A/N: Welcome to the next Chapter in Nagini's Therapy Hut…
Once upon a time Ron was walking aimlessly around the
Hogwarts grounds, wallowing in self-pity, when he came upon a hut. A sign on
the door informed Ron that it was:
NAGINI'S THERAPY HUT
(BECAUSE I'M NOT A COW)
Ron was baffled, but he figured he could use some
therapy, so he went inside. He found a large snake curled up on the floor with
a clipboard, sitting next to one of those funny therapy couch things.
NAGINI: Welcome, troubled soul!
RON: Uh, hi…
NAGINI: Care to lie on my big comfy therapy couch?
RON: Uh, maybe, (sits down cautiously) so, who are you?
NAGINI: I'm Nagini!! Didn't you read the sign? Oh, or is that your problem—illiteracy. If it is, I can order you the Phonics Game for only 3 easy payments of 20 Galleons…
RON: Uh, no thanks. I can't affor—I mean, I don't need to learn how to read.
NAGINI: Come, on, what were you going to say? Out with it now! The more you say the closer you are to finding your inner being!
RON: Uh, that's not my problem!
NAGINI: But, troubled soul, you seem to have many problems! Are you implying that you only have ONE problem?
RON: Yes!!
NAGINI: Tsk, tsk, self-denial will get you nowhere…
RON: I am not denying myself! Are you going to hear my problem or not??
NAGINI: Yes, yes, but first we must discuss your payment plan! You already owe me one Gallon for the past 5 minutes…
RON: WHAT?? You didn't tell me I was being charged!
NAGINI: Oh, never mind… what IS your problem??
RON: (very quietly) Herm
NAGINI: Herb? Are you allergic to herbs?
RON: No! I said HERM!
NAGINI: You want a pet hermit crab?
RON: Ugh! Herm is a girl! Hermione! Get the picture? I like her but I can't tell her because I don't know I she likes me back and if I do tell her and she doesn't like me then our friendship will be ruined and…
NAGINI: Calm yourself child! You DO have a problem, here. Hmmm, I have it! Hermione's a nice girl, she was just here—we should have her over for tea! I love tea!
RON: What kind of a solution is that?
NAGINI: All girls like tea, don't they? And I just love a nice, juicy, feminine hunk of meat…
RON: WHAT KIND OF A THERAPIST ARE YOU??????
NAGINI: I don't know? You tell me! I know! I'LL be the patient and you be the therapist! Won't that be fun??
RON: But what will I do about Herm?
NAGINI: I suggest a nice marinade—how about lemon pepper or white wine—no TEA would be perfect! Peppermint tea! Oh, I have a BETTER idea…
Ron was so appalled that he ran out of the hut screaming
incoherently about mad snakes and tea.
THE END
