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Walking on Broken Glass

Summary:  It all comes down to the broken glass.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  Characters belong to Cameron and Eglee, I'm just borrowing them.

Part One: Numb

I sit alone, perched on the edge of my bed.  I tuck my knees close to my body struggling to hold onto the warmth of my body.  I feel cold, as cold as ice. Just like my heart.

I peer down at the floor. The shards of glass glare back up at me menacingly.  A thousand tiny diamonds.  Their silvery surface reflecting up at me, almost smugly.  Their sharp edges glint dangerously, their beauty almost distracting you from the pain and destruction they can cause. One mis-step and the pain would sear through your body.  Or so it should.

I've tried.  My feet are slashed and cut.  Blood that flowed freely has now thickened and cakes the soles of my feet.  The beauty of the glass is marred by the flowing red that now spatters the surface of many shards.  But they still maintain their dangerous beauty.  A marvel in itself.

And yet, when I should have felt the searing pain, I felt nothing.  Not a single thing.  I am numb.  Both physically and emotionally numb.  I sit as though my mind has been extricated from my body and now floats above observing my actions but feeling nothing.

I have only on few occasions felt this numb.  And that was only ever for a few seconds.  Such as the time when I was forced to kill my own brother.  The grief and implications of what I had been forced to do left me numb.  But only for a second.  Then I was able to grieve.  Able to feel the emotional impact of it.  But not this time. I've been numb for hours now.  Ever since he left.

I remember it all so clearly.  Every word, every action.  The scene plays over and over in my mind like a never-ending picture show.  Everytime wishing I had done something differently, said something else, changed my tone.  Anything that would have changed the scene's outcome.  Anything that would have stopped me being left alone and numb.

Numb.  A sensation you cannot really put into words.  A feeling you cannot explain due to its lack of actual feeling.  I feel paralysed.  I see no point to movement.  If your world had just crumbled around you, what reason do you have to move?  It is as though my despair is so deep that my mind could not even begin to fathom it.  My senses have all overloaded and shut down. Maybe permanently.

At this point all I want is to feel. To feel something.  Anything.  For the numbness to end.  But I know it won't.  Not for a long time.  For now all I can do is sit and wait for the numbness to fade.  If it ever will.