to say. In spite of her heat, Max felt terrible when she realized she had to cancel with Logan. She wanted more than anything to go over and celebrate their anniversary. He had been so sweet to remember and to make such a big deal out of it; especially after all she had been through lately. With trembling hands and racing breath, Max picked up the phone and dialed Logan's number. Her breath caught her in throat when she heard his voice.
"Hello?"
"Logan, it's me," Max said, wanting to get this over with as soon as she could.
"Hey," he said. She could practically hear the smile in his voice and a pained expression took root on her face as she heard him say, "I'm glad you called. You think you could stop at the market on your way over and pick up some strawberries?"
Strawberries. Her heart stopped. Logan. Strawberries. Chocolate sauce. Dripping, sweet, melted...Goddammit. "Listen, I really hate to do this," Max gulped and noticed her leg had started bouncing. "But I can't make it over tonight."
"Oh."
She could hear the surprise in his voice and felt her resolve wavering. She took a deep breath and hurried to end the conversation. "Something came up."
"Is everything okay?" he asked, the concern in his voice so genuine. Max's heart began to break, realizing how much her canceling would hurt him.
"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" she asked, hoping they would still be friends in the morning, hoping she could make it through twelve more hours without doing something she would regret.
"Max," Logan began.
'Oh god,' Max thought. She knew that if she let him continue the sentence, he would convince her to come over, or he would come over there; both scenarios would be disastrous. "I'll call you," she said quickly and hung up, panting. She tried her best not to think of what she had just done to Logan. It was for his own good. She'd explain it to him when she was better, or at least make up something comparable to smooth things over.
Logan frowned and looked at the phone for a long time after Max hung up. He sighed sadly and placed it on the table. Slowly, with determined steps, he walked around the dining table. He sat down at the table and put out the candle with his thumb and forefinger, ignoring the pain that went through them as they met the flame. Logan sat at the table for a long time, running scenarios around in his head as to why Max might have bailed. He wondered if Lydecker was on her tail. If she had fled and not told him. If Zach had showed up and tried to convince her to leave. If she had freaked and decided, celebrating an anniversary was taking their relationship too fast. He wondered if he shouldn't have mentioned it at all. But he had so wanted to do something for her to cheer her up. He couldn't stand to see her sad.
Logan sat at the table for along time. Eventually, he walked toward the office, where he had stashed his chair, and sat in it, reaching behind himself to disconnect the servos. He needed to feel numb. Sadly, fighting back tears and hurt, Logan rolled toward the large bay window and stared out at the broken city, under the cover of night, wondering what had made his angel take wing.
Max had thought going for a ride on her baby would be a good idea. It would clear her head, release some of her energy, and wear her out. She couldn't sleep. She needed to be worn out, and if she wouldn't give into her urges, then she needed to tire herself out somehow. What Max hadn't counted on, however, was running into Rafer. Again. Because the third time was, sadly, the charm. Her animal instincts took over and before she knew it, they were in his hallway, tearing each other's clothes off. It was frantic, violent, needed, rough, and a release. However, it hadn't at all cured Max. It had given her a completely new set of problems. Where the yearning and desire had once been, grief and remorse replaced it.
Disappointed in herself, Max dragged herself home and tiptoed past Cindy's room. Once Max was in the shower, she knew it would be okay to cry. She cried in the shower a lot. There, no one could see her. In the shower, no one knew she was frail, she hurt, she feared, she wept. She wept until she no longer had tears to cry. The cold water washed them away and down the drain where no one would ever see them, where no one would ever know Max the Brave had wept. Zach and Lydecker would be so disappointed. Miserably, Max got out of the shower, not noticing her chapped skin. She hadn't felt the icy water-she was too numb.
Dressing in pajamas, Max sat on the couch and stared into the darkness, surprised when she found herself still weeping. She wept all night until she dozed off into a fitful slumber. Original Cindy woke her in the morning. The woman took one look at her swollen eyed friend and knew what had happened. Without saying a word, she left to get a box of tissues for Max. Upon returning, however, she decided to give her special, Original Cindy brand of wisdom.
"Aiight, Original Cindy is going to break it down for you, boo. You can sing the blues all you want to about how what you did was wrong and bad and now you feel cheap and empty. But that's just a bunch of BS. The truth is you love Logan." Her tone was pointed and caught Max off guard. Max looked in shock at her friend, but Original Cindy was not daunted. She gave Max a no nonsense look, not wanting to hear another round of denial.
"Look, we're not even like that." Max took a sad breath and stared at the floor, "The fact is, we'd both be better off if we never even met." The words felt like lead on her chest, lead that had been there for nearly a year.
Cindy scoffed, "Yeah, right."
Then, Max made the admission she'd been keeping inside her for months, "He has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair on account of me." The guilt was painfully overwhelming.
"I didn't see you on TV pulling no trigger," Cindy replied to Max's ludicrous comment.
"No, but I could have protected him, and I didn't. That's on me, 100%. I'm nothing but trouble. I'm poison. The best thing for me to do is keep my distance before I get him killed." It was the truth as Max saw it. She would do anything to keep Logan from getting hurt because of her. She had already done so much to hurt him.
Cindy, on the other hand, as always, would hear none of it, "Well, he doesn't seem to be too worried about that-the way he's always looking at you all dreamy-eyed." She made a silly face hoping it would get Max to smile.
Mac, however, did not notice the humor. She was too wrapped up with guilt. "And what do I do," she asked. "I stand him up on our anniversary and go have sex with a total stranger. That's what I call true love."
Cindy smiled and put her arm around Max's shoulders, "The only reason you ended up with hot boy is because you were running from the reality of the situation. Now, you gonna have to step to the real about you and Logan-sooner or later-or your little head's going to explode." She wondered if Max was really hearing her, or was too busy wallowing in guilt and self-pity. One thing Original Cindy hated was a pity party. "But what do I know? I'm just a big 'ol lesbo."
Max chuckled in spite of herself and took Cindy's offered tissue. She let Cindy hold her while she finished crying. The weeping tired her out and Cindy managed to convince her to get some sleep. The heat was gone and all Max felt was drained. She slept all day, taking full advantage of her personal days. After she slept, she ate the food Cindy had left her. When it grew dark, Max knew what she had to do. She had to go face Logan. She owed it to herself, and to him. He deserved the truth. All of it. No more hiding.
Logan was not expecting Max to break into his apartment, especially not after she had bailed the previous night. But the tell tale swish of a rappelling line through his skylight was enough warning for Logan to get himself into the chair and roll out. Smiling in spite of himself, just glad she was there, Logan commented, "I think you got your nights mixed up." She stepped out from the shadows with a smile on her face. Logan looked into her eyes and saw they were clouded. Whatever had been bugging her the past couple days was still eating at her.
"First time I broke in here, it was about midnight so, way I figure, it's still our anniversary," Max replied.
Logan smiled, hoping to comfort her whatever way he could. "Well, in that case I've still got a bottle of cheap champagne in my fridge." He watched as she forced herself to grin. Not mentioning it, Logan wheeled into the kitchen to get the wine while Max lit some candles and turned on the music. When he returned to the living room with the drinks and glasses, Max was sitting rigidly on the couch. Logan quietly poured them each a glass and handed her one. He noticed she jerked a little as he brushed her skin. He was going to let her begin. He wasn't going to push her. He didn't want her to break or bolt. She was there with him. That was all he cared about.
"So, about last night," she began.
"No big deal," he replied, half deflecting, half trying to make her feel better about bailing on their anniversary dinner.
"I owe you an explanation," she insisted, taking a deep breath and a swig of the wine. "See, I go through these phases."
Okay, of all the things Logan had been expecting, that certainly wasn't one of them. "Phases?" he asked, genuinely confused.
"'Cause of my feline DNA," she went on, obviously hoping he would get the hint. The look of pain and embarrassment that ran across hr face when he still did not comprehend was unmistakable. "Oh God, Mac said, laughing self consciously. This something I so don't want to talk about. You know, cats? Mating cycles?" The expression in her eyes practically said KILL ME NOW.
Finally, Logan understood. In complete and utter shock, he said, "Oh... cycles." He took a sip of his wine. "Really?" He gulped the wine. "So, you go into...wow." Logan Cale, ever the wordsmith. Way to make her feel less self-conscious. If ever there had been a time when Logan was less suave and debonair, this was it. Max was visibly uncomfortable.
"So, that's why I decided not to come over because, well, because," Max began. She was at a loss for words, due to serious embarrassment. Logan could tell she would have died rather than tell him about her heat cycles.
"Well," he said, hoping and trying desperately to make her feel better. "I'm glad you're here, and let's just forget about it." He raised his glass in a toast, smiling when he heard their flutes clink. He watched as Max took a sip of her champagne.
"Yeah," she said mirthlessly. "Let's." Her dark eyes were still cloudy and full of remorse. He was not helping her feel better.
Logan set down his glass, "Max, it really is okay." He wished she could believe him. Now he knew what was wrong and he totally understood why she'd freaked. He was glad, actually, she hadn't come over. He would have had such performance anxiety if she had tried to mate with him. Having sex with a woman who was genetically engineered, primed, and ready was a rather daunting thought.
"No, it's not," Max said, the misery in her voice so palpable it broke Logan's heart. "I hate it. I hate that this happens to me. I hate what it does to me, the things it makes me do." Her tone was somber as she rose from the couch in anger and self-derision.
Logan tried to be nice, polite, struggling to calm her, "All you did was miss dinner, right?" When Max didn't answer right away, Logan's heart nearly stopped. He hoped to God he was jumping to conclusions. He waited for Max to prove him wrong.
Her voice was so full of pain, and horror at what she had done, it was hard for Logan to be angry with Max. However, the initial shock of registering what she had done did not dissipate as she said, "I should have stayed home and gone to sleep, but I didn't I went out for a ride to clear my head and get some fresh air. I ran into this guy." Max knew she was sounding as though as was making excuses. She tried desperately to explain to him. "It was a mistake. It wasn't me." She turned away form him so she didn't have to see the look of disgust on his face. Tears choked her as she continued, "It's just something Manticore tricked up inside of me that I can't control. Makes me feel... like no matter what I do or how far I run I can never get away from them." Max turned back to him briefly, "Never." Then she turned back to the windows, weeping for the second time in one day.
Logan was so touched by Max's heartbreak, so moved by her display of emotion, vulnerability, and outright sorrow for her actions, that any hurt feelings or bitter thoughts vanished like a fleeting morning mist. Taking a deep breath, Logan rose from his chair and, although a bit unsteadily, walked toward her. Leaving the chair felt liberating, as though he was leaving behind his own feelings of betrayal, and all his old hang-ups. She was turned away from him and did not see his reflection in the rain-covered window. When she sensed his presence, Max whirled around and stared up at Logan, her mouth agape, the shock registering on her lovely features.
He smiled at her. The moment was everything he had imagined, and so much more. "It's all right," he murmured. She looked down at his legs and he explained, "Courtesy our crazy friend Phil."
It seemed as though Max had briefly lost her powers of speech. When she found them again, she managed to ask, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Logan tried not to make her feel worse, "I wanted it to be a surprise for last night, an anniversary gift."
She realized how much the previous night had meant to him and her face fell. "I'm sorry," she said brokenly.
He stepped closer to her, their faces mere inches apart. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he told her earnestly. "Or ashamed of. I know who you are." Logan could see the need to believe his words in Max's eyes. He took a breath and leaned in to kiss her, to seal his words and make his promise. Then, he felt a jolt go through his system that had nothing to do with Max and he fell to the floor, his legs twitching uncontrollably.
Max gasped when he fell and shot her hand out, grabbing one of his and cushioning his fall. "Dammit!" Logan cried angrily, frantically trying to get the servos from malfunctioning. Two seconds ago he had been upright and now his damnable body had failed him again. He hated Max seeing him weakened. Part of him was afraid it would turn her away.
"It's okay," Max said, her the expression on her face one of sympathy. She knew Logan was feeling humiliated and emasculated. She wished she could not make him feel that way.
Logan looked up at her, reaching behind his back, "Sorry, let me just..." He switched off the exoskeleton and his legs were once again dead and numb. Defeated, Logan peered up at Max, praying he wouldn't see her face marred by pity. "I'm sorry."
"Logan," Max said firmly, crouching and grabbing his hands. "You've got nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It's never been about you being able to walk." She flashed him a prize-winning smile, "Not for me."
All Logan's feelings of anger and self pity went flying out the window as he saw the total acceptance and unconditional love in her eyes. She wanted to be with him, chair or no chair. That meant more to him than he could express. Looking at their situation, sitting on the floor, wallowing in their own self-pity and trying to drag the other out of theirs, Logan couldn't help but laugh. "Will you look at us?" he chuckled.
"Pathetic," Max agreed, joining him in the chuckle.
"Hopeless," he added.
She grinned and shot him a devilish glance, "Lucky we hooked up."
Logan nodded. "Happy anniversary," he murmured, leaning in to kiss Max's cheek. His lips found purchase on her soft skin. It was meant to be a friendship kiss, at least in theory, but his lips lingered, refusing to leave. He drew back slowly, their mouths merely a breath apart. He saw a look of tenderness and desire in her eyes as she smiled slightly and closed the distance between them. They kissed each other tentatively at first, sweetly, cautiously. As the kiss began to deepen, Logan pulled back reluctantly. He saw the hurt and confusion in Max's eyes and quietly said, "Maybe, uh... maybe we should wait. You know, until you're yourself again."
Max smiled gently, "This isn't Manticore." She took his face in her delicate hands, "This is me." She kissed him, her lips soft and yielding. Their rush of passion and emotion resumed, a year's worth of wanting, desire, and need poured into that kiss. They were not going to deny themselves any longer. They had come too far, gone through too much. This moment was too perfect. Logan wanted to shout for joy, but refrained because he knew that would interrupt the kiss.
Then, their kiss was interrupted by the human cold shower. Zach clomped into the room and stated irritatedly, "Looks like I caught you at a bad time."
Max pulled away from Logan, startled by Zach's voice. Logan rolled his eyes and sighed, wondering if Zach had the place bugged. How did he always know the worst moments to show up?
Zach continued, sounding even more highly irritated, "You want to go save Tinga or has something more urgent come up?"
Logan frowned and looked at Max. His beloved was glancing hastily back and forth between himself and her brother. Knowing now was not the time for him to play the jealous boyfriend, Logan nodded imperceptively, knowing Max would notice it. Without a word to Zach, Logan and Max moved as a unit. She helped him off the floor and edged him back towards the chair. He unset the lock and squeezed her hand before they headed for the office, brushing past Zach and leaving the irritated X-5 C.O to follow them.
In the office, Max tried not to be angry with Zach, even if her brother had interrupted her perfect moment with Logan. Zach was right. They had to save Tinga. Tonight apparently. She knew Logan would understand. He knew her so well. That was why she wasn't surprised when he said, "I want to help." He stopped caressing her leg, as he had been doing so comfortingly during Zach's entire exposition of the plan, and wheeled over to a drawer, from which he removed two earwigs. He placed one gently in her hand and murmured, "We can stay in touch on comms."
They exchanged looks of silent understanding and acceptance. "This will wait, right?" Max asked, hopefully.
Logan smiled reassuringly and nodded, "We have all the time in the world." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips. Wordlessly, Max squeezed his hand and left. If she stayed any longer, she would lose her resolve. She needed to be a total soldier now. Max the girl in love had to be put on the back burner. But it was reassuring to know Logan was going to be with her every step of the way. Hearing his voice in her ear brought her a comfort and a strength she hadn't previously had in battle. 'Maybe we shouldda hooked up a long time ago,' Max thought to herself.
"Logan, you there?" Those three words held more questions and more relief than Zach could have possibly known. Max's voice, although calm, steady, and businesslike, was not only asking if Logan had her back just on the mission. The thoughts of what "there" implied flashed through Max's mind as she and Zach crept down the tunnel near the silo. She wondered if Logan thought of all the implications of such a small word when he replied,
"Yeah."
She tried to keep her mind in the game, on her sister, focusing her attention the way good ole Deck had taught her to. Every time Logan's voice sounded in her ear, she used it as a strength, not as a distractor. She knew Zach would tell her to just drown it out-to Zach, Logan was just tactical. Well, to Zach, Logan was probably many other things that Max would have to kick her brother's ass about later.
Taking out the guards inside was no problem. They never even saw her coming. A few kicks and punches and they were down for the count. Max could have taken the lab tech out in her sleep. Apparently, Manticore only trained their soldiers how to fight. After seeing the pitiful display by the man arming the controls, Max almost wished Manticore taught everyone a little fighting 101; it had been too easy.
All thoughts of easiness escaped Max's mind the minute she saw Tinga, floating, suspended, dead, and disfigured, preserved but still recognizable inside the glass case. Her eyes were closed and her hair was floating around her so that she looked almost like an angel. But she had tubes coming out of her breasts, pelvis, and neck. Her veins showed through her blue skin, many of them broken and collapsed. Max knew she was dead before she even broke the glass case. Purely on instinct, and in an act of rage, Max picked up the chair and hurled it at the glass, allowing all the water to rush out. Tinga's body tumbled out and Max caught her sister, cradling her gently in her arms.
She was so overwhelmed with grief that she never heard Logan's warnings about the approaching military convoy. She barely registered hearing Zach say he had been hit or Logan ordering him to retreat. As Max rocked Tinga, weeping and crying out her name, she kept hearing Logan call her name, ask if she was okay, begging her to talk to him, but he sounded so far away. Where was he? Why didn't he come get her? Why didn't he come swooping in, or driving up, firing away so she and Tinga could escape? Where was he? Why did she keep hearing him?
Max shut down and wept as she rocked her sister, begging for forgiveness.
Logan's eyes had nearly fallen out of his head when he saw the cloud cover break. There was a full military convoy surrounding the silo. His frustration about the clouds was quickly replaced by derision and anguish, wishing he had seen the military sooner.
"Max, Zack. Full military convoy," he warned, sitting straight up in his chair and looking wildly at the screen.
"I'm hit," came Zach's reply.
"Get out of there," Logan said, wondering why Max hadn't reported. If she was in danger or had been captured, no one could help her. Zach was wounded and retreating. Logan was in the penthouse staring blankly at a screen. She was on her own.
"Max? Max, pull out," Logan said forcefully as he watched more Hummers pull up to the Silo. His heart began to race when he again did not get a reply from Max. "Max, you got to go," Logan stressed as he watched the little spots he believed to be people entering the silo. Again, Max did not reply. Logan licked his lips and swallowed hard, resting his face on his hand, staring helplessly at the screen.
Suddenly, Logan heard Max grunting, as though she was trying to throw some three hundred pound guy off the top of a building. Then he heard the sound of breaking glass and rushing water. "Max," Logan said, alarmed. "Are you okay?" Why wouldn't she talk to him? What was going on?
Then, into his headset, he heard he beloved cry, "Tinga, no!"
At this, Logan sat even straighter, his heart pounding, his mouth dry. What had Max found? What had happened to Tinga? "Max," he whispered into the headset. "Talk to me."
Sadly, the only response Logan heard was, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
What was going on? "Max?" Logan asked, praying she would answer him, let him know she was okay, tell him what was going on. As he stared at the screen, watching another cloud cover roll in, Logan felt a greater sense of helplessness than he'd ever known. He was truly paralyzed now. There was nothing he could do to help Max.
Nothing.
Author's note 2: What did you all think of "Meow"? I liked it, even if I *had* read the script beforehand. It gave me lots of good shippery stuff either way.
Author's note 3: As always, the characters are not mine (wish they were); they belong to Eglee and Titanic Boy. The title comes from a song by Eve 6, called "Here's to the Night." Thanks to my amazing beta-boos, Callie and Evil Twin! You girls rock!
Logan Cale felt a little bit like MacGuyver. Trying to make the exoskeleton work again was like trying to make a nuclear bomb out of soap on a rope and a baby key ring. He had managed to swing the money, but had not taken into account the delivery time. He wanted to be up and mobile ASAP. With Manticore pulling tricks left and right, he knew Max was potentially going to have to run again. This time, however, he was damned if he wasn't going to run with her.
The problem was, Logan didn't want Max to be in the know, so to speak. He wanted to surprise her. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw he was ambulatory again. He couldn't wait to smile and look down at her, take her face in his hands and bring her mouth softly to his own, to wrap his arms around her and... needless to say, Logan had been dreaming about this. Nevertheless, at the same time, as full of anticipation as he was, he was scared. Scared of the implications the exoskeleton would bring. He and Max had been dancing around their mutual attraction for so long, but they had been just that-dancing. Not willing to own up to it. What if Max still wasn't ready? What if she freaked out? What if-?
"Knock knock!" Max interrupted Logan's thoughts and his conversation with Sebastian.
Logan's eyes darted in the direction from which his angel's voice had come, and he heard Sebastian good naturedly suggest, "Could use your in house cat burglar." Just as Peter had, Sebastian had teased Logan about his initial search for Max. Had Logan been looking for his intruder and not for a new girlfriend? Who knew? Nevertheless, he had found an amazing woman whom he would love to be his girlfriend and so much more. All they had to do was face their fears and get Logan up and walking.
"Logan?" Max called, having not gotten a response.
"She's not in the loop on this little project and I want to keep it that way," Logan told his friend as he began to hurriedly cover the exo, in the event Max got impatient waiting for him and came in search of him.
"I get it," Seb said knowingly. "You want to make a grand entrance."
"Something like that," Logan replied, frowning a bit when he heard Max move away from the office and head towards the kitchen. 'She must be famished,' he thought.
"No reason for her to know what the chip's for," Sebastian said conspiratorially.
"Sneaky," Logan commented. "I like it. Gotta go." He disconnected and rolled out to meet Max, taking a final glance to make sure the hidden project was secure. Sure enough, Logan found Max near the kitchen, waiting for him and stalking around like a caged animal. 'She must have had a bad day,' he thought.
"What happened to that great Chinese urn," Max asked as she headed for the kitchen at great haste, with Logan at her heels, trying to keep up with her. "Don't tell me you sold it." Normally, she would have sounded chastising, and maybe even pissed, but tonight, the comment came out more as a statement.
"Wouldn't rule it out," he replied half earnestly, half seriously, watching her position herself on the breakfast bar, paying attention to him, but looking distracted at the same time. She attacked his fridge and he took the opportunity to rope her into stealing the evil, Peirpont Lempkin, Star Wars chip. He couldn't actually believe she bought it. To punctuate his "truth", Logan said, "I need you to do this for me."
Max shot him one of her "Whatever" looks and began unexpectedly peeling off her clothes. Logan's eyes widened in surprise, as he tried to think good, non-Max and sins of the flesh related thoughts, when the Chimera commented, "Boy it's hot in here."
Logan frowned, since he felt comfortable, and asked, "So, you'll do it?"
"Whatever," she said, reinforcing her look.
"On another matter," he began, but was cut off as thought Max hadn't even heard him.
"I think I'm coming down with something," Max said, fanning herself and huffing exasperatedly.
"I hope not," he said sincerely. "Cuz, you know, it was a year ago Thursday you broke in here looking to rob me." He smiled mischievously, knowing all that simple larceny had done for them both.
This seemed to pique Max's interest, as she suddenly no longer cared about her possible illness. She perked up and smiled slightly, asking, "Is that right?
"It's sort of like an anniversary," Logan continued, his smile widening as he thought off all that their anniversary could have in store. "I thought we should celebrate."
He watched as Max's eyes clouded over and her posture slumped slightly. "Great," she said sadly. "I could use a little mirth in my life."
He nodded knowingly, "It can't be easy, knowing they have Tinga." He had watched since her sister's abduction as his angel grew sadder every day Tinga was in Manticore's clutches. He wished there was something he could do to help her. Maybe he would be able to once he got the exo working...
"Zach found out they didn't take her back to Manticore," Max said, her voice growing hard with disdain. "Hope he can turn something up on where they've got her." The determination in her voice was palpable.
"Then we'll get her out," Logan said, his voice so full of promise it drew Max's attention. He tried to be upbeat, for her sake, saying, "Thursday night there will be an abundance of mirth." He smiled for her, looking like a mischievous boy, "And maybe even a little surprise."
Max raised a brow, her intrigue truly piqued, "What?"
"Then it wouldn't be a surprise," Logan replied, smiling with anticipation as he thought of the possibilities a working exoskeleton. Max smiled back and promised she'd be there Thursday night. She ate some more food and left, wanting to get home and sleep in case she was getting a bug. She didn't want to be ill for their big day.
But unfortunately, Max *was* ill. Kinda. It was worse than a bug. Max was in heat. That horrified her. She knew what her raging feline hormones could make her do against her will. What scared her more is that she'd dreamt of *Logan* during the onset of her heat. Her feline DNA was telling her be with him, to mate with him. It hadn't told her to do that before. What did that mean? The implications scared Max. She and Logan had been dancing around their mutual attraction for a long time; too long. Now that she was in heat, Max was afraid she might do something she would regret, something she, *they*, weren't ready for.
It was pretty humiliating telling Cindy about her "condition." First of all, putting a voice and words to it made the heat even more real. Which might have been why Max gave Cindy permission to clock her if the feline DNA got too out of hand. Max had to interact with men all day. How was she going to avoid jumping them-any of them, all of them? Thankfully, her friend understood and was cooperative, promising to lay the smack down on Max's ass should she get out of hand.
Cindy was right at Jam Pony. Max *was* tripping. She was pacing and stalking like a caged animal. She was sweating, panting, and generally freaking everyone out. Not that she enjoyed it. She wanted to curl up in a ball and die rather than subject everyone to her time of heat. And seeing Cindy "proposition" Sketchy didn't exactly help. Cindy was trying to prove to Max that all she had to do was kick with some random shorty, without any emotional attachment, and she would be aiight. The problem was, Max didn't want to kick it with some random shorty; she wanted to kick it with Logan. But she couldn't. Why didn't Cindy understand?
"Fine, if you don't want to hit it with just anybody, why don't you go be about it with a guy you're into?" Cindy suggested. "Like, Logan."
Max sighed, "That's not how I want it to happen with us and anyway we're not like that." It was a total contradiction that Cindy completely caught, but Max didn't care. She and Logan *weren't* like that, no matter how much she wanted them to be. Especially now. She could picture his face, his stubble, his eyes, his hair, his hands, remember his touch, his smile, and practically melt and get the overwhelming urge to jump him. Which is not what she wanted to do. If she and Logan ever were to hit it, she didn't want it to be frantic, violent, or hormonally charged. She wanted it to be sweet and slow, tender and loving. Not that it would ever happen.
"Stop talking about scratching," Max snapped at Cindy. "I wanna beat this bitch. You got my back?" She felt as though she was asking Original Cindy to baby-sit her, but effectively, that's what she was doing. She *couldn't* be allowed to lose control. She'd never forgive herself.
"Who's your girl?" Cindy asked, right before they ran smack dab into Rafer and all Max's good intentions went out the window. Her hormones surged and her cat genes were telling her to mount him and take him right there. It was a good thing Original Cindy pushed Max out the door and forced her to work.
By the time Max got home, she most definitely needed a cold shower. She had been horny as hell all day and Original Cindy had fought an uphill battle to keep Max from banging the gong with every John who crossed their path. When they got home, she was relived her boo hit the showers so she could get some downtime. Of course, when Max came out and started doing push ups, Original Cindy rolled her eyes. "I'm not even gawnna ask."
Max sighed and sped up her pushups, "Hey, I gotta sit in the same car with Logan tonight."
Cindy frowned, "Is that wise? You keep saying you don't want anything to happen between you two."
Max again sped up the pushups, "No choice. We gotta run this... errand." Original Cindy didn't need to know they were breaking into a nuclear power plant to steal stealth technology.
"He got the 411 on what's up with you?"
Max groaned and jumped to her feet, thinking that Cindy should change her name from Original Cindy to Overly and Annoyingly Curious Cindy. "Are you kidding? He's the last person in the world I'd want to know." The more she and Cindy talked about Logan, the more Max had a hard time denying her attraction to him. When she wasn't in heat, she could ignore it; say it was a "phony sentimentality." However, when she was in heat, all bets were off. There was no denying, she wanted Logan, *bad.*
Then, making matters worse, as if he knew he was being talked about, Logan showed up at Max's door.
He thought it was strange the way Cindy was forcefully blocking Max with her body, which might have been why he didn't ask any questions when Cindy told him to wait downstairs. He could have sworn as he rolled down the hall he heard Original Cindy tell Max to drop and give her twenty. Maybe Max had a bad day at work and needed to work off some steam.
Speaking of steam, Logan had no idea why the car was so fogged up. He hadn't thought it was humid. Damp and cold, as Seattle always was, but he hadn't noticed a heat in the air. "What's up with the windows?" He wiped the condensation off with his sleeve and looked over at Max. He observed she was sitting on her hands and looking a bit frantic. Maybe, if he didn't know her better, he would say Max was nervous. But Max never got nervous. So why was she sitting on her hands and biting her lip? Logan had to look away so he wasn't turned on by the sight of her biting her lip.
"I don't know," she said quickly. "Why are you asking me?"
Logan raised a brow, "I'm just saying. Must be humid tonight."
"Must be," she replied, distracted.
Logan shook his head, wondering to himself if Max had PMS. He chose, however, not to give voice to his thoughts, knowing he'd probably get a black eye because of it. He checked his watch and remarked, "The guards must have changed shifts by now." He squinted trough the fog and asked, "Can you make anything out by the gate?" Logan looked at Max and noticed she was staring at him strangely. What was up with this girl? He hoped she hadn't come down with something. And if she had, he wished she had told him. As much as he wanted the chip, he didn't want her risking her life by being too ill to do the job.
"What?" Max asked, her voice sounding rough and slightly strangled or choked.
"Can you make anything out past the gate?" he asked again, peering through the window.
No," Max said quickly, her eyes widening. "Not a thing."
Logan sighed and turned to face her, "You okay?"
"Fine," she replied, not very convincingly. "Why?"
'Oh, because you're acting extremely strangely, like you want to jump from the Space Needle, and I was just concerned.' Logan thought, but opted, in deference to his life, not to say. Instead, he replied, "Just checking." He began patting his pocket for his phone. When he couldn't find it, he began searching the car. He reached into the glove compartment, trying to ignore the chills he got as his arm brushed Max's leg. The next thing he knew, Max muttered something about getting it over with, and bolted from the car. "But the guards haven't-!" Logan managed to get out before the door slammed in his face.
He sighed and sat back, tapping his fingers idylly on the steering wheel. They beat out random rhythms as Logan tried not to get antsy himself. He hated not being able to know what Max was going through every time she did a job. He wondered why he hadn't given her one of the spare earwigs a while ago. Maybe it was because he had figured she'd be offended, think he was trying to coddle her, and bounce right out of his life. He knew how strong and independent Max was. But he couldn't help but wish he could do more for her. Do more to protect her. He didn't want her to go through what had happened to Tinga. That was why he needed the exo working. He needed to be able to take Max away or run with her, in the even Lydecker closed in on them.
Suddenly, Logan heard alarms go off and felt his heart leap into his throat. Max had obviously gotten in. The question was, had she gotten the chip? Had she been caught? Had she gotten hurt? Another reason he hated sending her out was that he knew he was putting her in danger every time. If she came back with so much as a scratch, a bruise, or a paper cut, Logan felt extremely guilt. Luckily, this time, all Max did was come back wet. She climbed into his car, dripping wet, and slammed the door shut.
"You get it?" he asked.
"No," she said snidely. "I just won a wet T-shirt contest." Luckily, she didn't notice the flash that went across Logan's features as the image of her in a wet T-shirt flashed across his mind. "Course I got it," she continued, reaching inside her cat suit and retrieving the pouch with the chip.
He took it from her, an amazed look on his face. He couldn't believe that she'd gotten it. Not could he believe that she managed to hide anything in that skintight suit. A smile spread across his face as his eyes fell across the chip that would change his life.
"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, seeing his expression. "We foiled Peirpont Lempkin's evil plan and saved the world. Now can we get outta here?"
Logan snapped out of it and hastily put the car in gear, noticing that the sirens hadn't stopped and the shouts were getting closer. Still smiling, keeping the chip in his pocket, Logan peeled out, and tried not to think to intently on how close he was to being up and walking, and how close he was to Max, who was sopping wet, and slightly panting.
It was all Max could do as well to forget how close she was to Logan as she was panting and sopping wet. When he dropped her off at her crib, she hastily clambered out of the newly restored Aztec, which he had commissioned before Cale Industries went bottom up thanks to a phantom cyber journalist, and raced inside the building, calling a brief farewell to her confused and slightly distracted male companion. Cindy was asleep when Max got home. The X-5 female had been hoping for some girl talk, but she couldn't bring herself to wake her friend. Instead, Max threw herself on the bed and forced herself to go to sleep.
The next morning, Original Cindy waited until they were at work to comment on Max making it home in one piece. Max, however, was not amused. "Very funny," she spat, less than glad her friend could make light of such a serious condition. "I just got to get through the next 24 hours. And, of course, today had to be the one-year anniversary of the night Logan and I met. And, of course, he had to remember. And, of course, he wants to have dinner."
Cindy raised a brow, "Think you can make it through without jumping his bones?"
Max rolled her eyes and began searching for something to deliver, "I don't even want to think about that. I just need to focus on the task at hand and the task at hand is delivering packages." Max grabbed a package and booked for the front, only to bump into Rafer. Again. She felt her hormones rage as he spoke her name and she dropped the package, running for the back office as she bellowed, "Normal! I need to take a personal day!"
However, Type A asshole boss man was standing in the office in a wifebeater. Before she knew what she was doing, Max had thrown Normal against a wall and was trying to kiss him, hard. Had she been of better mind, she would have killed herself for even thinking such a thing. The problem was, she *wasn't* of a better mind. That's why she had tried to lock herself in a closet.
Cindy must have followed her, because the most original one came barging into the office and clocked Max, hard, right across the face, sending her best friend sprawling onto the floor and leaving Normal so dazed and confused he told Max to take a week off. Cindy had dragged Max home and thrown her underneath the cold shower head, refusing to let Max come out until she had cooled off. An hour and a half later, Max had come out, blue skin and all, and dressed, her legs twitching with all the pent up energy inside her.
The game had been a bad idea. Hung. Prick. And the word Original Cindy refused to say. In spite of her heat, Max felt terrible when she realized she had to cancel with Logan. She wanted more than anything to go over and celebrate their anniversary. He had been so sweet to remember and to make such a big deal out of it; especially after all she had been through lately. With trembling hands and racing breath, Max picked up the phone and dialed Logan's number. Her breath caught her in throat when she heard his voice.
"Hello?"
"Logan, it's me," Max said, wanting to get this over with as soon as she could.
"Hey," he said. She could practically hear the smile in his voice and a pained expression took root on her face as she heard him say, "I'm glad you called. You think you could stop at the market on your way over and pick up some strawberries?"
Strawberries. Her heart stopped. Logan. Strawberries. Chocolate sauce. Dripping, sweet, melted...Goddammit. "Listen, I really hate to do this," Max gulped and noticed her leg had started bouncing. "But I can't make it over tonight."
"Oh."
She could hear the surprise in his voice and felt her resolve wavering. She took a deep breath and hurried to end the conversation. "Something came up."
"Is everything okay?" he asked, the concern in his voice so genuine. Max's heart began to break, realizing how much her canceling would hurt him.
"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" she asked, hoping they would still be friends in the morning, hoping she could make it through twelve more hours without doing something she would regret.
"Max," Logan began.
'Oh god,' Max thought. She knew that if she let him continue the sentence, he would convince her to come over, or he would come over there; both scenarios would be disastrous. "I'll call you," she said quickly and hung up, panting. She tried her best not to think of what she had just done to Logan. It was for his own good. She'd explain it to him when she was better, or at least make up something comparable to smooth things over.
Logan frowned and looked at the phone for a long time after Max hung up. He sighed sadly and placed it on the table. Slowly, with determined steps, he walked around the dining table. He sat down at the table and put out the candle with his thumb and forefinger, ignoring the pain that went through them as they met the flame. Logan sat at the table for a long time, running scenarios around in his head as to why Max might have bailed. He wondered if Lydecker was on her tail. If she had fled and not told him. If Zach had showed up and tried to convince her to leave. If she had freaked and decided, celebrating an anniversary was taking their relationship too fast. He wondered if he shouldn't have mentioned it at all. But he had so wanted to do something for her to cheer her up. He couldn't stand to see her sad.
Logan sat at the table for along time. Eventually, he walked toward the office, where he had stashed his chair, and sat in it, reaching behind himself to disconnect the servos. He needed to feel numb. Sadly, fighting back tears and hurt, Logan rolled toward the large bay window and stared out at the broken city, under the cover of night, wondering what had made his angel take wing.
Max had thought going for a ride on her baby would be a good idea. It would clear her head, release some of her energy, and wear her out. She couldn't sleep. She needed to be worn out, and if she wouldn't give into her urges, then she needed to tire herself out somehow. What Max hadn't counted on, however, was running into Rafer. Again. Because the third time was, sadly, the charm. Her animal instincts took over and before she knew it, they were in his hallway, tearing each other's clothes off. It was frantic, violent, needed, rough, and a release. However, it hadn't at all cured Max. It had given her a completely new set of problems. Where the yearning and desire had once been, grief and remorse replaced it.
Disappointed in herself, Max dragged herself home and tiptoed past Cindy's room. Once Max was in the shower, she knew it would be okay to cry. She cried in the shower a lot. There, no one could see her. In the shower, no one knew she was frail, she hurt, she feared, she wept. She wept until she no longer had tears to cry. The cold water washed them away and down the drain where no one would ever see them, where no one would ever know Max the Brave had wept. Zach and Lydecker would be so disappointed. Miserably, Max got out of the shower, not noticing her chapped skin. She hadn't felt the icy water-she was too numb.
Dressing in pajamas, Max sat on the couch and stared into the darkness, surprised when she found herself still weeping. She wept all night until she dozed off into a fitful slumber. Original Cindy woke her in the morning. The woman took one look at her swollen eyed friend and knew what had happened. Without saying a word, she left to get a box of tissues for Max. Upon returning, however, she decided to give her special, Original Cindy brand of wisdom.
"Aiight, Original Cindy is going to break it down for you, boo. You can sing the blues all you want to about how what you did was wrong and bad and now you feel cheap and empty. But that's just a bunch of BS. The truth is you love Logan." Her tone was pointed and caught Max off guard. Max looked in shock at her friend, but Original Cindy was not daunted. She gave Max a no nonsense look, not wanting to hear another round of denial.
"Look, we're not even like that." Max took a sad breath and stared at the floor, "The fact is, we'd both be better off if we never even met." The words felt like lead on her chest, lead that had been there for nearly a year.
Cindy scoffed, "Yeah, right."
Then, Max made the admission she'd been keeping inside her for months, "He has to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair on account of me." The guilt was painfully overwhelming.
"I didn't see you on TV pulling no trigger," Cindy replied to Max's ludicrous comment.
"No, but I could have protected him, and I didn't. That's on me, 100%. I'm nothing but trouble. I'm poison. The best thing for me to do is keep my distance before I get him killed." It was the truth as Max saw it. She would do anything to keep Logan from getting hurt because of her. She had already done so much to hurt him.
Cindy, on the other hand, as always, would hear none of it, "Well, he doesn't seem to be too worried about that-the way he's always looking at you all dreamy-eyed." She made a silly face hoping it would get Max to smile.
Mac, however, did not notice the humor. She was too wrapped up with guilt. "And what do I do," she asked. "I stand him up on our anniversary and go have sex with a total stranger. That's what I call true love."
Cindy smiled and put her arm around Max's shoulders, "The only reason you ended up with hot boy is because you were running from the reality of the situation. Now, you gonna have to step to the real about you and Logan-sooner or later-or your little head's going to explode." She wondered if Max was really hearing her, or was too busy wallowing in guilt and self-pity. One thing Original Cindy hated was a pity party. "But what do I know? I'm just a big 'ol lesbo."
Max chuckled in spite of herself and took Cindy's offered tissue. She let Cindy hold her while she finished crying. The weeping tired her out and Cindy managed to convince her to get some sleep. The heat was gone and all Max felt was drained. She slept all day, taking full advantage of her personal days. After she slept, she ate the food Cindy had left her. When it grew dark, Max knew what she had to do. She had to go face Logan. She owed it to herself, and to him. He deserved the truth. All of it. No more hiding.
Logan was not expecting Max to break into his apartment, especially not after she had bailed the previous night. But the tell tale swish of a rappelling line through his skylight was enough warning for Logan to get himself into the chair and roll out. Smiling in spite of himself, just glad she was there, Logan commented, "I think you got your nights mixed up." She stepped out from the shadows with a smile on her face. Logan looked into her eyes and saw they were clouded. Whatever had been bugging her the past couple days was still eating at her.
"First time I broke in here, it was about midnight so, way I figure, it's still our anniversary," Max replied.
Logan smiled, hoping to comfort her whatever way he could. "Well, in that case I've still got a bottle of cheap champagne in my fridge." He watched as she forced herself to grin. Not mentioning it, Logan wheeled into the kitchen to get the wine while Max lit some candles and turned on the music. When he returned to the living room with the drinks and glasses, Max was sitting rigidly on the couch. Logan quietly poured them each a glass and handed her one. He noticed she jerked a little as he brushed her skin. He was going to let her begin. He wasn't going to push her. He didn't want her to break or bolt. She was there with him. That was all he cared about.
"So, about last night," she began.
"No big deal," he replied, half deflecting, half trying to make her feel better about bailing on their anniversary dinner.
"I owe you an explanation," she insisted, taking a deep breath and a swig of the wine. "See, I go through these phases."
Okay, of all the things Logan had been expecting, that certainly wasn't one of them. "Phases?" he asked, genuinely confused.
"'Cause of my feline DNA," she went on, obviously hoping he would get the hint. The look of pain and embarrassment that ran across hr face when he still did not comprehend was unmistakable. "Oh God, Mac said, laughing self consciously. This something I so don't want to talk about. You know, cats? Mating cycles?" The expression in her eyes practically said KILL ME NOW.
Finally, Logan understood. In complete and utter shock, he said, "Oh... cycles." He took a sip of his wine. "Really?" He gulped the wine. "So, you go into...wow." Logan Cale, ever the wordsmith. Way to make her feel less self-conscious. If ever there had been a time when Logan was less suave and debonair, this was it. Max was visibly uncomfortable.
"So, that's why I decided not to come over because, well, because," Max began. She was at a loss for words, due to serious embarrassment. Logan could tell she would have died rather than tell him about her heat cycles.
"Well," he said, hoping and trying desperately to make her feel better. "I'm glad you're here, and let's just forget about it." He raised his glass in a toast, smiling when he heard their flutes clink. He watched as Max took a sip of her champagne.
"Yeah," she said mirthlessly. "Let's." Her dark eyes were still cloudy and full of remorse. He was not helping her feel better.
Logan set down his glass, "Max, it really is okay." He wished she could believe him. Now he knew what was wrong and he totally understood why she'd freaked. He was glad, actually, she hadn't come over. He would have had such performance anxiety if she had tried to mate with him. Having sex with a woman who was genetically engineered, primed, and ready was a rather daunting thought.
"No, it's not," Max said, the misery in her voice so palpable it broke Logan's heart. "I hate it. I hate that this happens to me. I hate what it does to me, the things it makes me do." Her tone was somber as she rose from the couch in anger and self-derision.
Logan tried to be nice, polite, struggling to calm her, "All you did was miss dinner, right?" When Max didn't answer right away, Logan's heart nearly stopped. He hoped to God he was jumping to conclusions. He waited for Max to prove him wrong.
Her voice was so full of pain, and horror at what she had done, it was hard for Logan to be angry with Max. However, the initial shock of registering what she had done did not dissipate as she said, "I should have stayed home and gone to sleep, but I didn't I went out for a ride to clear my head and get some fresh air. I ran into this guy." Max knew she was sounding as though as was making excuses. She tried desperately to explain to him. "It was a mistake. It wasn't me." She turned away form him so she didn't have to see the look of disgust on his face. Tears choked her as she continued, "It's just something Manticore tricked up inside of me that I can't control. Makes me feel... like no matter what I do or how far I run I can never get away from them." Max turned back to him briefly, "Never." Then she turned back to the windows, weeping for the second time in one day.
Logan was so touched by Max's heartbreak, so moved by her display of emotion, vulnerability, and outright sorrow for her actions, that any hurt feelings or bitter thoughts vanished like a fleeting morning mist. Taking a deep breath, Logan rose from his chair and, although a bit unsteadily, walked toward her. Leaving the chair felt liberating, as though he was leaving behind his own feelings of betrayal, and all his old hang-ups. She was turned away from him and did not see his reflection in the rain-covered window. When she sensed his presence, Max whirled around and stared up at Logan, her mouth agape, the shock registering on her lovely features.
He smiled at her. The moment was everything he had imagined, and so much more. "It's all right," he murmured. She looked down at his legs and he explained, "Courtesy our crazy friend Phil."
It seemed as though Max had briefly lost her powers of speech. When she found them again, she managed to ask, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Logan tried not to make her feel worse, "I wanted it to be a surprise for last night, an anniversary gift."
She realized how much the previous night had meant to him and her face fell. "I'm sorry," she said brokenly.
He stepped closer to her, their faces mere inches apart. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he told her earnestly. "Or ashamed of. I know who you are." Logan could see the need to believe his words in Max's eyes. He took a breath and leaned in to kiss her, to seal his words and make his promise. Then, he felt a jolt go through his system that had nothing to do with Max and he fell to the floor, his legs twitching uncontrollably.
Max gasped when he fell and shot her hand out, grabbing one of his and cushioning his fall. "Dammit!" Logan cried angrily, frantically trying to get the servos from malfunctioning. Two seconds ago he had been upright and now his damnable body had failed him again. He hated Max seeing him weakened. Part of him was afraid it would turn her away.
"It's okay," Max said, her the expression on her face one of sympathy. She knew Logan was feeling humiliated and emasculated. She wished she could not make him feel that way.
Logan looked up at her, reaching behind his back, "Sorry, let me just..." He switched off the exoskeleton and his legs were once again dead and numb. Defeated, Logan peered up at Max, praying he wouldn't see her face marred by pity. "I'm sorry."
"Logan," Max said firmly, crouching and grabbing his hands. "You've got nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It's never been about you being able to walk." She flashed him a prize-winning smile, "Not for me."
All Logan's feelings of anger and self pity went flying out the window as he saw the total acceptance and unconditional love in her eyes. She wanted to be with him, chair or no chair. That meant more to him than he could express. Looking at their situation, sitting on the floor, wallowing in their own self-pity and trying to drag the other out of theirs, Logan couldn't help but laugh. "Will you look at us?" he chuckled.
"Pathetic," Max agreed, joining him in the chuckle.
"Hopeless," he added.
She grinned and shot him a devilish glance, "Lucky we hooked up."
Logan nodded. "Happy anniversary," he murmured, leaning in to kiss Max's cheek. His lips found purchase on her soft skin. It was meant to be a friendship kiss, at least in theory, but his lips lingered, refusing to leave. He drew back slowly, their mouths merely a breath apart. He saw a look of tenderness and desire in her eyes as she smiled slightly and closed the distance between them. They kissed each other tentatively at first, sweetly, cautiously. As the kiss began to deepen, Logan pulled back reluctantly. He saw the hurt and confusion in Max's eyes and quietly said, "Maybe, uh... maybe we should wait. You know, until you're yourself again."
Max smiled gently, "This isn't Manticore." She took his face in her delicate hands, "This is me." She kissed him, her lips soft and yielding. Their rush of passion and emotion resumed, a year's worth of wanting, desire, and need poured into that kiss. They were not going to deny themselves any longer. They had come too far, gone through too much. This moment was too perfect. Logan wanted to shout for joy, but refrained because he knew that would interrupt the kiss.
Then, their kiss was interrupted by the human cold shower. Zach clomped into the room and stated irritatedly, "Looks like I caught you at a bad time."
Max pulled away from Logan, startled by Zach's voice. Logan rolled his eyes and sighed, wondering if Zach had the place bugged. How did he always know the worst moments to show up?
Zach continued, sounding even more highly irritated, "You want to go save Tinga or has something more urgent come up?"
Logan frowned and looked at Max. His beloved was glancing hastily back and forth between himself and her brother. Knowing now was not the time for him to play the jealous boyfriend, Logan nodded imperceptively, knowing Max would notice it. Without a word to Zach, Logan and Max moved as a unit. She helped him off the floor and edged him back towards the chair. He unset the lock and squeezed her hand before they headed for the office, brushing past Zach and leaving the irritated X-5 C.O to follow them.
In the office, Max tried not to be angry with Zach, even if her brother had interrupted her perfect moment with Logan. Zach was right. They had to save Tinga. Tonight apparently. She knew Logan would understand. He knew her so well. That was why she wasn't surprised when he said, "I want to help." He stopped caressing her leg, as he had been doing so comfortingly during Zach's entire exposition of the plan, and wheeled over to a drawer, from which he removed two earwigs. He placed one gently in her hand and murmured, "We can stay in touch on comms."
They exchanged looks of silent understanding and acceptance. "This will wait, right?" Max asked, hopefully.
Logan smiled reassuringly and nodded, "We have all the time in the world." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips. Wordlessly, Max squeezed his hand and left. If she stayed any longer, she would lose her resolve. She needed to be a total soldier now. Max the girl in love had to be put on the back burner. But it was reassuring to know Logan was going to be with her every step of the way. Hearing his voice in her ear brought her a comfort and a strength she hadn't previously had in battle. 'Maybe we shouldda hooked up a long time ago,' Max thought to herself.
"Logan, you there?" Those three words held more questions and more relief than Zach could have possibly known. Max's voice, although calm, steady, and businesslike, was not only asking if Logan had her back just on the mission. The thoughts of what "there" implied flashed through Max's mind as she and Zach crept down the tunnel near the silo. She wondered if Logan thought of all the implications of such a small word when he replied,
"Yeah."
She tried to keep her mind in the game, on her sister, focusing her attention the way good ole Deck had taught her to. Every time Logan's voice sounded in her ear, she used it as a strength, not as a distractor. She knew Zach would tell her to just drown it out-to Zach, Logan was just tactical. Well, to Zach, Logan was probably many other things that Max would have to kick her brother's ass about later.
Taking out the guards inside was no problem. They never even saw her coming. A few kicks and punches and they were down for the count. Max could have taken the lab tech out in her sleep. Apparently, Manticore only trained their soldiers how to fight. After seeing the pitiful display by the man arming the controls, Max almost wished Manticore taught everyone a little fighting 101; it had been too easy.
All thoughts of easiness escaped Max's mind the minute she saw Tinga, floating, suspended, dead, and disfigured, preserved but still recognizable inside the glass case. Her eyes were closed and her hair was floating around her so that she looked almost like an angel. But she had tubes coming out of her breasts, pelvis, and neck. Her veins showed through her blue skin, many of them broken and collapsed. Max knew she was dead before she even broke the glass case. Purely on instinct, and in an act of rage, Max picked up the chair and hurled it at the glass, allowing all the water to rush out. Tinga's body tumbled out and Max caught her sister, cradling her gently in her arms.
She was so overwhelmed with grief that she never heard Logan's warnings about the approaching military convoy. She barely registered hearing Zach say he had been hit or Logan ordering him to retreat. As Max rocked Tinga, weeping and crying out her name, she kept hearing Logan call her name, ask if she was okay, begging her to talk to him, but he sounded so far away. Where was he? Why didn't he come get her? Why didn't he come swooping in, or driving up, firing away so she and Tinga could escape? Where was he? Why did she keep hearing him?
Max shut down and wept as she rocked her sister, begging for forgiveness.
Logan's eyes had nearly fallen out of his head when he saw the cloud cover break. There was a full military convoy surrounding the silo. His frustration about the clouds was quickly replaced by derision and anguish, wishing he had seen the military sooner.
"Max, Zack. Full military convoy," he warned, sitting straight up in his chair and looking wildly at the screen.
"I'm hit," came Zach's reply.
"Get out of there," Logan said, wondering why Max hadn't reported. If she was in danger or had been captured, no one could help her. Zach was wounded and retreating. Logan was in the penthouse staring blankly at a screen. She was on her own.
"Max? Max, pull out," Logan said forcefully as he watched more Hummers pull up to the Silo. His heart began to race when he again did not get a reply from Max. "Max, you got to go," Logan stressed as he watched the little spots he believed to be people entering the silo. Again, Max did not reply. Logan licked his lips and swallowed hard, resting his face on his hand, staring helplessly at the screen.
Suddenly, Logan heard Max grunting, as though she was trying to throw some three hundred pound guy off the top of a building. Then he heard the sound of breaking glass and rushing water. "Max," Logan said, alarmed. "Are you okay?" Why wouldn't she talk to him? What was going on?
Then, into his headset, he heard he beloved cry, "Tinga, no!"
At this, Logan sat even straighter, his heart pounding, his mouth dry. What had Max found? What had happened to Tinga? "Max," he whispered into the headset. "Talk to me."
Sadly, the only response Logan heard was, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
What was going on? "Max?" Logan asked, praying she would answer him, let him know she was okay, tell him what was going on. As he stared at the screen, watching another cloud cover roll in, Logan felt a greater sense of helplessness than he'd ever known. He was truly paralyzed now. There was nothing he could do to help Max.
Nothing.
