AUTHOR: Empress Vader
RATING: R
Website: http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html
e-mail: Lady_Vader21@yahoo.com
Summary: Max feels she must return to Seattle after months on the road with Jondy. But homecoming isn't quite what she expected and Max's relationships with Logan and Zack become even more complex. Meanwhile, Original Cindy and Jondy have problems dealing with their feelings for each other.
Disclaimer: Dark Angel belongs to FOX.
Slash warning: This fic contains an intimate relationship between two
women.
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III: Houseguest
Max eventually made it into her room. She thought about leaving Cindy and Jondy alone, but she didn't quite feel like leaving her home. By the morning, she was herself in a way. She thought about seeing Logan again, apologizing for leaving him with so little notice. Then her rational side asked her why she should apologize for protecting herself? She had stayed in Seattle to long for her own good, she could have waited until Lydecker was on her back again, but what would that have achieved? And quite to her surprise, when you took him out of Seattle, Zack was kind of fun to be around. You just had to accept that Zack was Zack. The day before he split, they'd actually had fun. Zack, Jondy, and herself had spent their last moment together on some mountain, tossing rocks like little kids, betting who could throw the farthest. She couldn't remember who won. There was something special and warm to Zack's smile, mostly because it was so rare. And Zack had smiled a few times as they sat together under the stars, talking about Manticore, their siblings, what it was like after the escape, how mixed up they had been at there first introduction to the free world. Zack had just been gone the next morning, he knew they could take care of themselves. She'd actually missed Zack then.
"Hey sis," Jondy said coming into the kitchen, where Max was half eating some kind of wafer.
"Hey," Max replied. "How was last night?"
"Nothing happened last night," Jondy told her.
"Your trying to tell me after months of being apart. . . "
"Max," Jondy said. "This is to weird."
"Believe me, Cindy has never held her tongue just because I don't play in her field."
Jondy laughed. "Whoever thought a couple of trained super assassins would end up here having this conversation?"
Max smiled. "I know it's a crazy question, but do you miss anything about it?" Max asked. "Manticore that is?"
"I miss all of us being together, all of us that are alive that is."
"I think we would have gone crazy without each other."
Jondy frowned. "Some of us did, despite each other."
Max didn't say anything.
"Jace gives me some hope, you know," Jondy said. "That anyone can eventually get out."
"My dreams are your dreams sister," Max said as they shared a hand shake designed in their childhood.
Cindy came out the washroom, primped and cleaned for work.
"You got some suga for your Suga?" Jondy asked her.
"I always got somethin' for you," Cindy replied pulling the other woman close.
Max found herself smiling as the two women shared a deep sensuous kiss. She would have turned away seven months ago, but she was happy for her sister, happy for her best friend. They were two beautiful people who were even more beautiful together. She enjoyed seeing the looked of shared affection between the two women. Hell, someone should be happy.
Cindy turned to her. "Hey Max, you gonna come back to Jam Pony, I know Normal's understaffed."
"No, not right now," Max said. "I got some decisions to make."
"A'ight boo, "Original Cindy said leaving for work.
Jondy watched her walk out the door.
"So it seems like you and Original Cindy are back on track," Max said to her sister.
Jondy just smiled to herself. "We're something, I just don't know what yet."
"I know that feeling," Max replied softly. "Let's go do something,"
Max said getting her keys.
Jondy and Max spent most of the day riding around, visiting some familiar spots, saying hello to friends she hadn't seen in months. They caught a gang of punks harassing some teen agers and put a hurtin' on them.
Somehow, Max found herself passing Logan's building. She looked up at the place and slowed as if she was about to stop. Then just as suddenly hit the gas and burned off down the street. Jondy registered every hidden meaning in this action.
"Hey Max," Jondy yelled looking back. "I got something to do."
"Do it, I catch you at Crash later," Max replied.
The two sisters then rode away from each other.
******************
Jondy got into Logan's place as easily and silently as Max and Zack had. She found Logan in his study preparing for the next EO broadcast. He had a nerve being mad at Max. Max had put her own welfare aside for him a million times. Logan was being a complete asshole and it was hurting Max. Jondy could see it in her eyes.
"BOO!" Jondy said stepping into the EO lab.
Logan looked about ready to jump out of his skin and turned around with a gun in his hand. Then he exhaled and put it down.
"Jondy, I see your back in town too. Shouldn't be surprised. Ever since you showed up, Max has been glued to you."
"Save your bullshit," Jondy said. "Max did what she had to do. Don't lay some half assed guilt trip on me, I told her to stay, mostly because of you. Did you ever care that just working for you exposed her? Or was it only about the success of you stupid ass little empire here?"
"My stupid ass little empire has saved a life or two, including your sisters," Logan shot back.
"My sister's life wouldn't have been in danger if it wasn't for you. She was doing just fine before she met you."
"Good, then I'm sure she'll continue doing well," Logan told her. "Now no offense Jondy, but I've had my fill of Manticore and it's problem children. I mean, how much concern for others can I expect from something trained to kill?"
'Thing?' Jondy thought. The word made her snap. She lashed out before her brain processed the action and smacked Logan across the face knocking him in the floor. A deep scratch was left across his face.
"Count your blessings. If I was my brother, you might have loss the use of your legs again or worse."
And before Logan got a chance to blink, Jondy was gone.
Jondy was on edge for the rest of the day and by the time she caught up with Original Cindy at Crash, she was still fuming. She was glad Max hadn't arrived yet.
"I can't believe that bastard," Jondy said.
"I feel you Suga, but you need to calm down."
"I just want to ---"
"I don't think he meant it the way it came out," Original Cindy told her.
"He called us THINGS, THINGS trained to kill." Jondy sighed. "I could have snapped his neck at that moment, but--"
"But you didn't Suga, an that proves you ain't just some THING that they made," Cindy told her, gently brushing the lock of hair from her face and tracing a finger across her lips. "You ain't just some thing," Cindy said softly. "You here me girl? You're a bomb ass female and so is Max and if the man can't handle it, that's his issue."
Jondy smiled at Cindy. "I lo--I lo," Jondy started, she wanted to say it, but she couldn't get it out. "Fuck it," she cursed to herself and pulled Original Cindy to her and captured her lips in a kiss.
"Damn, am I going to have to get a water hose and cool you girls down,"
Max said cheerfully to her friends.
Hours later, after much small talk he came in, Zack. He had this unique commanding stride to him. It filled up a room the moment he stepped into it. Neither Max or Jondy could have missed him, in a way they had been looking for him in the back of their minds since they'd come back to Seattle.
"Just can't stay away from this place, can you?" Zack said as he walked up to the women.
"I told you I was coming back," Max told him. "It's home."
"I thought a few months away from your golden boy--"
"Zack don't," Jondy interrupted.
Zack looked from Jondy to Max.
"No Logan?"
"I guess he doesn't need me anymore," Max said shrugging. "No big dealio."
The look on Max's face told him it was a big deal.
"I'm sorry Max, "he said.
"Yeah right," Max replied.
"No, I really am sorry. "Zack reached up and touched her face the way he had so long ago in the Cale Family Cabin.
She smiled slightly. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she got a certain comfort from Zack, a comfort born long ago as a child. A comfort that had been at odds with her feelings for Logan. But with or without Logan, she wasn't contemplating romance with her brother.
"All right Zack," Max said brushing his hand away. "Let's cut to the point of this visit, am I leaving anytime soon? No. What about you Jondy?"
"No, no time soon," Jondy replied looking at Cindy. "I'm quite comfortable where I am."
"So Zack, give us the speech. We're in danger, follow me, do what I say, Blah Blah Woof Woof, you know how it works."
"I don't know what to say to you anymore Max," Zack said.
"How about 'I'm going to grow up and realize I'm not Lord and master of X5'," Max suggested.
"Somebody had to take charge or we would have all been loss." Zack told her.
"Taking charge is one thing," Jondy said. "Trying to control us is another."
"I'm tired," Max said to the women. "Let's go."
And the three of them walked out of Crash, leaving there would-be-leader
alone.
*****************
Late that night, Jondy laid in bed beside Cindy, thinking about the
words she wanted to say, the words she had almost said, "I love you". 3
simple words and she couldn't get them out. She and Cindy shared affectionate
kisses and touches, but they hadn't made love. They hadn't touched in that
special way. It was like she was afraid to and Cindy didn't seem interested
in it at all. Not that they had to touch "that way" it was wonderful just
to feel Cindy's warm body beside her own. She had kissed a girl here and
there since she left Seattle, flirted a bit, but she'd never had the will
or desire to go as far as she had with Cindy. Was it just because Cindy
was her first or was it something different, deeper?
*****************
Meanwhile, Max's mind couldn't stop focusing on Logan. Logan had the ability to be incredibly sweet and then turn into a complete asshole, but the funny thing was she could say that about Zack too. They were two very different men when it came to their "goals" in life, morally they were on two different planets, but when it came to driving her up a wall, they were so alike. She'd had to fight Zack to go to Logan, she had to threaten to beat up Logan to go to Zack. But Zack had walked out of her life a thousand times, she missed him, she worried about him, but there wasn't this ache left in her the way it had been when Logan burned her. She hated Logan.
She heard a noise at the window and sat up in bed. She saw her brother appear.
"Zack," Max said as he came through the window. She got out of bed. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for a night's lodgings," Zack replied
"Don't think because Logan's out of the picture---"
"I'm not looking for that," Zack stated plainly.
"I don't get you Zack," Max said. "What do you want from me?"
"I want to know why you're here Max? Why this city, why these people. They're nobody to you."
"They're everything to me Zack."
"They haven't been through half of the stuff I've been through with--" Zack paused. "I mean we've been through with you."
"Zack, I don't want to fight tonight," Max said walking away from him. Then suddenly she began again. "We have been through a lot together. Don't you see that's the problem," Max told him. "With Cindy and Sketchy and Herbal and Jacinda, it's different. You look at me the same way Lydecker looks at me, like a soldier."
"Don't compare me to Lydecker," Zack told her. "I'm NOT Lydecker."
"Have you ever listened to yourself Zack. You a speak his words." Max sighed.
Zack didn't say anything. Max looked at him awhile than walked up to him.
"It's in me too. I fight it everyday, I feel it everyday, I avoid sleep so I won't dream about it. Even if I don't listen to it, I hear it in my head all the time. The way he would have me behave." Max smiled. "But when I started hanging with Original Cindy, everything changed. I could just be a girl from around the way with her."
"And Logan, he made you feel this way too? Like a regular girl?"
"Hell no," Max said. "No, Logan is proof girls really do marry their fathers. The first thing Logan saw was my gifts. I mean he was hot, but---Logan played CO with me the same way that you and Lydecker did, but I admired him. Logan believed in things that were the exact opposite of everything I was taught in Manticore."
"And I am Manticore, is that what your saying?"
"In a way Zack, you are?" Max told him. "No one fought harder physically to get out of Manticore. But mentally, you're still there."
"You know what I think?"
"Does it matter? You're going to tell me anyway."
"For all the love you have for our brothers and sisters, you hate them just as much, you hate yourself."
"Your crazy," Max said. "What possible reason would I have to hate you or the others?"
"You look at us and see what you were and you know it's still a part of who you are and you hate it."
"That's stupid."
"It's true. Your not the only one who feels this way Max," Zack said. "But there's something I discovered."
"What?"
"Come with me and I'll show you," Zack said.
"Come with you where?"
"Where is not important," Zack said. "Don't worry, we're not leaving your precious Seattle."
"Don't you pull nothing," Max said grabbing her jacket and leaving with
Zack.
She followed Zack out of the apartment to some empty warehouse. Water dripped loudly from someplace, chains and such were hanging from the ceiling. The walls were full of graffiti. Zack took off his jacket and then took off his shirt. He flexed his arms and Max looked at him confused.
"You know, this place is not exactly a good place for seduction," Max said. "You might want to try candles, dinner."
"Didn't work for Logan," Zack said walking up to her shirtless. "Now strip down to your little tank top and lets go."
"I don't know what you have planned, but I'm not feeling it."
"I want you to hit me as hard as you can," Zack said.
"What?" Max said.
"Hit me," Zack said.
"Why?"
"Like you need an excuse," Zack told her. "You've wanted to hit me for awhile."
"Your Loco," Max said as she took off her jacket.
"Am I?" He swung at her, she blocked it.
"I whipped your ass before," Max said getting back a bit of her flavor.
"Lets see you try it again. Today, you don't get off easy."
Max pulled off her shirt, so that she was left only wearing her tank top. Max swung at Zack, he blocked it and twisted her arm behind her back.
"Is that the best you could do? This isn't our old classroom," Zack yelled as he pushed her across the room.
Max got up and attempted a flying kick. Zack grabbed her legs and dropped
her on the ground. She quickly got up and attacked him with unrestrained
ferocity.
But he was her equal today. He met her blow for blow. Sometimes the hits
landed, sometimes they missed, sometimes they were blocked. Either way,
it was a vicious fight that normal men and women couldn't have live through.
But somehow it wasn't about hurting the other person, it was something
else.
Max didn't know how many hours later they found themselves walking silently back home down the street, bruised, but satisfied somehow. In some odd way, the fight had been like good sex or an erotic dance.
"So, what was the point of that?" Max said, seeking an answer to a deeper question that she couldn't possibly express.
"Understanding," Zack said. "That is who you are."
"You sound like Ben."
"Ben creeped me the fuck out sometimes, but he was right," Zack told her. "There is a predator in us. There's a solider in us. It craves war, it craves the hunt. You have to accept it or trying to fight it eats you up. I was out of Manticore a little over a year, living with these street kids. They loved skateboarding and I fell in love with it too. I stole to eat, lived for myself, enjoyed everyday. I repressed everything Manticore had ever said to me. I loved my new family, I just wanted to forget Manticore"
"And what happened?"
"Lydecker's people came for me. One of my friends was talking about my barcode tattoo. I had to kill a man to escape," Zack told her. "It wasn't like I had never done it before, but I thought it was all behind me. The second I took a life, I knew I was wrong. It was then I realized that you guys needed me, that I needed me, the true me."
"Zack, that's survival. You used a tool at your disposal, your training."
"It was more than that Max," Zack told her. "You get a certain type of high when your in battle. We were made to enjoy it, the hunt, the conquest. And you do enjoy it and you hate yourself for it."
"I don't enjoy killing."
"I didn't say anything about killing, I said the hunt," Zack told her. "Have you ever seen one of those nature shows?"
"No"
"You should watch one. The tigers, the lions, it's all like watching yourself in action."
"I'm not an animal, I'm human," Max declared.
"Human's are animals Max," Zack told her.
Max was silent. She shut down her thoughts for the moment and tried
to forget how satisfied she had felt after the fight.
By the time they came back home, they were both sweaty and smelly. Max was nursing a busted lip. Zack had to get an ice pack for his ribs, but they both felt better somehow. For a few hours, at least, Max hadn't thought about Logan. And for a night, Zack felt Max had belonged just to him. They sat on the couch across from each other in silence.
"Sorry about your lip," Zack said.
"Don't worry about it," Max said. "Your better than I remembered."
Jondy entered the room wearing a extra long T-shirt. She looked at her brother and sister.
"Zack, what are you doing here?" She then noticed both of them were nursing injuries. "Did I miss the War?"
Zack and Max smiled at each other.
"We were just playing around," Max told her.
"Looks like some serious playing around," Jondy told them. She walked up to Max and examined her lip then turned to Zack. "You did this to her."
"It's okay," Max told her.
"Are you sure?"
"She said it's okay?" Zack declared.
"You two are crazy," Jondy said walking away. "And you need a bath."
Original Cindy entered the room, she noticed the new visitor.
"What's he doing here?" Original Cindy asked.
"Zack's going to be kicking it with us for a bit," Max said.
They could all tell Original Cindy didn't seemed to pleased with this knowledge.
"Yo Max, come here for a sec," Original Cindy said calling her over.
Max walked into the kitchen area where Jondy was already pouring some coffee.
"He's staying?" Cindy asked.
"Zack's cool," Jondy told her.
"He just needs a place to lay his head a few days," Max interjected.
"Original Cindy ain't feelin' this."
"He's Zack," Max said.
"It's no big deal," Jondy told her. "It's what we X5s do for each other."
"Besides, you didn't like Jondy at first," Max told her. "And look how well we all get along now."
"Believe me boo, Original Cindy ain't never going to be feeling Zack the way she do this one." Original Cindy announced. "For you two, I'll deal."
Max turned back toward the living room, but Zack was gone.
"Where'd he go?" Max asked
"Don't worry, he'll be back," Jondy said
"How do you know?"
"Zack been dropping in on me for years, I know when he's gone for good."
"Original Cindy's gotta go to work, see you two ladies later," Cindy told them. She kissed Jondy good-bye. "And maybe the Neanderthal too."
Original Cindy left. Jondy slowly walked up to her day dreaming sister.
"Is something going on with you and Zack?" Jondy asked.
"NO!" she shouted.
"It's cool if it is, you wouldn't be the first X5s to get to know each other on a more personal level."
"But--we're like--family," Max told her.
"Like family Max. Yeah it's weird at first, but we know each other so well, it could be good," Jondy told her.
"Damn, things have really changed between us X5s. I am so out of the loop."
"But your back with us now that the fool is out of your life and that's how it's going to stay."
Max's high from fighting with Zack suddenly dropped when she was reminded of Logan.
"Sorry," Jondy said realizing her mistake in mentioning Logan, even if it was indirectly.
"It's aiight," Max said. "Can't tiptoe around mentioning the guy forever. He was a part of my life." Max sighed. "I'm meeting Bling. You want to come?"
"Bling?" Jondy replied with a smile. "You really are moving on."
"Just stop, Bling's just a friend," Max said.
"Like I never heard that before."
********************
Logan tried once, twice, to get his pencil to move across the paper. He stared at the computer screen at the information in front of him, but his brain couldn't process the information. Max was suppose to be gone. Why did she have to come back? He had just begun to get himself together three months ago. After working his ass off to get on his feet (which included an expensive medical procedure) and meeting Clara again, he had finally begun to get some hold on his life. He told himself Max was just an irresponsible kid, that she never had and never would be like him. But isn't that why he liked her? Because she was so different from everyone he knew.
He touched the scar on his face that Jondy's nail had left and laughed.
Those X5s were quite protective of each other. If Jondy was back, that
probably meant she was back with Original Cindy. He hoped Original Cindy
knew what she was getting into.
